Women-identified Lesbians Loving/Living with other Woman-identified Lesbians

[Toughy]

I live in Oakland.....the city with the highest number of lesbians per capita in this country. I have not been able to find anyone I want to date in a very long time. There are lots of b/f folks around here. I co-founded an active B/F Social group. There is community here.

Part of my problem has to do with age. If I wanted to date someone in the age range of my nieces/nephews (their 30s) it would be easy, but I can't do that.....it does not work for me......I tried it. The differences are profound.

So lack of dating opportunities is not always about where you live.

[lettertodaddy]

Originally Posted by Toughy

Part of my problem has to do with age. If I wanted to date someone in the age range of my nieces/nephews (their 30s) it would be easy, but I can't do that.....it does not work for me......I tried it. The differences are profound.

I'm finding this to be a challenge as well. I don't know how much of it is real, or how much of it is in my own head, however. On paper there doesn't seem to be much difference between 35 and 43, but in my head, and in terms of where we are in our lives, there's a lot of difference. And I find that difference difficult to overcome.

[WolfyOne]

I think I live in an area that is quite closeted when it comes to being OUT. I am single and older. Most of the lesbians I see around here are either too young or butch like myself. Maybe as I age, I just can't spot the femmes around here. Perhaps my gaydar is off, I don't know. I do think as we age, it's harder to find someone in or around your age group that isn't already partnered. For myself, I see one more move in my future, but it still won't put me in a place that has an older lesbian community or perhaps I should say an older lesbian community that is visible to my eyes. I don't need a huge community to be happy in life. All I really need is a partner that wants to share the same space as me in an area that is just gorgeous. I'm not in a hurry as I have other things to tend to first to get to where I need to be. Right now I have The Planet and it fills the emptiness I feel some days. I have some really good friends from here that have helped me through some trying times. As for me, I'm always looking forward to what a new day brings.

[Toughy]

My 16 yr relationship had an almost 9 years difference and that was not hard for me. She was around 25 and I was around 34 when we first got together. Funny thing was I met her at her college graduation party...she was 21 and I knew it was love at first sight.....<grin>. However I told her she had to be 25 before we ever got serious, plus she had a girlfriend at the time. 4 years later and living in different cities it became serious. Our age range stayed the same however she was 4 years older.....made a difference.

I'm 59 and mid 40's is the very very low end of my acceptable range. I have no upper limit. I dated a woman 20 years younger once and I doubt I would do it again. I've also dated about 6 years older.

I once heard you have to put yourself in a target-rich enviornments. Which means getting out of the house and doing things like museums (they all have free days), street fairs, concerts in the park, church/mosque/synagogue (yes I said that...... laughin) places and things you like to do, .....oh yeah......we all know when you quit look it shows up....

Anya......move to Long Beach darling and get your daughter to come to you....my understanding of So Cal is all the dykes are in LB and all the L word types are in LA.....laughin....

[sweetfemme247]

Well I have lived in washington for 5 years now, not much of a lesbian scene in everett, seattle yes, but most of them are older then me and they dont want to date someone who is 25. Though I am going to school to be a nurse and such they still think of me as a partier(which I have never even been to a club) sad....... I am moving back to california in 7 days. Palm springs has alot of gays, not many lesbians.. I was raised in california and we will see where things go.

[Starbuck]

Originally Posted by sweetfemme247

Well I have lived in washington for 5 years now, not much of a lesbian scene in everett, seattle yes, but most of them are older then me and they dont want to date someone who is 25. Though I am going to school to be a nurse and such they still think of me as a partier(which I have never even been to a club) sad....... I am moving back to california in 7 days. Palm springs has alot of gays, not many lesbians.. I was raised in california and we will see where things go.

Good luck hon!

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Toughy

I live in Oakland.....the city with the highest number of lesbians per capita in this country. I have not been able to find anyone I want to date in a very long time. There are lots of b/f folks around here. I co-founded an active B/F Social group. There is community here.

Part of my problem has to do with age. If I wanted to date someone in the age range of my nieces/nephews (their 30s) it would be easy, but I can't do that.....it does not work for me......I tried it. The differences are profound.

So lack of dating opportunities is not always about where you live.

Toughy, is that the good news/bad news, lol?!

I wondered about that too, though just very recently started putting myself out there.

It is flattering to get a pm from a 39-40 year-old but there is a difference between being in your late 50's and someone 40... Like almost the age of my daughters and that gets into the creepy zone for me!

What is the answer then? Dating sites for lesbians? As I posted previously, there are women my age on them but they are full of femmes. I love my femme sisters but they don't ring my chimes in the same way butches do.

Where are all the butch lesbians my age? You can't all be paired up, can you?