Friends of Bill W.

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 10


Come What May



Inevitable things are very much like inedible things; you can’t quite swallow them yet they are hard to throw up. It can’t seem to get here quick enough to comfort my fear nor will it pass with any speed once it has arrived. I am like a boa with a hedgehog as my lunch, the shredding is rightfully dreaded and in no way preventable. Not everything that wings my way is anxiety driven, but I have to admit that some things are. I cannot spend my days wishing the storm clouds away so I will put on my slicker and hunker down for the drenching.








The alleys in your mind are for passage not permanence

*




PRIDE GOETHE BEFORE A FALL

In truth, pride goes wherever it wants, it’s pride.
Pride wanders alone, for no one enjoys its company.
Pride travels far but gets nowhere.
Pride rises above reality and seeps beneath the surface.

When pride wears out, love and honesty poke holes in it.
Until it is grounded and transforms to humility
Pride’s past is remembered with flush and embarrassment.
Recounting yesterday is pride’s unenviable task.
Keeping it from recreation is mine.

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 11

Picture Window


When G-d sticks His face in my window it brightens my day. What that shining face looks like in other windows I do not know, but I try to memorize the eyes, the brow, the winning smile before my time is up and the wind shifts. The flash of a friendly face lights up the house, my yard, the corners of my soul. I imbibe the rich glow before it moves on, letting my core charge with incandescence, warming my mettle. I am long and longing for this happy countenance and only when the blocks tumble in my mind do I realize that it is two- way glass in that window and stick my face in it and offer it to G-d.









Today treat oddity as a pearl not a pebble

*

LIKE PEACE

Peace like an elephant on my chest
I can’t breathe but at least we are not fighting.
The rigid air hangs like sheets on the line
Stiff but dry.

Plastered smiles and short salutations
Get us through until bedtime.
But what can hold in standing up
Pours out lying down.

Tender feelings are compressed
And come out only as water
Anger bubbles and brews.

Disappointment lives down deep
And sours the milk of love
There are things worse than cross words.

Moldering, festering, frozen words
Pound spikes in a relationship
Fraught with apprehension.

The truth is I would let these pent up things out
But I don’t trust you and I don’t trust me.

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 12


Olive Juice



For whatever the reason olives are often pitted and once they are pit-less there seems to rise an irresistible urge to fill that wound, whether with pimento or children’s cubby little fingers as they fish them from the can. There is an opening, an answer must be found. When I find my center gone I have that same yearning, fill that hole! It is an imperative, a need that must be met no matter how poorly. I will stuff just about anything in that gap; the list is longer than the Bell directory and yet none of it is an adequate replacement for what has gone amiss. So here I stand rife with questions. What to put in there and what to keep out. Is cream cheese preferred to cobwebs? Prosciutto better than ice? Nothing is better than some things and the right thing is better than having given up.



Maple leaves change the world, so do you


*

THE FLYING MIND

When my brain flies out my ear
Destination unknown I am left mentally bereft
I feel intellectual convolution and show no affliction
Other than my inability to fulfill my assignments.

I stare out, sure a ring of blue birds circle my head
Or maybe stars like any other cartoon patsy.
What to do, these parodied wingdings ridicule me privately
Leaving the impression of idiocy with onlookers and supervisors.

My focus and perceptions quaver and I lose my place.
I have to find a way to spot and keep emotional balance,
The way I stay upright during pirouettes
By watching one doorframe or light switch.

I need an unmoving object in a sea of swimming thoughts
I still need to make the mental turns
But this should be much easier
If I stop landing on my face.

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 13



Wrong as wrong as wrong can be

To be wrong in my family and in my past meant to be tortured and I prefer death to torture, so being wrong meant death or longing for death. I tried never to be wrong as a way to stave of the desire to leap from tall buildings; I did not turn into superman, wonder woman or mighty mouse through my efforts. I did turn into someone else; I became a cartoon of a real person, two dimensional and overflowing with irrational color. Now I see how wrong, wrong can be. Wrong is not an allowable excuse to be tormented. It can be the turning point for knowledge if I choose or the stairway to something deep dark and ugly; my choice, always my choice.







Quilt your stories and sleep under their protection

*

ASSURANCES OF GULLIVER

Poor Lilliputians and my egg shaped conundrum.
At least they have the strength of their convictions
When I have only pondering to share the space between my ears.

What sense could the world make if there is no right way
And each person is free to open the egg from either end
Or leave the thing intact, having instead maybe a bagel.

I have been looking for the combination to unlock the universe
When possibly it’s an egg shaped thing with no doors or locks
And all that’s left is to break in or out.

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 14


Clean Underwear


The ease of the trip is often determined by the quality of the packing. When I am entirely ready travel is easier. I wash the laundry early to give myself a head start. Lay everything out and walk through each day’s needs; roll up my outfits and tuck each into my bag. I try to take less than half of my ‘what if’ worry items and cut short my ‘disaster plan’ thinking. If I pack positive thoughts and clean panties I am fine and if I forget them I can always pick some up along the way.






Retreat is not the same as change

*

THE STORYTELLER

Funny stories I long to share with new friends
Have to be put aside while the core of this entity is built.
Mutual memory is the siding on a house framed in integrity.

Treading together through the past
We strengthen each others perception
Which is the only support
That can be offered without time travel.

We take hands, link arms and wander
Happily towards the future
Having the keys to history jangling in our fists
We can return whenever prudent or necessary.

We forge a fresh path and hope for a pleasant journey
Between us we figure to have slain all the dragons.

[RockOn]

Greetings, Sober People!

Meetings 2 nights in a row lifts my spirits immensely and how can I forget something as simple as that? But I do. Been working 10 and 11 hour days lately and neglecting my recovery. What joy to sit with friends tonight at the 6:00 and discuss the most important thing in our lives.

Tonight I have a thankful heart!

[LeftWriteFemme]

November 15


When I’m Gone



When I’m gone I hope they’ll say I tried real hard and did my best
But more likely will be the lament; she didn’t live up to her potential.

When I’m gone I pray the song will be one of tinkling bells and uplifted voices
But more likely is a disparate confusion of musical chairs.

When I’m gone I wish that my banner will be raised by knowing arms
But more likely will be a shuffle of my undecipherable notes, then the circular file.

When I’m gone I would like my dreams to fly to the ears and eyes of friends and take refuge
But more likely these dreams will chase me down the long corridor and be nothing but my shadow in the long dark night.





Ask your own questions


*


NAVY DUCK
When the postcard is hung upside down
The plane flies away on its back.
I know one of those irregular days
With the disposition of a bee stung mule
Is on its way to visit me.

I have found diplomacy goes a long way
And when it runs out, humor is the best fall back.
Nothing mean or sophomoric but the ability to laugh
Is a fortune in the face of a bankrupt day.

When the sun sets on these spare and harrowing days
I mortgage strength from tomorrow
And right the picture---then fly right.

[LeftWriteFemme]

Originally Posted by Brock

Greetings, Sober People!

Meetings 2 nights in a row lifts my spirits immensely and how can I forget something as simple as that? But I do. Been working 10 and 11 hour days lately and neglecting my recovery. What joy to sit with friends tonight at the 6:00 and discuss the most important thing in our lives.

Tonight I have a thankful heart!

That's so great Brock! So glad you are back on the beam, it gets so uncomfortable when the distractions no matter how legitimate take me off of it! Have a wonderful weekend!

Sherrie

[Ccrider]

Originally Posted by LeftWriteFemme

November 14


Clean Underwear


The ease of the trip is often determined by the quality of the packing. When I am entirely ready travel is easier. I wash the laundry early to give myself a head start. Lay everything out and walk through each day’s needs; roll up my outfits and tuck each into my bag. I try to take less than half of my ‘what if’ worry items and cut short my ‘disaster plan’ thinking. If I pack positive thoughts and clean panties I am fine and if I forget them I can always pick some up along the way.






Retreat is not the same as change

*

THE STORYTELLER

Funny stories I long to share with new friends
Have to be put aside while the core of this entity is built.
Mutual memory is the siding on a house framed in integrity.

Treading together through the past
We strengthen each others perception
Which is the only support
That can be offered without time travel.

We take hands, link arms and wander
Happily towards the future
Having the keys to history jangling in our fists
We can return whenever prudent or necessary.

We forge a fresh path and hope for a pleasant journey
Between us we figure to have slain all the dragons.

Amen to this and that here, love it hon!

I was thinking of bags and baggage this morning as well. It helps emmensely that I have not kept a lot of 'baggage of my past'. Been actively doing much housework these last few months, which have been very life altering, life affirming. Life is so very good right now.

That was then though and this is now. Today... I am quite literally packing up to go home. Been in-patient since Dec 5th. Will be so good to be home for the holidays. My knee is doing awesome. I don't have the weight, the burden of a bad right knee anymore. It was on my list of things that needed attending, so I could face life on life's terms. One thing is checked off. Preparation is vital if we are to succeed and accomplish the things we would like to.

For me, being able to quite literally move has been wonderful. I wish, but of course I had done it sooner.

Why is it we have to have life slap us in the face sometimes to make the change, pack our suitcases as it were... so life is less stressful. So we can be more able take each day as it comes, prepared for whatever may be in front of us.

Wish I had packed better... but there is progress. Giving away so much 'stuff' these last few months mean that the stuff I do have is stuff I am actually using, needing to have around. My criteria was sound.

I applied the principles in all of my affairs as we like to say in these rooms. Thus if I am not using something for a good long time, I have to ask myself why do I still have it. I refuse to have my next move be anything like this last one was. I will have much less to pack and things are now beautifully organized. Yes, I still have further to go along those lines. There is always room for improvement, no?

Yes. Yes indeedy. I love life today, clean and sober with a damn good knee. No it is beyond good, it is a great new knee. So happy with everything about this. My surgeon was to die for, I adore her. Best damned knee doc in the country, imo. She has also been quite sweet to me, introducing me to other doctors who she wants me to meet, along this road less traveled.

Amazingly... she wants me to meet a woman doctor, who she says in my doppleganger. I am intrigued. As this woman also introduced my surgeon to her one and only. It was a blind date that my doppleganger had arranged. She obviously has a bit of the yenta in her, as do I.

The interesting thing is this. Had I not been clearing away the wreckage of my past, I would not be able to have met someone as this new doc. Today, because now I travel light, pack a light bag... I can proudly meet this woman and bring her into my home. I have no shame anymore. I am proud not only of myself, my progress, but of my environment, which is welcoming and beautiful now.

All because I have learned to travel light. Tripping on the Light Fantastic...


Life is Beautiful.


ODAAT,
Lady Di

[Ccrider]

Opps, on my friend's account... sorry CCrider, you must have logged in here last on this machine. Will log out and clear out your password. I was auto logged in here. Obviously, eh?

btw, for those that do not know, CC is a friend of mine's daughter. I went to Europe with her mother back in 1973. She and her mom came out to Loveland when I ended up here after a somewhat bad situation came to a head. All is good now and everything was meant to be.

But CC only joined here for me, because I was not a member and had was giving respect to someone I care for, who at one time was uncomfortable here... Hence I did not join here, giving hym space and time, etc.

CC is not even queer, happily married, but very cool kiddo. Yikes, she is a mom, not a kid anymore, LOL

life changes, no?

anyhows, this is Lady Di and I will be signing off this computer and deleting her password here, so this will never happen again. Sorry for any confusion. CC was just being helpful to me, wanted to know what in the heck happened and why, where, how, etc. Who knows, I say. What is is and what was was. Now is a new day.

And life is good, no?

Hasta Luego.


ODDAAT
Lady Di who is not CC, but is a good friend of her and her family

*thank goodness for old friends who always have my back, no matter how many years there has been between seeing each other*

Blessed and knows it!