would you date someone with significantly different beliefs?

[BullDog]

As Belle has said, we do have very different religious and spiritual beliefs and it isn't a problem at all for us. I did grow up in a Christian household so I do understand the personal and day-to-day level of it and not just as an organized religion.

I honestly cannot imagine being with someone who was politically Conservative or had a very different value system than me.

[CherylNYC]

I would have to trust and respect a person in order to date them. That means they couldn't be a bigot, and they couldn't be dishonest or mean. That, to me, rules out conservative Republicans.

I'm a Pagan/Wiccan, and my long-ago ex was a rabid athiest when I met her. Like many atheists I've met since then, she was a proselytizer, and she did her best to convert me. (There are so many good reasons why we didn't stay together.) I simply demanded that my ex respect me, and I exlained my spirituality to her whenever she asked. I never discussed it with her unless she initiated the discussion. I was really astonished when my ex did a 180 degree turn and explored and embraced her own brand of Goddess worship within two years of meeting me. I tried my best to support her without imposing.

Now I would date a person of any faith as long as they have some sort of spiritual life. I once dated a Christian pastor, but it's easiest to date other Pagans/Wiccans. My late partner Sharon and I came from the exact same Wiccan tradition, and it was wonderful. She and I had very similar values and politics. We did have a very strange moment once when I ended up in the hospital with a dangerous bacterial infection. I had been admitted and was put on IV antibiotics. My fever was quite high and I was slipping in and out of consciousness while the staff tried to ascertain my medical history. They asked about my history of pregnancy, and while I mumbled a wan answer I caught a glimpse of Sharon's face. Even barely conscious and burning up with fever, I suddenly understood that Sharon was against abortion unless it was necessary to save the life of the mother! It had simply never come up between us prior to that moment. Since we respected each other we didn't end up with a damaging conflict about it, but the look on her face certainly concerned me at the time.

I'm now dating someone who will go to political rallies and demonstrations with me. We have great conversations about race and feminism, too. The answer is that I would date someone with different beliefs, but I would rather not.

[always2late]

I think it all comes down to respect. I could date someone of a different religion, as long as MY beliefs were respected, because I would respect theirs. I agree with some of the other posts in that I could never date a racist or bigot. Could I date a politically conservative person? Hmm...that's a bit tougher to answer. I don't think I could...because our perspectives and world-view would be much too different...I think it would create too much discord within the relationship.

[Silverseastar]

I would date someone with different beliefs but not with different VALUES. Beliefs are relative and change over time but values are fixed and won't change.

So someone can believe what they like and as their partner you can see that shift over time but what they value will never change. Just as what they don't value won't change either.

For instance I value good communication, kindness, love in action, family/friends as examples. The way in which I hold those doesn't change for me over time.

However how that is expressed might.

[aishah]

Originally Posted by Silverseastar

I would date someone with different beliefs but not with different VALUES. Beliefs are relative and change over time but values are fixed and won't change.

So someone can believe what they like and as their partner you can see that shift over time but what they value will never change. Just as what they don't value won't change either.

For instance I value good communication, kindness, love in action, family/friends as examples. The way in which I hold those doesn't change for me over time.

However how that is expressed might.

i think this is an interesting post, mostly because i have a pretty defined system of values/principles that i use on a day-to-day basis, that are probably more specific and contextual than what you mean here by values. my partners don't necessarily share this entire list of values, though they do share some. for me it's important that our values not conflict.

re: what others have posted...i loved reading everyone's responses so far. i definitely agree that i wouldn't date someone who i think is unethical, dishonest, or bigoted, but to me being a conservative republican (or having some other specific label) doesn't necessarily mean that one falls into that category.

i also definitely get what was said about other things (goals, plans for the future, money, kids, etc.) often being more important than beliefs when it comes to compatibility. i guess i'm just fascinated by the ways in which beliefs play into compatibility. i definitely do not think it is the only or even the main factor for some folks.

edited to add: i also think the notion of "values" in general is pretty interesting. i don't know that many people who expressly articulate their values to themselves or others...i feel like i don't have a sense of someone's values until i know them very well and it's not one of those things that people usually ask directly. and i've dated people who i'm not sure if they could have said what their values are, if asked.

[EnderD_503]

I guess it would depend on what those beliefs are. It's not so much the "different" as what the "different" is, I guess. I would never date someone who would vote conservative in this country, because to me that directly intersects with a lot of social issues on homelessness, basic rights, immigration, health care, education etc. To me, if you identify with/support conservatism in Canada, it likely means you don't care about certain groups of people (the homeless, immigrants, "illegal" immigrants, queer community, sex workers etc)...ergo, no thanks... I don't identify with any particular political ideology, personally, and all I can say is I'm very far left. So there are many people that I'm going to agree with or disagree with, since there are a lot of people who do affiliate themselves with one particular ideology. However, to me certain affiliations/politics do signify a tendency towards sexism/racism/transphobia/homophobia/ableism etc. I think that's one of the many reasons I will only date queer women/people.

On religion...it's tough. I'm an atheist and generally prefer others who are atheists/non-spiritual people. But I also recognise that some people don't try to force it on others, try to make it a part of their partners' lives by extension and don't interpret religion as others do. I also think that certain religious beliefs and interpretations can severely affect how they see certain issues. So can a lot of things, including cultural background, and yet if both partners are understanding of that you can definitely easily overcome it. So for religion, I'll say I would rarely be with someone who wasn't an atheist and/or non-spiritual/actively practicing, but also recognise that I have been with people who are religious and might do so again, but it depends on the "type" of religiousness and how it affects me as a partner.

[~ocean]

of course i would , acceptance !!!

[MsDemeanor]

No Yankees fans, no Manning fans. Oh, no Tebow fans.