Cynthia Nixon says she's gay by 'choice.' Is it really a choice?

[Quintease]

We all knew that 'gay by choice' usually means bi or homoflexible.

But it's her choice to use the word bisexual as she is very correct that it is thought badly of.

There are very few gay people who are here by choice HOWEVER, why should this matter? Why are we better, more acceptable, more correct by being 'born this way'? By having the choice taken out of our hands, by making the best of a bad situation? Why?

Why shouldn't a boy or girl who has a choice, be able to choose? 'The implication being that noone would choose to be gay, unless they are sick, demented or just dishonest with themselves.

I'm glad Cynthia said what she did. Good on her for starting the discussion.

[Blue_Daddy-O]

OMG.. this picture almost made me want to cry! Have you seen this yet? I don't know if I can make it show up here, because I'm behind the times like that sometimes, Lol.

A Christian group shows up to a Chicago Gay Pride parade holding apologetic signs including "I'm sorry for how the church treated you".





If it doesn't work here it is... http://imgur.com/bVD9p

[blush]

It would be interesting to start conversations with straight people about when they choose to be straight.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Quintease

We all knew that 'gay by choice' usually means bi or homoflexible.

But it's her choice to use the word bisexual as she is very correct that it is thought badly of.

There are very few gay people who are here by choice HOWEVER, why should this matter? Why are we better, more acceptable, more correct by being 'born this way'? By having the choice taken out of our hands, by making the best of a bad situation? Why?

Why shouldn't a boy or girl who has a choice, be able to choose? 'The implication being that noone would choose to be gay, unless they are sick, demented or just dishonest with themselves.

I'm glad Cynthia said what she did. Good on her for starting the discussion.

I didnt know "gay by choice" usually means bi or homoflexible. I never heard homoflexible either. What does it mean? Is there a heteroflexible?

Thinking out loud and trying to sort it out in my head....I find questions swirling around up there like..... Is sexual orientation determined by who we choose to fuck at a certain time in our lives or is it something more? What does it mean to Cynthia to call herself gay by choice rather than a lesbian by choice? Is there a difference? If Cynthia and her girlfriend break up, will she simply unchoose to be gay? Or would she be choosing to be ungay Is there such a thing as episodic gayness? If I, god help me, ever decide to have a relationship with a man, does that mean I am no longer a lesbian? Does that make me a hetero?

Is gay by choice different from gay by preference i.e. those who are equally attracted to both sexes but prefer one over the other? Are people in prison who have only one sex to choose from considered gay by circumstance?

How does all this impact gay or questioning kids today? How does it affect any kid who is becoming sexual and experiementing. It confuses the crap out of me and I have been at this for a while now.

[Corkey]

I don't allow anyone to decide how I identify, she may speak for herself, she can not speak for the rest of us. Actors have a stage, we give it to them, take the stage away and they are just the same as everyone else. Would any of us give another person the right to define us? I think not. Her decision to id as what ever she id's as is her choice, in that it is a choice. Who she sleeps with, or has a physical relationship with is none of my concern. If we think she speaks for us, then we've given her our power. I haven't and she doesn't.

[Martina]

This is not about Vlasta -- at all.

But i don't think that we should let comments like that stand. It's no different, IMO, from a racist or sexist remark.

It doesn't belong here. We can feel however we feel, but we don't get to say it everywhere.

People can publish their own site or blog or whatever or go to one that hates bisexuals. But that's not us.

[Blue_Daddy-O]

Originally Posted by Martina

This is not about Vlasta -- at all.

But i don't think that we should let comments like that stand. It's no different, IMO, from a racist or sexist remark.

It doesn't belong here. We can feel however we feel, but we don't get to say it everywhere.

People can publish their own site or blog or whatever or go to one that hates bisexuals. But that's not us.

If we kicked everyone out that said something that offended us whether it be racist, sexist, ageist, classist, anti-semitic, homophobic, anti-feminist, anti-gay, anti-american, anti-you-name-it-anything, how would we learn from each other and grow as a community? If someone says something and their point of view is challenged and they continue to knowingly go on and hurt others with their words than I can see where that type of a person may get themselves to a point of no return. But until then, I believe give that person a chance to learn. If it's a valid opinion I want to hear it. I would like people to feel safe to voice that opinion even if it isn't a popular opinion. Some of us have the patience to teach.

[Martina]

Who said anything about kicking people out?

Originally Posted by Blue_Vegan_Daddy-O

If we kicked everyone out that said something that offended us whether it be racist, sexist, ageist, classist, anti-semitic, homophobic, anti-feminist, anti-gay, anti-american, anti-you-name-it-anything, how would we learn from each other and grow as a community?

[Chancie]

Originally Posted by Blue_Vegan_Daddy-O

If we kicked everyone out that said something that offended us whether it be racist, sexist, ageist, classist, anti-semitic, homophobic, anti-feminist, anti-gay, anti-american, anti-you-name-it-anything, how would we learn from each other and grow as a community? If someone says something and their point of view is challenged and they continue to knowingly go on and hurt others with their words than I can see where that type of a person may get themselves to a point of no return. But until then, I believe give that person a chance to learn. If it's a valid opinion I want to hear it. I would like people to feel safe to voice that opinion even if it isn't a popular opinion. Some of us have the patience to teach.

I have nothing to learn from someone who is "racist, sexist, ageist, classist, anti-semitic, homophobic, anti-feminist, anti-gay, anti-american, anti-you-name-it-anything" and follows it with, and that's just what I believe, too bad.

Except maybe to keep them away from vulnerable children.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Chancie

I have nothing to learn from someone who is "racist, sexist, ageist, classist, anti-semitic, homophobic, anti-feminist, anti-gay, anti-american, anti-you-name-it-anything" and follows it with, and that's just what I believe, too bad.

Except maybe to keep them away from vulnerable children.

I tend to see it a little differently.

I prefer a healthy dose of difference. I find when I dont venture out of my comfort zone, I get bored, stagnant, and intellectually rusty.

I also find people who think differently than me have much to teach me. They teach me tolerance which is a huge asset in a very diverse world. They also teach me patience and who cant afford to be more patient. But, most of all, they teach me a lot about the person I am and the person I strive to be.

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Chancie

I have nothing to learn from someone who is "racist, sexist, ageist, classist, anti-semitic, homophobic, anti-feminist, anti-gay, anti-american, anti-you-name-it-anything" and follows it with, and that's just what I believe, too bad.

Except maybe to keep them away from vulnerable children.

I agree.

The underlined part is what gets me. Yes, we are all free to express our opinions, be they right or wrong or mired in some gray muck inbetween, however, if one cannot take a moment to say, "And this is why...." then not only do I not hold ANY value in what they said (be it a learning experience for me or an opportunity to educate someone who may need it) but it feels like nothing more than shit stirring.

To hone in on the thread topic, I feel Cynthia has the right to love who she wants and to do it in the fashion she wants, but I really do wish she would word things differently. Someone mentioned the 'man boobs' thing and I remember cringing when I heard that. PC, she is not.

[AtLast]

Interesting how the chicken & egg paradigm or the nature/nurture debate continues- no matter the population.

It isn't the debate or choosing to buy into one or the other that is important to me. The discussion is. And discussions that are not filled with negative judgement.

Bi-sexuality has been one of the most negatively judged forms of sexuality as I have developed through various stages of queerdom (speaking individually).

Although I personally embrace the bio-physiological nature of sexuality, I respect those that do not.

I find bi-bashing disturbing as an individual.

[Blue_Daddy-O]

Originally Posted by Kobi

I didnt know "gay by choice" usually means bi or homoflexible. I never heard homoflexible either. What does it mean? Is there a heteroflexible?

Thinking out loud and trying to sort it out in my head....I find questions swirling around up there like..... Is sexual orientation determined by who we choose to fuck at a certain time in our lives or is it something more? What does it mean to Cynthia to call herself gay by choice rather than a lesbian by choice? Is there a difference? If Cynthia and her girlfriend break up, will she simply unchoose to be gay? Or would she be choosing to be ungay Is there such a thing as episodic gayness? If I, god help me, ever decide to have a relationship with a man, does that mean I am no longer a lesbian? Does that make me a hetero?

Is gay by choice different from gay by preference i.e. those who are equally attracted to both sexes but prefer one over the other? Are people in prison who have only one sex to choose from considered gay by circumstance?

How does all this impact gay or questioning kids today? How does it affect any kid who is becoming sexual and experiementing. It confuses the crap out of me and I have been at this for a while now.

Yes, there is now Heteroflexible. All good questions, Kobi.

[Quintease]

Originally Posted by Kobi

Is there a heteroflexible?

Yes. It's people who have labels, but don't feel the need to restrict themselves because of those labels.

[The_Lady_Snow]

As a Latina Queer Woman I get sick and fucking tired of having to educate peoples ignorant statements... It gets old.. It's not that hard to think before you speak and check your isms at the door.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Quintease

Yes. It's people who have labels, but don't feel the need to restrict themselves because of those labels.

Ok but I still am not sure I am understanding what homoflexible and heteroflexible refers to. Are you saying this means someone who is primarily one but may occasionally be the other?

How does homo/hetero flexible differ from the older concept of bisexual? Or is it the new terminology for bisexual?

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by Kobi

Ok but I still am not sure I am understanding what homoflexible and heteroflexible refers to. Are you saying this means someone who is primarily one but may occasionally be the other?

How does homo/hetero flexible differ from the older concept of bisexual? Or is it the new terminology for bisexual?

Yes, that's my understanding. A gay man who may occasionally dally with women, but whose primary sexual and romantic interest lies with men, may call himself homoflexible. And vice-versa. My understanding is that some people don't like to use 'bisexual' because the word implies that there are two genders.

That said, people just loooove to try on IDs, find them too restrictive, and then demand that the label expand to meet who they feel they are. Once that happens, new labels are invented once again.

[Soon]

"[T]he born-this-way approach carries an unintended implication that the behavior of gays and lesbians needs biological grounding to evade condemnation. Why should it? Our laws safeguard religious freedom, and that’s not because there’s a Presbyterian, Buddhist or Mormon gene. There’s only a tradition and theology that you elect or decline to follow. But this country has deemed worshiping in a way that feels consonant with who you are to be essential to a person’s humanity. So it’s protected. Our laws also safeguard the right to bear arms: not exactly a biological imperative. Among adults, the right to love whom you’re moved to love — and to express it through sex and maybe, yes, marriage — is surely as vital to life, liberty and the pursuit of happiness as a Glock. And it’s a lot less likely to cause injury, if that’s a deciding factor: how a person’s actions affect the community around him or her." - New York Times columnist

Frank Bruni, on Cynthia Nixon's controversial comments.

http://www.nytimes.com/2012/01/29/op...-not.html?_r=1