I wish there was a support group for lesbian partners of FTM

1ladyface · 01-11-2012, 02:10 AM

I only dated butch women until my last partner who was FTM identified and well into transition. It took some adjustment on my part! And his as well since he had only dated straight girls and I was initially resistant to giving up my lesbian id. I now consider myself a queer femme, which is more accurate for where i'm at now. There were also little assumptions on both sides and small...cultural differences between the queer culture I was used to and the straight dating world he was accustomed to. And the invisibility of our queerness that came with dating a passing person was a HUGE shift for me. Yeah, there was a lot to deal with.

Anyway, I'm excited to have stumbled upon this thread! I'm curious to hear what other peoples experiences have been. What's coming up for you ms. thread starter? (sorry, I should have copied the name of the person who started this thread...)

And what the heck is a SOFFA? It sounds like an Ikea couch with plastic legs.

Quintease · 01-11-2012, 05:35 AM

My story was a bit different to that, in that I had dated all types of women, yet they were all female-identified (bar one who was early transition). I remember telling someone once that while I was attracted to FTM's, I wouldn't be able to date one as I am a lesbian.

Well. Obviously I am married to one now. It was difficult, I was 100% gay and most of his girlfriends were bi or queer identified. I still consider myself gay, yet accept that to the wider world I have turned my back on such things. Socially it's been awkward as well, as my social circle is nearly entirely gay and I don't feel comfortable in straight bars. Luckily for me he's comfortable 'outing' himself to gayers and gayers seem to accept him into the fold as soon as they know he's not cisgendered (until recently). Obviously if it's a women-only event I leave him at home.

The biggest shock I guess have been the straight people around me. They are all so happy that I am married to a man, my mother (who knows about his gender) has covered a wall in her house with photos of our wedding! My straight friends were never much interested in my ex-partners, but fell over themselves to meet him. Perhaps it's the novelty of me being with a man, who knows.

The first I knew of SOFFA was when the husband told me. He said 'Look up Soffa online' and I was like 'What? Look up what? Sofa? Are you kidding?' I think it means something but what I don't know ???

iamkeri1 · 01-11-2012, 08:24 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Quintease

The first I knew of SOFFA was when the husband told me. He said 'Look up Soffa online' and I was like 'What? Look up what? Sofa? Are you kidding?' I think it means something but what I don't know ???

SO = significant other
F = friends
F = family
A = allies

= total yuck as an acronym (IMHO)

01-11-2012, 02:10 AM	#1
1ladyface Junior Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: loved and loving Join Date: Dec 2011 Location: SF Posts: 86 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 65 Thanked 279 Times in 66 Posts Rep Power: 3368880	I only dated butch women until my last partner who was FTM identified and well into transition. It took some adjustment on my part! And his as well since he had only dated straight girls and I was initially resistant to giving up my lesbian id. I now consider myself a queer femme, which is more accurate for where i'm at now. There were also little assumptions on both sides and small...cultural differences between the queer culture I was used to and the straight dating world he was accustomed to. And the invisibility of our queerness that came with dating a passing person was a HUGE shift for me. Yeah, there was a lot to deal with. Anyway, I'm excited to have stumbled upon this thread! I'm curious to hear what other peoples experiences have been. What's coming up for you ms. thread starter? (sorry, I should have copied the name of the person who started this thread...) And what the heck is a SOFFA? It sounds like an Ikea couch with plastic legs. __________________ xoxo -ladyface http://www.1ladyface.blogspot.com

01-11-2012, 05:35 AM	#2
Quintease Member How Do You Identify?: Rainbow femme Preferred Pronoun?: princess Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: United Kingdom Posts: 514 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 508 Thanked 1,817 Times in 417 Posts Rep Power: 10560327	My story was a bit different to that, in that I had dated all types of women, yet they were all female-identified (bar one who was early transition). I remember telling someone once that while I was attracted to FTM's, I wouldn't be able to date one as I am a lesbian. Well. Obviously I am married to one now. It was difficult, I was 100% gay and most of his girlfriends were bi or queer identified. I still consider myself gay, yet accept that to the wider world I have turned my back on such things. Socially it's been awkward as well, as my social circle is nearly entirely gay and I don't feel comfortable in straight bars. Luckily for me he's comfortable 'outing' himself to gayers and gayers seem to accept him into the fold as soon as they know he's not cisgendered (until recently). Obviously if it's a women-only event I leave him at home. The biggest shock I guess have been the straight people around me. They are all so happy that I am married to a man, my mother (who knows about his gender) has covered a wall in her house with photos of our wedding! My straight friends were never much interested in my ex-partners, but fell over themselves to meet him. Perhaps it's the novelty of me being with a man, who knows. The first I knew of SOFFA was when the husband told me. He said 'Look up Soffa online' and I was like 'What? Look up what? Sofa? Are you kidding?' I think it means something but what I don't know ??? __________________ It is not worth an intelligent person's time to be in the majority. By definition, there are already enough people to do that.