Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[betenoire]

if i get to the door first (and I always get to the door before Nick because I am taller than Nick is and by extension of that walk faster) I get to open it for myself.

door opening is okay, i guess, but unnecessary. and in situations where there are two sets of doors (which there often are when entering a restaurant) the "holding the door dance" is incredibly awkward.

must I REALLY stand there inside of the first door while you scurry toward the second door to get that one as well? how incredibly tedious and time-wastey!

I don't mind car doors held for me when I am getting IN the car, but when getting out it's just obnoxious. I don't want to just sit there waiting for you to run around to my side of the car to release this poor simple bird from her four-wheeled cage. Jesus, we could be halfway to our destination if I didn't have to sit around waiting for you!

[atomiczombie]

Femmes, all your answers are great and exactly what I was looking for. Thank you so much for your honesty and openness! It certainly drives home for me just how diverse all you femmes are, not that I didn't know that before, hehe. Being a good listener is something that I keep thinking about as I read the various posts, that and being respectful (both of which are a given, as far as I am concerned).

To all the non-femme-identified persons who have posted here about their wants and needs on a date: I am, as the OP, asking that you all let this thread be just for the femmes. Another thread or 2 can be started for butches and trans guys and others to say what they like on a date. I put this in the femme zone because I wanted the femmes to have the exclusive voice here.

Again, all you beautiful, amazing femmes, a big THANK YOU to you all! Please feel free to keep sharing. I am learning a lot!!

[tantalizingfemme]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

To all the non-femme-identified persons who have posted here about their wants and needs on a date: I am, as the OP, asking that you all let this thread be just for the femmes. Another thread or 2 can be started for butches and trans guys and others to say what they like on a date. I put this in the femme zone because I wanted the femmes to have the exclusive voice here.

Again, all you beautiful, amazing femmes, a big THANK YOU to you all! Please feel free to keep sharing. I am learning a lot!!

Is the floor open to everyone now?

Thanks

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by tantalizingfemme

Is the floor open to everyone now?

Thanks

Thanks sister femme-I was wondering about that myself!

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by tantalizingfemme

Is the floor open to everyone now?

Thanks

Nope. Please folks, this is for femmes only. Thx.

[little_ms_sunshyne]

I like to keep it simple and intimate...I want to be able to hold a conversation, laugh, and be silly. Perhaps making a gesture that shows you listen to what I tell you and actually remember. For example, I dont like roses..T will bring/send edible arrangements or a beautiful assortment of flowers. Make me feel like I am the only woman in the room....It is definately not about the money you spend. I am happy watching a beautiful sunset in good company. Be thoughtful and be yourself (that usually sets my nerves at ease)....Be spontaneous I love moments of randomness...jut go with it! Not everything needs a plan!

T does a great job with all of this The best part is that it is effortless. Sometimes people just fit like perfect puzzle pieces

[EmpressM]

If it is a first date or within the first few dates, I really enjoy it when the date reflects the personality of the person that requested my company. It gives me an idea of what you are really like. I don't need to be impressed. I'd rather get to know the real you, not see the show. Personally, I will not accept a blind date. Call and chat with me on the phone and discover some of my likes and interests. Plan a date we will both enjoy and most importantly although cliché, be yourself!

One of my biggest turn offs is when a potential suitor assumes that I fit a mold of likes/dislikes because of the way I look, dress, the car I drive, my job, etc. Some of the worst dates I've been on have been planned around my date's assumptions of me. What they didn't know is everything they assumed about me is A. Dead Wrong and B. Because I've worked for it. I may an old school stomefemme and spend 98% of my life in skirts, heels, and lipstick, but I grew up in the Texas dirt. I still love camping, (yes in a tent) fishing, and I can tack and ride a horse. I also have a range of geeky interests including video games, Doctor Who, and all things Star Trek.

The best date I've ever been on, I walked out to my car after work and under my windshield wiper was a small bouquet of daisies and a note with a clue. The note read "For a sweet treat to beat the heat, meet me on 7th street! ~J" Well, J had taken the time to know that I adore little gestures, surprises, and ice cream, not to mention my crazy schedule. The clue was a dead giveaway of where I was supposed to meet hym based on a conversation about our mutual love of ice cream a few days earlier.

Needless to say, I met J for a treat that evening. Hy dressed casually in shorts and a ball cap, hy was clean, smelled nice, and was chivalrous. We got ice cream cones and took a walk arm in arm looking in the shop windows, chatting and laughing the whole time. We ended up at a fountain in front of the courthouse and made penny wishes. It was all very sweet and lovely, but the things I remember most is how special hy made me feel with hys attentiveness, how much hy made me laugh, and how natural it felt to be with hym. No flash, ALL substance, and very romantic! It was the beginning of many more dates to come.

Perhaps for me, actions really do speak louder than anything else.

[pinkajl]

For me, how you ask me on a date is directly related to whether or not we will have a first date. Do not give me your phone number and ask *me* to call *you*. It won't happen. Do not ask, "Don't you think it would be nice to go out one night?" The answer will be, "No".

If you want to date me and I haven't necessarily encouraged your attention, then it is your job to show me why I should make time for you - because I don't date everyone who asks. I am attracted to butches, in part, for the level of self-confidence they possess to be true to who they are in the face of the world. Please, let's begin this dance with a show of self-confidence in the way that you approach me.

If we haven't talked much in the past, inquire a bit to find out a few things about my likes and preferences and then plan something nice. Simple is fine. Fancy is fine. What matters most is that you demonstrate that you've listened to me and have put some thought into what you believe is a nice outing. If you can't come up with one idea for what we can do together, then we won't be going out on a date.

Neat and clean is essential. When you come to pick me up, I will not come to you if you honk the horn. As a matter of fact, I will not even open the door to let you know I've heard. You are welcome to bring me flowers, but roses are not an appropriate first date gift, in my opinion. For that matter, no "gift" is really appropriate on a first date, beyond flowers or a bottle of wine. I cannot be bought.

I expect help with my jacket, my doors to be opened, and my chair to be pulled out. When I used to smoke, I expected my cigarettes to be lit - and, no, I will not lean into you. If we go out to supper, I will let you know what I would like to order and allow you to handle the conversation with the wait staff. And, since you asked me out on this first date, I do expect you to pay for the evening. Should we have another date and I ask you, then I will pay for that outing.

Conversation is extremely important. Yes, I do want to hear about you, your life, and what you do for work - but all in moderation, please. If I find something particularly intriguing, trust me, I will ask you lots of questions. At the same time, I appreciate your interest in me. Chances are, I don't know what exactly interests you, so help me out with some questions. But, as we talk on our first date, I truly have no interest in hearing about your last date or your ex. Although, those are okay topics on subsequent dates.

If you must keep your cell phone on buzz-mode because of work or kids, I understand and respect your need to see if you must excuse yourself for a short call. However, if you haven't mentioned this at the front end of our date, I will assume that I am boring you and will seek to end the date sooner rather than later.

Please do not presume that because you are paying that you have the privilege of touching me. As we walk, you're welcome to put out your arm and I very well may take it in mine. If you ask if you may hold my hand, the answer will likely be yes - unless you have bored me with your conversation or your manners are atrocious. As for a kiss at the end of the evening... If you don't ask, you will be left groping for air as I move swiftly inside my house. If you do ask, well, it will all depend upon whether or not I'm interested in a second date.

With all this said, should we have a first date, I would like for you to know that you will have my undivided attention. When you do me the courtesies of opening my door, etc, I will smile and look you in the eyes and say thank you. Should your tie be askew, I'll ask if I can straighten it for you. If I see your hair is out of place and it's clear you care about such things, I'll discreetly let you know so you can take care of it. Everyone in the room and on the street that we pass will know that I am proud and happy to be by the side of a handsome butch.

If necessary, I will accompany you to the restroom without your asking. Should someone make an unwanted remark about the b-f dynamic or your butchness without you being present, I will firmly assert myself and let them know it's none of their business. I will neither encourage nor accept attention from anyone else while we are on a date.

In short, I expect to be treated with respect for the femme that I am because I will treat you with the utmost of respect for the butch that you are.

Pink

[tantalizingfemme]

Please do:

Keep it casual
Be respectful
Ask questions you want ME to answer
Be honest

Please don't:

Treat me like a delicate flower
Assume you know what I like, what I want
Bring me a gift
Brag about how chivalrous you are
Not let me get the door, buy a drink
Take me to a movie or show... If this is a new dating situation I am still deciding whether this may have potential as you should be, and I don't want the bulk of the time not interacting.
Ask me a question because your really dying to tell me what you think
Don't go overboard. Someone who is trying too hard makes me feel icky and there will not be another date. Same with the gifts... I don't want to feel like I have to owe anyone.

For me, someone who is secure in themselves does not have to bring pomp and circumstance to every date. If I feel that someone is always trying too hard, it feels desperate and that is unattractive.

Obviously, I am out of the dating pool, but when I was still doggy paddling, I appreciated simple things... you can't go wrong with that.

[swan]

Dear Butches,

I have to be honest. I am a very socially inept femme. I also tend to be rather shy in person, klutzy and am prone to say the stupidest things when I'm nervous. Basically, I'm a geek so I tend to act like a real dork on a first date. Or ten.

While appreciate that many Butches like to take a girl out for a fancy dinner on a first date, I'm already nervous and afraid. I'm not comfortable with formalish dinners when I'm out with someone I've known for years or years and honestly, I'd be so intimidated that I wouldn't be able to concentrate on you. So may I suggest dinners at Chez Snooty wait for later in the relationship.

I like a nice, casual dinner for a first date, where the food is good and local, and the dress is nicer than usual, but you don't have to wear heels and sparklies. That way, I can concentrate on you. Please order first, so that I can have a guideline as per finances. I will probably choose something a little less expensive than yourself. Just go with it please. If you want to order for me, that's fine, but ask me what I want first. Then you can be all suave and debonair and say "and the lady will have..." If you don't want, that's cool too.

I can't dance. I'm not kidding. I never learned to dance with another person, girls just don't do that in my culture. (No, I didn't go to prom.) If we go somewhere to dance, I'd prefer a smaller venue than a big club. I'm not big on going to movies on first dates because again, I'm there for you. Not for the latest blockbuster.

The best first dates that I've had have been totally non-traditional. One nice Butch told me to bring my camera and jacket and wear comfortable shoes. She took me to a State Park where we rode the tram to the top, and walked backed down, taking pictures, looking for wild life and flowers and talking. She provided the munchies, and the bottle water. On our next date, I took her to the Botanical Gardens, where I bought lunch at the cafe after we spent a few hours in the butterfly aviary. Sometimes it's my turn to "host" the date, and my turn to pay. Another Butch got passes to an art museum that I'd never be brave enough to go to myself. It was awesome.

I like a well dressed Butch with good hygiene, but note that well-dressed doesn't equal "lookee at all my designer duds!". Be neat, be clean, be tidy. I absolutely will NOT ever buy any clothing with a huge designer label. I don't care about Coach bags. Tommy Hilfiger puts his initials on everything. I don't wear their clothes. Or any other label that well, labells their clothing. So flashing a label is not gonna impress me. I'm a pain that way.

I'm okay with a goodnight kiss. I don't like kissing on my front porch though. Inviting you in for a bit on a first date does not mean it's time for awesome sex! It means that the date went well, I'm not ready to say goodnight yet, and while there's definately a goodnight kiss in store, I'm probably not going to want to neck on the sofa for an hour. I just don't do that.

I will generally tell my close friends and relatives that I'm going on a date and my ringer will be turned off. They will not call me unless it's an emergency. Please have the same respect for me. Be nice to the waiters and servers. Don't be stingy with the tip. Also, if I act like a real dork, please remember that I'm nervous and maybe give me another chance.

Um, I think that's all for now... I'll probably think of more to add later. I hope no-one's offended. I didn't mean to be rude, I was just giving this femme's opinion.

[Star Anise]

Originally Posted by Invictus

I deeply regret any remarks that may have offended anyone in any way, that certainly was not my intent.

Perhaps I should have provided some of the more noteworthy disasters...

The dinner plate is not meant to serve as storage for chewing gum, which by the way was "re-used", also, it is not an ashtray.

Flatulence has zero entertainment value, I will not pull your finger, no matter how loud you ask at dinner.

I am glad that you are proud that you can "burp the alphabet", I believe you, there is no need to prove it.

Public casual dining does not include Miller Beer pajama bottoms and a Winni the Pooh night shirt.

Again, I regret having offended anyone.

Who the bloody hell have you been dating????

[imperfect_cupcake]

Flatulence has zero entertainment value, I will not pull your finger, no matter how loud you ask at dinner.

I am glad that you are proud that you can "burp the alphabet", I believe you, there is no need to prove it.

Who the bloody hell have you been dating????

possibly someone like me. It's a good thing there's a match for everyone. Inks and I fart loudy and laugh. belch and laugh. fart on each other's legs in bed to get revenge. And when were first dating she said "oh I can't take you hand, " as I was reaching for it "I've got snot on it." and then wiped it on some grass.

But that's inki. and I love her for all of it. she's actually incredibly charming otherwise she couldn't get away with all of the above.

<--- femme that smokes, farts, belches and swears like fuck.

that's not to everyone's taste. but vive la differance and there a pepper to everyone's salt shaker.


edit to add: just an FYI, some of the girls said "be a gentleman" so I don't think there's anything wrong with a similar request from someone else. Perhaps wrong thread, but the request was not outta line, imo.

[swan]

Originally Posted by swan

I'm okay with a goodnight kiss. I don't like kissing on my front porch though. Inviting you in for a bit on a first date does not mean it's time for awesome sex! It means that the date went well, I'm not ready to say goodnight yet, and while there's definately a goodnight kiss in store, I'm probably not going to want to neck on the sofa for an hour. I just don't do that.

I'm quoting myself to elaborate... Neckin' on the sofa may well occur on later dates! It's just not a first date thing for me.