What is Forgiveness?

[Venus007]

For me the hardest part about forgiveness is forgiving myself.
I should have seen...
I should have known...
I should have done X differently...
How could I have X, am I completely blind? ....

The reality is that I didn't see, I didn't know and I did the best I could with the information and situation I had before me.

To continually berate myself or feel that sick gut drop when I think about my actions actually is counter productive. By obsessing on what I did wrong and what is wrong with me instead of focusing on moving forward and how I can do the right thing, well, this only reinforces the unfortunate behavior and creates a stronger neural path to the error of my ways.

This is the hard part, to let go and practice acceptance, to just be and breathe with it, to sit with it and say that even though I make mistakes, it doesn't mean I have to make them in the future, and it certainly doesn't mean that I deserve to carry that hateful burden longer than is necessary for me to learn.

I have to practice acceptance for myself, to forgive myself, and to let go and move on. Whether I like it or not sometimes.

[Silverseastar]

For me the hardest part about forgiveness is forgiving myself

So true Venus007. Forgiveness for ourselves first and then it can come for others. If we hold onto being angry at the self we struggle to forgive others. Whatever we can offer ourselves first makes us more capable of offering the same to another- compassion, love, forgiveness, gentleness.

Sometimes this is so much harder than at other times and we even need to be kind to ourselves around the fact that it may just take time.

[Julien]

Originally Posted by Venus007

For me the hardest part about forgiveness is forgiving myself.
I should have seen...
I should have known...
I should have done X differently...
How could I have X, am I completely blind? ....

The reality is that I didn't see, I didn't know and I did the best I could with the information and situation I had before me.

To continually berate myself or feel that sick gut drop when I think about my actions actually is counter productive. By obsessing on what I did wrong and what is wrong with me instead of focusing on moving forward and how I can do the right thing, well, this only reinforces the unfortunate behavior and creates a stronger neural path to the error of my ways.

This is the hard part, to let go and practice acceptance, to just be and breathe with it, to sit with it and say that even though I make mistakes, it doesn't mean I have to make them in the future, and it certainly doesn't mean that I deserve to carry that hateful burden longer than is necessary for me to learn.

I have to practice acceptance for myself, to forgive myself, and to let go and move on. Whether I like it or not sometimes.

What you wrote is wisdom that I can look to for comfort in my own work on self forgiveness and acceptance. Thank you for your thoughtful post. I just wanted to highlight it for it speaks volumes to me at this moment in time. For I too do not deserve to "carry that hateful burden" any longer than I need to. I believe we carry all sorts of burdens that impede our growth and acceptance. It is up to us to, as you wrote, let it go and move on to interact and grow to become the best we can be in our lives.