Cynthia Nixon says she's gay by 'choice.' Is it really a choice?

[Corkey]

I don't allow anyone to decide how I identify, she may speak for herself, she can not speak for the rest of us. Actors have a stage, we give it to them, take the stage away and they are just the same as everyone else. Would any of us give another person the right to define us? I think not. Her decision to id as what ever she id's as is her choice, in that it is a choice. Who she sleeps with, or has a physical relationship with is none of my concern. If we think she speaks for us, then we've given her our power. I haven't and she doesn't.

[Martina]

This is not about Vlasta -- at all.

But i don't think that we should let comments like that stand. It's no different, IMO, from a racist or sexist remark.

It doesn't belong here. We can feel however we feel, but we don't get to say it everywhere.

People can publish their own site or blog or whatever or go to one that hates bisexuals. But that's not us.

[Blue_Daddy-O]

Originally Posted by Martina

This is not about Vlasta -- at all.

But i don't think that we should let comments like that stand. It's no different, IMO, from a racist or sexist remark.

It doesn't belong here. We can feel however we feel, but we don't get to say it everywhere.

People can publish their own site or blog or whatever or go to one that hates bisexuals. But that's not us.

If we kicked everyone out that said something that offended us whether it be racist, sexist, ageist, classist, anti-semitic, homophobic, anti-feminist, anti-gay, anti-american, anti-you-name-it-anything, how would we learn from each other and grow as a community? If someone says something and their point of view is challenged and they continue to knowingly go on and hurt others with their words than I can see where that type of a person may get themselves to a point of no return. But until then, I believe give that person a chance to learn. If it's a valid opinion I want to hear it. I would like people to feel safe to voice that opinion even if it isn't a popular opinion. Some of us have the patience to teach.

[Martina]

Who said anything about kicking people out?

Originally Posted by Blue_Vegan_Daddy-O

If we kicked everyone out that said something that offended us whether it be racist, sexist, ageist, classist, anti-semitic, homophobic, anti-feminist, anti-gay, anti-american, anti-you-name-it-anything, how would we learn from each other and grow as a community?

[Chancie]

Originally Posted by Blue_Vegan_Daddy-O

If we kicked everyone out that said something that offended us whether it be racist, sexist, ageist, classist, anti-semitic, homophobic, anti-feminist, anti-gay, anti-american, anti-you-name-it-anything, how would we learn from each other and grow as a community? If someone says something and their point of view is challenged and they continue to knowingly go on and hurt others with their words than I can see where that type of a person may get themselves to a point of no return. But until then, I believe give that person a chance to learn. If it's a valid opinion I want to hear it. I would like people to feel safe to voice that opinion even if it isn't a popular opinion. Some of us have the patience to teach.

I have nothing to learn from someone who is "racist, sexist, ageist, classist, anti-semitic, homophobic, anti-feminist, anti-gay, anti-american, anti-you-name-it-anything" and follows it with, and that's just what I believe, too bad.

Except maybe to keep them away from vulnerable children.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Chancie

I have nothing to learn from someone who is "racist, sexist, ageist, classist, anti-semitic, homophobic, anti-feminist, anti-gay, anti-american, anti-you-name-it-anything" and follows it with, and that's just what I believe, too bad.

Except maybe to keep them away from vulnerable children.

I tend to see it a little differently.

I prefer a healthy dose of difference. I find when I dont venture out of my comfort zone, I get bored, stagnant, and intellectually rusty.

I also find people who think differently than me have much to teach me. They teach me tolerance which is a huge asset in a very diverse world. They also teach me patience and who cant afford to be more patient. But, most of all, they teach me a lot about the person I am and the person I strive to be.

[Martina]

This is not an opinion like "meat is murder," which could challenge you and take you out of your comfort zone. It is an opinion that makes it conveys hatred toward members of our community. If we are committed to including bisexuals among our members, then we need to do what we can to prevent statements like that from being made. People can think and feel whatever they like. They can explore and research and discuss with friends. But to make a statement like that where there are undoubtedly bisexuals is to knowingly risk hurting and alienating others. i do not think that is what we want to do here.

There's nothing "healthy" about that kind of remark.

Originally Posted by Kobi

I tend to see it a little differently.

I prefer a healthy dose of difference. I find when I dont venture out of my comfort zone, I get bored, stagnant, and intellectually rusty.

I also find people who think differently than me have much to teach me. They teach me tolerance which is a huge asset in a very diverse world. They also teach me patience and who cant afford to be more patient. But, most of all, they teach me a lot about the person I am and the person I strive to be.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Martina

This is not an opinion like "meat is murder," which could challenge you and take you out of your comfort zone. It is an opinion that makes it conveys hatred toward members of our community. If we are committed to including bisexuals among our members, then we need to do what we can to prevent statements like that from being made. People can think and feel whatever they like. They can explore and research and discuss with friends. But to make a statement like that where there are undoubtedly bisexuals is to knowingly risk hurting and alienating others. i do not think that is what we want to do here.

There's nothing "healthy" about that kind of remark.

I hear what you are saying.

I think you misunderstood what I said. Let me explain.

Like it or not, people come with preconceived notions, thoughts, beliefs, feelings based on their experiences and teachings. We may not always agree with these. They might not be the type of thing we want to hear. They are obviously things that rarely go unchallenged.

To me, we can strive to just stop stuff like this from occuring because it offends us. Hence the goal might be seen as to just shut someone up.

Or, we can have a different type of goal. Changing someones heart is more lasting and more beneficial and advantageous to the whole. To me, that is a heathy response and coming out of ones comfort zone. It is a royal pain in the ass to do it, but since when have we ever backed down from a challenge?

I base this on my own experiences. I came here with outdated knowledge and a lot of stuff that was challenged a great deal. I didnt understand a lot of what the challenge was about until I was given the knowledge as to why something was seen as this or that. It taught me a lot. It made me and still makes me see things differently. It makes me more mindful and careful when posting stuff.

To me, the healthy part, is not what was initially done, but how we choose to deal with it and why we choose this way.

Perhaps this makes it clearer?

[mariamma]

I came out as a lesbian at 16 but was with men for 18 years out of choice. A major issue is ... I expected the men to be as capable emotionally as women. This is why I have never felt bi or straight. I can say I love women. Can't say I love men. I like them. I respect them. I just can't have a deep, meaningful relationship with men.
I can see how Cynthia might feel similar. I can see how some women or men can choose to be with a gender that fits better with soul, spirit and mind before the body

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Chancie

I have nothing to learn from someone who is "racist, sexist, ageist, classist, anti-semitic, homophobic, anti-feminist, anti-gay, anti-american, anti-you-name-it-anything" and follows it with, and that's just what I believe, too bad.

Except maybe to keep them away from vulnerable children.

I agree.

The underlined part is what gets me. Yes, we are all free to express our opinions, be they right or wrong or mired in some gray muck inbetween, however, if one cannot take a moment to say, "And this is why...." then not only do I not hold ANY value in what they said (be it a learning experience for me or an opportunity to educate someone who may need it) but it feels like nothing more than shit stirring.

To hone in on the thread topic, I feel Cynthia has the right to love who she wants and to do it in the fashion she wants, but I really do wish she would word things differently. Someone mentioned the 'man boobs' thing and I remember cringing when I heard that. PC, she is not.

[AtLast]

Interesting how the chicken & egg paradigm or the nature/nurture debate continues- no matter the population.

It isn't the debate or choosing to buy into one or the other that is important to me. The discussion is. And discussions that are not filled with negative judgement.

Bi-sexuality has been one of the most negatively judged forms of sexuality as I have developed through various stages of queerdom (speaking individually).

Although I personally embrace the bio-physiological nature of sexuality, I respect those that do not.

I find bi-bashing disturbing as an individual.