Important things I learned from past relationships

Cin · 03-06-2012, 09:29 PM

I learned that it is just as painful to break someone’s heart as it is to have your own broken. Actually if I am being really honest, it was less excruciating to be left than it was to leave. I was in a relationship for eleven years and I spent the last five of it trying to get free without breaking her heart. Of course it wasn’t possible and in the end I hurt her badly. This changed me and affected the way I experienced love for years after. It was less painful when a woman I was with for six years decided she wasn’t in love with me anymore and wanted to pursue a relationship with a man she met at work. That hurt but because I was the one who was left it was easier.

I guess what I am trying to say is that it’s never easy when love ends, both parties suffer. Until it happened to me I just assumed it would hurt worse to be dumped. Not true. At least not for me.

Promising to love someone forever and then falling out of love and taking back my promise taught me a couple of things. It taught me to be careful what I promise. And it taught me that when love ends for one person but doesn’t for the other there isn’t anything either party can do. It isn’t fair to expect someone to love you when they don’t. And it doesn’t say anything about you. Love just ends sometimes. Learning this made it easier to deal with when I was the one being dumped.

The other thing I learned is that when it comes to love there is never a happy ending. I guess if you die together in a plane crash or something…but other than that it’s destined to be painful at some point. There is always a risk to love. But it’s worth it.

QueenofSmirks · 03-06-2012, 09:46 PM

I learned to trust my own gut instinct.

MysticOceansFL · 03-06-2012, 10:08 PM

My mistakes plus how strong I am in my believes and faith.

Silverseastar · 03-06-2012, 10:43 PM

I learned about pure love, the kind that endures even when the "relationship" ends. My exes are with a very rare exception like family to me. Once I love I love forever.

I've learned to keep my heart open and free even if it means loss. Truth is we always lose in love even if we find the love of our life and are lucky to stay together forever, we someday lose them to death.

Arwen · 03-06-2012, 11:33 PM

I learned:

That I do like sushi
That I am stronger than I ever thought
That I am able to make and break relationships without leaving myself or taking them apart
That I can go to the movies all by myself
That I can stand up for myself
That I can maintain meaningful friendships that don't require anyone getting nekkid
That I can depend on another human being but not be devastated when they turn to be, you know, human
That my sexual preferences lean wayyyyyyy towards the left of vanilla. Way way way left
That I'm sexy when I'm confident

jac · 03-07-2012, 12:44 AM

Important things I learned from past relationships...

Who I was then is not who I am now.
I strive to grow and learn from each past relationship respectively.
I do have a voice.
I am more willing to forgive and forget than to harbor ill feelings toward the one I claim to love.
Communication is absolutely key to a successful relationship.
Disagreements are truly healthy as long as they are resolved through love and understanding.
If you put the mind, body, soul perspective into the relationship, as with anything, you can never go wrong.
There is always room for improvement...

BullDog · 03-07-2012, 01:06 AM

That it is worth the risk leaving a comfortable, long term relationship to go after what you truly need and want (even if it does take more than 10 years to find it)

That it is far better to be single than to be in a bad relationship.

Spending that time being single gives you the opportunity to focus on yourself and gain confidence that you really are not desperate and you will wait for the right relationship to come along and if it doesn't you will be just fine.

That all the mistakes and stumbles along the way do help prepare you for the right relationship and helps you appreciate it even more.

LadyHilary · 07-02-2012, 01:01 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by QueenofSmirks

I learned to trust my own gut instinct.

I learned what it felt like to ignore my gut instinct.

I learned how to compromise myself.

I learned how to be afraid.

My true nature is one of positivity, and with that, I know so much more of who I am now, I know that I may not compromise my core, because it is beautiful and true, I know how very strong I am and I will go down fighting to protect myself, my self preservation is intact. And I know to trust that inner voice.

and the crazy thing, I miss the good parts, I miss the potential of what might have been...old fashioned Catch-22

03-06-2012, 09:46 PM	#2
QueenofSmirks Member How Do You Identify?: Just Me Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: Busy Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: Phoenix - Valley of the Sun Posts: 1,429 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,010 Thanked 2,916 Times in 880 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I learned to trust my own gut instinct. __________________ Stephanie "There is only one success - to be able to spend your life in your own way." Christopher Morley

03-06-2012, 10:08 PM	#3
MysticOceansFL Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch, Preferred Pronoun?: People call me by my nic name. Relationship Status: Not Single, Not Desperate. Join Date: Jun 2010 Location: Florida Posts: 3,833 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,645 Thanked 4,033 Times in 1,720 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	My mistakes plus how strong I am in my believes and faith. __________________ Faith is not belief without proof, but trust without reservation. It is said, " Some lives are linked across time..... Connected by an ancient calling that echoes through the ages "......

03-06-2012, 11:33 PM	#5
Arwen Joy Seeker How Do You Identify?: Smartly-Flavored Preferred Pronoun?: Goddess Relationship Status: Mrs. Syzygy 1/9/14 Join Date: Oct 2009 Location: Joyville, NM (aka Land of Enchantment) Posts: 10,140 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,636 Thanked 28,107 Times in 6,411 Posts Rep Power: 21474863	I learned: That I do like sushi That I am stronger than I ever thought That I am able to make and break relationships without leaving myself or taking them apart That I can go to the movies all by myself That I can stand up for myself That I can maintain meaningful friendships that don't require anyone getting nekkid That I can depend on another human being but not be devastated when they turn to be, you know, human That my sexual preferences lean wayyyyyyy towards the left of vanilla. Way way way left That I'm sexy when I'm confident __________________ I wrote a book, y'all! *FREE* Tarotscopes Seek Joy, y'all. Eschew hate. 9Words: A Poetry Challenge \| Do you like me?

03-07-2012, 01:06 AM	#7
BullDog Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Dominant Stone Butch Daddy Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: In A Healing Place Posts: 5,371 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 18,160 Thanked 22,640 Times in 4,463 Posts Rep Power: 21474857	That it is worth the risk leaving a comfortable, long term relationship to go after what you truly need and want (even if it does take more than 10 years to find it) That it is far better to be single than to be in a bad relationship. Spending that time being single gives you the opportunity to focus on yourself and gain confidence that you really are not desperate and you will wait for the right relationship to come along and if it doesn't you will be just fine. That all the mistakes and stumbles along the way do help prepare you for the right relationship and helps you appreciate it even more. __________________ Love consists in this, that two solitudes protect and touch and greet each other. - Rainer Maria Rilke

03-06-2012, 09:29 PM	#1
Cin Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Truly Madly Deeply Join Date: Aug 2011 Location: In My Head Posts: 2,815 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,333 Thanked 10,401 Times in 2,477 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I learned that it is just as painful to break someone’s heart as it is to have your own broken. Actually if I am being really honest, it was less excruciating to be left than it was to leave. I was in a relationship for eleven years and I spent the last five of it trying to get free without breaking her heart. Of course it wasn’t possible and in the end I hurt her badly. This changed me and affected the way I experienced love for years after. It was less painful when a woman I was with for six years decided she wasn’t in love with me anymore and wanted to pursue a relationship with a man she met at work. That hurt but because I was the one who was left it was easier. I guess what I am trying to say is that it’s never easy when love ends, both parties suffer. Until it happened to me I just assumed it would hurt worse to be dumped. Not true. At least not for me. Promising to love someone forever and then falling out of love and taking back my promise taught me a couple of things. It taught me to be careful what I promise. And it taught me that when love ends for one person but doesn’t for the other there isn’t anything either party can do. It isn’t fair to expect someone to love you when they don’t. And it doesn’t say anything about you. Love just ends sometimes. Learning this made it easier to deal with when I was the one being dumped. The other thing I learned is that when it comes to love there is never a happy ending. I guess if you die together in a plane crash or something…but other than that it’s destined to be painful at some point. There is always a risk to love. But it’s worth it.

03-06-2012, 10:43 PM	#4
Silverseastar Member How Do You Identify?: femme, submissive, girl Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Singular Join Date: Apr 2011 Location: Vancouver BC Posts: 133 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 348 Thanked 492 Times in 107 Posts Rep Power: 3095523	I learned about pure love, the kind that endures even when the "relationship" ends. My exes are with a very rare exception like family to me. Once I love I love forever. I've learned to keep my heart open and free even if it means loss. Truth is we always lose in love even if we find the love of our life and are lucky to stay together forever, we someday lose them to death.

03-07-2012, 12:44 AM	#6
jac Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: butch stone Preferred Pronoun?: masculine ones work best... Relationship Status: ♥ engaged to spritz ♥ Join Date: Oct 2011 Location: bangor, maine Posts: 3,344 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 20,720 Thanked 16,492 Times in 2,972 Posts Rep Power: 0	Important things I learned from past relationships... Who I was then is not who I am now. I strive to grow and learn from each past relationship respectively. I do have a voice. I am more willing to forgive and forget than to harbor ill feelings toward the one I claim to love. Communication is absolutely key to a successful relationship. Disagreements are truly healthy as long as they are resolved through love and understanding. If you put the mind, body, soul perspective into the relationship, as with anything, you can never go wrong. There is always room for improvement...