Cynthia Nixon says she's gay by 'choice.' Is it really a choice?

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Vlasta

On the other hand , no wonder that heterosexual community looking us as freaks and they don't recognized that we live an equally loving and normal lives as they do . If there are people that one day they are with John and few days later they are with Jane .Therefore , they are thinking it's a choice for us in which in so many cases it's not .

Wow. You know, I always thought that things like "the religious right" and "conservatism" and "general fear mongering hogwash" was the reason that we don't have equal rights in many countries.

I mean, come on. BISEXUALS are the reason you don't have equal rights? Really?

[betenoire]

And you know. While I'm real sorry you had a bad experience with someone who happened to be bisexual...I'm gonna tell you a story.

My dad used to be a trucker in the 80s. I used to travel with him a great deal of the time when I wasn't in school. This one time we were at a rest stop in Michigan when a man with a knife came up to us. He stole my dad's wallet and scared the shit out of us both.

Now, the dude at the rest stop happened to be Black. Given that one bad experience does my father (and me too) have a pass to shit-talk Black people? Would it be acceptable for my father to say "I don't have a problem with Black people so long as they don't steal wallets"? Of course not. Even though my dad had a bad experience once that would STILL be a bigoted thing to say because 1 - any time you say "I don't have a problem with ____" you obviously DO have a problem with ____. and 2 - it gives the impression that stealing wallets is a "Black thing" to do and any Black person who doesn't steal wallets is the exception to the rule.

so when you say:

It's ok to be bisexual , but be honest and not living a double life .

It's clear that you don't think it's okay to be bisexual, and that you think there is a positive correlation between bisexuality and living a dishonest double life.

I am not the exception to the rule. Your ex is not the rule. There just IS no rule.

Just like there is no "rule" to lesbians or heterosexuals.

[SnackTime]

Originally Posted by betenoire

I mean, come on. BISEXUALS are the reason you don't have equal rights? Really?

I do not see anywhere in her posts where she has stated this.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by SnackTime

I do not see anywhere in her posts where she has stated this.

Yes , I am biased and I will not denied that. There are millions gay people rightfully fighting for the equal rights , they have been together for many years and not getting nowhere . Sad situation , but true .

On the other hand , no wonder that heterosexual community looking us as freaks and they don't recognized that we live an equally loving and normal lives as they do . If there are people that one day they are with John and few days later they are with Jane .Therefore , they are thinking it's a choice for us in which in so many cases it's not .

Maybe it was actually a non sequitur, but I was crediting her post for following a cohesive train of thought.

Best case scenario she said that bisexuals are the reason that heterosexuals think of us all as freaks. BEST case scenario.

[Toughy]

I'm wondering if there is something in the TOS about this kind of nastiness directed at bisexuals....bisexual phobia should not be acceptable on this website.

Replace 'bisexual' with ohhhh say 'black' or 'mexican' or __________ and shit would hit the fan.

[Sparx1_1]

Originally Posted by betenoire

Maybe it was actually a non sequitur, but I was crediting her post for following a cohesive train of thought.

Best case scenario she said that bisexuals are the reason that heterosexuals think of us all as freaks. BEST case scenario.

The reality is that for some heterosexuals that is a very correct assessment of how they think and feel. We are all affected by our experiences and unfortunately vlasta has had an incredibly negative experience. Even more unfortunate is that there are people in our community who have the same opinions yet have never had a bad experience.
All vlasta has done is been honest about how her experiences have affected her. Rage filled responses will only guarantee that her opinion and the opinions of people with similar ideas will never change.

[betenoire]

Originally Posted by Sparx1_1

Rage filled responses will only guarantee that her opinion and the opinions of people with similar ideas will never change.

You've got an interesting definition of rage.

Originally Posted by Semantics

I also want to say that you weren't infected with a disease because your partner was bisexual, you were exposed because your partner was unfaithful and a cheater. Despite what many believe, exclusively lesbian women contract and transmit STD's among themselves all the time.

I don't judge you. I believe that you're entitled to your opinion, I just disagree with it because I believe it harms the bisexuals in our community.

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

We've all been hurt it still DOES NOT give us the right to make broad generalizations about a group of people..

Originally Posted by Softhearted

Since when living a double life is linked to being bisexual?!??????

Originally Posted by betenoire

Wow. You know, I always thought that things like "the religious right" and "conservatism" and "general fear mongering hogwash" was the reason that we don't have equal rights in many countries.

I mean, come on. BISEXUALS are the reason you don't have equal rights? Really?

Originally Posted by betenoire

It's clear that you don't think it's okay to be bisexual, and that you think there is a positive correlation between bisexuality and living a dishonest double life.

I am not the exception to the rule. Your ex is not the rule. There just IS no rule.

Just like there is no "rule" to lesbians or heterosexuals.

Originally Posted by betenoire

Best case scenario she said that bisexuals are the reason that heterosexuals think of us all as freaks. BEST case scenario.

Originally Posted by Toughy

I'm wondering if there is something in the TOS about this kind of nastiness directed at bisexuals....bisexual phobia should not be acceptable on this website.

Replace 'bisexual' with ohhhh say 'black' or 'mexican' or __________ and shit would hit the fan.

[Kobi]

Originally Posted by Sparx1_1

The reality is that for some heterosexuals that is a very correct assessment of how they think and feel. We are all affected by our experiences and unfortunately vlasta has had an incredibly negative experience. Even more unfortunate is that there are people in our community who have the same opinions yet have never had a bad experience.
All vlasta has done is been honest about how her experiences have affected her. Rage filled responses will only guarantee that her opinion and the opinions of people with similar ideas will never change.

I tend to agree with the principles here. Sometimes there is a difference between what is said and what is heard. And, focusing on a line or two from the context of what was said can dramatically alter the perception of what was meant.

Within the context of what was said, I heard someone expressing their displeasure at having been deceived by someone they felt wasnt upfront and honest with them, and someone who betrayed their trust. And, this bothered them.

[Martina]

I agree with Toughy. i know people have their own biases, but this is not the place to express them. It's not. It's a public forum.

Bisexual people are welcome here. They do not need to read that others think they are unfaithful or carriers of disease or whatever.

Even the "i would never date a bisexual" thing is questionable if you think about it. i remember when people were taken to task about that re trans issues.

i mean we want who we want, we have the life experiences we have, etc.

But expressing that stuff here is potentially alienating and harmful to others. Do it in PM's. This is not a therapy group. People come here for fun or to relax as well as for other reasons. They do not come here to be reminded that they are hated by others. We are a community. If you have hateful feelings and thoughts, keep them to yourself.

In the past i told some of my stories about dating/befriending some transmen. They were not positive. I got schooled about how sharing those stories in the way i did was harmful to others. i learned. i appreciate the folks who took the time out to explain it to me.

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by Sparx1_1

The reality is that for some heterosexuals that is a very correct assessment of how they think and feel. We are all affected by our experiences and unfortunately vlasta has had an incredibly negative experience. Even more unfortunate is that there are people in our community who have the same opinions yet have never had a bad experience.
All vlasta has done is been honest about how her experiences have affected her. Rage filled responses will only guarantee that her opinion and the opinions of people with similar ideas will never change.

I'd like to clarify that not one time that I have posted about this particular subject have *I* personally been "rage filled" it feels insulting to me that when we (general) have a difference with opinion with something that is OBVIOUSLY harmful to members of this community (what Vlasta said is, was, incorrect and harmful)

Having a different opinion and not agreeing with ugly statements regardless of someones own personal experience is not *RAGE* it's standing up and saying "hey, you don't get to insult our bisexual members here just because someone you were with cheated on you, molested you kid, and gave you a disease"


I find it ridiculous and insulting to be accused of being *rage filled* because one stands up for the rights of others to be here and not have to be insulted....



I tell ya what does piss me off, when someone takes it upon themselves to *assume* that because I am standing up for others that I am some angry pissed off woman.

[adorable]

I know for sure that when I was 13 my mother walked into my room and accused me of being a dyke because I had wallpapered my room with Madonna posters. I also know that I took it all down in horror. It was said with such distaste and hate that no way did I want to be associated with that “dyke” thing. That was a choice I made.

I also know that I was accused of being bisexual by people here in my real time community. I know that it was said with the same distaste and hate. I know in an effort to fit in with the gay crowd I had to distance myself from my past of being with men. The only thing worse than being a man, it seemed, was to sleep with them. My distancing was a choice, due to being young and wanting to belong.

I’m no longer young, nor do I give a shit if I belong. I make different choices today.

We clearly were (or are) seen as traitors and get no stars. I have two beautiful girls. I loved a man enough at some point to make those babies. I can say today that I will partner with men and it’s just fine if people try to take my birthday away for it. Many of us made choices based on limited knowledge, youth, inexperience or all those things. We all walk around making choices every day of our lives. Most of us too, no matter how we ID, have been accused by society in general of being wild sex crazed maniacs hanging from chandeliers who can’t control ourselves and freaks set out to destroy innocent children.

I have said this before, and (surprise) I’m saying it again, it is NOT OKAY for ANY group to hate another group, but it’s especially disturbing when a minority group hates on another minority group. That is exactly what those in the larger society who hate us WANT US TO DO. It is much easier to divide us into small manageable factions and take away the “other” other’s rights first. Divide and conquer.

It’s so nonsensical, that it would seem like it would go without saying.
Evidently, not.

Let me say to everyone reading this that what has been said here was hateful, bigoted, stereotypical, and untrue. Bisexuality doesn’t make a person promiscuous. Bisexual people are not dirty lepers running around transmitting diseases. Bisexuals are not living a double life. They are not trying to “have their cake and eat it too.” Bisexuality doesn’t cause people to molest children. Being bisexual doesn’t mean that you are not a feminist or are a sellout. Nor does it mean you bring sperm home. Heterosexuals are not stereotyping us based on what bisexuals do or don’t do.

Those who are against the gay community, are against us ALL - across the board. THEY don’t give a shit what we call ourselves or how we identify. We, as a collective minority, need to STOP discriminating against members in our own community. It’s a matter of life and death. Even under the guise of “my experience,” clear bisexual stereotypes must be called out. I’m calling it out.
These exact stereotypes are perpetrated against us ALL every single day in our society. They justify our collective rights being taken away. This includes ALL OF US – you, me, us and them. Stereotypes that justify everything from discrimination to hate crimes.

Everyone should be outraged whenever hate or intolerance is directed at any minority group. It is silence that allows this bullshit and stereotyping to continue.

(To be fair I did manage to stay out of this thread for several pages...in case any ribbons are being handed out.)