Healthy Weight Loss

[sweetfemme247]

Originally Posted by JustJo

Hey sweetfemme,

I know how hard this is. Long story, but my family is highly critical...particularly around issues of weight. Since they are naturally slim and athletically built people, and I take after the other (round and soft) side of the family, they really couldn't relate to me or my realities.

One of the things that I found helpful is to call them out on it (and, yes, that's difficult). Generally, people who make passive-aggressive nasty or ciritical remarks aren't expecting for you to respond other than by being hurt.

I'm not saying get into a huge argument.....but a calm honest response that questions them can be remarkably effective.

My mother couldn't speak for about 5 minutes the first time I responded with "So Mom, the last few times I've seen you, you've made critical remarks about my weight. Do you honestly think that the most important thing about me is the size of my waist?"

It might not have been the most brilliant question, but it did slow her down.
After that, every time she'd be critical I'd call it out and question if that's what she really meant to say, and if she was actually defining me and our relationship by my weight.

Eventually, she stopped.

I'm not promising anything....but people who use sarcasm and criticism to control others aren't usually prepared for calm, honest confrontation.

Just something to think about....and wishing you the best.

my family is way bigger then me and she gets pissed if i lose weight and she dont

[PinkieLee]

Originally Posted by sweetfemme247

my family is way bigger then me and she gets pissed if i lose weight and she dont

I know it has to be hard when family and/or friends don't support you on this journey. But remember, you are doing this for YOU, not for them. People use those bullying tactics out of jealousy. (they are miserable, so they want you to be miserable, too). So, you keep moving in the right direction... and know that you have lots of support here!

[sweetfemme247]

thank you...

[Medusa]

What Pinkie says is so true. I would seriously question a friend or family member who did some form of sabotage around my health routine. Whether it be finding reasons why you shouldnt exercise or shaming and blaming around losing weight, I think there can be a lot of enabling stuff around codependant relationships and someone working to keep you unhealthy or immobile.

Not saying at all that anyone but me is responsible for my health but I do think that we have to be super-diligent about surrounding ourselves with people who are positive, supportive, evolved, and invested in US in healthy ways.

If someone wants to be your "diet buddy", make sure they aren't really asking you to be their emotional support/punching bag in ways that are going to drain your energy.

If a family member or friend can't say "I am so happy for you" or "Im proud of you" when you make strides to be healthier, consider limiting their access to your space.

Most of all, you need to be able to say to yourself that your health is a priority for YOU and than nobody has the right to stand in the way of that. You need to be able to look around at the people in your orbit and know that they love you, support you, and want nothing but the best for you not because it will bring something good to *them* but because it will be good for *you*.

Also, don't base your happiness on the "what you'll do when...." stuff. Don't get caught up in "when I lose weight, I'll go on a cruise..." or "when I lose weight, I'll buy a new car...".
Because ultimately, you're alive right now. Get the car. Go on the cruise. Wear that dress. LIVE. Unabashedly.

We're perfect just the way we are. We'll be perfect when we are both larger and smaller, fatter and thinner. Our bodies are not the single determining factor in our "acceptability". We're acceptable NOW!

[JustJo]

Originally Posted by sweetfemme247

my family is way bigger then me and she gets pissed if i lose weight and she dont

That's a tough one for sure.

One of the biggest things I've had to learn (and learn again and again and again ) is to not compare myself to other people. Somehow it always ends up with me feeling crappy.

And, sometimes, family and friends want to keep you pulled down to their level. It's an unfortunate truth that not everyone is happy to see others succeed, or be happy.

I'd say focus on yourself...do what you know is right for you...and do your best to let the negativity slide off. Like others have said here....sometimes distance is your friend, especially when you're surrounded by negativity.