Differently Abled (fly your freak flag high)

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Thanks Jude! I'm wondering about the common theme of reclusiveness amongst us...

I cannot take large doses of people at a time. I lost the two of my five senses and cannot smell or taste. I have the hearing of a bat.

I get overwhelmed so easily now, and focused attention is difficult as is divided attention.

I can't stand loud noises, like being in a club or bar with LOUD music blaring. It makes my brain melt down. I don't like big crowds either. I feel overwhelmed and then I get anxious, then the tics show up, then the stammering and stuttering (did I mention that one earlier?). If it gets too bad, I end up running home and crying alone.

Wait, how is this a blessing?

[FeminineAllure]

I am Differently Abled as well.
I have Bipolar and Fibromyalgia to name a few challanges. I just try to never give up on myself and find things that keep me motivated and going. Basically giving to others in many ways.
I am an advocate, proactive, love to volunteer especially with Differently Abled cats who have Feline Lukemia and/or AIDS. or special needs.
I use every opportunity I can to educate people on the myths and the truths of mental illness. It is amazing to me the misconceptions some people have regaurding Bipolar.

Flying my freak flag high

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by FeminineAllure

I am Differently Abled as well.
I have Bipolar and Fibromyalgia to name a few challanges. I just try to never give up on myself and find things that keep me motivated and going. Basically giving to others in many ways.
I am an advocate, proactive, love to volunteer especially with Differently Abled cats who have Feline Lukemia and/or AIDS. or special needs.
I use every opportunity I can to educate people on the myths and the truths of mental illness. It is amazing to me the misconceptions some people have regaurding Bipolar.

Flying my freak flag high

I love your whole post and can see many blessings in you rather than a curse.

[WILDCAT]

I'll get on with my other point here.

Since the phrase "freak flag" is in the topic title and was also just posted by someone:

When I was first hurt, NO ONE knew how to take me, to take me seriously that I had indeed BEEN HURT (like when I came back home after much treatment in N.Y.C., where I lived at the time - to where I had originally been from).

Everyone KNEW me growing up as this very STRONG personality. Very capable. Not one to be messed with, actually. Now "clearly" I was NOT MYSELF for a good while after the accident. No one helped. And I know I scared them actually, as I wasn't the person they knew and grew up with - for a good long while. Ironically , one of my jobs had BEEN to work with victims of head injury, so I instinctively knew what was happening - and how folks back off and ALL!

Plus, I repeated and repeated my trauma incident, for I felt I was NOT being heard - and I could not believe I had been "assaulted" the way in which I was at the time of the accident. (Abuse victims will know what I mean by that.) I felt that no one cared. I was hurt, pissed, all of that... but, mostly felt totally "abandoned" - but, not in the "traditional" sense of the word or meaning (?)

They DID care, just didn't know how to deal... with ME.

As I got better, I talked to many about this - friends and family. I confronted some as well, who I considered close friends, and told them "how hurt I had been". Of course, they explained this all to me. I HAD ALWAYS BEEN THE STRONG ONE, THEY WERE SCARED AND CONFUSED.

NOW, as time has gone by... it's the "freak, who's NOT the same person" concept/judgment concern that is starting to bother me. Because I was honest at one time, and put it all out there. But, what if I had NOT recovered? The judgment there in these kinds of instances, can be so painful!

Most here in my area know of my past field of work. I am well respected for it. I am also like a magnet for folks to trust me and tell me anything that is going on - in a non-progressive town where folks do NOT open up and share easily. And I hold this dear to my heart and am very discreet - especially in this small town where everyone knows everyone. I am very honored one could easily say.

However, I still canNOT ask for help. I am locked into the "helping others only" concept. (NOT just for/from my years of work, but that is just not what my personality is like!) If I DO happen to ask for help though (which IS a lesson for me too, I believe) - on occasion, I feel terrible and that I "owe" folks something then, or more so, have "bothered or troubled them". (Now I have never felt that, in "helping folks"... they owe ME!) So, this is a huge problem.

It bothers me now as I get older, to think that folks judge someone... who "seemingly" has "stopped growth": BASED ON THE PERCEPTION THAT WE ARE ONLY CONSTRUCTIVE BY OUR PRESENT WORK. PLUS, and, if we were injured and/or our life was altered... and when/where I finally "wear" down once in awhile AND ask for help - again folks seem to NOT know me and are confused.

I just want to be kinda "normal". Whatever the hell that means! I know I am very different anyway though, injury or NOT! And I have been told that repeatedly throughout my life.

I'm fine being accepted as a queer here. In fact, if anyone tried to hurt me (from the outside), there would be HELL to pay for that person. We are a tight community that way. (Same thing that allows me to tell/confront/addess folks of ANY "ISM" and they "listen". There, is another GIFT of me coming back to this area. I realize my opportunities.)

I wonder what other folks think about this and if they might be able to identify with any of it. (See, now I am MISSING that folks thought of me ONLY as the "strong one". )

Catch 22, eh?

LOL!

ME

*Hope this made any sense! ANY feedback welcome...
**And this is very vulnerable sharing. Thanks again, SF!

[SuperFemme]

I feel like you could be describing ME Wildcat.

Before being run down by a drunk driver, I was a VERY successful project manager in the real estate development field. I was a single mom, and probably amongst the most independent people I know. Asking for help was not in my nature.

After the accident I was so so angry. I wanted my job back, my life back. I wanted to be strong and independent again. For a few (more than a few) years my entire identity BECAME my brain injury.

I am not angry anymore. If anyone feels like it, my website www.adelespot.net is a journey through the path that led me to peace.

I am still strong in many ways. I am independent in many ways. BUT I am not always these things. I ask for help, I check myself when I become frustrated with others who don't *get* me.

My first step to peace was watching a movie called 13 Conversations About One Thing which told the tale of a girl who acquired a brain injury when hit by a drunk hit & run driver. In that movie she says that she asked herself Why? Why was she in that spot at that time? Why did she go to the drycleaner that day? Why? Why? Why? She concluded that sometimes there is NO REASON WHY! That was my ah hah moment. Once I let go of the Why the anger went away and I embraced myself. In the brain injury rehab I attended they taught us how to grieve our former selves. All the stages. How to love who we were and not be our own worst enemy/critics.

Hence the title of this thread. It may sound harsh, but it is my hope that by coming here and sharing not just the bad, but the good we can embrace ourselves as different. I see many threads on many sites accentuating the negative of being differently abled. Sure, there are many many downsides, but the upsides feel a lot more pure than they used to,.

I hope this all made sense.

[Rook]

I'm Deaf...
And proud of it....
I don't believe that being Deaf is a handicap/disability, nor does it need "fixing"...
We have our own Culture{and sub-cultures*Latino + deaf, Queer + Deaf, POC + Deaf etc*.. }, our own Language {ASL / British Sign/ AuSLAN, ETC..}, Signing is the worlds 3rd most used Language, with it's own Structures, it is NOT the same as spoken English...
When a Hearing person assumes all I need is an invasive surgery, or hearing aids to succeed in Life, I find it prejudiced, and insulting...
I oftentimes butt heads with my Relatives, since they're Hearing, and refuse to learn ASL..
My constant reminder to them is "As soon as I'm sufficiently Fluent in ASL, and Spanish Sign, u better know some of it, or be ready to Write a lot..Because I'm not wearing these things any more than I have to"
I'm not a Purist Deaf{anymore}, but I also enjoy when someone makes the effort to be a part of my "world"...

I also have Dyscalculia, chronic Insomnia, I'm diagnosed Clinical Depression, PTSD & Borderline Personality Disorder{Also abbreviated as BPD, but not bipolar heh} ....So I can, basically, proudly wear one of my buttons...
" I may not be Black Belt, but I do know Crazy"....

I have short term memory issues....
My boi gave it a lovely title... "Swiss cheese memory"..At first, hy thought I was fucking around, purposely/conveniently forgetting things discussed, but after a few times hy said "you're not messing with me, u really do have a memory problem"
which is true...and never does make much sense...
I can remember shit that happened to me years ago[oftentimes triggered FlashBacks, yeck]... I can have a photographic memory for things months ago, I can quote Shakespeare and E.A. Poe on a lark...But, don't ask me about yesterday, or the day before...Not w/o some effort or a helping clue, I will stare blankly, clueless{if I met you yesterday in person, be prepared to introduce yourself again}....And yes, I have a real shitty time remembering anniversaries and birthdays...I'm also chronically Late[unless I make the effort by arriving 1 hour early], but that's part of Dyscalculia or so Im told..

[atomiczombie]

I also have an aversion to receiving help from others. I think it's because I'm scared to need anyone, to show them my vulnerability. I am much more comfortable being the guy who has it all together and is able to nurture and care for the people he is close to. I pretty much disappeared off the internet for over a year, because I was so mentally disabled that I felt that I had absolutely nothing to say that would be of value.

I am still on disability for my panic disorder. I am just now finally starting to come out of my shell. It takes a lot of courage for me to tell people I have basically had a mental breakdown for the last year and a half and was too afraid to talk to people, answer my phone or leave the house for that long. But it is what it is, and I am getting a lot better every day.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I also have an aversion to receiving help from others. I think it's because I'm scared to need anyone, to show them my vulnerability. I am much more comfortable being the guy who has it all together and is able to nurture and care for the people he is close to. I pretty much disappeared off the internet for over a year, because I was so mentally disabled that I felt that I had absolutely nothing to say that would be of value.

I am still on disability for my panic disorder. I am just now finally starting to come out of my shell. It takes a lot of courage for me to tell people I have basically had a mental breakdown for the last year and a half and was too afraid to talk to people, answer my phone or leave the house for that long. But it is what it is, and I am getting a lot better every day.

I'm so glad you're back. Seriously. Thanks for doing the hard, hard work you've had to do because you are valued.

[Rook]

Im currently working the details on " officially" making my ferrets into " service animals", they would be of enormous Help letting me know or be aware of nearby activity(i'm profoundly deaf*reminder*) and during the holidays, they can help me with calming down in places like wal mart, the crowds literally make my bp shoot up high , if i lose my familys location i realized my temper is lightning quick(borderline personality*reminder*) & i will feel intense confusion, dizzines with added bonus of occasional passing out, walmart hates when that happens , i'm a lawsuit waiting to happen i guess.... So, yeah, certify them , get i.d's for them and make sure i wont have to recite ADA...

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I can't stand loud noises, like being in a club or bar with LOUD music blaring. It makes my brain melt down. I don't like big crowds either. I feel overwhelmed and then I get anxious, then the tics show up, then the stammering and stuttering (did I mention that one earlier?). If it gets too bad, I end up running home and crying alone.

Wait, how is this a blessing?

Maybe it's a blessing in that you understand your own limitations and have superb compensation strategies in place to keep a bad situation from going to worse?

Drew, I remember a night in Dallas spent turning tears into laughter? Remember that? I knew you were a special soul after that night. I can tell you this: people care about you. A lot. Not in spite of, but because of the whole package. ((((Drew)))

[atomiczombie]

Originally Posted by SuperFemme

Maybe it's a blessing in that you understand your own limitations and have superb compensation strategies in place to keep a bad situation from going to worse?

Drew, I remember a night in Dallas spent turning tears into laughter? Remember that? I knew you were a special soul after that night. I can tell you this: people care about you. A lot. Not in spite of, but because of the whole package. ((((Drew)))

I remember a night in Dallas when you flipped your skirt up to get me to smile. (I didn't look, I swear!) It was very sweet. My head was pounding from the loud noise. You are super cool, SuperFemme. I'm gonna have to friend you on FB.

[SuperFemme]

Originally Posted by atomiczombie

I remember a night in Dallas when you flipped your skirt up to get me to smile. (I didn't look, I swear!) It was very sweet. My head was pounding from the loud noise. You are super cool, SuperFemme. I'm gonna have to friend you on FB.

I DID? OMG. That is so ME.

Yes please friend me on FB. Adele S-g will take you right to me.