The Loft: Butches and Femmes in their 40s, 50s and over.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by ruthie14

Happy Sunday Lofters.. Wow it has really been slow around here!

I am curious... it seems in my circle of friends who are over 40 and single are only into friends with benefits or one night stands. Niether of which is ok for me... alright for them if that is what they want, just not ok for me.

I am wondering how many folks here feel the same way they do. You don't have to be single to answer the question, just answer as if you are single if you are not.

It just seems there are too few people that want the long term thing anymore. I am 49, I have had a few gfs but I have only been our for 5 years...some of which I was still married to a man and was not looking for a relationship with a woman at that time. It seems to me that only women who are under 40 even think about having a real relationship around here. If they are over 40 and believe that relationships are great... they are already in one.

Don't know if this the exact response you are looking for but no, it is not me at all. I had one night stands when I first came out as bi but only with women, I was about 19 or 20. When I accepted I was Lesbian, I did have a few just because it was all so exciting and new, it was a second adolescence for me and a much, much better one than my first adolescence!

By the time I was in my mid-20's I was with my first real GF for a year and then my long-term one for 19.

I have not had casual sex since my break-up. I do not judge anyone for their sex life or choices. For me though, I am older now and looking at the last 20-25 years of my life down the road. I want another relationship, one of substance and committment-not just a fuck (though if I am totally honest, I wish I could do that without any emotional repercussions but I know myself, and that I can not).

I think that in this day and age, one can have whatever type of relationship we want. For some, the friends with benefits or one-night stand is it. I even believe it is also a right-of-passage when we are younger and that it helps us understand who and what we are and what it is we want and need. I know enought about myself now to know that it just would not work for me.

In some ways I am more confident in myself but in others; I feel much more vulnerable than I did when I was younger. When I was young, I felt invincible. I don't feel that way any longer.