Single Butches & Femmes Cafe

WolfyOne · 07-17-2011, 08:40 AM

Sipping coffee while reading this thread
Thanks for putting it up ALH

Not sure I'm ready for romance, but new friends are always welcome in my life
Besides, I think getting to know someone before romance plays a part, is a must
I'm old school and taking it a step at a time is the only way for me
I'm not sure about falling in love again, but I know I can love again
Really though, one never knows until it happens
Anyhow, I'm not going out of my way to look, if it happens, it happens
Sometimes searching for that right person can be maddening
I just want someone to accept me for me and not want to change me into someone they want me to be
If you have to change a person to accept them, they must not be your ideal match for a relationship
Taking the good, bad and ugly is all part of accepting that person
Relationships take work and understanding in order to last
I'm not going to lie, I have failed miserably in the past, but am learning from my mistakes

Have a wonderful Sunday everyone

msW8ing · 07-17-2011, 08:53 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

I'm not going to lie, I have failed miserably in the past, but am learning from my mistakes

I've always told my kids that if you learn from your mistakes then they are "life lessons" they happened for a reason. Sounds a bit corny but it has gotton us through alot.

*Anya* · 07-17-2011, 09:11 AM

Since am new to this, I would like some feedback please:

How do you handle it as a femme if you find yourself attracted to the mind/intellect/politics, etc., of a butch on the planet (and their picture doesn't hurt)?

If you are a butch do you send a pm or wait to see if the femme sends you one?

Do you tell them you would like to get to know them better?

Do you wait to see if they respond to you?

What if they give you quite a few reps on your posts but nothing beyond that?

Do you read between the lines that they just have no interest in getting to
know you better beyond appreciating your posts?

I am rather old school, kind of shy & in no way needy & would hate to be perceived as such.

Thanks,

Anya

Sachita · 07-17-2011, 10:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Anya/Georgia

Since am new to this, I would like some feedback please:

How do you handle it as a femme if you find yourself attracted to the mind/intellect/politics, etc., of a butch on the planet (and their picture doesn't hurt)?

If you are a butch do you send a pm or wait to see if the femme sends you one?

Do you tell them you would like to get to know them better?

Do you wait to see if they respond to you?

What if they give you quite a few reps on your posts but nothing beyond that?

Do you read between the lines that they just have no interest in getting to
know you better beyond appreciating your posts?

I am rather old school, kind of shy & in no way needy & would hate to be perceived as such.

Thanks,

Anya

Having been in the BF community almost 15 years here is my take...

It seems that so many butches wait to be approached. You heard the saying 2 X 4? (hitting them over the head with a board) Well that is very much true, or so it seems. Personally I don't chase anyone. I may be flirty but I will not chase or settle for dribblings or attention. lol- Maybe why I'm single? But when I do find someone who is interested they appreciate my high expectations. They are mature enough to know that a woman like me is an investment in time, a bit of work and consistency.

I think that if you wait around for them to approach you you might be waiting a while. I think it takes a bit of flirting to let them know you are interested. If they dont grab the bait wait for one who will.

My advice on this probably sucks. lol

Sachita · 07-17-2011, 10:30 AM

But sense I mentioned it..... lol

how come it seems like so many butches here don't approach femmes? Is it just me? How come so many of you seem scared or like your waiting for someone to do back flips? If you're interested in a femme why not tell her, make a plan to woe her and win her affection? This seems the natural order of things. Shall I give lessons boi's?

WolfyOne · 07-17-2011, 11:15 AM

A/G and S, both of you ask valid questions
I can only answer for me

Not wanting to get my heart ripped out again would top my list of reasons why I don't look like I'm interested even if I am
Second on my list for the time being, not financially able to woo anyone at this time
Perhaps when my work hours are FT I may consider it

S, I could use lessons in learning to not be a 2x4 butch
I rarely ever know when a femme is flirting or interested in me
I'm usually the one on the sidelines with admiration or some might say crush
I look at a person from the inside, the head and heart first
Looks can be deceiving, if that's what one first admires in another

So, if someone wants to get to know me better, put it out there
I may never know otherwise because I may not be looking at you

bigbutchmistie · 07-17-2011, 11:20 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by WolfyOne

A/G and S, both of you ask valid questions
I can only answer for me

Not wanting to get my heart ripped out again would top my list of reasons why I don't look like I'm interested even if I am
Second on my list for the time being, not financially able to woo anyone at this time
Perhaps when my work hours are FT I may consider it

S, I could use lessons in learning to not be a 2x4 butch
I rarely ever know when a femme is flirting or interested in me
I'm usually the one on the sidelines with admiration or some might say crush
I look at a person from the inside, the head and heart first
Looks can be deceiving, if that's what one first admires in another

So, if someone wants to get to know me better, put it out there
I may never know otherwise because I may not be looking at you

I am the same way Wolfy

I am a huge 2x4 butch. I never know when a femme is flirting or interested. I just crush from a far. And yes if someone wants to get to know me she is definitely gonna have to make the first move

Sachita · 07-17-2011, 11:18 AM

more from me... lol

ok here is a novel idea- BAM upside your head- pay attention!!!! lol

I love starting as friends. In fact I can easily have a butch as a buddy, go fishing, hang out and not have the pressure of dating. Let's face it, I'm pretty damn cool. lol (I'm in that kind of mood today) I always say "friends first". If something happens, great! if not, thats ok too. I enjoy butch company. I don't have to do the "jump your bones then call uhaul". In fact I might be slow to commit for some.

lez be friends, shall we?

WolfyOne · 07-17-2011, 11:35 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Sachita

more from me... lol

ok here is a novel idea- BAM upside your head- pay attention!!!! lol

I love starting as friends. In fact I can easily have a butch as a buddy, go fishing, hang out and not have the pressure of dating. Let's face it, I'm pretty damn cool. lol (I'm in that kind of mood today) I always say "friends first". If something happens, great! if not, thats ok too. I enjoy butch company. I don't have to do the "jump your bones then call uhaul". In fact I might be slow to commit for some.

lez be friends, shall we?

Ummmmm, now paying attention, lol

I'd go fishing with you, if I was in the neighborhood...heck, I'm even good for hanging out

I'd be more of a lets have a non date and just talk kind of person

Being pretty and damn cool works

Invictus · 07-17-2011, 11:21 AM

Wishing everyone an enjoyable sunday....

07-17-2011, 08:40 AM	#1
WolfyOne Magically Delicious How Do You Identify?: Gentle Butch Relationship Status: Single and content Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 6,558 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22,052 Thanked 15,392 Times in 4,138 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Sipping coffee while reading this thread Thanks for putting it up ALH Not sure I'm ready for romance, but new friends are always welcome in my life Besides, I think getting to know someone before romance plays a part, is a must I'm old school and taking it a step at a time is the only way for me I'm not sure about falling in love again, but I know I can love again Really though, one never knows until it happens Anyhow, I'm not going out of my way to look, if it happens, it happens Sometimes searching for that right person can be maddening I just want someone to accept me for me and not want to change me into someone they want me to be If you have to change a person to accept them, they must not be your ideal match for a relationship Taking the good, bad and ugly is all part of accepting that person Relationships take work and understanding in order to last I'm not going to lie, I have failed miserably in the past, but am learning from my mistakes Have a wonderful Sunday everyone __________________ Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage --- Lao Tzo

07-17-2011, 09:11 AM	#3
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,455 Times in 7,284 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Since am new to this, I would like some feedback please: How do you handle it as a femme if you find yourself attracted to the mind/intellect/politics, etc., of a butch on the planet (and their picture doesn't hurt)? If you are a butch do you send a pm or wait to see if the femme sends you one? Do you tell them you would like to get to know them better? Do you wait to see if they respond to you? What if they give you quite a few reps on your posts but nothing beyond that? Do you read between the lines that they just have no interest in getting to know you better beyond appreciating your posts? I am rather old school, kind of shy & in no way needy & would hate to be perceived as such. Thanks, Anya __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

07-17-2011, 10:30 AM	#5
Sachita Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Completely in love Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern Virginia Posts: 3,225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,564 Thanked 8,994 Times in 2,247 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	But sense I mentioned it..... lol how come it seems like so many butches here don't approach femmes? Is it just me? How come so many of you seem scared or like your waiting for someone to do back flips? If you're interested in a femme why not tell her, make a plan to woe her and win her affection? This seems the natural order of things. Shall I give lessons boi's? __________________ You either like me or you don't. It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don't have that kinda time to convince somebody else. ~ Daniel Franzese

07-17-2011, 11:15 AM	#6
WolfyOne Magically Delicious How Do You Identify?: Gentle Butch Relationship Status: Single and content Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 6,558 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22,052 Thanked 15,392 Times in 4,138 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	A/G and S, both of you ask valid questions I can only answer for me Not wanting to get my heart ripped out again would top my list of reasons why I don't look like I'm interested even if I am Second on my list for the time being, not financially able to woo anyone at this time Perhaps when my work hours are FT I may consider it S, I could use lessons in learning to not be a 2x4 butch I rarely ever know when a femme is flirting or interested in me I'm usually the one on the sidelines with admiration or some might say crush I look at a person from the inside, the head and heart first Looks can be deceiving, if that's what one first admires in another So, if someone wants to get to know me better, put it out there I may never know otherwise because I may not be looking at you __________________ Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage --- Lao Tzo

07-17-2011, 11:18 AM	#8
Sachita Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Completely in love Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern Virginia Posts: 3,225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,564 Thanked 8,994 Times in 2,247 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	more from me... lol ok here is a novel idea- BAM upside your head- pay attention!!!! lol I love starting as friends. In fact I can easily have a butch as a buddy, go fishing, hang out and not have the pressure of dating. Let's face it, I'm pretty damn cool. lol (I'm in that kind of mood today) I always say "friends first". If something happens, great! if not, thats ok too. I enjoy butch company. I don't have to do the "jump your bones then call uhaul". In fact I might be slow to commit for some. lez be friends, shall we? __________________ You either like me or you don't. It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don't have that kinda time to convince somebody else. ~ Daniel Franzese

07-17-2011, 11:21 AM	#10
Invictus Member How Do You Identify?: Stone Butch Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Las Vegas Posts: 298 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 140 Thanked 344 Times in 165 Posts Rep Power: 1681235	Wishing everyone an enjoyable sunday....