It Hurts Me.

[Corkey]

Elderly poll workers trippin' all over the gender markers. Unknowingly one got it right and the other, who was trying to steer the mine field back to female got it wrong. It happens, but they are old and not necessarily the ones who will ever "get it".
Just an experience from todays adventures in voting.

[Jess]

Y'all can excuse me or decide to discharge me now, but I am one of those Southerners who do use the familiars allowed me by the gracious women in my life, such as but not limited to: Darlin, Hon, Sugah, Sweetheart, Dearest, etc. AND by all means, when I do say, "you ladies, or "dear lady" I mean it from the deepest sense of respect, as "those" ladies have shown me that they are, indeed, Ladies.

I am only speaking for myself when I say that I am more than a little tired of hearing the ongoing bashing of manners and mannerisms that seem to be all but lost in today's society, save living alive and and well in the hearts of well intended Southern folk and moreover, country folk . It does my heart good to put a smile on a "lady's" face by addressing her as Miss__________ and tipping my hat. More often than not, I am met with a gracious smile or a soft blush and I very VERY much am pleased to have spent one ample millisecond of my energy adding a smidge of charm to an otherwise unextraordinary , uneventful day.

If a woman does not wish to be referred to as Lady, or any other familiars, it becomes very clear within about 13 seconds. I will forevermore, refrain from doing so. However, I don't think that woman should get to speak for any other women who actually find it endearing. That to me, is what makes a Lady a Lady. It is her ability to discern for herself and NOT impose upon others.


My 2 cents for what it's worth.

Ladies.. Gents.. Folks.. tips hat...

[~ocean]

A gents manners always seducers the fact shes being noticed as a woman.

[Toughy]

I have not seen anyone bash manners in this thread. I haven't even run across folks who bash manners outside this website. The opposite is what I see and hear.

No one is imposing anything on anyone except for those who use those terms in reference to someone without their permission.

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by Jess

Y'all can excuse me or decide to discharge me now, but I am one of those Southerners who do use the familiars allowed me by the gracious women in my life, such as but not limited to: Darlin, Hon, Sugah, Sweetheart, Dearest, etc. AND by all means, when I do say, "you ladies, or "dear lady" I mean it from the deepest sense of respect, as "those" ladies have shown me that they are, indeed, Ladies.

I am only speaking for myself when I say that I am more than a little tired of hearing the ongoing bashing of manners and mannerisms that seem to be all but lost in today's society, save living alive and and well in the hearts of well intended Southern folk and moreover, country folk . It does my heart good to put a smile on a "lady's" face by addressing her as Miss__________ and tipping my hat. More often than not, I am met with a gracious smile or a soft blush and I very VERY much am pleased to have spent one ample millisecond of my energy adding a smidge of charm to an otherwise unextraordinary , uneventful day.

If a woman does not wish to be referred to as Lady, or any other familiars, it becomes very clear within about 13 seconds. I will forevermore, refrain from doing so. However, I don't think that woman should get to speak for any other women who actually find it endearing. That to me, is what makes a Lady a Lady. It is her ability to discern for herself and NOT impose upon others.


My 2 cents for what it's worth.

Ladies.. Gents.. Folks.. tips hat...

I realize the South has a lot of issues... everywhere does. And I realize that some Southern Manners are actually quite rude (eg, "Well, bless your heart"). I know that if you study history they are probably somehow rooted in oppression. If you're honest, most social graces are.

But, I DO find it endearing. And I'm also a bit tired of the bashing of manners. (If you can't find enough examples here, see the Old Fashioned thread.) I'm not saying everyone has to use them, but they get you some definite brownie points with me!

I use my manners for everyone. I will hold a door open for any person behind me. I forget sometimes to let the butches that like to open doors do it. And I appreciate a butch who does the same. If your manners are only for me, they're not worth much.

Let me amend this a bit: I hate it when someone calls me some pet name if I don't know them. So perhaps that's where the disconnect is in this conversation. Jess refers to calling women he knows Miss, not strangers on the street. Unless I'm mistaken.

[princessbelle]

Originally Posted by thedivahrrrself

I realize the South has a lot of issues... everywhere does. And I realize that some Southern Manners are actually quite rude (eg, "Well, bless your heart"). I know that if you study history they are probably somehow rooted in oppression. If you're honest, most social graces are.

But, I DO find it endearing. And I'm also a bit tired of the bashing of manners. (If you can't find enough examples here, see the Old Fashioned thread.) I'm not saying everyone has to use them, but they get you some definite brownie points with me!

I use my manners for everyone. I will hold a door open for any person behind me. I forget sometimes to let the butches that like to open doors do it. And I appreciate a butch who does the same. If your manners are only for me, they're not worth much.

Let me amend this a bit: I hate it when someone calls me some pet name if I don't know them. So perhaps that's where the disconnect is in this conversation. Jess refers to calling women he knows Miss, not strangers on the street. Unless I'm mistaken.

IMO, it is logical to realize the way we are brought up in our own culture/area in many ways "shapes" how we communicate with others. Or actually, it is our base line. A base line to grow from, a base line to evolve from and hopefully always in the right directions. The South, just like all other parts of the world, have traditions of language. Manners were not born here and they are no better down here than anywhere else IMO.

My family have always used the...baby, honey, sweethearts. I did too, for awhile. Years ago, when i entered into the professional world, i realized this is not always a good way to address someone and have learned to stop using those cultural "terms of endearment". Or i should say i try. Because i do slip and if i know you and know you well, i will be more relaxed in letting those slip even more often. But, i do also realize they should not be used for all people we meet, so at least i can say, progress has been made.

Yesterday we had an electrician come over to fix some things. While on the phone with him, he said to me...."Is it Mrs. or Ms. or should i just say Missy" and he laughed. That felt really bad to me. It even felt icky. I replied back "None of the above, my name is Niki". Thankfully, he did escape me handing his balls to him on a platter by respecting the way i wanted to be addressed.

A lot of things in life we do out of habit and again it is crossed and combined with how we were raised. Hopefully, we do evolve however and it is wise, IMO, to try and grow to more of generic or universal way of language. It is a process. But, like i've said many times, change is usually a good thing.

[Toughy]

Originally Posted by thedivahrrrself

<snip>

But, I DO find it endearing. And I'm also a bit tired of the bashing of manners. (If you can't find enough examples here, see the Old Fashioned thread.) I'm not saying everyone has to use them, but they get you some definite brownie points with me!

I use my manners for everyone. I will hold a door open for any person behind me. I forget sometimes to let the butches that like to open doors do it. And I appreciate a butch who does the same. If your manners are only for me, they're not worth much.

Let me amend this a bit: I hate it when someone calls me some pet name if I don't know them.

<snip>

I'm going to believe what you find endearing is manners, because you also say pet names (sugar, honey, sweetheart, etc) from folks you don't know is not acceptable. Please correct me if I am wrong.

Where is there bashing of manners in the 'Old Fashioned' thread? Reminding people that it's the 21st century is not bashing manners. I would love a post number to prove your statement. You could do it in the 'Old Fashioned' thread since we are not supposed to cross post from other threads

Where are manners being bashed in this thread? I'm serious.....please give us the post number so we can see it.

Calling people honey baby sweetie sugar pie is not about manners. It's about overstepping the boundaries of being polite and well-mannered. If you don't believe it then go look it up in Miss Manners or any other of the many books on etiquette.