Reclaiming Lesbian Pride

[Kobi]

Aj,

I did not know your history. I appreciate you sharing this.

I also did not know what "once man" or "WBW" meant. There is a presumption that people should know this stuff. I dont. I was having a hard enough time figuring out the jist of posts. Thus, underlying innuendo flew right past me. I am still going back over posts trying to understand.

It seems to me, if you see something derogatory going on, you either speak to it publicly or at least privately. It is never safe to assume someone sees something or understands it or knows the implications of it. To do so is a disservice to oneself and to others.

And, to me, one does not need to use a 2x4 or a baseball bat to make a point.

I do, however, understand that one is often put in a no win situation and can sympathize with this without any problem whatsoever.

Originally Posted by dreadgeek

Kobi:

What was I supposed to say? I didn't say anything because I was not about to make Chazz correct. Not giving them that satisfaction. I've walked into that trap enough times to know what the snare line looks like. The term 'once males' gets thrown out, I object loudly about it and I'm throwing about male privilege. I defend myself, I'm doing it wrong. I don't defend myself, I'm doing it wrong. I didn't post initially because I don't like to post when I'm upset and seeing 'once males' was upsetting. I am not putting this on you. I don't blame people for things they did not do--I don't do it because I have spent 45 walking this Earth, carrying the weight of other people's actions on my back. If I had a dollar for every time someone had asked me why so many blacks are on welfare, I'd make Warren Buffet, George Soros and Oprah *combined* look like paupers. So I don't hold you responsible for the words that others used.

Set you up, how? Precisely how could I possibly have set you up in this thread? I am genuinely mystified by that accusation. Now, I admit, I am not the queen of social graces so there are things I do that I miss but here, I'm not sure how I could possibly have set you up. I participated on this thread like I do on other threads. What could I have done differently where you would not have been set up?

When you say "having knowledge others didn't" do you mean the knowledge I'm a transwoman? Look, up until about a year ago NO ONE on this board knew. I didn't say anything, because I didn't think it relevant, until someone said something that I found sexist and in order to blunt the accusation of transphobia when I called them out on it, I disclosed that I was a transwoman so the *last* accusation that could reasonably be leveled at me was that I held bigoted attitudes about transgendered people. I didn't put it out there on this thread because, as a general rule, I don't announce my being transgendered. There was certainly no way in hell, I was going to just introduce that into the conversation unless it became necessary to do so. My heuristic, another one that has served me well--although it puts me at odds with many in the trans community, FTM and MTF alike--is that people get to know either when I choose to let them know or if they are in the circle of people who need or have a right to know. Need or right to know is if you are my doctor, my therapist, or someone I want to date. Right to know is if you are someone I want to date. Everyone else, I disclose in the manner of my choosing. So I was not about to come in here and open up with "hi, before we get into the meat of this discussion, I'm a transwoman, just so you know".

Of all the things I'm doing, patting myself on the back is pretty well near the bottom of the list. Keeping myself calm and reminding myself that this is my community too? Yes, I'm doing that. Reminding myself that no one can take away the last two decades of my life and the peace I've found in my body? Yes, there's a bit of that going on as well. Second-guessing myself? Plenty of that as well. Keeping my emotions in check so every word I type is carefully thought out? Absolutely! But self-congratulations? No, not even in the same zip code as to what is going on with me right now. I see nothing to congratulate at any rate. I feel gratitude, but not congratulatory.

To me, every iteration of this discussion in the community--a discussion that has gone on since *at least* 1973--is a loss for us all. I see nothing for anyone to feel congratulatory for.

Cheers
Aj