Ireparably Broken?

Sachita · 10-03-2011, 06:17 AM

I spent almost 3 years in a haze of anger, sadness and loneliness. I decided to channel all of that into something positive for my life and focused on my home and businesses. After a few years I did date some but nothing held my interest or came close to what I had.

But there was someone who woke me up in a very deep passionate way. It was intense and I felt myself come alive with passion like nothing ever before. But it was crazy and for years a bit insane. I often said if I could combine these two people I would have the ultimate mate.

My salvation through both of these is meditation. I turn inward and build emotional strength within me. I try not to focus on how I feel about others and when others move into my emotional space I quickly move them out unless that are feeding my spirit. These days is much quicker probably because I feel weaken by this last love/lust interest. It's a hard thing to shake even though I know loving hym always hurts me. But pain brings growth and change. In fact I am convinced that all love, even painful is intended to teach us to love ourselves if we chose to allow it.

Amber2010 · 10-03-2011, 08:23 AM

I spent years disconnected because of betrayal and hurt from someone I loved with all my heart. Still to this day this seems to happen to me. The ones I trust the most seem able to hurt me the most. I think sometimes I trust to much and love unconditionally that I put myself in these situations. I do finally try to focus on myself. I can't change how this person acts or feels towards me I can only change my attitude and try so hard to move on. Exercise is a release for me. It helps me sleep and get through the night without thinking what did I do to derserve this. I am trying to tell myself I didn't do it that if I can't be accepted as I am I must move on and not let my life be ruined by this person. No matter how much I love her I must move on. It is just so hard to do!

nobelcarrot69 · 10-03-2011, 09:09 AM

I don't know anyone here and I'm just starting out on this site. But if I may share my experiences for what they are worth. I hope I'm not crossing a line being new here. Yeras ago I was with a compulsive liar. Typical story I suppose, although nothing seems typical when it's YOU it happens to. She contantly lied about everything, cheated on me, and sucked me dry financially. Left me to clean up all the messes she created. I was angry, brokenhearted, confused, depressed, I felt so many different things on any givien day but none of them were pleasant. I was overwhelmed with grief and knew after 5 months of not making any leeway, I needed help. After 3 years of therapy I see things for what they are and I am a better person for it. I am so glad I sought help. Maybe you should try that, it worked for me.

Soft*Silver · 10-03-2011, 10:24 AM

I am there right now. I have a re-occurrence of PTSD, from what I am told. I had a severely abusive relationship in my early 30s and after a string of pretty bad relationships this decade, I am re-experiencing the trauma from the original one. I have tried to have relationships since that last string but found i couldnt trust, and got all squirrely in my head. The fear was overwhelming.

I have a great compromise. I have a sweet submissive who is able to wonderfully deal and not tread on my issues. Its very therapeutic for me. Wholesome even.

I have a friend I love so much but it remains a friendship because, amongst many things, I am so broken. I have discovered over time that I can only love as a friend. Not as a lover....

I would rather cut off my hand than try to have another relationship. Seriously. Ask someone to go stand in traffic...same response.

I dont want to change. Its safer here. I am happier here.

girl_dee · 11-07-2011, 06:11 AM

I've always felt bent after a relationship, but not broken. Katrina, now that broke me. My spirit has never been the same since. Although breakups are hard, they do exist. I can bet that almost every single one of us can look back and say *I knew that was not going to work*. Did we get the facts and look at them? Did we ignore certain behaviors? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Two people tried, it didn't work, hopefully you can both learn a valuable lesson in that and move on, then you will be ready when the one comes along that does really work for you.

I don't believe we are all meant to be with one person forever, and I don't regret a single experience, I do regret however staying too long when I knew things were bad and allowing myself to be an enabler to others' critical issues. I have this need to *fix* people. You cannot fix people that don't want the help, and you must fix yourself before you can fix anything. It IS however easier to try to fix another person, than yourself. I've loved and shared my life with some very incredible people and also learned that there is only so much I can deal with, regardless of what someone else's issues.

CockyDude · 11-07-2011, 06:50 AM

Irreparably broken? Unfortunately yes some things are. That is because of choices we or someone else made. We also choose to mourn, regret and/or not be able to move on. I personally choose to regret nothing regardless how painful. I view it as a learning experience. If I learned nothing, shame on me because I'm bound to make the same mistakes and endure the same pain again. Having said that, when we try to move forward and open our heart and soul to someone else, it's not fair to lay our emotional baggage on that person. Love like life is a constant learning curve and a great risk. Someone once said "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I feel that is a very profound statement. The heart wants what the heart wants. We all deserve to be happy. To be loved.

ruffryder · 11-07-2011, 08:03 AM

I think we all have a disconnect when getting out of a relationship, especially an abusive one whether it be emotional or physical. You go back and forth with your feelings and may blame yourself or wonder what you could have done differently. In reality, it's not your fault. This is what we need to learn to realize and let go of. Also, forgiveness for what the other person did. This is the longest time I have been single in relationships, going on over 2 years now and I still struggle with it. I am a stronger person because of it however. I have taken these 2 years to discover myself and find my peace and happiness in life. I have not let very many people into my space. I think you may need to give it time. There may be people interested in you, but if you are not ready you will not be able to offer them the emotions and love in return that is required in a relationship if you still feel a disconnect from your previous relation. I don't think you are broken either, but you do need some healing and time for yourself. The right person will understand, respect that and be by your side for that support. Only you will know when it is time again. Thanks for the thread. Hang in there and don't be so tough on yourself. Enjoy life and all the wonderful things it offers.

10-03-2011, 06:17 AM	#1
Sachita Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Alpha Femme Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Completely in love Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Southern Virginia Posts: 3,225 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,564 Thanked 8,992 Times in 2,247 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	I spent almost 3 years in a haze of anger, sadness and loneliness. I decided to channel all of that into something positive for my life and focused on my home and businesses. After a few years I did date some but nothing held my interest or came close to what I had. But there was someone who woke me up in a very deep passionate way. It was intense and I felt myself come alive with passion like nothing ever before. But it was crazy and for years a bit insane. I often said if I could combine these two people I would have the ultimate mate. My salvation through both of these is meditation. I turn inward and build emotional strength within me. I try not to focus on how I feel about others and when others move into my emotional space I quickly move them out unless that are feeding my spirit. These days is much quicker probably because I feel weaken by this last love/lust interest. It's a hard thing to shake even though I know loving hym always hurts me. But pain brings growth and change. In fact I am convinced that all love, even painful is intended to teach us to love ourselves if we chose to allow it. __________________ You either like me or you don't. It took me Twenty-something years to learn how to love myself, I don't have that kinda time to convince somebody else. ~ Daniel Franzese

10-03-2011, 09:09 AM	#3
nobelcarrot69 Junior Member How Do You Identify?: me Preferred Pronoun?: Is this a trick question? Relationship Status: cheated and mistreated never again Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: It's very pretty Posts: 31 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 52 Thanked 73 Times in 23 Posts Rep Power: 1221577	Oh my I don't know anyone here and I'm just starting out on this site. But if I may share my experiences for what they are worth. I hope I'm not crossing a line being new here. Yeras ago I was with a compulsive liar. Typical story I suppose, although nothing seems typical when it's YOU it happens to. She contantly lied about everything, cheated on me, and sucked me dry financially. Left me to clean up all the messes she created. I was angry, brokenhearted, confused, depressed, I felt so many different things on any givien day but none of them were pleasant. I was overwhelmed with grief and knew after 5 months of not making any leeway, I needed help. After 3 years of therapy I see things for what they are and I am a better person for it. I am so glad I sought help. Maybe you should try that, it worked for me.

10-03-2011, 10:24 AM	#4
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,594 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,896 Times in 4,064 Posts Rep Power*: 21474858	I am there right now. I have a re-occurrence of PTSD, from what I am told. I had a severely abusive relationship in my early 30s and after a string of pretty bad relationships this decade, I am re-experiencing the trauma from the original one. I have tried to have relationships since that last string but found i couldnt trust, and got all squirrely in my head. The fear was overwhelming. I have a great compromise. I have a sweet submissive who is able to wonderfully deal and not tread on my issues. Its very therapeutic for me. Wholesome even. I have a friend I love so much but it remains a friendship because, amongst many things, I am so broken. I have discovered over time that I can only love as a friend. Not as a lover.... I would rather cut off my hand than try to have another relationship. Seriously. Ask someone to go stand in traffic...same response. I dont want to change. Its safer here. I am happier here. __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

11-07-2011, 06:50 AM	#6
CockyDude Timed Out How Do You Identify?: FTM-man Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him Relationship Status: What is today? Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Midwest Posts: 239 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 151 Thanked 420 Times in 141 Posts Rep Power: 0	I'll try to be brief Irreparably broken? Unfortunately yes some things are. That is because of choices we or someone else made. We also choose to mourn, regret and/or not be able to move on. I personally choose to regret nothing regardless how painful. I view it as a learning experience. If I learned nothing, shame on me because I'm bound to make the same mistakes and endure the same pain again. Having said that, when we try to move forward and open our heart and soul to someone else, it's not fair to lay our emotional baggage on that person. Love like life is a constant learning curve and a great risk. Someone once said "It is better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." I feel that is a very profound statement. The heart wants what the heart wants. We all deserve to be happy. To be loved.

10-03-2011, 08:23 AM	#2
Amber2010 Member How Do You Identify?: Happy, Crazy, Bubbly, Funny, Strong, Outgoing, Friendly Preferred Pronoun?: Femme Relationship Status: Complicated Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: Florida Posts: 200 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 920 Thanked 594 Times in 154 Posts Rep Power: 3787185	I spent years disconnected because of betrayal and hurt from someone I loved with all my heart. Still to this day this seems to happen to me. The ones I trust the most seem able to hurt me the most. I think sometimes I trust to much and love unconditionally that I put myself in these situations. I do finally try to focus on myself. I can't change how this person acts or feels towards me I can only change my attitude and try so hard to move on. Exercise is a release for me. It helps me sleep and get through the night without thinking what did I do to derserve this. I am trying to tell myself I didn't do it that if I can't be accepted as I am I must move on and not let my life be ruined by this person. No matter how much I love her I must move on. It is just so hard to do!

11-07-2011, 06:11 AM	#5
girl_dee Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: dee Relationship Status: Hitched up Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Livin’ the Dream Posts: 24,079 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 30,560 Thanked 54,829 Times in 13,908 Posts Rep Power: 21474874	I've always felt bent after a relationship, but not broken. Katrina, now that broke me. My spirit has never been the same since. Although breakups are hard, they do exist. I can bet that almost every single one of us can look back and say I knew that was not going to work. Did we get the facts and look at them? Did we ignore certain behaviors? Sometimes yes, sometimes no. Two people tried, it didn't work, hopefully you can both learn a valuable lesson in that and move on, then you will be ready when the one comes along that does really work for you. I don't believe we are all meant to be with one person forever, and I don't regret a single experience, I do regret however staying too long when I knew things were bad and allowing myself to be an enabler to others' critical issues. I have this need to fix people. You cannot fix people that don't want the help, and you must fix yourself before you can fix anything. It IS however easier to try to fix another person, than yourself. I've loved and shared my life with some very incredible people and also learned that there is only so much I can deal with, regardless of what someone else's issues.

11-07-2011, 08:03 AM	#7
ruffryder Senior Member How Do You Identify?: FTM Preferred Pronoun?: guy ones Relationship Status: ... Join Date: May 2011 Location: chillin' in FL Posts: 3,690 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,951 Thanked 9,679 Times in 2,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	I think we all have a disconnect when getting out of a relationship, especially an abusive one whether it be emotional or physical. You go back and forth with your feelings and may blame yourself or wonder what you could have done differently. In reality, it's not your fault. This is what we need to learn to realize and let go of. Also, forgiveness for what the other person did. This is the longest time I have been single in relationships, going on over 2 years now and I still struggle with it. I am a stronger person because of it however. I have taken these 2 years to discover myself and find my peace and happiness in life. I have not let very many people into my space. I think you may need to give it time. There may be people interested in you, but if you are not ready you will not be able to offer them the emotions and love in return that is required in a relationship if you still feel a disconnect from your previous relation. I don't think you are broken either, but you do need some healing and time for yourself. The right person will understand, respect that and be by your side for that support. Only you will know when it is time again. Thanks for the thread. Hang in there and don't be so tough on yourself. Enjoy life and all the wonderful things it offers.