Abuse in butch-femme relationships

JustJo · 03-30-2012, 08:51 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by dancer611

So you do not allow for self defense? I was supposed to allow her to drunkenly attack me??!

I didn't mean that to sound rude, at all. It's just that people keep saying I should have done something different, and I'm not sure what that was. I was screaming and crying, but no one came; I had no phone to call anyone; and I could not just "walk away" because she was trapping and following me, and/or pinning me down or putting her hand over my mouth. So what on earth else was I supposed to do, if I'm not allowed to ever lay a hand on anyone?

Hi Dancer,

I get what you're saying to an extent.

I think that if you are being attacked, you have the right to defend yourself....up to and including being violent in return.

However, just for me, when you go back again and again even after this has happened....and then you react with violence yourself....now you're in a mutually toxic and, yes, abusive situation.

Once someone has been violent or abusive with you once....and you go back...it isn't all on her. You need counseling too (in my opinion)....and going back and giving more and more chances is inviting the abuse to continue.

I wish you well with this....and my advice is what you've already heard. Run far, run fast, do not look back....and get the counseling you need....because you truly do need to see your part in this too so that it never happens again.

Hugs,
Jo

*Anya* · 03-30-2012, 09:11 PM

Dancer, everyone has given you the benefit of their knowlege and experience many times over in all of these posts.

It is totally up to you whether or not you chose to avail yourself of the feedback that you have received.

For those of us that have lived through abusive relationships, we understand the pull of a toxic relationship and also understand the tendency to defend both our own behavior and actions, as well as that of our abuser.

All of us only wish you the very best and hope that you find your way to a happier future for yourself.

03-30-2012, 09:11 PM	#2
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,444 Times in 7,285 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Dancer, everyone has given you the benefit of their knowlege and experience many times over in all of these posts. It is totally up to you whether or not you chose to avail yourself of the feedback that you have received. For those of us that have lived through abusive relationships, we understand the pull of a toxic relationship and also understand the tendency to defend both our own behavior and actions, as well as that of our abuser. All of us only wish you the very best and hope that you find your way to a happier future for yourself. __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner