A question for the Femmes

[Passionaria]

Hey Drew,
What comes to my mind reading your post is do "you" feel ready? In your heart are you feeling strong enough to surf the waves of dating? Weather it goes well or leads to more, can you feel OK inside yourself at this time with what ever happens?

Rather than making official dates, maybe a gentler approach could be establishing close intimate friendships with femmes that you want to know better, and let it unfold naturally. Go dutch and have fun and get your social feet planted again. That's where it all starts anyway. Baby steps?

From what I have seen (and forgive me here) there are a lot of people "out there" who probably shouldn't be dating for one emotional reason or another. The fact that you are capable of honest introspection and questioning says a lot in your favor, to me.

hugz~

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by Passionaria

Hey Drew,
What comes to my mind reading your post is do "you" feel ready? In your heart are you feeling strong enough to surf the waves of dating? Weather it goes well or leads to more, can you feel OK inside yourself at this time with what ever happens?

Rather than making official dates, maybe a gentler approach could be establishing close intimate friendships with femmes that you want to know better, and let it unfold naturally. Go dutch and have fun and get your social feet planted again. That's where it all starts anyway. Baby steps?

From what I have seen (and forgive me here) there are a lot of people "out there" who probably shouldn't be dating for one emotional reason or another. The fact that you are capable of honest introspection and questioning says a lot in your favor, to me.

hugz~

Thank you. I just want to date and meet people. I have just not been sure if I am someone that Femmes would find datable given my issues, hence this thread. Thanks for the encouragement!

[EnderD_503]

Not femme either, but I do think it depends on the circles you move in as far as the money thing. If you move in queer circles that are largely made up of people who make a certain kind of living, it's quite likely that they'll expect to date someone who also makes a similar amount as they do.

If you're around working class people, people who are below the poverty line etc. "dating" and relationships are going to look very different. Not every femme is going to expect you or want you to be what middle and upper class people call "financially stable." Some will, some won't.

I think emotional stability is more important than financial stability. But it sounds like you're working on that aspect of your life, and those close to you are noticing by encouraging you to start dating again. So I would see that as a positive sign in itself and go for it, if you feel up to it. Don't be discouraged if someone has different monetary values than you do. Just look elsewhere. Not everyone sees the world the same way, or dating/relationships/fuckbuddying the same way.

[SuddenlyWestFemme]

Originally Posted by Passionaria

Hey Drew,
What comes to my mind reading your post is do "you" feel ready? In your heart are you feeling strong enough to surf the waves of dating? Weather it goes well or leads to more, can you feel OK inside yourself at this time with what ever happens?

I think this is great advice. And something to reevaluate after a date or two as well. I have been single for over a year and during that time I stepped into the dating pool twice thinking I was ready. Low and behold after a couple of dates, I realized I was so NOT ready. But I wouldn't have known that I wasn't ready if I hadn't stepped into dating. So go for it and then evaluate how you are feeling around the whole thing.

And please don't worry too much about how Femmes will perceive you or what we will want from you - we all want different things. Some want financial security in a partner others want someone who can make them laugh regardless of income. Some are drawn to those who have emotionally hard times and some want to date those who have been through their ups and downs but are at a pretty even place. There is just no way to tell until you start dating. There was a time when financial security in a partner was important to me. I didn't have faith that I could be the primary breadwinner and I didn't want to raise my kids poor since that is how I grew up. But now I am the main breadwinner for me and my kids so that is less important. I know that I can do it on my own and I can't travel much anyway as I have kids in school so it is just less important. I am the same person, but my desires have changed. Make sense?

Go out and have fun if you are ready and can handle the rejection that inevitable comes along with dating (that is truly the hardest thing not to take personally, but it is rarely personal!). And remember that a few rejections doesn't mean that is all there is out there (another hard thing to do!).

Kind regards,
SuddenlyWest