Your relationship with your mom.

Gemme · 08-11-2011, 05:23 PM

My mom's been gone for a few years now. She initially had a bit of a hard time with the gay thing (she didn't make it to my self awareness of being Queer) but that was really neither here nor there for us. We had so many other issues at hand. She loved me and I knew that and I loved her, but due to a lot of her decisions in life that affected me, I carried a pretty deep-seated dose of resentment towards her and, frankly, didn't like her very much. I think she knew that until she didn't. Thankfully, for her, as her illnesses progressed, her memories faded until only the ones that she conjured up in her head existed. I knew she did the best that she could at the time and I do give her credit for that. I just wish any of many circumstances had been different.

Abigail Crabby · 08-11-2011, 05:39 PM

My Mom and I had a weird relationship most of our lives.

When I came out to her it changed for the better dramatically.

She loved my partners and accepted them as part of the family just as she had my daughters father.

She's gone now, but there are three people who blessed my life as partners and she is missed by them as much as she is missed by me.

I was lucky to have her support.

lipstixgal · 08-11-2011, 05:44 PM

I didn't have a very good relationship with my mother(she is deceased). She didn't accept me when I told her I wanted to be with women. I never became the doctor she wanted and therefore was probably not good enough but I have gotten through all of this with the help of friends and therapy so I am happy now and with a great girl that I think my mother would even like.

EnderD_503 · 08-19-2011, 05:51 AM

I've always had a good relationship with my mother, partly perhaps because we were each other's support growing up with my father. I think we continue to be each other's support even now that I'm in my 20s and he's completely out of the picture. I'm not sure that she really understands my queer sexuality. That's ok by me. She's slowly coming to understand why/how I identify as male, but it was really tough for her and it still is. I guess for a long time she thought I was going to grow up to be non-feminine and unique woman who would go on to disprove what women are/are not capable of physically and in other aspects of life. She thought that having a male identity would just turn me into another jock or typical guy or something. Evidently, that's not who I am or what I hope to be, but I'm still waiting for the day when she truly knows and believes that. I think she's slowly coming to understand that. I think as she continues to see that I want to maintain my visibility as an XX-born male identity, she'll understand more and more that it's not about being "a normal/stereotypical guy," but that I really do want to change things instead of just disappearing into normalcy and gender complacency.

She's making an effort and has been accepting, and that's what matters to me most. She is really the only blood relative that I have regular communication with and who I really count as family (other than one cousin), so I'm glad that we still have a good relationship.

diamondrose · 08-19-2011, 05:59 AM

My mom has always been very accepting of who I am. Shes always says "as long as I am happy." Sadly, for other reasons other than my being a gay woman, we don't have a great relationship(lack thereof). My mom is a distant type person scooting along in her own little world. She has her spurts when she gets in her "family time" groove, but those moments are far a few between. Its just who and how she is as a person. Despite that, I love her fully and she loves me just as the person I am. I cherish our rare moments together.

NJFemmie · 08-19-2011, 06:23 AM

I was very close to my mother - attached to her hip kind of close. One of the things I always loved and respected her for was that she always spoke to me as an adult. She never sugar coated things and told me whatever she felt straight from the hip. She was very big on emotionally preparing her children for "life" - since her own was incredibly hard and tumultuous.

My mother died when I was 14 - so I have no idea how she would have reacted to my lifestyle. My mother was a progressive woman for her time - in thought and action - so I would like to think that she would have been okay with it. My father, who was more the strict, old school, neanderthal-minded kind of man knew about my lifestyle - it was something that was rarely discussed - but at the same time, it was never a negative thing either. So, my logic is - if he was okay with it - my mom probably would have been.

deb_U_taunt · 08-19-2011, 07:35 AM

I have a great relationship with my mom. I put her through hell when I was a teenager and being gay would be the last of her worries. She truly only wants me to be happy. I am blessed with an open-minded grandmother, too.
I talk to both daily. They are 70 and 90 and hard to think of my life without them.

08-11-2011, 05:23 PM	#1
Gemme Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Queer Stone Femme Girl of the Unicorn Variety Preferred Pronoun?: She, as in 'She's a GEM' Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: The roads are narrow here Posts: 36,631 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 182,498 Thanked 107,925 Times in 25,666 Posts Rep Power: 21474887	My mom's been gone for a few years now. She initially had a bit of a hard time with the gay thing (she didn't make it to my self awareness of being Queer) but that was really neither here nor there for us. We had so many other issues at hand. She loved me and I knew that and I loved her, but due to a lot of her decisions in life that affected me, I carried a pretty deep-seated dose of resentment towards her and, frankly, didn't like her very much. I think she knew that until she didn't. Thankfully, for her, as her illnesses progressed, her memories faded until only the ones that she conjured up in her head existed. I knew she did the best that she could at the time and I do give her credit for that. I just wish any of many circumstances had been different. __________________ Gemme's Journal I'm misunderestimated.

08-11-2011, 05:39 PM	#2
Abigail Crabby Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Queer Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Princess Relationship Status: Single, but sociable Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Mount Airy, NC Posts: 4,226 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 14,554 Thanked 9,668 Times in 2,484 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	My Mom and I had a weird relationship most of our lives. When I came out to her it changed for the better dramatically. She loved my partners and accepted them as part of the family just as she had my daughters father. She's gone now, but there are three people who blessed my life as partners and she is missed by them as much as she is missed by me. I was lucky to have her support. __________________ Let us be grateful to people who make us happy, they are the charming gardeners who make our souls blossom. Marcel Proust Turns whatever happens to you into a positive...

08-11-2011, 05:44 PM	#3
lipstixgal Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: coupled Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: New Jersey Posts: 3,028 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 201 Thanked 1,690 Times in 1,064 Posts Rep Power: 1494761	I didn't have a very good relationship with my mother(she is deceased). She didn't accept me when I told her I wanted to be with women. I never became the doctor she wanted and therefore was probably not good enough but I have gotten through all of this with the help of friends and therapy so I am happy now and with a great girl that I think my mother would even like. __________________ Gail

08-19-2011, 06:23 AM	#6
NJFemmie Senior Member How Do You Identify?: The original lime-twisted femme Preferred Pronoun?: I answer to most things, especially lesbian. Relationship Status: Still loving my Mare ;) Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: New Jersey Posts: 4,683 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,343 Thanked 11,419 Times in 2,976 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	I was very close to my mother - attached to her hip kind of close. One of the things I always loved and respected her for was that she always spoke to me as an adult. She never sugar coated things and told me whatever she felt straight from the hip. She was very big on emotionally preparing her children for "life" - since her own was incredibly hard and tumultuous. My mother died when I was 14 - so I have no idea how she would have reacted to my lifestyle. My mother was a progressive woman for her time - in thought and action - so I would like to think that she would have been okay with it. My father, who was more the strict, old school, neanderthal-minded kind of man knew about my lifestyle - it was something that was rarely discussed - but at the same time, it was never a negative thing either. So, my logic is - if he was okay with it - my mom probably would have been. __________________

08-19-2011, 05:51 AM	#4
EnderD_503 Member How Do You Identify?: Queer, trans guy, butch Preferred Pronoun?: Male pronouns Relationship Status: Relationship Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: Canada Posts: 1,329 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,090 Thanked 3,879 Times in 1,022 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I've always had a good relationship with my mother, partly perhaps because we were each other's support growing up with my father. I think we continue to be each other's support even now that I'm in my 20s and he's completely out of the picture. I'm not sure that she really understands my queer sexuality. That's ok by me. She's slowly coming to understand why/how I identify as male, but it was really tough for her and it still is. I guess for a long time she thought I was going to grow up to be non-feminine and unique woman who would go on to disprove what women are/are not capable of physically and in other aspects of life. She thought that having a male identity would just turn me into another jock or typical guy or something. Evidently, that's not who I am or what I hope to be, but I'm still waiting for the day when she truly knows and believes that. I think she's slowly coming to understand that. I think as she continues to see that I want to maintain my visibility as an XX-born male identity, she'll understand more and more that it's not about being "a normal/stereotypical guy," but that I really do want to change things instead of just disappearing into normalcy and gender complacency. She's making an effort and has been accepting, and that's what matters to me most. She is really the only blood relative that I have regular communication with and who I really count as family (other than one cousin), so I'm glad that we still have a good relationship.

08-19-2011, 05:59 AM	#5
diamondrose Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Apr 2010 Location: . Posts: 1,384 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2 Thanked 2,895 Times in 923 Posts Rep Power: 13536274	My mom has always been very accepting of who I am. Shes always says "as long as I am happy." Sadly, for other reasons other than my being a gay woman, we don't have a great relationship(lack thereof). My mom is a distant type person scooting along in her own little world. She has her spurts when she gets in her "family time" groove, but those moments are far a few between. Its just who and how she is as a person. Despite that, I love her fully and she loves me just as the person I am. I cherish our rare moments together.

08-19-2011, 07:35 AM	#7
deb_U_taunt Senior Member How Do You Identify?: ........ Join Date: May 2011 Location: ....... Posts: 1,748 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,324 Thanked 5,255 Times in 1,361 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	I have a great relationship with my mom. I put her through hell when I was a teenager and being gay would be the last of her worries. She truly only wants me to be happy. I am blessed with an open-minded grandmother, too. I talk to both daily. They are 70 and 90 and hard to think of my life without them.