Reclaiming Lesbian Pride

[Jess]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

20 years ago I wanted to be a lesbian Separatist (until I was told no blowdryers and tweezers were allowed ) and now I am having to dig deep to say I am proud of even being a Lesbian.

In my early to mid twenties, I too, considered separatism as a lifestyle. I too, have gone through years of trying to figure out all of the nuances and politics involved in being a woman who loves women. I too, struggled with the arguments/dissonance of inclusivity and exclusivity surrounding and muddying our communities, as well as forcing us to grow. Guess in this way, butch and femme lesbians are not so different.

I am one who does still use the definition of "lesbian" as a woman who loves/ has sex with women". I truly do feel that anything else is an ally. While I consider that yes, as Lesbians we created a sub-culture within the larger culture of homosexuals, that "culture" is truly "ours". Those folks who find kinship with us are our allies. Because they may be totally in-tune with lesbian music/ art/ literature, does not make them lesbians. These cultural products came out of OUR struggles and OUR celebrations. Feel free to honor them, but do not feel free to appropriate them.

I totally agree with previous posters who have stated the fact that because I choose to define myself this way (in its limited definition) does not mean that I have to oppose other identities. I can be and am supportive of the struggles legal and emotional of other identities. It also does not mean I have to limit my view of what lesbian looks like.

I am a woman ( who happens to have many masculine traits). Even my way of fucking is masculine ( I am told). Does that make me not a lesbian? Does that make me less of a female/ woman? No, it doesn't. I am still a woman in all of my pain and glory and I do still claim lesbian and do still carry that badge with pride. I have never claimed queer ( other than an umbrella term) as for ME, to be queer would be me fucking other butches. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me. Now, this is not me knocking butch-butch or (any other sexual proclivity). What it means is for ME, as a lesbian, it would be queer( weird/odd) for me to have that attraction. If I did, I would proudly don the queer mantle! If I fucked men, I would proudly claim heterosexual. If I fucked men and women, I would proudly claim bi-sexual. This is just how I see it.

As a woman, I will NOT be told how to dress, how to behave, how to fuck. EVER. As a lesbian, I will wear a huge cock ( or not), I will fuck with passion, I will wear a hat and boots and drive a big ugly truck, I will write poetry and watch the sun fill our skies with soft pastels. I will build a shed, renovate my home, tend our garden, wash our laundry, fuss over wonderful fabrics and spoil our fur babies. I will help raise our son to hopefully be aware of feminism and help our neighbors.

I am happy to see this topic coming up and happier still to see us beginning to own our pride, in whatever identity we fall into. To say "lesbian" is passe is like saying watermelon is passe. It is still here, alive and well even though some folks prefer cantaloupe or honeydew or mangoes.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Jess

In my early to mid twenties, I too, considered separatism as a lifestyle. I too, have gone through years of trying to figure out all of the nuances and politics involved in being a woman who loves women. I too, struggled with the arguments/dissonance of inclusivity and exclusivity surrounding and muddying our communities, as well as forcing us to grow. Guess in this way, butch and femme lesbians are not so different.

I am one who does still use the definition of "lesbian" as a woman who loves/ has sex with women". I truly do feel that anything else is an ally. While I consider that yes, as Lesbians we created a sub-culture within the larger culture of homosexuals, that "culture" is truly "ours". Those folks who find kinship with us are our allies. Because they may be totally in-tune with lesbian music/ art/ literature, does not make them lesbians. These cultural products came out of OUR struggles and OUR celebrations. Feel free to honor them, but do not feel free to appropriate them.

I totally agree with previous posters who have stated the fact that because I choose to define myself this way (in its limited definition) does not mean that I have to oppose other identities. I can be and am supportive of the struggles legal and emotional of other identities. It also does not mean I have to limit my view of what lesbian looks like.

I am a woman ( who happens to have many masculine traits). Even my way of fucking is masculine ( I am told). Does that make me not a lesbian? Does that make me less of a female/ woman? No, it doesn't. I am still a woman in all of my pain and glory and I do still claim lesbian and do still carry that badge with pride. I have never claimed queer ( other than an umbrella term) as for ME, to be queer would be me fucking other butches. I don't know if that makes sense to anyone but me. Now, this is not me knocking butch-butch or (any other sexual proclivity). What it means is for ME, as a lesbian, it would be queer( weird/odd) for me to have that attraction. If I did, I would proudly don the queer mantle! If I fucked men, I would proudly claim heterosexual. If I fucked men and women, I would proudly claim bi-sexual. This is just how I see it.

As a woman, I will NOT be told how to dress, how to behave, how to fuck. EVER. As a lesbian, I will wear a huge cock ( or not), I will fuck with passion, I will wear a hat and boots and drive a big ugly truck, I will write poetry and watch the sun fill our skies with soft pastels. I will build a shed, renovate my home, tend our garden, wash our laundry, fuss over wonderful fabrics and spoil our fur babies. I will help raise our son to hopefully be aware of feminism and help our neighbors.

I am happy to see this topic coming up and happier still to see us beginning to own our pride, in whatever identity we fall into. To say "lesbian" is passe is like saying watermelon is passe. It is still here, alive and well even though some folks prefer cantaloupe or honeydew or mangoes.

Jess,

This speaks to me on so many different levels. Of particular interest today is how you pointed out that some of us use the word lesbian in a narrowly focused way. Yet, in doing so, the intent is not to take away from others or to be in opposition to others. I would add in to not be in competition with others as well.

I have asked repeatedly in this thread what is so threatening about lesbians, who define very narrowly asking for their own space to talk. I didnt think I was getting an answer. But, I was. I got so caught up in the forest, I couldnt see the trees.

For others, like me, who are connect-the-dots challenged, it occurred to me this morning, that it was people who narrowly define like me who excluded many women and lesbians back in the day.

One group we excluded was the butch-femme community. Thankfully they went ahead and made their own community. Here, those people we excluded found a home, a place to be all that they were.

And, a couple of days ago, here comes this narrow definition lesbian, asking for narrow definition lesbian space to discuss narrow definition lesbian stuff.

Deja vu? Wounds run deep. You, inadvertantly pick at the scars, the rawness of the wounds find the light of day.

Did I connect the dots in the right order?

[Jess]

Originally Posted by Kobi

Jess,

This speaks to me on so many different levels. Of particular interest today is how you pointed out that some of us use the word lesbian in a narrowly focused way. Yet, in doing so, the intent is not to take away from others or to be in opposition to others. I would add in to not be in competition with others as well.

I have asked repeatedly in this thread what is so threatening about lesbians, who define very narrowly asking for their own space to talk. I didnt think I was getting an answer. But, I was. I got so caught up in the forest, I couldnt see the trees.

For others, like me, who are connect-the-dots challenged, it occurred to me this morning, that it was people who narrowly define like me who excluded many women and lesbians back in the day.

One group we excluded was the butch-femme community. Thankfully they went ahead and made their own community. Here, those people we excluded found a home, a place to be all that they were.

And, a couple of days ago, here comes this narrow definition lesbian, asking for narrow definition lesbian space to discuss narrow definition lesbian stuff.

Deja vu? Wounds run deep. You, inadvertantly pick at the scars, the rawness of the wounds find the light of day.

Did I connect the dots in the right order?

Kobi,
Thank you for the response.

I can understand how you might feel some guilt ( this is how I read your post) around a narrow definition that not everyone fits into. I however, do not feel this way with the word lesbian or dyke for that matter.

For me, it IS a narrow definition that encompasses a wide variety of its collective. By and large and for no reason other than to fight oppression, Gay men came together and said "no more!" ( well, first they came together to meet other kindreds, then later organized to fight oppression) Lesbians did the same thing. We were ( and still are mind you) oppressed for nothing more than loving same sex partners. From THIS, came our culture. Not the other way around. ( ok, granted some lesbian/ gay writers wrote books without a defined community already in place, it wasn't until the gatherings/ movements started that these obscure artists gained recognition)

I will never say that I feel all lesbians or even a fraction of them should dress such and such a way, or listen to only female voices or eat whole grains or live up to their armpits in dirt. We are as different and unique as women are from one another. I will however always believe that the common denominator/ definition of lesbian/ dyke is that we are women who love other women.

I never wish to make someone else feel marginalized or less than. I also have no desire to claim something I clearly do not live.

Thank you, again.

[CherylNYC]

I've been thanking everyone. If I missed tagging a post with my 'thank you' it was an oversight. This thread has been a gift to me. The articulate lesbian voices here have been like water in the desert.

I heart Heart. You rock. ScandalAndy gives me hope for our future. You rock, too. I'm loving every post by the butch lesbians. Every single one. I don't want to leave anyone out, but I've practically squealed out loud over posts by Chazz, Kobi, Jess, Bulldog, and Aj. I've waited far too long to hear butch women reclaim 'woman' and 'lesbian'.

Damn, this is good. Many apologies if I forgot to mention someone. I just couldn't keep it in anymore.

[Chazz]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

I've been thanking everyone. If I missed tagging a post with my 'thank you' it was an oversight. This thread has been a gift to me. The articulate lesbian voices here have been like water in the desert.

I heart Heart. You rock. ScandalAndy gives me hope for our future. You rock, too. I'm loving every post by the butch lesbians. Every single one. I don't want to leave anyone out, but I've practically squealed out loud over posts by Chazz, Kobi, Jess, Bulldog, and Aj. I've waited far too long to hear butch women reclaim 'woman' and 'lesbian'.

Damn, this is good. Many apologies if I forgot to mention someone. I just couldn't keep it in anymore.

Ahh, I made a woman squeal.... And, here I was thinking I'd hung up my squealer-majjig for awhile. it's nice to hear the sound of music, again.

Thank you, CherylNYC. I may be butch, you may be femme

[christie]

Originally Posted by CherylNYC

I've been thanking everyone. If I missed tagging a post with my 'thank you' it was an oversight. This thread has been a gift to me. The articulate lesbian voices here have been like water in the desert.

I heart Heart. You rock. ScandalAndy gives me hope for our future. You rock, too. I'm loving every post by the butch lesbians. Every single one. I don't want to leave anyone out, but I've practically squealed out loud over posts by Chazz, Kobi, Jess, Bulldog, and Aj. I've waited far too long to hear butch women reclaim 'woman' and 'lesbian'.

Damn, this is good. Many apologies if I forgot to mention someone. I just couldn't keep it in anymore.

Cheryl -

Thank you SO much for saying this! Its one thing for me to sit back and read posts and think, "Wow - that's some good shit - I completely understand that"; however, to have that validated, just thanks.

I feel so fortunate to not only get to share in the posts made by everyone here, but even moreso to have been a witness in watching that journey back to self-acceptance and its been quite amazing.

To me, "woman" has never been in question. I celebrate and rejoice in being a woman. I seek opportunities to set stereotypes of both woman AND lesbian on their ears and usually find them in the most unlikely of places (think line at the local wally world).

I do understand the herstory of how some might not have felt comfortable in claiming lesbian. I'm so glad to see it being embraced.

Kobi - a special thank you for starting the thread and hanging tough. Its spawned some pretty damned good stuff.

Christie

PS - i heart Heart too! I don't have nearly the experience and knowledge of feminism and am always delighted to read her perspective on things.

[Kobi]

As long as we are doing the kudos thing....and thank you for them....I would like to add that I am absolutely thrilled by what I am seeing here.

It is truly awesome to see the insights, knowledge, personal truths, thoughts, feelings, and just everything that is unfolding here. It takes a lot of courage to speak up about this stuff and there is certainly no shortage of bravery here.

I am very proud of both the folks who are contributing and of those who graciously stepped aside to allow this discussion to develop.