Can You Really Be Friends With An Ex?

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by Cajun_dee

i feel the same way and don't understand the need to have exes as friends, if things were bad enough that i left them, why would i want to now be *friends* later? If our paths cross that's one thing but yes i left them for a reason, and that reason is probably enough reason not to be in each others lives.

For me, this is just MHO, i don't have a "need" to be a friend with my exes. But, I do believe it is great when friendships can come out of relationships and that has most certainly happened for me a couple of times. I've seen this from others as well and it always warms my heart and makes me think "good for them".

And even the term friend can be dissected as to it's true meaning. A close friend, a friend you rarely talk to, someone who has your back, etc. It varies, IMO with each person that we consider a "friend".

I have a couple of exes i never speak to, the break ups were not exactly hunky dory. But, i would still help them if they called, for instance, saying they had cancer or someone in their family did and needed a shoulder or a friend or nursing guidance. I would for anyone, and most certainly for someone that i once cared about evidently enough to be their partner.

But, again, IMO, there has to be boundaries in every type of relationship and most certainly with an ex. Would it break my heart if an ex didn't want to be friends with me? Maybe, but i'd get over it...probably rather quickly.

[girl_dee]

Also if you have kids involved, that could influence things. Maybe for me the relationship/breakup was painful and i just don't want that energy in my life.

[BullDog]

Currently I am not really friends with any of my exes, but I have been friends with some of them in the past. Others I haven't wanted to speak to ever again after things ended.

I have one ex that at first we did keep in some contact. It wasn't a good relationship and didn't end too well. After a while I didn't feel she was being respectful of me and didn't want to continue the friendship. I asked her not to contact me anymore. She honored my request.

One of my exes was my partner for 12 years. I made the decision to break up. She is a great person and always treated me well. The passion was just not there for either one of us. When I moved out and got a place of my own I had a party. I felt weird about inviting her but also weird about not inviting her. So I did ask her but said I would totally understand if she didn't want to come. Well she came to my party and met a friend of a friend. They started dating and have been together ever since. It's been about 10 years. Lesbian cliche I guess, lol. Actually among my lesbian friends it is quite common for people to be friends with their exes.

[genghisfawn]

I've discovered a few circumstances:

1) You can be friends because there was no romantic chemistry but you got along beautifully otherwise;

2) A friendship is possible until either one of you gets a jealous partner;

3) There's no way you'd have that person as a friend simply because they've proven that they're not good at the things that make a friend (honesty, compassion, loyalty, etc.)

My only recommendation is to tread carefully and don't become friends if either of you still have feelings. Ex sex is awkward. Good luck!

[girl_dee]

Being honest about the ex relationship is crucial.

If you are not up front about all of it and respect boundaries, the new love of your life may have reason to be *jealous*.

[SugarFemme]

The way I see it, if you have loved someone enough at one time to become partners, love them enough to have a successful break-up unless there was violence or dishonesty. I prefer to leave a relationship before we get to the point where we can no longer tolerate one another. My daughters Father and I have been divorced for fourteen years and have remained very close. Doesn't mean we have not had our our "moments", but for the most part we are still close.

[Mr Nice Guy]

I tried but it didn't work.

[Queerasfck]

I'm not friends with any of my exes but if I could say something to one of them it would be that I do want my George Foreman portable gas grill back.

I'll never get over that!

[Gemme]

Originally Posted by Cuddles

The more replies I read and the more I take them into consideration the more I lean towards one decision over the other.

I agree with The_Lady_Snow that boundaries are probably something I lacked in this past relationship.

I think a part of the reason I wanted to talk to her again when she reached out was that I am in a lonely place right now, relationship-wise. But that doesn't erase the past and it's something I don't wish to ever repeat.

I've only ever been in two serious relationships and the first one we've not spoken in many years. That was her wish because she told me it was all or nothing and being so young and inexperienced I was not ready to commit.

I want to believe, and I know it's true for many, that you can be friends with an ex... but I don't think it's true for all ex's. Sigh...

You considering this while being 'lonely' is like going to the grocery store when you're hungry.

Be careful!