From the heart of a Tiger

Gentle Tiger · 02-18-2010, 07:37 PM

Cheeks sunken in

Ribs protruding

Skin pale and dry

Emotionally emaciated

Emotionally scarred

Emotionally anorexic

Emotions lost from not being wanted

Emotions trampled from being beaten

Emotions stolen from being starved

Emotions starved from being locked in a closet for days at a time

Emotions sucked out from being used

Emotions deceived from being lied to

Emotions raped and plundered from being fucked over

Emotions abandoned from years of perfecting the art of self-hatred, self-destruction, self-loathing

Emotionally anorexic

And then you appear

Bidding me to come to the table of your heart and eat

You coax me, nudge me, and challenge me

Being ever so sweet and inviting with your encouragement

But I cannot eat

I do not allow myself to eat

I say it is to protect myself from poison

But is that the truth?

Emotionally starving to death

The truth is I don’t know how to eat

The truth is I am too ashamed to eat

The truth is eating at the table of your heart means I must trust you

And that just cannot be

In times past I have taken in the foods of kindness and tenderness

I have ingested hugs and kisses and strokes of the face

But then with the fingers of poisonous thought and deflection I purged myself of such sustenance

For I have come to believe I am not worthy of such things

I am emotionally anorexic

Yet you come before me with arms open wide

And again bid me to eat of you, to taste your fruits of acceptance and affection

To come to your table and with time become emotionally fat

To enjoy the meats of trust, visibility, patience and understanding

And yet I resist

For I have become comfortable in my state of emotional anorexia

It is my crutch

It is my companion

It is my twisted lover

Emotional anorexia

Yet you come to me and say

Come, eat and drink of me

For I am as no other

I stare at the nourishment you offer me

Moving towards that which I clearly crave

You tell me to eat slowly

Instead I try to consume everything you are for fear that I will never know such a feast again

But the moment my taste buds taste things like acceptance and tenderness

The gastric juices of old tapes, rejection, deception, hurt, torment build

And instead of freely enjoying my seat at the banquet table

I can no longer taste what you offer

I push you away and I vomit until there is only dry heaves

Certain you will be repulsed by my emotional anorexia

Convinced that you will run as you see my difficulty to eat

You surprise me

You help me clean myself off, clean up the mess that I have made

You patiently set the table again, return the chair to its standing position

And gently say to me once more

Come eat, let yourself become fat

Staring at the table you have prepared for me

Having now to make a choice

I slowly begin to eat again and pause to say,

Emotional anorexia…

I bid you good-bye

WolfyOne · 02-18-2010, 08:05 PM

Gentle Tiger, I can feel your pain in all your words. Brother to brother, I want to hug you and tell you that the whole world isn't cruel. I want to tell you without pain we could never find healthy resolutions. There's plenty of beautiful trustworthy people out there. Writing helps me let go of my past and move forward. I hope yours does the same for you. Keep writing, keep sharing.....from someone who knows all to much about trust and pain, but continues to move ahead looking for all that is good. May faith, love and hope be yours today and everyday.

Gentle Tiger · 12-01-2010, 02:23 AM

An Introduction

I am not the one who took what was not mine to take from you
I am not the one who sees you as less than
I am not the one who trampled over what you held sacred
I am not the one who abused you and left you to heal alone

I am your brother
I am your friend
I am one who believes there is no such thing as too femme
I am a part of you

I am not a traitor to womanhood
I am not your enemy
I am not the one who wishes to keep you under foot
I am not a trifling black man

I am one who braved a journey to be comfortable in my own skin
I am one who still believes that women hold this world together
I am one who is invisible and just like you wishes to be seen
I am one who knows it is not your anatomy that defines your character

I am Malcolm and I am pleased to meet you.

maw - 12/01/2010

Passionaria · 12-01-2010, 02:12 PM

I really don't know how I missed this thread of your Poetry, but what a joy to see you out here expressing yourself! Your thoughtful honesty is delightful, and moving. KEEP WRITING!

Pashi

02-18-2010, 07:37 PM	#1
Gentle Tiger Moderator How Do You Identify?: As a Tiger of course Preferred Pronoun?: Not the Old Man Relationship Status: Two Tigers Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Northern California Posts: 7,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,001 Thanked 15,990 Times in 3,992 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Emotional Anorexia Cheeks sunken in Ribs protruding Skin pale and dry Emotionally emaciated Emotionally scarred Emotionally anorexic Emotions lost from not being wanted Emotions trampled from being beaten Emotions stolen from being starved Emotions starved from being locked in a closet for days at a time Emotions sucked out from being used Emotions deceived from being lied to Emotions raped and plundered from being fucked over Emotions abandoned from years of perfecting the art of self-hatred, self-destruction, self-loathing Emotionally anorexic And then you appear Bidding me to come to the table of your heart and eat You coax me, nudge me, and challenge me Being ever so sweet and inviting with your encouragement But I cannot eat I do not allow myself to eat I say it is to protect myself from poison But is that the truth? Emotionally starving to death The truth is I don’t know how to eat The truth is I am too ashamed to eat The truth is eating at the table of your heart means I must trust you And that just cannot be In times past I have taken in the foods of kindness and tenderness I have ingested hugs and kisses and strokes of the face But then with the fingers of poisonous thought and deflection I purged myself of such sustenance For I have come to believe I am not worthy of such things I am emotionally anorexic Yet you come before me with arms open wide And again bid me to eat of you, to taste your fruits of acceptance and affection To come to your table and with time become emotionally fat To enjoy the meats of trust, visibility, patience and understanding And yet I resist For I have become comfortable in my state of emotional anorexia It is my crutch It is my companion It is my twisted lover Emotional anorexia Yet you come to me and say Come, eat and drink of me For I am as no other I stare at the nourishment you offer me Moving towards that which I clearly crave You tell me to eat slowly Instead I try to consume everything you are for fear that I will never know such a feast again But the moment my taste buds taste things like acceptance and tenderness The gastric juices of old tapes, rejection, deception, hurt, torment build And instead of freely enjoying my seat at the banquet table I can no longer taste what you offer I push you away and I vomit until there is only dry heaves Certain you will be repulsed by my emotional anorexia Convinced that you will run as you see my difficulty to eat You surprise me You help me clean myself off, clean up the mess that I have made You patiently set the table again, return the chair to its standing position And gently say to me once more Come eat, let yourself become fat Staring at the table you have prepared for me Having now to make a choice I slowly begin to eat again and pause to say, Emotional anorexia… I bid you good-bye __________________ Please like

02-18-2010, 08:05 PM	#2
WolfyOne Magically Delicious How Do You Identify?: Gentle Butch Relationship Status: Single and content Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Minnesota Posts: 6,558 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 22,052 Thanked 15,391 Times in 4,138 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	Gentle Tiger, I can feel your pain in all your words. Brother to brother, I want to hug you and tell you that the whole world isn't cruel. I want to tell you without pain we could never find healthy resolutions. There's plenty of beautiful trustworthy people out there. Writing helps me let go of my past and move forward. I hope yours does the same for you. Keep writing, keep sharing.....from someone who knows all to much about trust and pain, but continues to move ahead looking for all that is good. May faith, love and hope be yours today and everyday. __________________ Being deeply loved by someone gives you strength; loving someone deeply gives you courage --- Lao Tzo

12-01-2010, 02:23 AM	#3
Gentle Tiger Moderator How Do You Identify?: As a Tiger of course Preferred Pronoun?: Not the Old Man Relationship Status: Two Tigers Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Northern California Posts: 7,492 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,001 Thanked 15,990 Times in 3,992 Posts Rep Power: 21474859	An Introduction I am not the one who took what was not mine to take from you I am not the one who sees you as less than I am not the one who trampled over what you held sacred I am not the one who abused you and left you to heal alone I am your brother I am your friend I am one who believes there is no such thing as too femme I am a part of you I am not a traitor to womanhood I am not your enemy I am not the one who wishes to keep you under foot I am not a trifling black man I am one who braved a journey to be comfortable in my own skin I am one who still believes that women hold this world together I am one who is invisible and just like you wishes to be seen I am one who knows it is not your anatomy that defines your character I am Malcolm and I am pleased to meet you. maw - 12/01/2010 __________________ Please like

12-01-2010, 02:12 PM	#4
Passionaria Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Urban Bohemian : http://youtu.be/IM96Ch9Gx4A Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: She ran away with with the Gypsy's ✿ Posts: 2,519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,316 Thanked 3,737 Times in 1,248 Posts Rep Power: 16689911	I really don't know how I missed this thread of your Poetry, but what a joy to see you out here expressing yourself! Your thoughtful honesty is delightful, and moving. KEEP WRITING! Pashi __________________ *Moon cat madness*