Original Bad Prose or Stories!

SoNotHer · 09-24-2011, 02:04 AM

OMG

This is laugh out loud stuff, A/G!

I love it and the gauntlet has indeed been thrown down.

Time to get cooking....

SoNotHer · 09-24-2011, 09:57 AM

Beulah had long suffered the fact that her attempts to capture the coveted “Perfect Peaks” award for the 'gazooms that garnered the longest and most genuine gawking' were for naught, especially when Tussy LaMare was in the running and threatening to fire candy corn from a whirly gig mounted to her devils dumplings, if she lost. Nevertheless and consequently, her sense of good sportsmanship challenged to its absolute limit, Beulah decided that this year, “Second Best Breasts” was simply not good enough.[/SIZE]

*Anya* · 09-24-2011, 10:52 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoNotHer

Beulah had long suffered the fact that her attempts to capture the coveted “Perfect Peaks” award for the 'gazooms that garnered the longest and most genuine gawking' were for naught, especially when Tussy LaMare was in the running and threatening to fire candy corn from a whirly gig mounted to her devils dumplings, if she lost. Nevertheless and consequently, her sense of good sportsmanship challenged to its absolute limit, Beulah decided that this year, “Second Best Breasts” was simply not good enough.[/SIZE]

Oh my sister! LOL

OK, I will work on a shortie, a one paragraph one but doubt I can top yours for a sheer, sheer wonderful use of words and turn of phrase!

But, I will try!

SoNotHer · 09-24-2011, 01:04 PM

Eagerly awaiting the next entry, A/G

Laissez les mal mots rollez!

Elijah · 09-24-2011, 01:47 PM

*snickers @ devils dumplings

Quote:

Originally Posted by SoNotHer

Beulah had long suffered the fact that her attempts to capture the coveted “Perfect Peaks” award for the 'gazooms that garnered the longest and most genuine gawking' were for naught, especially when Tussy LaMare was in the running and threatening to fire candy corn from a whirly gig mounted to her devils dumplings, if she lost. Nevertheless and consequently, her sense of good sportsmanship challenged to its absolute limit, Beulah decided that this year, “Second Best Breasts” was simply not good enough.[/SIZE]

Cin · 01-02-2012, 05:57 PM

Not sure exactly what works in here but I think this fits the bill for very bad prose:

I had been waiting for this moment for all eternity and would have waited for a thousand forevers if it came to that and consider myself fortunate for the speed of it all and now that it was here I planned to slow down time and make it last that eternity that I had waited so patiently for and as my sword of plenty entered her vacuum of need I wondered just how long forever could be.

Truly Scrumptious · 01-02-2012, 06:00 PM

I actually entered the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest (the yearly challenge to compose the opening sentence of the worst of all possible novels) twice:

“Say you’ll marry me”, pleaded the furnace repair man as he gazed down at Big Thelma who beamed up at him from bended knees, silently thanking her lucky stars that she’d forgotten to put her teeth in.

“That’s life” she said to everyone in general and no one in particular as she sucked back the last of her bourbon & branch and thoughtfully twirled a strand of her moustache through her fingers.

*Anya* · 01-02-2012, 06:28 PM

She loved her eyes, though one was blue and other, a shade of Harlequin green that at one angle almost appeared yellow, so she always tried to remember to turn her head to the right when people looked at her, so then that eye did appear more green but it hurt her neck to always tilt her head at an 80 degree angle and it was still a problem because people never quite knew if they should look into her green eye or her blue, so instead they tried to look at her nose but since it had been fractured and never properly set, her nose tilted to the left and it was so confusing, people would turn around and walk away, rather than have to deal with such a vexing situation.

Truly Scrumptious · 01-02-2012, 08:10 PM

Her lower lip quivered and her creamy bosom heaved in time with her hopes as they rose and fell while she waited delicately perched on the edge of what could be a dream but might break her heart depending on whether or not she heard the words “will you accept this rose?”

09-24-2011, 02:04 AM	#1
SoNotHer Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Professional Sandbagger and Jenga Zumba Instructor Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: In the master control room of my world domination dreams Posts: 2,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,587 Thanked 4,736 Times in 1,409 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	"..as vivid as Dante's 7th" OMG This is laugh out loud stuff, A/G! I love it and the gauntlet has indeed been thrown down. Time to get cooking.... __________________ "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." ~ Albert Camus

09-24-2011, 09:57 AM	#2
SoNotHer Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Professional Sandbagger and Jenga Zumba Instructor Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: In the master control room of my world domination dreams Posts: 2,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,587 Thanked 4,736 Times in 1,409 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Beulah had long suffered the fact that her attempts to capture the coveted “Perfect Peaks” award for the 'gazooms that garnered the longest and most genuine gawking' were for naught, especially when Tussy LaMare was in the running and threatening to fire candy corn from a whirly gig mounted to her devils dumplings, if she lost. Nevertheless and consequently, her sense of good sportsmanship challenged to its absolute limit, Beulah decided that this year, “Second Best Breasts” was simply not good enough.[/SIZE] __________________ "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." ~ Albert Camus Last edited by SoNotHer; 09-24-2011 at 09:57 AM. Reason: font size yikes!

09-24-2011, 01:04 PM	#4
SoNotHer Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Professional Sandbagger and Jenga Zumba Instructor Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: In the master control room of my world domination dreams Posts: 2,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,587 Thanked 4,736 Times in 1,409 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Eagerly awaiting the next entry, A/G Laissez les mal mots rollez! __________________ "In the depth of winter, I finally learned that within me there lay an invincible summer." ~ Albert Camus

01-02-2012, 05:57 PM	#6
Cin Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Truly Madly Deeply Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: In My Head Posts: 2,814 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,333 Thanked 10,406 Times in 2,476 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Not sure exactly what works in here but I think this fits the bill for very bad prose: I had been waiting for this moment for all eternity and would have waited for a thousand forevers if it came to that and consider myself fortunate for the speed of it all and now that it was here I planned to slow down time and make it last that eternity that I had waited so patiently for and as my sword of plenty entered her vacuum of need I wondered just how long forever could be. __________________ The reason facts don’t change most people’s opinions is because most people don’t use facts to form their opinions. They use their opinions to form their “facts.” Neil Strauss

01-02-2012, 06:28 PM	#8
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,457 Times in 7,284 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Bad, bad writing She loved her eyes, though one was blue and other, a shade of Harlequin green that at one angle almost appeared yellow, so she always tried to remember to turn her head to the right when people looked at her, so then that eye did appear more green but it hurt her neck to always tilt her head at an 80 degree angle and it was still a problem because people never quite knew if they should look into her green eye or her blue, so instead they tried to look at her nose but since it had been fractured and never properly set, her nose tilted to the left and it was so confusing, people would turn around and walk away, rather than have to deal with such a vexing situation. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

01-02-2012, 06:00 PM	#7
Truly Scrumptious Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: She's my mirror twin, my next of kin Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Entre Lajeunesse et la sagesse Posts: 667 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,047 Thanked 1,780 Times in 557 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	I actually entered the Bulwer-Lytton Fiction contest (the yearly challenge to compose the opening sentence of the worst of all possible novels) twice: “Say you’ll marry me”, pleaded the furnace repair man as he gazed down at Big Thelma who beamed up at him from bended knees, silently thanking her lucky stars that she’d forgotten to put her teeth in. “That’s life” she said to everyone in general and no one in particular as she sucked back the last of her bourbon & branch and thoughtfully twirled a strand of her moustache through her fingers.

01-02-2012, 08:10 PM	#9
Truly Scrumptious Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: She's my mirror twin, my next of kin Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Entre Lajeunesse et la sagesse Posts: 667 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,047 Thanked 1,780 Times in 557 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	Her lower lip quivered and her creamy bosom heaved in time with her hopes as they rose and fell while she waited delicately perched on the edge of what could be a dream but might break her heart depending on whether or not she heard the words “will you accept this rose?”