Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[lillith]

Hmmmm...I think we are missing the focus here: it is about what the femmes would like.

OK, I have written and erased three times. Here it is if it were a first date: I want to be picked up from my front door; don't blow your horn, it does not make me want to run out the door. I want there to be a bit of nervousness, excitement between us because the unknown can happen. I want to look you in the eyes and know that I am safe. I want you to extend your hand as I go to step over the threshold of my door. As we walk together to your car, bend your arm and put my hand there. Open the car door, and offer your hand again. Please note that if your side of the car is locked, I will lean over and unlock it. This is all before the car is even started...My point being, treat me like I am lady, and allow me to treat you like a Gentleman. That is the best gift you can ever offer me.

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by lillith

Hmmmm...I think we are missing the focus here: it is about what the femmes would like.

Yes that is my wish: that we hear from the femmes about what they like!

[bigbutchmistie]

Drew, that's a given on how a every woman should be treated in daily life. Great thread...

For me, Im not gonna stop treating a femme right cause weve been on several dates. I want each and every time I take her out to be special. If we end of "dating" and its progressed into a relationship, well the same things I did to "GET HER" are the same things Im gonna do and more once she is mine. It a proven fact. If you treat a woman like a Queen she will treat you like her King every time.

Its sad to think there are femmes out there who dont know what its like to be properly courted.

Just my two cents.

[Gráinne]

OK . I got off track. Here's what a great date looks like to me:

*First, you're right. Clean yourself, your clothes, and the car. If there's even a scintilla of a chance that I'm coming in later on, clean your home.

*Don't pull up into the driveway and honk. I DO want you to come to the door. That's just good manners, date or not.

*I do like an aforementioned personal gift-not a lot of $, but just something that says "I noticed this and thought you'd like it". A friend of mine, whom I'm not even dating, once surprised me with an angel she saw in a store window, and remembered that I love angels, which was just a passing comment. That meant a lot.

*I love nicely flowing conversation; if it's hard to get you talking, that gets awkward.

*Don't blast music or drive like a maniac (have had both)

*Who doesn't like compliments?

*Be honest about your table manners and correct accordingly. This is something I am sticky on.

*Have some conversation topics ready to go, especially on a first date. I for one enjoy controversial topics as long as it doesn't go into "well, you're all wrong" territory.

*I love to finish a date outdoors-a walk in the park, something like that.

That's about it. I don't want to be on a pedestal or the queen. Take me out as you would go out with a friend, because that's what I am, first and foremost.

[oblivia]

The best dates I've had, regardless of where we've gone, what we've eaten or how much money was spent have had the following qualities...

~My Date's Attention - I feel like I have the attention of my date, no sense of being 'tuned out'.

~Effort - For people I've dated for whom money is not a concern, sometimes coming up with a date idea that does NOT cost money is a huge effort (for example). I just love that feeling that the person I am on a date with has made some sort of unique effort or put energy into the date or the idea of the date - especially if that effort specifically addresses something that they know about me or have learned as we've begun getting to know each other. I find that more creative date ideas are the most memorable, exciting, and truly enjoyable for me.

~Something pretty - Sometimes it's a view. Sometimes it's candles on the table or in the room, or a nearby fireplace. Sometimes it's a sunset. Sometimes it's flowers. Sometimes it's just a nice setting.

~Play - And I mean this in the most innocent of ways (honestly). For me, some element of play is really fantastic on a date. Maybe the other person has a naturally playful personality and says things that make me laugh/giggle, or maybe it's more literal and we play a game of pool, cards, mini golf, or whatever. I love an element of play on a date.

~My Date was comfortable! - Sometimes, with all the energy put into making the other person comfortable/happy or impressing them, one ends up sacrificing their own needs or stepping too far outside their own comfort zones. If you pick a date that you know you'll enjoy too, you're more likely to be relaxed and comfortable - which will put your date at ease! If you're super uncomfortable at fancy restaurants (for example) don't try to impress your date by taking them to one - pick something that you know you can enjoy too. Trust me, if you're uncomfortable - your date will be, too.


One of my favourite dates, was when Sparx surprised me on a weekday at my office - after she'd learned I'd been having a really crummy day. She'd snuck a picnic basket into my car, so when we went to get in the car and head home, She suggested instead that we head to our favourite sunset-gazing spot and have dinner. The really memorable part was that she had packed bread (that she'd baked fresh that day) and all the fixings for sandwiches. The reason she hadn't pre-assembled the sandwiches and had, instead, packed condiments and fixings into individual containers and baggies, was because she knows that I have this thing.... where I like sandwiches to be very very fresh when I eat them... you'll never see me buying a premade sandwich from the deli section -ew. She even thought to pack a side dish and beverages. It was a lovely meal made all the more lovely by the thought, energy, and effort she'd put into making it perfect. And, after we'd watched the sun go down, she walked me to the fancy restaurant in the same park to get coffee and dessert. It was such a lovely and memorable evening.

[blush]

Goof brought flowers, champagne and kitty litter on our first date. I was totally smitten.

[betenoire]

A couple of cigarettes, a cup of coffee and a little bit of conversation. You and me and five bucks.



I think flowers are a horrible gift. So wasteful. They die and you throw them away. Plus they are super unoriginal. I'd much rather the person on the other end of the date put that money into a gift card for a local coffee place. Or sent me a mix of their 10 favourite songs on itunes. Or even got me a keychain - I love keychains. I mean if you know her well enough to go on a date with her, SURELY you know her well enough to have some sort of an idea of what her interests are.

[blush]

I have to say, though, there is no formula except sincerity. Some femmes like this, but not that. Some want to be courted, others want to be friends. Seems like we all want our date to be sincere.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by blush

I have to say, though, there is no formula except sincerity. Some femmes like this, but not that. Some want to be courted, others want to be friends. Seems like we all want our date to be sincere.

And that's really the thing, isn't it? Femmes are not some monochromatic alien beings. We're not so freakishly bizzare and difficult to understand that it is necessary to figure out the mysterious formula for making us happy. We're just people, for crissakes. And because we're people, there are no two of us who are alike or who want/require the exact same things.

Can you imagine if I insisted upon presenting every Butch I've ever met with a toolbelt on her birthday? I'd look like such a jackass! Particularly if that Butch is more interested in, for example, reading or gardening than they are in tools.

Oh well.

[Hollylane]

First and foremost....Turn off your cell phone....be present..be in the moment...as much as I enjoy romance...I personally love spontaneity and originality...smell good, and look good enough to munch on.... Save the flowers, they die, I'd rather be taken to where flowers live....

[imperfect_cupcake]

First and most importantly, I don't think you can assume anything about how someone wants to be treated on a date, simply because of their gender.

I think for a date to go well, the natural flow has to happen, between the people. For example, the first date my wife took me on, she cycled to my house at 8am, right after her shift at the hospital to take me out to Hampstead Heath's women's pond to go swimming. We sat on my bead and she brought a bottle of reasonably priced but nice sparkling wine (southafrican, I think probably about £7) with some smoked salmon ends (cheap. 80 pence) and some crusty rolls (40 pence each. So champers breckfast for two, in bed = £8.60, less than a meal at Mc Donlads).

we then has some leisurely sex and went to the pond for a summer afternoon swim and a long talk with lots of laughing.

She came back home with me and I cooked her a lovely dinner.

That's not a typical date (we'd known each other a monht before sleeping together and we had finally gone home with each other after she asked if I was going to a club night in soho that night - that wasn't a date, I was already going and she had mates with her)

I'm glad we slept together before dating. It made everything a hell of a lot easier in terms of what we could do on a date. And frankly, I'd rather have a picnic than a restaurant, a swim in a pond in stead of theater, a free museum jaunt and a bicycle ride together along the marshes than a drive to some soiree/gallery opening with beer at £4 a bottle.

SO she was perfect for me. The first night I met her I actually bought her the beer after a certain point because she had just graduated as a student and had run out of cash. We were at a squat rave party so it was only £1 a can. Neither of us cared who paid for what, we were so enamoured by each other.

I love being treated and spoiled and so does she. She loves blowing her money on me if she ever has any (which is now half mine anyway and vice versa because we only have a single bank account) and I love buying stuff for her. But we don't have cash at the moment so she spoils me by doing other things. Like doing all the housework when I'm exhausted, instead of half. Pouring me a bath with oils and candles. letting me pick the movie (and it being a period drama, which she tolerates when she's being indulgent), giving me a massage.

And fuck me, do I ever appreciate those things!!!


The dates she takes me on now always makes me feel like I'm her Beloved no matter what £ is involved or not. because she's thought about *me* - what would barb like? before taking me on one. I do the same for her when I take her on one.

[UofMfan]

For me it doesn't always takes money. I am usually stuck with taking someone in a series of "dates", so I try to do the most I can in the shortest time possible.

It takes respect, creativity, presence, good hygiene, planning and care.

First and foremost treat her with respect. Anything else is unacceptable.

Be creative as to what to do, even if it means driving around in circles and asking for directions just so you can take her to that perfect spot.

Be present, ask questions, look for signs of what she likes or doesn't like. Pull back the chair at a restaurant, open doors, in my case translate, be totally present.

Good hygiene is a given for me, but I usually go an extra mile for dates. And yes, smell good enough to make her want to munch on you. Do some pre-date grooming, fresh haircut, take care of your hands, nails, etc.

Plan something for her, money is not always involved. I once had a "date" that entailed me spending a lot of time and effort getting something to work just so that we could do something together. It was worth it, it was inexpensive and it was fun.

Look at her in the eye, let her know how much you are enjoying her presence and always make sure to compliment her. I am certain she also put a lot of effort in looking as spectacular as she does. Show her you care. After all, she is the reason you are out on a date to begin with.