My Best Friend

[Blade]

I have had a few best friends in my life, you now at different ages and stages. I'll be back with more in a while. Great thread topic Diva.

[Just_G]

Great thread Nizzle!

I have several different best friends, as I hang out with several different groups of people and there are different things that I am close to each one of them about.

First there is Cheech....he is the guy I can talk to about girls; we do a boy's night out a couple of times a month so we can talk about certain things that only WE get about each other. We are a lot alike in so many ways and have similar mindsets when it comes to a lot of things.

Second, there is Dawn....she is my best friend that I can talk to about anything and she does not judge me. She will tell me what she thinks, and it might not be what I want to hear, but she tells me anyway because our friendship allows that....needs that. She has been awesome about calming down when I get all worked up and start freaking out about going back to school. Her partner Jen is helping me with some grants and scholarship stuff. It is great when your best friend's partner is someone you get along with...sometimes that doesn't happen and it puts a strain on the relationship.

Third, there is my sister....while I don't talk to her about girls or let her know how stressed out I am about school (because I don't want her to worry about me), she is the one I talk to about family stuff, and we are karaoke buddies. She always looks out for me, and if anyone fucked with her, they would have to answer to ME!

I have a lot of really close, tight knit friends....some knit wit friends ....but I hold my friends very dear to my heart and would do anything I could for any of them within limits of the law and my means. I have a couple from this site...you know who you are....and at times I have referred to them as a best friend. I don't have just one....there are no rules that say you can't!

[Andrew, Jr.]

I have some very close friends. The ones who stand by me no matter what. The kind that defend me, and tell it how it is. The ones who help me out when I need it, or tell me to get off my ass. At the end of every conversation we all tell each other that we love each other. It is our cardinal rule.

It is very sad that some folks have no idea of what it is to have a close friend of either femme or butch or ftm/mtf, etc.

Andrew

[IrishGrrl]

The reason I dont have a bestfriend right now..is because so many times I"ve met femmes, and been on the recieving end of such catty behavior, I wash my hands of them. I'm distrustful of those who smile in your face, and talk behind your back. I'm distrustful of those who always have drama going on around them..always a bicker with others. Judgemental..passive agressive..fakes. Nope, I'd rather just have my periferal friends..thanks. Neither do I look for pity. I'm quite happy with the way things are. The wish for a best friend is the wish to find someone who is honest in thier dealings, can have a grown up conversation, and be real.

[shariberry]

I have 3 types of best friends.

I have a best friend from high school. Even though we don't talk often or see each other hardly EVER, when we do reconnect, it's like old times right away. I couldn't imagine my life without her.

I have Diva who is my all-of-the-time best friend. In 2003 I saw her slump from her chair so gracefully without spilling a drop of her wine, and I knew she was the one for me. We judge each other honestly, kindly and forgivingly, and our quirks balance each other out. When we get together, we are like a two-femme comedy team-she makes me laugh constantly. AND I know she will snatch those diamond earrings off in a second to defend me (be very frightened).

I also have Chad, who is my partner/best friend. He makes me feel safe and loved and we take care of each other. We share our hopes and dreams and fears.

[IttyBittyFem]

Funny how a year can change things . . . . .

My two sisters (one a year older than I - the other a year younger than I) have ALWAYS been my best friends. We could go to each other for anything.

As young children, we fought. Someone borrowed a dress without asking <screaming> Mom - tell her to give it back. Who borrowed those shoes <shouting> Mom - one of the girls took my shoes and now they're all scuffed up. Who looked at my Diary <yelling> Mom - someone was looking at my Diary, I can tell by the way it was put back.

Ah, those were the days!

Then one day - we realized we were adults . . . where did the time go? My sisters then became more than just sisters. We became each others confidant - supporters - best friends.

Once a month, a mandatory "Sisters Day". Didn't really matter what we did, dinner, shopping, sitting at each others kitchen tables with a cup of tea. For years, we kept this routine. Three way calls - another necessity. God forbid someone had news, we didn't share it unless all three of us were on the phone together.

Years passed - our devotion to one another never waivers. Then . . .

DEATH: We lost our beloved Father, the leader of the family, the one man that could do no wrong, our everything. It destroyed us all.

We all mourned differently - we have lost loved ones over the years, but never did we lose someone that hit us with this magnitude.

We all knew we needed space - just a little bit of time to all work through this on our own. Only a few months went by . . . . then . . . .

CANCER: First one sister - one month later, the other sister. A few months later, then Mom. Cancer sneaked in to them all.

We hadn't learned how to cope yet, a piece of our hearts had gone with Dad, we're still not complete, how do we now tackle this? We are still going through it with Mom. Death and Cancer has torn each one of us away from one another. More separation . . . .

My sisters needed a different type of support than I could offer. They leaned on spouses, other victims they met through treatment.

My life took a different turn, a horrible accident at work has temporarily disabled me. Healing I'm told, will take close to 2 years.

More change, I became single again. I needed my sisters. They were fighting Cancer. More separation . . .

Mom's Cancer has spread. The Mastectomy didn't catch it all. So now we're preparing. All in different ways again. More change. More separation . . .

Fear has now set in. Fear that we will drag each other down even further keeps us apart.

I miss my Sisters, they were my best friends, we could go to each other for anything.

I know we'll drift back. Once we all come back from this very dark and black place we know as grief, we'll come back to one another.

Until that day, I remain lost - solitary - alone.

One day, it will all come back, come back as it should be, come back as we've all learned our lesson on how to cope individually, we'll come back.

My message to all of you, tell your best friend how much you love them. Hold on to one another when difficult times arise, don't let go for a minute. As a best friend, you want to save them from the darkness. Allow them to come with you. Should you let go, you'll become sequestered. Hold on to one another and never let go.

[QueenofQueens]

To be clear, I am posting as a mod.

We have received reports from this thread and I have to say, it makes me sad to see social intrigues played out under guise of positivity. I recall these sorts of painful games from when I was a little girl. I never understood them then and I still don't. Maybe that's why those who I count as friends are few and far between and they are absolutely precious to me.

True friendship is a rare commodity. It is not necessarily synonymous with social success. In my opinion, neither true friendship nor social success should be lorded over anyone or trumpeted in a way that is hurtful. Who among us can't remember the terrible pain caused by the feeling of exclusion from a clique or social scene? Do we really need to re-enact that as adults who are members of an already marginalized group? Really?

This is a general reminder to all thread participants to keep all personal issues private. These forums are NOT a place to work out issues via passive aggressive posts. Please try to work out your issues privately, with adult conversations. If you are unable or unwilling, that is your choice, but veiled references to other community members, splashing drama and taking swipes in these forums is not an acceptable alternative.


WORK EET OUT! YOU CAN DO EET!

xox
QoQ

[Sachita]

I read that too and my heart leaped. Thank you for starting this thread.

I have two best friends. They are my sisters. It's that simple. Its not because they are my sisters but truly my closest friends. I can tell my sisters anything and no matter what, any time, any hour if one of us says "we need you" everything is dropped, no questions asked and we go.

What I always hoped for and wanted was a partner & lover that was also my best friend. People talk about this and I think it would be so unbelievable to wake up each day and see the smile of a person that totally fulfills you in every way.

[Diva]

When I was in elementary school, my best friend was Leslie .....we both loved music and would sing together all the time. We were in the same class in 2nd, 4th and 5th grades, went to the same church and she lived just down the street from me, so of course, we had sleep~overs all the time.

We went to different high schools and even though we still went to the same church, we sorta drifted apart. When my Dad passed away 3 years ago, she was at the funeral, and afterwards, we sat and talked as though no time had passed. I love when that happens!

I also had a dear friend in high school ~ Claire ~ I named my oldest child, Melody Claire, after her. She was a free spirit and the one who 'encouraged' me to pierce my own ears. With a corsage pin! (How my ears didn't fall off, I do NOT know!) We went to different colleges, but wrote often. She was my maid on honor when I got married, and when she got married, I was pregnant with Melody Claire and I sang for hers.

Then we got busy in our own lives and lost touch. But we found each other by accident, really, when I was living in Dallas. She lived in a Ft. Worth suburb. Of course, now I hate her because she looked about the same! But again.....we didn't miss a beat. And over lunch, I came out to her and she didn't bat an eye. I will always love her for that.