Women-identified Lesbians Loving/Living with other Woman-identified Lesbians

[*Anya*]

I would like this thread to be for woman-identified lesbians that date/love/live/fuck; other woman-identified lesbians.

Do you have issues of concern involving our own lives ( that do not relate to any other thread already on the planet)?

Single? Difficulty finding a lesbian community with other lesbians?

A wonderful, supportive community of woman-identified lesbians?

Do tell....

[*Anya*]

I live in suburbia. Very suburbia. I live in a neighborhood surrounded by families with 2.5 children and mom & dad. There is one house within blocks of me with a rainbow flag.

Not the best choice for a single lesbian.

I don't like living in the heart of the city either. My youngest daughter & her family live in the heart of LA. I used to be able to drive to LA in the carpool lane with my Hybrid Honda until the CA legislature just took away the carpool lane stickers they gave us 5-years ago for buying a hybrid (thanks you fuckers), so last time I went to see her on a Saturday, it took me 1.5 hours on the freeway to drive about 30-minutes!

The heart of the city does have a lesbian community but not much of a butch-femme lesbian community. When I retire, if I am still single (oh god, please no), I will sell my house and move to an area not in the big city but with more of a lesbian presence.

How have the rest of you managed to find a place that you feel that you belong and that still has a vibrant lesbian community?

(Please note, this post says zero about separatism-so please do not go there!)

[lettertodaddy]

Originally Posted by Anya/Georgia

Single? Difficulty finding a lesbian community with other lesbians?

This is me in a nutshell. Just about all of the lesbians I know are partnered off. I don't like feeling like a fifth wheel, they don't seem to know any singles. I'm lucky I work in a place where not only are there a lot of lesbians, but most people tend to be queer-supportive, but I really wish I had a queer community that I could feel like I was a part of.

Right now the Planet fills that need for me.

[Medusa]

If I were not already partnered, the prospects of dating here in Arkansas would be abysmal, not because there aren't a ton of Lesbians here but more because many of the Lesbians here don't fall into the "Butch as Identity" category. (my primary desire)

It was difficult to meet people even at the Lesbian club in Little Rock because my appearance drew a lot of suspicion with folks who didn't understand that skirt and makeup didn't mean "straight woman has entered the wrong club".

The thing I have found is that when the local Lesbos figure out that I am "safe" (partnered), they tend to be much more friendly. I've made a lot of good friends but we are pretty spread out so it takes a little effort to get together. Most of my closest friends can be found here on this site

[Toughy]

I live in Oakland.....the city with the highest number of lesbians per capita in this country. I have not been able to find anyone I want to date in a very long time. There are lots of b/f folks around here. I co-founded an active B/F Social group. There is community here.

Part of my problem has to do with age. If I wanted to date someone in the age range of my nieces/nephews (their 30s) it would be easy, but I can't do that.....it does not work for me......I tried it. The differences are profound.

So lack of dating opportunities is not always about where you live.

[lettertodaddy]

Originally Posted by Toughy

Part of my problem has to do with age. If I wanted to date someone in the age range of my nieces/nephews (their 30s) it would be easy, but I can't do that.....it does not work for me......I tried it. The differences are profound.

I'm finding this to be a challenge as well. I don't know how much of it is real, or how much of it is in my own head, however. On paper there doesn't seem to be much difference between 35 and 43, but in my head, and in terms of where we are in our lives, there's a lot of difference. And I find that difference difficult to overcome.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by Toughy

I live in Oakland.....the city with the highest number of lesbians per capita in this country. I have not been able to find anyone I want to date in a very long time. There are lots of b/f folks around here. I co-founded an active B/F Social group. There is community here.

Part of my problem has to do with age. If I wanted to date someone in the age range of my nieces/nephews (their 30s) it would be easy, but I can't do that.....it does not work for me......I tried it. The differences are profound.

So lack of dating opportunities is not always about where you live.

Toughy, is that the good news/bad news, lol?!

I wondered about that too, though just very recently started putting myself out there.

It is flattering to get a pm from a 39-40 year-old but there is a difference between being in your late 50's and someone 40... Like almost the age of my daughters and that gets into the creepy zone for me!

What is the answer then? Dating sites for lesbians? As I posted previously, there are women my age on them but they are full of femmes. I love my femme sisters but they don't ring my chimes in the same way butches do.

Where are all the butch lesbians my age? You can't all be paired up, can you?

[WolfyOne]

I think I live in an area that is quite closeted when it comes to being OUT. I am single and older. Most of the lesbians I see around here are either too young or butch like myself. Maybe as I age, I just can't spot the femmes around here. Perhaps my gaydar is off, I don't know. I do think as we age, it's harder to find someone in or around your age group that isn't already partnered. For myself, I see one more move in my future, but it still won't put me in a place that has an older lesbian community or perhaps I should say an older lesbian community that is visible to my eyes. I don't need a huge community to be happy in life. All I really need is a partner that wants to share the same space as me in an area that is just gorgeous. I'm not in a hurry as I have other things to tend to first to get to where I need to be. Right now I have The Planet and it fills the emptiness I feel some days. I have some really good friends from here that have helped me through some trying times. As for me, I'm always looking forward to what a new day brings.

[Toughy]

My 16 yr relationship had an almost 9 years difference and that was not hard for me. She was around 25 and I was around 34 when we first got together. Funny thing was I met her at her college graduation party...she was 21 and I knew it was love at first sight.....<grin>. However I told her she had to be 25 before we ever got serious, plus she had a girlfriend at the time. 4 years later and living in different cities it became serious. Our age range stayed the same however she was 4 years older.....made a difference.

I'm 59 and mid 40's is the very very low end of my acceptable range. I have no upper limit. I dated a woman 20 years younger once and I doubt I would do it again. I've also dated about 6 years older.

I once heard you have to put yourself in a target-rich enviornments. Which means getting out of the house and doing things like museums (they all have free days), street fairs, concerts in the park, church/mosque/synagogue (yes I said that...... laughin) places and things you like to do, .....oh yeah......we all know when you quit look it shows up....

Anya......move to Long Beach darling and get your daughter to come to you....my understanding of So Cal is all the dykes are in LB and all the L word types are in LA.....laughin....

[sweetfemme247]

Well I have lived in washington for 5 years now, not much of a lesbian scene in everett, seattle yes, but most of them are older then me and they dont want to date someone who is 25. Though I am going to school to be a nurse and such they still think of me as a partier(which I have never even been to a club) sad....... I am moving back to california in 7 days. Palm springs has alot of gays, not many lesbians.. I was raised in california and we will see where things go.

[ArkansasPiscesGrrl]

Originally Posted by Medusa

If I were not already partnered, the prospects of dating here in Arkansas would be abysmal, not because there aren't a ton of Lesbians here but more because many of the Lesbians here don't fall into the "Butch as Identity" category. (my primary desire)

It was difficult to meet people even at the Lesbian club in Little Rock because my appearance drew a lot of suspicion with folks who didn't understand that skirt and makeup didn't mean "straight woman has entered the wrong club".

The thing I have found is that when the local Lesbos figure out that I am "safe" (partnered), they tend to be much more friendly. I've made a lot of good friends but we are pretty spread out so it takes a little effort to get together. Most of my closest friends can be found here on this site

Medusa, your post just was exactly what I needed to hear....NOT! LOL No, seriously, I kinda knew that when I moved here from south FL, it was going to be a much different feel for me. I had a large network of lesbian friends, in the Recovery area (we had a couple of large lesbian AA meetings there), in the leather community, and a much more OPEN attitude. I was partnered with a butch woman, and though I wasn't involved with a specific b/f social group, there were plenty of couples who fit that dynamic.

When I had decided to move here, my sponsor encouraged me to come and "find my tribe", in other words to put myself out there to find other lesbians. I mean, I do have my bio family here, my kids and grandkids. I have people that I have gotten to know in the recovery life. My family, my recovery, my work, all seem to keep me busy and keeps my focus away from the fact that once again I am single (and NOT liking it!)

Frankly, the whole idea of dating, of putting myself "out there" is intimidating. There is such a self-perceived notion that "everyone is staying in the closet" or "everyone is already partnered" or no one would accept me or want me because "_______(age,size,age,past,age, etc)" LOL

So what i think I want to do is just hopefully just make friends. Friends to hang with, to go to movies with, to dinner, to go fishing with, things like that. If something ever comes from that, that would be wonderful, but in the meantime I won't have felt that lonely sick "OMG I will die ALONE" tape that plays in my head sometimes!

When I met my last gf, and we were spending that lovely "getting to know you" time, it was wonderful! I wonder if I will feel and experience that again.

[bigbutchmistie]

I have been single for years. And it seems to me here in Big D that its pretty much girly girls on girly girls. I hear alot that butch women arent what they seek. Even going to clubs from time to time I hear that. How crazy is that living in Big D ? LOL

[paintedleofemme]

I live in central Washington. the city that I live in has an ok gay community but its just that, gay, not really lesbian. Here in Yakima its mostly butch on butch love or older lesbians who are at a different place in time than me, or butches who are into drugs or open relationships, it makes it hard.

[sanee66]

medusa said If I were not already partnered, the prospects of dating here in Arkansas would be abysmal, not because there aren't a ton of Lesbians here but more because many of the Lesbians here don't fall into the "Butch as Identity" category. (my primary desire)
The thing I have found is that when the local Lesbos figure out that I am "safe" (partnered), they tend to be much more friendly


same boat here, even just wanting a butch or trans friend, cant find them, i cant believe they are all taken, sometimes i think they are more sensitive than us femmes, and once they have been hurt, they will not come out again lol

[sweetiefemme]

Originally Posted by paintedleofemme

I live in central Washington. the city that I live in has an ok gay community but its just that, gay, not really lesbian. Here in Yakima its mostly butch on butch love or older lesbians who are at a different place in time than me, or butches who are into drugs or open relationships, it makes it hard.

Hello Painted, I am on the same side of WA as you, nice to meet you.

I don't think there is a gay/lesbian community where I live.
The few people I know in town are my ex and her friends, so leaves me with nothing. I however come from Eugene OR, and I have to say there is a good mix of gay/lesbians there for a smaller city, and the straight people are very open minded.

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by sweetiefemme

I however come from Eugene OR, and I have to say there is a good mix of gay/lesbians there for a smaller city, and the straight people are very open minded.

Small world, my 1st love, a femme, moved to Eugene after we split. There was a thriving lesbian community last time I visited her there but it has been a while so that may have changed.

[kissinfemme]

I'm from a small, very conservative, right wing "church" town (there are 153 churches here) & there is no "open" lgbt community where I live at all.... Butch women? Forget it! I think my ex is the only butch in town.

For any type of lgbt atmosphere I have to travel at least 3 hours... I live for gay pride in June to get my fill till the next summer.... so I finally decided to do something in my own town.... I started a PFLAG chapter here in the hopes of stimulating (no pun intended) the lgbt community & to some degree has worked... with the younger crowd. If there are available butch women in this town, around my age, they're hiding out & I don't appreciate it! lol In the year we've been around we've had our first prom, which was fabulous but mostly young kids.... in October we're having a Masquerade Ball, hopefully more adults will turn out... it's important that we know we're not alone here or in this life, especially our life.

kissinfemme

[CherylNYC]

The bad news is that I haven't been finding many butch women that fit my criteria, either. I live in NYC, so like Toughy I'm thirsty in an oasis. It seems to be hard to find partners everywhere, but I'm really grateful for a thriving lgbt community. I try not to take that for granted.

[NorCalStud]

If u are in santa rosa , albuq, or gallup. Im passing thru tomorrow

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by paintedleofemme

I live in central Washington. the city that I live in has an ok gay community but its just that, gay, not really lesbian. Here in Yakima its mostly butch on butch love or older lesbians who are at a different place in time than me, or butches who are into drugs or open relationships, it makes it hard.

I'm so sorry you live in Yakima...........move........I say move and move now!!!!

By the way............what does open relationship mean to you? when do you decided it's a closed relationship.........