There was this one time...

[ruby_woo]

I'm generally such a hot mess of falling down and doing dumb things I could probably fill a book.

When I first started in my current position, one thing I had to do was email the quality control efficiency report to the QC Manager, a man named Allen. I went to email it to him, and in the To field, I put Alle, hit enter, and send.

You know what other email starts with alle? All Employees. Yup, sent it to the whole company.

[JAGG]

This one time at band camp.. that was for Gemme.
This one time at work about 20yrs ago that's right 20 yrs ago yet someone sooner or later will find a reason to have to bring this up yet again. Haha like me right now. I will never live this down. So I'm unloading a trailer and I slid a huge 55gal drum up on the forks of my forklift. Driving across the dock to the trailer it was going to, I didn't see a small piece of wood from a busted pallet and ran over it. Which caused my lift to jump up and down like a pot hole in the road. That made the drum fly up about 3 in. Slam back down on the forks and fly off again, tip over and slam to the ground, bounce a couple time and the entire top of it flew off and 525 lbs of PIG GUTS going to a meat packing plant came spewing out everywhere. Not only was it shocking to look at , but the odor was unbearable. And for anyone who didn't see it happen could smell it in less than 30 sec. What a freakin mess. There must have been 500 of them or more. They were covered in a water like gel and slippery as snot. Impossible to try and pick up with a shovel. Everytime you would finally get underneath one without it shooting 3 ft in front of you, you'd lift the shovel up and it would either slide right off, or come slipping down the handle right at you. Holy God what a freakin mess. Hahaha all is well that ends well though. Haha

[*Anya*]

I was 17 and my hubby-to-be and I were trying to find a place to have sex-not that easy @ 17. We finally thought of a place. Where?

Deep in the Maryland woods.

It was lush and green. We found a lovey patch of ground that was covered with beautiful ivy.

I stripped and settled back- you guessed it. That beautiful ivy was indeed poison ivy. I was covered on my entire back, back of my legs, arms and, of course, all over my ass.

It was excruciating and worst of all, I had to hide it from my extremely strict parents or face a far worse punishment than the poison ivy.

[foxyshaman]

I am a dork. Lets just get that out of the way. A very happy, go lucky dork, but a dork nonetheless.

I was at the office (shocking but true), it was casual day... yeah. I was wearing my favorite jeans. I was goofing around in front of my friend, pretending to ballet leap. Well I lept alright. Lept, fell and heard the all to familiar "rriiiipppp". The inside of my thigh ripped wide open. All I could was laugh. The incident caused my friend to laugh. She laughed so hard she fell over and hit her head on the post. Which of course made both of us laugh even harder.

So, as one would guess, laughter (without good cause) causes curiousity. Next thing I know around 20 ppl are standing around asking what happened. I had to gracefully (if that even fits) stand up and, of course, I could not hide the all too wide rip in my jeans.

Someone kindly, through giggles, asked if I needed a jacket to cover myself. I replied "Hell no, like I can hide this embarassment". Well, apparently that too was funny.

For some reason, to this day I do not remember why, I had an extra pair of jeans in my car. I gracefully (questionable word) walked out of the office, and changed jeans in my car.

Moral - Leaping ballerina moves in thin thighed jeans is not a good idea. Tripping whilst leaping... even less of a good idea.

[Estella]

Right. So about, holy guacamole, about 20-ish years ago, I had a craving for Boston Chicken. Boston Chicken is what Boston Market used to be called. Don't be a hater. So my then-partner and I drive down to Boylston St. and I go in and place my order. Out of the corner of my eye I notice this guy counting change into his hand off the counter - you know, sliding the coins into his open palm. And he's getting frustrated, and the change is starting to fall onto the floor, but I'm not really paying attention. Just watching, not seeing. So I pay, take my chicken, and leave.

You know what's coming, right? The ugly realization that the man I wasn't really watching was trying to see if he had enough money to buy something to eat. To buy food. And he didn't. And I did. And I did nothing. Because in my chicken-buying obliviousness I couldn't be bothered to pay attention, to actually notice, another person.

At some point, most people make a decision about kind of person they want to be. Two events in my life have informed my decision. One was in Basic Training - Boston Chicken was the other. I will never be that blind again.

[Mr Nice Guy]

Ok here's mine.
Picture this. I'm 17 and just came out and ran away from a group home (Mom helped) she put me on a train to W.Va. Yup! Anyway, I went to my first bar and found out that you had to be 18 to get in. So I went to get my Army clothes. I got my Army outfit at one of those Army surplus stores and put it on and went to the bar and got in. Now mind you, I was alone.
I started going there often and one night I saw this very tall attractive Lady and she noticed me. We kind of checked each other out and met at the bar to get a drink. Ok, she went to get a drink and I followed her there.
We started talking and she needed to go smoke so I went with her. Once we got outside we talked some more. I must of said something because she looked at me with surprise and said, "your a girl?" I said, "yes" and then it dawned on me and I said, "your a guy?" Well we ended up being friends after that until I went back home. I was a new Butch and had my first lesson in the differences of the gay world. I'll also admit that I was proud of pulling off the guy thing. I was more Tg minded then.

[princessbelle]

OMG A place to tell ridiculously true stories!!!!!

How cool is that. Didn't ever go to band camp though.

However....

There was this one time i was at a gay bar. It was years and years ago and i was with a friend who was gay as well. You know bars....LOUD, cold. yada yada.

There was this really cute butch sitting next to me and she said, "Do you want to dance?" I couldn't hear her but i could see what she was saying.

I was trying to say "OK, the next fast song i will" But, she couldn't hear me. She couldn't "read" my lips. So finally, she put her ear really close to my mouth. Well, i was still in the over-emphasizing mode and accidentally....

bit
her
ear.

That's right.

I bit her freaking ear.

She grabs it in total pain and doubled over. Not sure but i think i drew blood. I could tell she was hurting without hearing the cussing coming out of her mouth...yes i can read lips. She then looks at me like i was a total freak and walked off.

I never did get that dance.

Lesson learned.....when someone sticks their ear in your mouth. Don't bite down. Well, unless it's Saturday night, Tequila is involved and you know this person really well.