"This is my truth"

[Nat]

I'm tutoring a very advanced English language learner who is a scientist. She aced out of the GED prep manual for English, so we are working mostly on increasing her vocabulary, tweaking her grammar and punctuation, increasing her listening/word-recognition abilities (she says she often misses the meaning behind stories and jokes because she misses a few critical words). Anyway, I'm having her listen to Ted talks and write down the parts she doesn't understand. The last one she chose was a talk by Isabel Allende who started out her speech with a question: what is truer than truth? Her answer was "the story."

My tutee did not understand how this question made any logical sense. In fact, over and over again, she has known the literal meaning of the word, but not the figurative ways in which the same word can be used. I don't know if this has more to do with her scientific brain or if her 1st language (Farsi) is more distinct in the words used to express literal vs figurative stuff. So I am constantly challenged to try to explain stuff that I haven't ever thought twice about - to a person far more intelligent than I am. It's an enjoyable challenge.

Anyway, in trying to explain Allende's question, this was pretty much the answer I gave her:

In the science world, truth is based on facts. So in your work-life I imagine most people will speak about truth meaning factual, actual truth.

But in English, there is another idea of truth that's not necessarily related to facts. So especially when you are listening to non-sciency people, you may hear "truth" used more to mean something personal or something from your heart or an abstract idea. It might be a religious idea or it may be related to the idea that there is a truth at a deeper level than facts can reveal.

But I didn't get into the, "this is my truth," conversation. I wish I'd thought of it. I don't have trouble with most, "this is my truth," statements and I have probably used the phrase a few times myself. My understanding of, "this is my truth," is that it's an attempt to acknowledge that we have each had our own life experiences which have shaped for each of us how we view and interact with the world. I think it's a statement that tries to set a tone which doesn't impose one's own thoughts, beliefs, filters, lens, what-have-you on others - and in that way I see it as a respectful and humble way to begin to express something possibly unpopular. But I have also seen it used as a defensive way to plug one's own ears in the face of challenge, as a way to deny or escape accusation of prejudice or ignorance.

When it comes to evidence, science, math - I don't believe in personal "truth." When it comes to defense against actual knowledge, defense against learning, I don't believe in personal "truth." But in matters of personal experience, in the realms of the heart and of the spirit, I believe very much in personal truth and I think there's enough room in the world for anybody to acknowledge having one.

The other day, I mentioned aquatic ape theory to AJ and she said there were a lot of holes in it. I wouldn't say "aquatic ape theory is my personal truth." it's just a theory that catches my fancy. I'm neither a scientist nor a mathematician, so I live more in the world of figurative individual truth than I do in the world of factual truth.

I'm not down with that triple helix ish though. My personal truth is that she needs to be held down and corrected.

[Cin]

Nat's post got me thinking about something that happened this morning. I guess it's a little off topic but if you tilt your head and think figuratively rather than literally it might fit okay.

People have often told me that I’m literal. They say things like you take things too literally or you need to stop being so literal and so forth. I have steadfastly refused to accept their observations. Instead I have always maintained that I am simply taking people at their exact word in an attempt to get them to be accountable for the actual words they say rather than me trying to interpret what they could mean by what they say. I have always believed this is a fair and clear way to communicate. And I have always had a need for clarity. I don’t believe I’m incapable of figurative thought. I have always been able to understand the possible meanings and interpretations behind a statement or an action. I just prefer to take people at their word.

Besides that I have always believed being literal means lacking the ability for abstract thought or lacking imagination. I conflate it with seeing the world in black and white. I looked up the meaning of literal today and this is what I found:

Literal
1. in accordance with, involving, or being the primary or strict meaning of the word or words; not figurative or metaphorical: the literal meaning of a word.
2. following the words of the original very closely and exactly: a literal translation of Goethe.
3. true to fact; not exaggerated; actual or factual: a literal description of conditions.
4. being actually such, without exaggeration or inaccuracy: the literal extermination of a city.
5. (of persons) tending to construe words in the strict sense or in an unimaginative way; matter-of-fact; prosaic.

I still want to refute the claim that I am too literal. But something happened this morning that is making me rethink my position.

Me: “You want some yogurt for breakfast.”

A: “Sure bring me a small bowl.”

Me: “You mean those tiny ramekins.”

A: “No, in a regular cereal bowl.”

Me: “Well, they only come in one size.”

A: (with a sigh, cause life with me is quite exhausting between my need for clarity and my literal interpretation of things.) “Just put a small amount of yogurt IN the bowl.”

Me: {with wonder as light dawns on Marblehead) “Oh I get it, you used ‘a small bowl’ to refer to the quantity in the bowl. Like a small portion or a small piece.”

A: Yes dear, that’s right. That’s EXACTLY right.”

I don’t know I guess maybe I should reconsider my position on whether I am literal or not.

[DapperButch]

Originally Posted by Miss Tick

Nat's post got me thinking about something that happened this morning. I guess it's a little off topic but if you tilt your head and think figuratively rather than literally it might fit okay.

People have often told me that I’m literal. They say things like you take things too literally or you need to stop being so literal and so forth. I have steadfastly refused to accept their observations. Instead I have always maintained that I am simply taking people at their exact word in an attempt to get them to be accountable for the actual words they say rather than me trying to interpret what they could mean by what they say. I have always believed this is a fair and clear way to communicate. And I have always had a need for clarity. I don’t believe I’m incapable of figurative thought. I have always been able to understand the possible meanings and interpretations behind a statement or an action. I just prefer to take people at their word.

Besides that I have always believed being literal means lacking the ability for abstract thought or lacking imagination. I conflate it with seeing the world in black and white. I looked up the meaning of literal today and this is what I found:

Literal
1. in accordance with, involving, or being the primary or strict meaning of the word or words; not figurative or metaphorical: the literal meaning of a word.
2. following the words of the original very closely and exactly: a literal translation of Goethe.
3. true to fact; not exaggerated; actual or factual: a literal description of conditions.
4. being actually such, without exaggeration or inaccuracy: the literal extermination of a city.
5. (of persons) tending to construe words in the strict sense or in an unimaginative way; matter-of-fact; prosaic.

I still want to refute the claim that I am too literal. But something happened this morning that is making me rethink my position.

Me: “You want some yogurt for breakfast.”

A: “Sure bring me a small bowl.”

Me: “You mean those tiny ramekins.”

A: “No, in a regular cereal bowl.”

Me: “Well, they only come in one size.”

A: (with a sigh, cause life with me is quite exhausting between my need for clarity and my literal interpretation of things.) “Just put a small amount of yogurt IN the bowl.”

Me: {with wonder as light dawns on Marblehead) “Oh I get it, you used ‘a small bowl’ to refer to the quantity in the bowl. Like a small portion or a small piece.”

A: Yes dear, that’s right. That’s EXACTLY right.”

I don’t know I guess maybe I should reconsider my position on whether I am literal or not.

Yes, my friend, I think that maybe you should.

However, I do not think that if one is literal in their communication means that they do not have the ability to think abstractly. Nor do I think it means that they lack imagination.

I am pretty darn literal. It can be frustrating to others. Not as bad as the above example, but....I guess for me I have always seen it as being very specific. Hmmm...I will need to ask tantalizingfemme what she thinks about this one.

Anyway, I have no problem with abstract thought. I do not think that I have a lot of imagination, however, but I don't think this has anything to do with me being literal.

[tantalizingfemme]

[QUOTE=DapperButch;438523]I am pretty darn literal. It can be frustrating to others. Not as bad as the above example, but....I guess for me I have always seen it as being very specific. Hmmm...I will need to ask tantalizingfemme what she thinks about this one.[QUOTE]

Are you literal? Yes....literally.

[SecretAgentMa'am]

LOL. I can certainly see how the "small bowl" conversation could be exhausting if you're having them all the time. On the other hand, unless her hands are broken or something, she could always just get her own damn yogurt and avoid the conversation altogether.

I very briefly dated a guy years ago who used to get mad at me because I wouldn't do what he wanted until he told me what he wanted. He didn't want to have to say "I don't want to do that, I'd rather do this." Instead, he wanted to say "Oh, well, okay. I guess. *sigh*" and then have me just know that meant he really didn't want to do the thing I'd just suggested and instead wanted to do something else. The relationship didn't last long. Personally, I'm a fan of literal thinking.

[Cin]

Originally Posted by SecretAgentMa'am

LOL. I can certainly see how the "small bowl" conversation could be exhausting if you're having them all the time. On the other hand, unless her hands are broken or something, she could always just get her own damn yogurt and avoid the conversation altogether.

I very briefly dated a guy years ago who used to get mad at me because I wouldn't do what he wanted until he told me what he wanted. He didn't want to have to say "I don't want to do that, I'd rather do this." Instead, he wanted to say "Oh, well, okay. I guess. *sigh*" and then have me just know that meant he really didn't want to do the thing I'd just suggested and instead wanted to do something else. The relationship didn't last long. Personally, I'm a fan of literal thinking.

You know that’s a good point. I hate it when people won’t verbalize their wants and needs and try to get others to do what they want without them having to own it. I always wonder what that’s about. Is it maintaining deniability or something? Like they can always claim “I never said I didn’t want to do that, you just assumed that’s what I meant.”

But I’ve also noticed people don’t want to be asked to explain the intent behind a word they use. If your meaning can be misconstrued because of ambiguous word choices, then I believe the onus is on you to clarify your intention. This is a sticking point with most.

And perhaps it would be easier for my wife to just get her own yogurt. But luckily for me, easy isn’t likely to be her preference. I do back off quicker than I used to though. If somebody says “stop being so literal”, I do. In the past I would spend a good deal of time pointing out how the problem wasn’t about being too literal but about ambiguous word choice. Now I figure that response must mean they don’t care whether I am clear on what they are saying and my quest for clarity is just going to piss them off. So I let it go with a “I’m not too literal” mumbled under my breath.

And it's so nice to see someone saying they are a fan of literal thinking. Makes me think it's possible it might not be such a bad thing after all.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Miss Tick

Me: “You want some yogurt for breakfast.”

A: “Sure bring me a small bowl.”

Me: “You mean those tiny ramekins.”

A: “No, in a regular cereal bowl.”

Me: “Well, they only come in one size.”

A: (with a sigh, cause life with me is quite exhausting between my need for clarity and my literal interpretation of things.) “Just put a small amount of yogurt IN the bowl.”

Me: {with wonder as light dawns on Marblehead) “Oh I get it, you used ‘a small bowl’ to refer to the quantity in the bowl. Like a small portion or a small piece.”

A: Yes dear, that’s right. That’s EXACTLY right.”

I don’t know I guess maybe I should reconsider my position on whether I am literal or not.

Actually, from what was said, I would have thought she was talking about the size of the bowl itself too. If I am talking about the amount of food to go in the bowl, I would say something along the lines of "cupful" or "half full" or "a few spoonfuls".

[Cin]

Originally Posted by Gemme

Actually, from what was said, I would have thought she was talking about the size of the bowl itself too. If I am talking about the amount of food to go in the bowl, I would say something along the lines of "cupful" or "half full" or "a few spoonfuls".

Well that was my original thought. So are we too literal or are others too vague? There certainly seems to be no shortage of those willing to play fast and loose with the meaning of words. I never should have turned in my Clarity Police badge