Differently Abled (fly your freak flag high)

[FeminineAllure]

I have lived with several invisible illnesses but I want to address bipolar depression at this time. I have lived with this for over 25 years. You can not see my pain, depression, anxiety but it is often there. I have always been open and upfront about having this. I find sometimes people will assume because I have had a really bad day or am just burned out or if I am genuinely sad some days it is because I have bipolar. That is not always true. I can have a bad day like everyone else and it can have nothing to do with being bipolar. That assumption pisses me off.
I also don't like to see the treatment or misrepresentation of the mentally ill in society by some of the hospitals, police, commercials, television, cartoons.
I am just naming a few sources where I have seen fun poked at bipolar disorder that was really inapproprite. If some hospitals provided the same treatment to diabetics, heart disease patients, etc... A physical illness, their doors would have been slammed shut by advocate groups.
There have also been threads not on this site but something about an ex being bipolar. So...the ex could not just be a bitch in general?, or simply done with the person or or or... The entire end of that relationship was because the ex had bipolar. EYE ROLL. Many bipolar people are stable and do take their medication.
Thanks for letting me vent SuperFemme.

[violaine]

asperger syndrome may physically present in quirky and clumsy, but that could be anyone off the spectrum as well.

when people do not see what it looks like on a daily basis, they can be so quick to make judgments ! a diabetic has blood glucose spikes with too much honey, and that seems easier for many people to relate to - there's a glucose meter, injections, or general acceptance of 'diabetic' complications.

i walk the roads daily between NT world and my ATypical [AT] wiring, and feel like another species with loads of expectations to 'fit' in, comprehend, agree with, and accept blindly of situations- in some cases these do make so little sense to me.

questioning people who are not on the spectrum has been a mixed bag for me ! i think my questions may come across unexpectedly because i present physically 'normal' [although i dislike that word immensely!]- and there's a possibility for : sense of confusion, defensiveness, or thinking i'm 'weird', even if i frame questions gently. in the work i do with animal welfare, my committee are real tight- there are no communication issues. however, in dealing with other board members - whenever i am asked, and i often am, to provide my thoughts- that's a slippery slope! depends on the person- backfiring of my need for further clarification has sure happened on line also. others forget [and i do hear that!!] i'm on the spectrum- therefore, am i set up for failure? there's no need to be 'failure', my processing simply cannot the same as NeuroTypical [NT].

[hippieflowergirl]

a while ago i discovered, quite obliquely, that i'd been accused of "attention seeking". i was going through a challenging time and needed to talk about it...to ask questions about it...to be heard when i was afraid. i was probably more vocal than was comfortable for the audience in question. it was on my mind 24/7 and 365. the meds were always wrong or symptom control was unpredictable or things would be great for a week and then suck for a day...and then be great for a week and then suck for two weeks...it was crazy making. i asked questions of random people, asked for advice, for help, i talked about it non-stop because it damn well mattered to me that my life was changing so much, so fast, and in ways i couldnt control.

attention seeking? damn right. i would have screamed from the rooftop if it would have made something make sense or if i could have found one person who DIDNT say "it's going to be okay. dont worry. you have so much time and so much to look forward to." if one more person says "dont worry, it's going to be okay" i'm going to gut them....because guess what? it's NOT okay, and it's NOT going to get better, and thank you for caring so much but your caring does not mean that i feel differently all of a sudden.

i dont wallow. i never have. but i'm scared out of my mind some days and it's not going to change unless i can sit with that fear and honor it and embrace it and let it have a damn voice and get it outside of me so that it doesnt consume who i really am. i am not the disease. i didnt stop being me when parkinson's came to live in my brain with the rest of me but i'll be damned if i'm going to pretend i'm not freaked out 8 days out of 7.

attention seeking? damn fucking right i'm attention seeking. and i'm doing it honestly and in a straightforward manner and i'm trying to have a damn sense of humor about it too. i dont think i'm worse or better off than anyone else because i'm not busy comparing. i'm just trying to do things one breath at a time. if i dont do it in the same way someone else does, if i'm not nearly as gracious or half as courageous or even remotely as well adjusted as someone else then excuse the fuck out of me...because gues what? i'm not gracious and i'm not courageous and i'm not any more or less well adjusted than the next sort of human.

not only am i attention seeking some days....i'm perfectly okay with life on others. depends upon the day. doesnt it with everyone?

i dont think i'm special because i have parkinsons. i'm special because i'm a kick ass righteous little smart mouthed bitch and i know it (most days).

attention seeking. yeah baby. i'm seeking. so pay attention. i'll return the favor any freaking day of the week because i dont expect you to want any less than what we all want...a witness to your life and someone to hear your voice.

everybody wants that.

EVERYBODY

[Allison W]

Mine... would be clinical depression (apparently with dependent, avoidant, and borderline personality factors but--thankfully--not full-blown disorders). I'm trying to deal, I really am. The meds help, and today, I really am fine as long as I'm not given reason to stress out. It's just that ordinary life includes so many utterly terrifying things.

Admittedly, sometimes I feel like I'm just lazy next to people who have "real problems," like relatives with cancer (one died in the past year; the other was diagnosed with a severe cancer and is now doing all right due to a very harsh chemo regimen), or some of the people on this thread.

I do hope to eventually become well enough to take care of a home or manage a part-time job, even if I'm never completely independent.

Hippiegirl: our disabilities are different, but I do know what it's like to play the pill-roulette game, experimenting with different medicines and cocktails and what-have-you to find out what one or what precise combination works. It is a bitch and a half and definitely a game I wouldn't miss if I never had to play it again.

[hippieflowergirl]

Originally Posted by Allison W

Mine... would be clinical depression (apparently with dependent, avoidant, and borderline personality factors but--thankfully--not full-blown disorders). I'm trying to deal, I really am. The meds help, and today, I really am fine as long as I'm not given reason to stress out. It's just that ordinary life includes so many utterly terrifying things.

Admittedly, sometimes I feel like I'm just lazy next to people who have "real problems," like relatives with cancer (one died in the past year; the other was diagnosed with a severe cancer and is now doing all right due to a very harsh chemo regimen), or some of the people on this thread.

I do hope to eventually become well enough to take care of a home or manage a part-time job, even if I'm never completely independent.

Hippiegirl: our disabilities are different, but I do know what it's like to play the pill-roulette game, experimenting with different medicines and cocktails and what-have-you to find out what one or what precise combination works. It is a bitch and a half and definitely a game I wouldn't miss if I never had to play it again.

i wouldnt give it up either. PD has given me more than it's taken away. but i'm sick and tired of the attitude...so i'm flipping some back along the path it came down.

my message was meant to be a sort of, "just because you dont see it or understand what you do see doesnt mean someone's scamming you. and if you think someone's whining, or clamoring for attention, or feeling sorry for themselves...maybe they are. did you ever think to ask why? it's not like you havent done it yourself ya know. trust me, it's a human being thing. if you're disgusted by human weakness go find some perfect people to hang out with because, personally, i'm a mess at least one day during the year." (and that's the general you...not any specific individual in this forum)

why not ask a couple of questions or do some intellectual legwork of your own before declaring someone "less than"? is it really that hard? or are you (again, the generalized YOU) just too lazy to pry your ass off of your self-indulgent superiority complex and be a compassionate human being?

[Kenna]

I don't often like to announce such things in detail....

I am Differently Abled.... with several different illnesses, but the Lupus is my main struggle. I do not appear to be differently abled when a stranger sees me getting out of my car, or helping my Mother do her chores, or walking my dogs on a beautiful day... I've slimmed down after gaining a lot of weight due to damaged knees, am as active physically as I can be, can climb mountain paths when my body allows, can carry heavy items in on good days, and can be "one very hardy, tough cookie" when my body is not totally rebelling against me. After I have worked hard or "over done it", my body tries to shut down on me sometimes. I have bad knees, back and kidneys.... many symptoms from the Lupus that make my 38 year old body feel completely broken and drained of life-blood, oxygen and energy some days....I suffer from depression and PTSD due to hardships faced and survived from... (these are not the only things that make me differently abled, but the only things I wish to share at this point)

I get really angry and frustrated when someone in the public sees a differently abled person and assumes that because they are walking upright, that they do not deserve to use a handicapped parking space or the little go-buggies in the store, or they insist that they are not entitled to special medical care such as the Special Pharmaceutical Benefit or Breast & Cervical Cancer Screening, Diagnosis and Treatment Program or a Medical Assistance Program designed for "Special Populations" because they are Differently Abled and/or use Health Sustaining Medication. I get very snappy at the young, disrespectful, very abled 20-somethings that get snappy and nasty with my very Differently Abled Mother because they have no manners or respect for those of us that can't get around as easily as they do. I watched a young woman today take the only handicapped spot, and she didn't have a handicapped placard... after we parked up the lot and were walking past her (with my Mother walking very slowly and obviously labored), the security guard asked her for her placard... she commented "F*** You!! Do you see any handicapped people around?" the guy asked her to move her car... her response "any moron that wants me to move can just wait until I'm done!" Too bad he didn't have the power to write her a ticket. Right in front of this girl, Mom handed the guard her placard... the guard said "sorry Mam, the only thing I can offer is to go get you a wheelchair or electric cart." The girl looked at Mom as if she were the Purple People Eater, gave a disgusting comment and continued inside with her hateful attitude. I wanted to knock her block off!! But Mom said let it go.

Today, I was walking upright without aide (and not curled up in the fetal position on the couch)... was able to get around better than my mother.... but today is a day that just putting my feet on the ground causes great pain and feels like I'm walking on hot coals... once I get going, I can keep a momentum... but grit my teeth most of the way. Because of fighting off very chronic pain... I get exhausted very easy and am seriously wishing I could take a nap. The sunshine feels so good.... but being in direct sun for extended periods of time causes problems. After being so worn out and occupied with "fighting" my body today, I have no patience or tolerance for ill-mannered, bratty, disrespectful people who obviously are self-consumed and self-centered.

Sorry for my rant... gritting my teeth all day has made my nerves raw.

[SuperFemme]

Sweet, thanks for sharing about yourself.
Welcome to the thread.

Just remember, people like that rude young lady are going to grow old some day. Karma is a bitch.

I can totally relate to everything you wrote and concur and agree with you on all your points, and also empathize with you on many.

Savor your good moments and forgive yourself the hard ones.

[Lady Jewel]

Ms. Allure, I am so sorry that you have gone through the pat 25 years dealing with peoples ignorance. But remember, its THEIR ignorance, not yours. You know that when youve had a bad day and feeling (Fill in the adjective blank) that it was because you HAD A FUCKED UP DAY. Not because of your BPD diagnosis. I have always said that illnesses that start in the brain should be treated by society like any other illness. That we dont separate mental health issues from the rest of the body issues. Whats the difference?? Its ALL ilnesses of the human anatomy.

Warmly,
Jewel

Originally Posted by FeminineAllure

I have lived with several invisible illnesses but I want to address bipolar depression at this time. I have lived with this for over 25 years. You can not see my pain, depression, anxiety but it is often there. I have always been open and upfront about having this. I find sometimes people will assume because I have had a really bad day or am just burned out or if I am genuinely sad some days it is because I have bipolar. That is not always true. I can have a bad day like everyone else and it can have nothing to do with being bipolar. That assumption pisses me off.
I also don't like to see the treatment or misrepresentation of the mentally ill in society by some of the hospitals, police, commercials, television, cartoons.
I am just naming a few sources where I have seen fun poked at bipolar disorder that was really inapproprite. If some hospitals provided the same treatment to diabetics, heart disease patients, etc... A physical illness, their doors would have been slammed shut by advocate groups.
There have also been threads not on this site but something about an ex being bipolar. So...the ex could not just be a bitch in general?, or simply done with the person or or or... The entire end of that relationship was because the ex had bipolar. EYE ROLL. Many bipolar people are stable and do take their medication.
Thanks for letting me vent SuperFemme.