Ask a trans person! - Page 34

EnderD_503 · 10-18-2011, 02:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by kannon

It really depends on a lot of different factors.

For my personal situation, I'm not going out of my way to hide and I'm not going out of my way to reveal it. I'm being me. I don't think I need to tell strangers that I'm trans just like I don't feel compelled to tell them that I'm of Scottish decent or any thing else that's not relevant to the moment. The "moment" being the early stages of a relationship. I choose to introduce acquaintances to my sense of humor and my laid back nature. I reveal more as I develop trust and feel more comfortable around them.

I guess I'm putting this in the framework of dating members of the queer community. If I'm dating a femme, she's probably going to know quickly that I'm trans, not because I've announced it through a loud speaker or tattooed it on my forehead, but because queer dating usually comes with the assumption that the other person is also somehow queer. Especially if we met in a queer environment, which is most likely. That's what I'm talking about when I'm talking about it depending on whether you're living stealth or not. I would understand if a guy is living stealth and dating non-queer women why the subject wouldn't come up. But in a queer atmosphere where someone isn't stealth, then "queer" is still going to be an unspoken factor unlike in the hetero world where the assumption is that you're straight.

Hopefully that makes more sense.

DapperButch · 10-18-2011, 07:09 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by EnderD_503

I guess I'm putting this in the framework of dating members of the queer community. If I'm dating a femme, she's probably going to know quickly that I'm trans, not because I've announced it through a loud speaker or tattooed it on my forehead, but because queer dating usually comes with the assumption that the other person is also somehow queer. Especially if we met in a queer environment, which is most likely. That's what I'm talking about when I'm talking about it depending on whether you're living stealth or not. I would understand if a guy is living stealth and dating non-queer women why the subject wouldn't come up. But in a queer atmosphere where someone isn't stealth, then "queer" is still going to be an unspoken factor unlike in the hetero world where the assumption is that you're straight.

Hopefully that makes more sense.

kannon mentioned that the woman was straight. Wasn't that kind of the point of the question?? He was talking non-queer context. right?

Midnight · 10-18-2011, 09:37 PM

I have a question that I hope is not impolite but Im not sure. OK so firstly here are my assumptions. Please, please please correct me if I'm wrong!
1. Trans guys are born female but feel male/masculine inside and therefore change the outside to match their 'inner man'. 2. This can be achieved with or without surgery and/or with or without T. 3. This is a big assumption - when you identify as a trans male you are either a straight man or a gay man. Now to my question which I hope will make sense ..... Can body dysphoria be different to sexual/gender identity? I have been watching youtube and have been following some of the trans guys, and one guy's latest update (he has been on T and had top surgery) stated that he identifies as trans but also female and femme. I just can't seem to get my head around it and thought you guys might be able to help. If you want the link let me know and I'll PM it for you if that will help. Thanks guys.

Ebon · 10-18-2011, 09:39 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midnight

I have a question that I hope is not impolite but Im not sure. OK so firstly here are my assumptions. Please, please please correct me if I'm wrong!
1. Trans guys are born female but feel male/masculine inside and therefore change the outside to match their 'inner man'. 2. This can be achieved with or without surgery and/or with or without T. 3. This is a big assumption - when you identify as a trans male you are either a straight man or a gay man. Now to my question which I hope will make sense ..... Can body dysphoria be different to sexual/gender identity? I have been watching youtube and have been following some of the trans guys, and one guy's latest update (he has been on T and had top surgery) stated that he identifies as trans but also female and femme. I just can't seem to get my head around it and thought you guys might be able to help. If you want the link let me know and I'll PM it for you if that will help. Thanks guys.

I would like the link. Please and thank you!

Ebon · 10-18-2011, 10:13 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midnight

I have a question that I hope is not impolite but Im not sure. OK so firstly here are my assumptions. Please, please please correct me if I'm wrong!
1. Trans guys are born female but feel male/masculine inside and therefore change the outside to match their 'inner man'. 2. This can be achieved with or without surgery and/or with or without T. 3. This is a big assumption - when you identify as a trans male you are either a straight man or a gay man. Now to my question which I hope will make sense ..... Can body dysphoria be different to sexual/gender identity? I have been watching youtube and have been following some of the trans guys, and one guy's latest update (he has been on T and had top surgery) stated that he identifies as trans but also female and femme. I just can't seem to get my head around it and thought you guys might be able to help. If you want the link let me know and I'll PM it for you if that will help. Thanks guys.

Well the kid seems to have a very strong sense of self and that's awesome. I don't identify as femme or female so I can't wrap my mind around that either but maybe Jude is a case where body dysphoria can be different to sexual/gender. Anorexia is about body image and it crosses sexual and gender lines as well. Jude feels very human to me and appears to see a lot of things as constructs (I agree with Jude). Thanks for sharing the video.

Midnight · 10-18-2011, 10:36 PM

I agree he is very human and a very interesting individual. Can you explain what you mean by constructs please. Cheers

Ebon · 10-18-2011, 10:42 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midnight

I agree he is very human and a very interesting individual. Can you explain what you mean by constructs please. Cheers

Social constructs in my opinion are things that separate us like race, class, gender, sexuality etc...The world is setup in a way that tries to make us perceive certain people or groups as better than others when really we are all just human.

Midnight · 10-18-2011, 10:57 PM

Ah thankyou Ebon. I agree with you fully.

EnderD_503 · 10-19-2011, 08:04 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midnight

I have a question that I hope is not impolite but Im not sure. OK so firstly here are my assumptions. Please, please please correct me if I'm wrong!
1. Trans guys are born female but feel male/masculine inside and therefore change the outside to match their 'inner man'.

Not necessarily. We're taught growing up that there are two sexes, male and female. What's meant by it is cismale and cisfemale, and we're often only taught about certain characteristics that define these. But going by those characteristics alone means we also leave out quite a few people who don't fit either one, physically. For example, intersex people and others with various genetic anomalies. Trans people, and transguys, are pretty diverse.

There have been studies done at a few European medical clinics and universities over the last few years (Spain and Holland come to mind) that have shown that pre-HRT transguys (or those who were a part of the study) possessed the same amount of white matter in almost all areas (except for one) of the brain as cissexed men, while having higher levels than cissexed females. The corticospinal tract was the only area where transguys in the study consistently demonstrated lower levels of white matter than cissexed men, but still had higher levels of white matter than cissexed females.

The brain's white matter is a part of the brain's physical makeup, and is also sexually dimorphic (males generally having more of it than females). In that respect trans people (or at least certain groups of trans people) lie outside of conventional definitions of physical sex defined by varying levels of sexual dimorphism. Especially when we consider that its' most likely the brain that gives people their sense of sex identity (which all people have, and most take for granted), rather than the mere fact that they were born with a certain set of genitals.

It would be better to say that transguys were assigned female at birth (which is different than saying that we're born female) and may decide to alter their appearance to match their brain's sex. Just like some intersexed people were assigned a socially approved sex when they were born, but discover later in life that they are intersex despite the appearance of their genitals (or those who doctor's "fix" to appear as either male or female, and discover this later in life).

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midnight

3. This is a big assumption - when you identify as a trans male you are either a straight man or a gay man.

Or queer. Or bisexual. Or asexual. Or any other sexuality that exists out there. I know that a lot of trans resources spread the idea that "transguy attracted to women = straight" and "transguy attracted to men = gay" with little explanation of anyone who lies outside of that, but transmale sexuality is just as diverse as anyone else's. There are a few transguys on this forum who don't identify as straight even though they are attracted to women.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midnight

Now to my question which I hope will make sense ..... Can body dysphoria be different to sexual/gender identity? I have been watching youtube and have been following some of the trans guys, and one guy's latest update (he has been on T and had top surgery) stated that he identifies as trans but also female and femme. I just can't seem to get my head around it and thought you guys might be able to help. If you want the link let me know and I'll PM it for you if that will help. Thanks guys.

For sure, dysphoria can be completely detached from sexual and gender identity. There are butch women and other non-trans identified people who experience some form of body dysphoria that results in their getting top surgery, for example. There are people who were assigned female at birth who undergo HRT and surgery, but don't identify as either male or female. Or they may continue to identify as female.

I'd have to see the video to get a better sense of how the guy expresses his identity, but it's not totally strange that he sees himself that way. There are a few ideas about transguys floating around out there in society/the lgbtq community that don't really encompass the complete diversity of the transmale community.

There are some people who don't feel the need to change their bodies at all who still feel that their identity is a mix between male and female, and masculine and feminine. Just like a cissexed male can feel this way while still being happy with not altering his body, transguys can also feel the same way as far as being more comfortable in a "male" body, but not necessarily taking only a male identity. Changing your body to look a certain way is not always about taking on a socially accepted sex identity.

I can understand why some guys who feel this way find it difficult to express their identity to other people, since people associate certain sex characteristics as male or female, when to some they're simply physical characteristics outside of the labels of "male" and "female."

As far as the femme part, it's not entirely strange. I was just reading an article awhile ago by a transguy who identifies as a femme gay dude. It's not as uncommon as one might think for transguys to be "feminine."

Hopefully that response isn't too confusing and clarifies something for you

EnderD_503 · 10-19-2011, 08:14 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch

kannon mentioned that the woman was straight. Wasn't that kind of the point of the question?? He was talking non-queer context. right?

Ah, my bad. I misread and didn't realise he had specified that she was straight. In that case, at least if it were me, I'd probably tell them once it became evident that there was mutual attraction and we're both actively doing something about it (going on a date, potentially fuck-buddying etc.) It's going to come up eventually anyway and no point investing energy on a straight person who might well reject you down the road when they find out.

SelfMadeMan · 10-19-2011, 08:22 AM

I don't feel anyone needs to out themselves to everyone they meet - or even to most people they meet. And I certainly don't think it needs to be done up front unless you just want to. It has been my experience that as soon as a friendship or potential relationship starts to be a very close one, it's something you might want to consider. I have found that even in cases where you want to remain 'stealth' - the potential for outing is always there. It's happened to me more than once. So, if a friendship of mine is a very close one, I feel it is best that I tell that person at some point, as I've developed deep friendships in the past, and chose not to tell, only to have them find out and the friendship be ruined (to the point of hate motivated threats at in one case). Regarding romantic relationships, I think as soon as it is clear there will be intimate contact of any kind, you should tell. I only speak from my own experiences and opinions - but I think to become intimate with another person and not tell is unfair to them.

DapperButch · 10-19-2011, 10:49 AM

Midnight, would you please post the link to the board? thanks.

Linus · 10-19-2011, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Midnight

I have a question that I hope is not impolite but Im not sure. OK so firstly here are my assumptions. Please, please please correct me if I'm wrong!
1. Trans guys are born female but feel male/masculine inside and therefore change the outside to match their 'inner man'. 2. This can be achieved with or without surgery and/or with or without T. 3. This is a big assumption - when you identify as a trans male you are either a straight man or a gay man. Now to my question which I hope will make sense ..... Can body dysphoria be different to sexual/gender identity? I have been watching youtube and have been following some of the trans guys, and one guy's latest update (he has been on T and had top surgery) stated that he identifies as trans but also female and femme. I just can't seem to get my head around it and thought you guys might be able to help. If you want the link let me know and I'll PM it for you if that will help. Thanks guys.

Quote:

Originally Posted by DapperButch

Midnight, would you please post the link to the board? thanks.

I think Midnight didn't post it out of respect for that individual.

DapperButch · 10-19-2011, 04:29 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linus

I think Midnight didn't post it out of respect for that individual.

Oh, I missed that. Thank you Linus for pointing that out to me.

Midnight · 10-19-2011, 06:34 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Linus

I think Midnight didn't post it out of respect for that individual.

Indeed Linus

Ender thankyou so very much for your informative post. The brain is an amazing organ and Im amazed about how much diversity it creates in people. From your response I feel I can better understand where they are now coming from in respect to the you tube posting. You have given me much to think about! Thanks

J. Mason · 10-20-2011, 12:33 AM

I am dating a femme who ID's as lesbian and some friends and others have come to her voicing their opinions about the fact she is dating me. They ask why would a lesbian date a transman? Has anyone else encountered this and what did ya'll do about it?

Thinker · 10-20-2011, 06:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by J. Mason

I am dating a femme who ID's as lesbian and some friends and others have come to her voicing their opinions about the fact she is dating me. They ask why would a lesbian date a transman? Has anyone else encountered this and what did ya'll do about it?

I didn't do anything about it; it was her situation to handle.

I realize that sounds a bit insensitive and I don't mean it to come across that way, but that really is the bottom line for me.

I'm assuming these people are *her* friends and acquaintances and that she would know better how to deal with them and their "concerns".

SelfMadeMan · 10-20-2011, 06:59 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by J. Mason

I am dating a femme who ID's as lesbian and some friends and others have come to her voicing their opinions about the fact she is dating me. They ask why would a lesbian date a transman? Has anyone else encountered this and what did ya'll do about it?

Been there. I agree with Thinker that it is her situation to deal with since they're her friends... however, my .02 on that way of thinking.... we don't necessarily choose who to be attracted to or who we fall in love with. She's likely not dating you based on what you are as much as WHO you are...

J. Mason · 10-23-2011, 06:39 PM

Thanks for the response guys, sorry I was away with family and no computer access!

I am gonna let her handle this matter, she is a strong woman and I believe she can do it gracefully!

MickMan · 10-25-2011, 02:42 PM

Hey guys,

I have been with Stroheckers for about 5 years now. First with IM and starting in 2009 cream. The first few times I ordered from them, I got 3 months or 90 grams and following the directions of 1/4 tsp. After a few months I got a shipment in that was only one jar instead of two. I called and talked to Brett, who is now no longer there and he said they started shipping out only 2 months because everyone was complaining that there is too much meds. I thought it was fishy but just went along with it thinking they were ploying for more money.

With the new laws on meds in FL, I now have to see the doc every time I need a refill so I asked her to be sure to send in a script for 3 months, not the two they have been sending. When I got it in, it was the same amount and when I called Strocheckers, they said that they have not changed anything and that it was the same three month supply that I have been getting.

They gave me dates where the first 3 orders were 3 months apart and then it went to two, but there is no record of me calling in and now they are saying it is my fault. I am having issues with them and my doc now. I have a 1/4 tsp measuring spoon to be sure I am using the correct amount.

I am curious if anyone else is having issues with Strocheckers? Is anyone else on the cream and did the amount go down? Any input would be appreciated.

10-18-2011, 09:37 PM	#663
Midnight Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Relationship Status: Married to the most beautiful girl in the world Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: The back of beyond Posts: 304 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 579 Thanked 482 Times in 176 Posts Rep Power: 5305539	please help a butch chick understand! I have a question that I hope is not impolite but Im not sure. OK so firstly here are my assumptions. Please, please please correct me if I'm wrong! 1. Trans guys are born female but feel male/masculine inside and therefore change the outside to match their 'inner man'. 2. This can be achieved with or without surgery and/or with or without T. 3. This is a big assumption - when you identify as a trans male you are either a straight man or a gay man. Now to my question which I hope will make sense ..... Can body dysphoria be different to sexual/gender identity? I have been watching youtube and have been following some of the trans guys, and one guy's latest update (he has been on T and had top surgery) stated that he identifies as trans but also female and femme. I just can't seem to get my head around it and thought you guys might be able to help. If you want the link let me know and I'll PM it for you if that will help. Thanks guys.

10-19-2011, 10:49 AM	#672
DapperButch Roadster Guy How Do You Identify?: FTM, Stone Butch Preferred Pronoun?: He Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northeast Posts: 7,745 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 26,545 Thanked 26,814 Times in 5,772 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Midnight, would you please post the link to the board? thanks. __________________ -Dapper Are you educated or indoctrinated?

10-25-2011, 02:42 PM	#680
MickMan Member How Do You Identify?: Male/FTM Preferred Pronoun?: Those which are male Relationship Status: Single Join Date: May 2011 Location: Florida Posts: 118 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 37 Thanked 222 Times in 83 Posts Rep Power: 1071129	Anyone getting their script from Stroheckers? Hey guys, I have been with Stroheckers for about 5 years now. First with IM and starting in 2009 cream. The first few times I ordered from them, I got 3 months or 90 grams and following the directions of 1/4 tsp. After a few months I got a shipment in that was only one jar instead of two. I called and talked to Brett, who is now no longer there and he said they started shipping out only 2 months because everyone was complaining that there is too much meds. I thought it was fishy but just went along with it thinking they were ploying for more money. With the new laws on meds in FL, I now have to see the doc every time I need a refill so I asked her to be sure to send in a script for 3 months, not the two they have been sending. When I got it in, it was the same amount and when I called Strocheckers, they said that they have not changed anything and that it was the same three month supply that I have been getting. They gave me dates where the first 3 orders were 3 months apart and then it went to two, but there is no record of me calling in and now they are saying it is my fault. I am having issues with them and my doc now. I have a 1/4 tsp measuring spoon to be sure I am using the correct amount. I am curious if anyone else is having issues with Strocheckers? Is anyone else on the cream and did the amount go down? Any input would be appreciated.

10-18-2011, 10:36 PM	#666
Midnight Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Relationship Status: Married to the most beautiful girl in the world Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: The back of beyond Posts: 304 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 579 Thanked 482 Times in 176 Posts Rep Power: 5305539	I agree he is very human and a very interesting individual. Can you explain what you mean by constructs please. Cheers

10-18-2011, 10:57 PM	#668
Midnight Member How Do You Identify?: stone butch Preferred Pronoun?: she, her Relationship Status: Married to the most beautiful girl in the world Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: The back of beyond Posts: 304 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 579 Thanked 482 Times in 176 Posts Rep Power: 5305539	Ah thankyou Ebon. I agree with you fully.

10-19-2011, 08:22 AM	#671
SelfMadeMan Member How Do You Identify?: Transsexual Man Preferred Pronoun?: Male Relationship Status: Married to The Woman of My Dreams <3 Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 802 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 796 Thanked 2,668 Times in 527 Posts Rep Power: 18972345	I don't feel anyone needs to out themselves to everyone they meet - or even to most people they meet. And I certainly don't think it needs to be done up front unless you just want to. It has been my experience that as soon as a friendship or potential relationship starts to be a very close one, it's something you might want to consider. I have found that even in cases where you want to remain 'stealth' - the potential for outing is always there. It's happened to me more than once. So, if a friendship of mine is a very close one, I feel it is best that I tell that person at some point, as I've developed deep friendships in the past, and chose not to tell, only to have them find out and the friendship be ruined (to the point of hate motivated threats at in one case). Regarding romantic relationships, I think as soon as it is clear there will be intimate contact of any kind, you should tell. I only speak from my own experiences and opinions - but I think to become intimate with another person and not tell is unfair to them.

10-20-2011, 12:33 AM	#676
J. Mason Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Banned 11/9/2011 - Previously banned member back under new name Preferred Pronoun?: He and His Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Texas/Oklahoma Posts: 861 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 250 Thanked 741 Times in 361 Posts Rep Power: 0	I am dating a femme who ID's as lesbian and some friends and others have come to her voicing their opinions about the fact she is dating me. They ask why would a lesbian date a transman? Has anyone else encountered this and what did ya'll do about it?

10-23-2011, 06:39 PM	#679
J. Mason Timed Out How Do You Identify?: Banned 11/9/2011 - Previously banned member back under new name Preferred Pronoun?: He and His Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: Texas/Oklahoma Posts: 861 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 250 Thanked 741 Times in 361 Posts Rep Power: 0	Thanks for the response guys, sorry I was away with family and no computer access! I am gonna let her handle this matter, she is a strong woman and I believe she can do it gracefully!