What are your three non-negotiables (in a relationship)?

AtLast · 12-20-2011, 02:58 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Greyson

Integirty in word and action
Respect
Intelligence

I realize everyone is made of flesh and bone. There will be hurtful choices but keep it to a minimum and take responsibility when it does happen. The "Blame Game" requires no self reflection and is ultimately of no value to yourself or the relationship.

You sum it up for me! I probably would add respect for sexual boundaries.

JustJo · 12-20-2011, 03:06 PM

Only three is tough...very tough...

Respect...self-respect, respect for me, respect for our relationship, respect for our family, respect for the needs and feelings of others. I think many of the things we list from honesty to work ethic to hygiene flow from this.

Kindness...to have the fundamental belief and practice that kindness, to self and others...whether loved ones or strangers...is worth striving for. To have a kind heart that treats me, my son, and themself with care and kindness...even when life gets difficult.

Passion...without that spark, we are friends...good friends, valued friends, dear friends...but not partners.

MsDemeanor · 12-21-2011, 12:55 AM

- Believes that pets should sleep in the bed with us
- Wicked smart sexy brain
- Enjoys pro football and baseball (hockey is fine, too), is okay about my not caring for basketball, and does not like the Yankees or any quarterback named Manning or Tebow.

mustangjeano · 12-21-2011, 01:55 AM

definitely all femme

Loves animals and is kind to all living things

is capable of owning her own stuff and has done at least some work on her issues.

ladyhawkxx · 12-21-2011, 07:13 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by mustangjeano

definitely all femme

Loves animals and is kind to all living things

is capable of owning her own stuff and has done at least some work on her issues.

WHAT?? What's this I'm reading....? Are you being totally reasonable here or what? This is incredible! A Butch with reasonable expectations for hys woman/femme! OMG - (walks directly into wall in front of me - SMAK!!) ((((((MUSTANGJEANO)))))) I think I just might love ya!!!! LH

scootebaby · 12-21-2011, 01:34 PM

took me awhile to figure out if i even had 3....some may say i have many others may agree on the ones i list....either way this is what I feel........

1....HONESTY!!! if you cant/dont/wont be honest about the small,mundane things because you dont want to deal/hear my reaction,then its a good indicator u really wont be honest about the big things....this in turns destroys everything else--trust,passion,openness!

2...if you dont understand the relationship/connection i have with my son,at least respect it...after all i have known him longer,i KNOW his negatives and positives.

and i had to struggle to find the 3rd one but....

3...dont talk out both sides of your mouth! dont say what u think i want to hear,dont try to impress me

HoustonHuny · 12-21-2011, 06:41 PM

When the love bug hits me....Everything is negotiable.

Soft*Silver · 01-03-2012, 06:36 PM

handsome ears

must have a bookcase filled with books

must enjoy indoor animals

Kätzchen · 12-21-2011, 02:29 PM

-be appreciative of wicked smart intelligence
-must love hunting

-sharing a love for all seasons

Truly Scrumptious · 12-21-2011, 02:46 PM

Things like honesty, compassion, sense of humour (including the ability to laugh at oneself) and good hygiene are givens. I mean, I wouldn’t be considering a relationship without them. But assuming those criteria are met, my next 3 are:

Must love to “do” the beach the way I do.
I used to say I wanted someone who loved the beach. Then I learned almost everyone loves the beach, but that saying so means different things to different people. Some people mean they like to look at it, some like to walk on it, some like to spend an hour or so there. I like to get there before anyone else does, and leave after everyone else has. I can spend 9 or 10 hours at a stretch there, and then come back and do it again the next day.

Must love mushrooms.
Two partners who hated them and one who was ambivalent about something I love so much made this a requirement.

Must be able to let things go.
Look, we’re going to hurt each other from time to time . . . it just happens. I try hard to say what I mean, mean what I say, and not say it mean, but every so often I am going to say something I don’t mean, or do something without thinking it through . . . everyone does. I am too old and tired to carry a grudge, or to deal with the silent treatment while I try to figure out what I’ve done wrong, and anyway, I’ve probably already forgotten it. I let these things go quickly. I don’t think everything needs to be hashed out, and could live the rest of my life happily never hearing the words “I need to process this” ever again.

This of course only applies to (what to me are) little things, because there is no coming back from (what to me are) big things like cheating.

mustangjeano · 12-22-2011, 01:27 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by ladyhawkxx

WHAT?? What's this I'm reading....? Are you being totally reasonable here or what? This is incredible! A Butch with reasonable expectations for hys woman/femme! OMG - (walks directly into wall in front of me - SMAK!!) ((((((MUSTANGJEANO)))))) I think I just might love ya!!!! LH

There IS a Santa Clause, there IS a Santa Claus.!!! Thank you Dear Lady

persiphone · 12-24-2011, 09:40 AM

~using my child as a pawn to try to manipulate me in some way. even my own child sees through this.

~abuse of any kind whether it be verbal, emotional, or physical.

~giant egos. PASS.

kittygrrl · 12-24-2011, 05:09 PM

I think three (really wanted to say five) is healthy (with some things being givens) because the more "I have to have this" it takes the less open we are to what life has to offer..life isn't perfect and we aren't either, thats ok, in life there has to be sweet and bitter..but balance is what we are seeking..(imo)

VintageFemme · 01-03-2012, 01:11 PM

honesty
loyalty
strength [heart, soul & spirit]

you would think these are all a given in any relationship but they are in fact quite rare. even the smallest of white lies and betrayals are commonplace in most relationships and finding true strength of heart, is probably the hardest and yet most important trait in a relationship for me.

Sassy · 12-21-2011, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by MsDemeanor

- ..and does not like the Yankees or any quarterback named Manning or Tebow.

I <3 heart <3 this

I live in Seminole country. I hate the name Tebow.

*laughs!*

12-20-2011, 03:06 PM	#2
JustJo Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: pushy broad Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Follow your heart; it knows things your mind cannot explain. Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: Southeast corner Posts: 5,633 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 24,417 Thanked 25,406 Times in 4,660 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	Only three is tough...very tough... Respect...self-respect, respect for me, respect for our relationship, respect for our family, respect for the needs and feelings of others. I think many of the things we list from honesty to work ethic to hygiene flow from this. Kindness...to have the fundamental belief and practice that kindness, to self and others...whether loved ones or strangers...is worth striving for. To have a kind heart that treats me, my son, and themself with care and kindness...even when life gets difficult. Passion...without that spark, we are friends...good friends, valued friends, dear friends...but not partners. __________________ I'm not tall enough to ride emotional roller coasters

12-21-2011, 12:55 AM	#3
MsDemeanor Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme Relationship Status: Happily married to MisterMeanor, the man of my dreams Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: SF Bay Area Posts: 703 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 165 Thanked 1,852 Times in 511 Posts Rep Power: 2698180	- Believes that pets should sleep in the bed with us - Wicked smart sexy brain - Enjoys pro football and baseball (hockey is fine, too), is okay about my not caring for basketball, and does not like the Yankees or any quarterback named Manning or Tebow. __________________ artisan jewelry jewelry gallery

12-21-2011, 01:55 AM	#4
mustangjeano Member How Do You Identify?: old school stonebutch, Queer TG butch, ranch hand Preferred Pronoun?: he Relationship Status: single, not looking Join Date: Mar 2011 Location: Northern Ca. Posts: 1,088 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,459 Thanked 1,030 Times in 361 Posts Rep Power: 15314316	definitely all femme Loves animals and is kind to all living things is capable of owning her own stuff and has done at least some work on her issues. __________________ "Your outlook affects your outcome". John Paul Warren

12-21-2011, 01:34 PM	#6
scootebaby Timed Out How Do You Identify?: yes dear Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: south florida Posts: 2,494 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,264 Thanked 6,737 Times in 1,777 Posts Rep Power: 0	DISCLAIMER--these are things i have ALWAYS demanded and are not directed at any one partner! took me awhile to figure out if i even had 3....some may say i have many others may agree on the ones i list....either way this is what I feel........ 1....HONESTY!!! if you cant/dont/wont be honest about the small,mundane things because you dont want to deal/hear my reaction,then its a good indicator u really wont be honest about the big things....this in turns destroys everything else--trust,passion,openness! 2...if you dont understand the relationship/connection i have with my son,at least respect it...after all i have known him longer,i KNOW his negatives and positives. and i had to struggle to find the 3rd one but.... 3...dont talk out both sides of your mouth! dont say what u think i want to hear,dont try to impress me

12-21-2011, 06:41 PM	#7
HoustonHuny Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Nov 2011 Location: On the Beach Posts: 212 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 144 Thanked 461 Times in 136 Posts Rep Power: 8526085	When the love bug hits me....Everything is negotiable. __________________ HH http://i38.photobucket.com/albums/e1...llsmilie13.gif

01-03-2012, 06:36 PM	#8
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,906 Times in 4,062 Posts Rep Power*: 21474857	handsome ears must have a bookcase filled with books must enjoy indoor animals __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

12-21-2011, 02:29 PM	#9
Kätzchen Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, please. Relationship Status: Attached to my granddaughter & chosen friends and family.. Join Date: May 2010 Location: Enjoying life with my granddaughter & chosen friends and family. Posts: 16,091 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 29,733 Thanked 33,525 Times in 10,651 Posts Rep Power: 21474868	-be appreciative of wicked smart intelligence -must love hunting -sharing a love for all seasons

12-21-2011, 02:46 PM	#10
Truly Scrumptious Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: She's my mirror twin, my next of kin Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Entre Lajeunesse et la sagesse Posts: 667 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,047 Thanked 1,780 Times in 557 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	Things like honesty, compassion, sense of humour (including the ability to laugh at oneself) and good hygiene are givens. I mean, I wouldn’t be considering a relationship without them. But assuming those criteria are met, my next 3 are: Must love to “do” the beach the way I do. I used to say I wanted someone who loved the beach. Then I learned almost everyone loves the beach, but that saying so means different things to different people. Some people mean they like to look at it, some like to walk on it, some like to spend an hour or so there. I like to get there before anyone else does, and leave after everyone else has. I can spend 9 or 10 hours at a stretch there, and then come back and do it again the next day. Must love mushrooms. Two partners who hated them and one who was ambivalent about something I love so much made this a requirement. Must be able to let things go. Look, we’re going to hurt each other from time to time . . . it just happens. I try hard to say what I mean, mean what I say, and not say it mean, but every so often I am going to say something I don’t mean, or do something without thinking it through . . . everyone does. I am too old and tired to carry a grudge, or to deal with the silent treatment while I try to figure out what I’ve done wrong, and anyway, I’ve probably already forgotten it. I let these things go quickly. I don’t think everything needs to be hashed out, and could live the rest of my life happily never hearing the words “I need to process this” ever again. This of course only applies to (what to me are) little things, because there is no coming back from (what to me are) big things like cheating.

12-24-2011, 09:40 AM	#12
persiphone Timed Out How Do You Identify?: femme Relationship Status: on a hedonistic hiatus Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Permanently Banned 12/28/2011 Posts: 462 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,574 Thanked 1,562 Times in 380 Posts Rep Power: 0	~using my child as a pawn to try to manipulate me in some way. even my own child sees through this. ~abuse of any kind whether it be verbal, emotional, or physical. ~giant egos. PASS.

12-24-2011, 05:09 PM	#13
kittygrrl Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: witchy Preferred Pronoun?: Fae Relationship Status: just for fun Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: near the wild mushrooms Posts: 9,392 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 21,602 Thanked 21,969 Times in 7,088 Posts Rep Power: 21474861	I think three (really wanted to say five) is healthy (with some things being givens) because the more "I have to have this" it takes the less open we are to what life has to offer..life isn't perfect and we aren't either, thats ok, in life there has to be sweet and bitter..but balance is what we are seeking..(imo)

01-03-2012, 01:11 PM	#14
VintageFemme Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: Single Join Date: Jul 2011 Location: Outside Posts: 2,299 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,828 Thanked 7,620 Times in 1,655 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Absolutely Non-Negotiable honesty loyalty strength [heart, soul & spirit] you would think these are all a given in any relationship but they are in fact quite rare. even the smallest of white lies and betrayals are commonplace in most relationships and finding true strength of heart, is probably the hardest and yet most important trait in a relationship for me. __________________ Unfinished Business & Open to Serendipity