Femmes: How do you like to be treated on a date?

[pinkajl]

For me, how you ask me on a date is directly related to whether or not we will have a first date. Do not give me your phone number and ask *me* to call *you*. It won't happen. Do not ask, "Don't you think it would be nice to go out one night?" The answer will be, "No".

If you want to date me and I haven't necessarily encouraged your attention, then it is your job to show me why I should make time for you - because I don't date everyone who asks. I am attracted to butches, in part, for the level of self-confidence they possess to be true to who they are in the face of the world. Please, let's begin this dance with a show of self-confidence in the way that you approach me.

If we haven't talked much in the past, inquire a bit to find out a few things about my likes and preferences and then plan something nice. Simple is fine. Fancy is fine. What matters most is that you demonstrate that you've listened to me and have put some thought into what you believe is a nice outing. If you can't come up with one idea for what we can do together, then we won't be going out on a date.

Neat and clean is essential. When you come to pick me up, I will not come to you if you honk the horn. As a matter of fact, I will not even open the door to let you know I've heard. You are welcome to bring me flowers, but roses are not an appropriate first date gift, in my opinion. For that matter, no "gift" is really appropriate on a first date, beyond flowers or a bottle of wine. I cannot be bought.

I expect help with my jacket, my doors to be opened, and my chair to be pulled out. When I used to smoke, I expected my cigarettes to be lit - and, no, I will not lean into you. If we go out to supper, I will let you know what I would like to order and allow you to handle the conversation with the wait staff. And, since you asked me out on this first date, I do expect you to pay for the evening. Should we have another date and I ask you, then I will pay for that outing.

Conversation is extremely important. Yes, I do want to hear about you, your life, and what you do for work - but all in moderation, please. If I find something particularly intriguing, trust me, I will ask you lots of questions. At the same time, I appreciate your interest in me. Chances are, I don't know what exactly interests you, so help me out with some questions. But, as we talk on our first date, I truly have no interest in hearing about your last date or your ex. Although, those are okay topics on subsequent dates.

If you must keep your cell phone on buzz-mode because of work or kids, I understand and respect your need to see if you must excuse yourself for a short call. However, if you haven't mentioned this at the front end of our date, I will assume that I am boring you and will seek to end the date sooner rather than later.

Please do not presume that because you are paying that you have the privilege of touching me. As we walk, you're welcome to put out your arm and I very well may take it in mine. If you ask if you may hold my hand, the answer will likely be yes - unless you have bored me with your conversation or your manners are atrocious. As for a kiss at the end of the evening... If you don't ask, you will be left groping for air as I move swiftly inside my house. If you do ask, well, it will all depend upon whether or not I'm interested in a second date.

With all this said, should we have a first date, I would like for you to know that you will have my undivided attention. When you do me the courtesies of opening my door, etc, I will smile and look you in the eyes and say thank you. Should your tie be askew, I'll ask if I can straighten it for you. If I see your hair is out of place and it's clear you care about such things, I'll discreetly let you know so you can take care of it. Everyone in the room and on the street that we pass will know that I am proud and happy to be by the side of a handsome butch.

If necessary, I will accompany you to the restroom without your asking. Should someone make an unwanted remark about the b-f dynamic or your butchness without you being present, I will firmly assert myself and let them know it's none of their business. I will neither encourage nor accept attention from anyone else while we are on a date.

In short, I expect to be treated with respect for the femme that I am because I will treat you with the utmost of respect for the butch that you are.

Pink

[blush]

I've always considered a date to be a "social gift.". We obviously think enough of each other to spend time together. Since it is a compliment to be asked out, I don't impose strict expectations. If we don't mesh, we don't mesh. But impossible expectations can strangle a date.

[Starbuck]

[COLOR="Indigo"] Since I am in a relationship, I will approach this question from that angle. When we go out, I want her eyes on me, not on the televisions or on her phone, which I would prefer to be on vibrate (since she has kids, they can still reach her). I appreciate the door being opened for me and simple gestures of affection like touching my hand as she smiles. It took me by surprise the first few times she ordered for me but now I kind of expect it. I'll just tell her what I want and she tells the waiter what I want; I like it./COLOR]

[ruffryder]

Originally Posted by *Anya*

Just treat me the same way you want to be treated!

First dates for me are always a meeting at a coffee house for coffee-dutch, of course. When we make arrangements, I always suggest either morning or afternoon. Never a fancy dinner at a restaurant. I like to keep it low-key with minimal expectations for either of us.

If I don't feel a connection for any reason, it is easy to keep the date short and sweet and be on my way.

If there is any sort of connection, we will know it and can take it from there to arrange other dates.

This is how my honey and I started our dates


One date was also watching football at a sports bar/restaurant with her wearing one of my shirts and sharing food. She had a blast!

A lot of our dates were coffee , lunch, dinner dates and we just laughed and laughed and laughed and then we fell in love.

[Femminator]

Personally I don't want to know about your exs unless I ask. This will not happen for me until several dates. For general dates:

Show up early, not more than 15-20 mins however,(unless you want to wait while I primp) do not show up late. Am I so unimportant that you can't get there on time? If you have to be late, for an emergency that came up, caught in traffic etc, call me. As soon as you realize you will be late, even if it is 4 hours earlier, I need to know so I am not sitting around in my outfit and getting it mussed and wrinkled.

Show up nicely dressed, not in a football jersey and holey jeans. Really, I am taking time to get pretty for you, can't you get handsome for me?

Do not assume that spending money will equal a good date. It has nothing to do with money. Everything to do with how you treat me, how you make me feel and if you listen.

I am a lady. Please treat me like one. Drop me off at the door, and then go park if it is nasty or you have to park a long ways off. Hold my door and escort me in if we are going to a party or a resturant, allow me to sit while you stand if there is no place to sit.

Make me feel special, and cherished. I don't care if I have dated you one time, or am married to you(which my wife does treat me as above). Treat me like you know I am precious to you and you will be greatly rewarded.

[Ginger]

Be kind. Recognize me.

[imperfect_cupcake]

Treat me like you know I am precious to you and you will be greatly rewarded.

oh absolutely. As the friendship develops and we start to value each other, by being shown I am very valued in way important to that person - and in ways I can understand and recognise (I like to feel safe, above all things).

If we are talking about what impresses us in the way they go about showing us they are interested, rather than dating?

from my blog:

But I like my women with intelligence, a back bone, the ability to stand up to me, disagree with me, teach me new things about people, challenge my beliefs, stimulate me to grow... and of course adore me. I'm a complete sucker for being chased in a feisty, fun way. Not a wet whiney way. Don't keep showing up at my door with flowers with drippy eyeballs. Be a playful, pisstaking, persistant gentleman-woman. Maybe ask me to treat your back. Insist on carrying my things. Don't take no for an answer to take me to dinner, be able to playfully tell me to shut up. I like that. I'll tell you to shut up too, and you'd best find that type of banter fun.

Self depricating humour, crusty, gritty banter, give a good playful insult and able to take a good comeback.

I think because we are all so very different it's going to be hard to find any kind of one style fits. Respect is not a universal understanding. it's very relative.

It's interesting reading, that for sure.

[Zimmeh]

Heheh..I had that shirt for a few months I enjoyed all of our dates, including us going to Disney's Magic Kingdom for the first time!

You are a sweet person and I'm glad we fell in love!

Zimmeh

Originally Posted by ruffryder

This is how my honey and I started our dates


One date was also watching football at a sports bar/restaurant with her wearing one of my shirts and sharing food. She had a blast!

A lot of our dates were coffee , lunch, dinner dates and we just laughed and laughed and laughed and then we fell in love.

[CherryBlonde]

I don't think it's about how much money you spend. Be creative, something fun and different will definitely get my attention. Sweet, chivalrous and funny is always a way to win my heart.

[Happyfemme]

I think it's important to be kind and respectful on a date. I like manners and nice conversation. I like it when the person opens doors and offers me their arm to hold onto or asks if they can hold my hand. How I feel when I am with the person is most important. I like to feel safe, comfortable and cared for.

[lettertodaddy]

Originally Posted by pinkajl

p, I will not come to you if you honk the horn. As a matter of fact, I will not even open the door to let you know I've heard.

THIS. I think this is when I realized my ex and I were doomed to fail.

[Martina]

i think i've said this before, but don't pick me up and then go get gas and stop at the ATM. Do that stuff BEFORE.

Do know how to get where we're going if you are driving. Fine if you get lost or whatever, but at least have the directions.

Do not scare me with your driving.

Do not diss femmes. i have had this happen in the guise of "you are cool, unlike other femmes."

Be nice to service people.

Don't complain a lot or expect me to reassure you or do emotional care for you unless your mother has just died or something.

Do not posture too much. Rein it in some. i definitely do not want to hear about how you kicked someone's ass.

Do not expect me to share my life story on the first date.

Don't talk about the things that you own.

Do not tell me you like me because i am smart.

Laugh. Make me laugh.

By all means, show me your tatoos.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I’m old fashioned and do like to feel that my date’s attention is FULLY on me for the day/evening. Be well groomed, wearing clean, ironed clothes appropriately for the occasion – freshly showered and clean hand/nails. Turn your phone off. Make eye contact with me, smile and laugh to let me know you are enjoying yourself.

Walk to my door and knock, offering me your hand, then your arm as we walk to the car. Open the car door for me and help me into the car by offering your hand, again.

When walking somewhere, please, walk on the outside of the pavement offering me your arm. Open doors for me. Placing your hand on the small of my back when we’re walking. Help me off /on with my coat and pull out the chair for me to sit/stand. Be polite, have manners and be considerate me and other people. Be respectful of yourself and others.

I don’t expect or need the first date to cost a fortune – I appreciate it when my date has tailored the day/evening, taking the time, effort and thoughtfulness to plan something nice that we both will enjoy – something simple, yet, meaningful. The same with gifts – I hate to see flowers dying in a vase – take me to a park or public garden, even better are hand made gifts, a basket of fruit (I swear I was a Fruit Bat in a previous life, the amount I eat, lol!) a hand written poem composed by my date or some other thoughtful gift to my tastes – I love Museums, Art Galleries, even reading poetry to me by the river with a simple picnic will go a long way to winning my heart. I love Swans, it really twist my knickers when my date plans a date feeding them.

I love intelligent conversation, witty chatter and good conversation that flows easily – make me laugh without being crude (I’m by no means a prude, but, there is a time and place for that later). Get to know me – talk to me, let me talk to you. Be open and honest with me – if you don’t feel as though you want to see me again, say so, I won’t be offended unless you’re blatantly rude!

Pay me compliments if you genuinely mean them. Pay attention to the little things and details – I love he meaningful little things and details and surprised by the bigger ones.

Gently touch my hand, knee every now and then – body language says more than words. When wanting to hold hand, ask/offer me your hand and gently grip my hand in yours – please don’t squeeze my hand tightly, it makes me feel uncomfortable - I’m not going to run off unless my date is a complete Psycho. The first kiss, make it soft and tender – I’m not wanting my date to tickle my Tonsils until we are BOTH ready to take the relationship to the next level.

I like to plan a date(s) for my date, I can’t afford to spend a lot, yet, I do like to treat my date – offer suggestions, let me be creative and take the initiative occasionally. Let me spoil and pamper you.

Date me even when the relationship has moved to living together/marriage. Be a Gentle(Wo)man. I’m forever polite and thoughtful even when in a LTR.

I’m not saying "No Emotional Baggage"! How fair is that? If nothing has impacted upon us emotionally, then we’re either not human or have never loved and lived as we were meant to! It’s how the baggage is handled!

[Starbuck]

Open the door for me, both the car door and any other place that has a door; I love that!
Smell good, but don't put on so much that you could kill a small animal!
Make eye contact with me. It let's me know you hear what I am saying and that it matters to you.
If you're so inclined, you may order for me, it will not offend me, I rather like it when you take the lead.
I am an independent woman, do not be offended if I stand up for myself or us if the need arises.
Hold my hand or take my arm when we are walking, I love showing affection.
Watch baseball or football with me? That would be awesome!

[crashhere4eva]

Great input Ladies. I would love to have your input in my one boi one femme thread... please? Thank you

[Toughy]

When walking somewhere, please, walk on the outside of the pavement offering me your arm.

from my butch perspective....

In a big city, depending on the street and who is on it, I may indeed prefer to walk between you and the buildings, rather than you and the street. I have been known to switch sides as we walk down the sidewalk more than once depending on what is ahead...

This custom comes from muddy dirty streets where stuff gets splashed onto the sidewalk from street traffic. The idea is that 'ladies' should be protected from getting their clothes dirty.