Making Peace with Exes

[Passionaria]

Originally Posted by Apocalipstic

For me it is important to buck up and deal and take it on the chin like an adult rather that being filled with fury and vindictiveness months after a break up,

Sure be mad a couple of weeks but then agree to be cordial and dont ask your friends to taske sides.

The negativity of prolonged anger is not worth it.

Here is to all of us resolving to treat everyone we once said we loved with respect!

Well I would like to think that I can be friends with all my exes, as Apocalipstic said. In my mind and my heart that feels so beautiful. Definitely the treating people we once loved with respect.

One thing I am finding out about myself is I have no desire to be near people who do not respect my heart, my love, or our love. If someone does disrespect my heart or my love, or really breaks my heart; I won't be disrespectful, but if our paths cross, I would treat them like a stranger. On the other hand, one ex of mine we drive each other absolutely crazy sometimes, but we never denied loving each other, and that's why we are still friends. We respect the love we shared. Plus she taught me how to fight and get over it. LOL what a mess.


I was thinking about a particular person the other day, and what I wanted to tell them was that I gave you my love freely, but you will have to earn my friendship. After really looking at that, I need to make some changes. I will give you my friendship freely, but you will have to earn my love....... Deep breath and back to the drawing board.

Pashi

[*Anya*]

This is a tough one for me.

My ex-husband and I will never be friends but I never trashed him to my daughters and supported & encouraged their relationship-until he dragged his second wife around by the hair in front of them @ ages 8 and 10. Then I told him, get therapy or you will not see the girls. He chose no therapy. They did make peace with him when they turned 18 as I took them to therapy to deal with the trauma that they witnessed for 6-months. I was pleasant to him and wife #3 @ each of my girls weddings and my oldest's college graduation.

My first GF & I remained friends-no negative feelings.

My 19-year relationship taught me she was not worthy of my heart or my trust and repeatedly broke both. I was a very slow learner with that one. Can't tell you why but I finally "got it" that she is not good for my own mental health. I am not bitter or angry-just much wiser.

Forgiveness? Was almost there until her October 2011 story of terminal brain cancer, one-week to live, that turned out to be a lie. Yes, I am a really slow learner. (No, she is not on the Planet, thank god).

I believe I have finally learned who is worthy of my trust and my love. I am grateful that I have.

[Hollylane]

I find that the behavior of both parties at the time of the initial break, and the behavior shortly after, tends to determine whether a friendship can continue.

I have not had many relationships, I tend to be a long termer, and of the few I have had, I have gleaned two friends for life.

[LaneyDoll]

Originally Posted by Hollylane

I find that the behavior of both parties at the time of the initial break, and the behavior shortly after, tends to determine whether a friendship can continue.

I have not had many relationships, I tend to be a long termer, and of the few I have had, I have gleaned two friends for life.

Agreed. I have one "ex" who was not really an ex but someone I dated for a while before we realized that we were best as friends only. She and I get along well & I know that if I ever need help, she will do as much as she is able.

With other exes, it is hard to say. Some I still see socially but only because we share a lifestyle and there is really no choice but to cross paths. One is pleasant but maintains a welcome distance. Another I have yet to see but she has RSVP'ed to an event I am working this month; we were never together but it was not for lack of trying on her part. She is still angry though.

I always say that the past is a place you can visit but you should never try to live there.

[Ebon]

It depends on what happened between us and how I feel about her. If she's an ass I probably won't talk to her again only because I don't have the patience for bullshit or games anymore. If she's cool then we can be cool.

[1QuirkyKiwi]

I've only had two long term relationships in my adult life; the friendship with my first long term girlfriend faded after a few years. My previous long term girlfriend and I are still friends. She's in another country, so we chat by phone and email.

The two girlfriends that I've dated for about 6 months there is no friendship with as the relationships weren't harmonious ones.