Original Bad Prose or Stories!

SoNotHer · 05-06-2012, 09:11 AM

Bad Love Poem #652

Last Cinco de Mayo,
we didn't need no
supermoon shining on us
for me to pop your pinata
and then pass my Corona,
(after a stellar coronal mass ejection),
and quench your lips dry from tortilla chips
and cock.

This Cinco de Mayo
you got yourself burritoed
by another who you said
liked the way you salsa
more than me.

Happy freakin' Stinko de Bye-bye-o to you.

*Anya* · 05-06-2012, 10:33 AM

Pain, always here now
Sharp, stabbing, aching, constant
Please leave me: goodbye

Hollylane · 05-06-2012, 11:03 AM

I missed our bad writing...I think we should all post badly more often. I have to get more practice using poor grammar and punctuation. It is important that I am successful at this.

Have I mentioned that dark humor and quirky minds are awesome?

Truly Scrumptious · 05-06-2012, 02:11 PM

She left her shoes in front of the sign that said “keep off the black rocks” and chuckled a little as she climbed on them defiantly because after all, someone who’d been bitten by both an emu and a dolphin on the same day could hardly be deterred by such humdrum warnings as “sudden high waves” or “potential drowning hazard”.

Truly Scrumptious · 05-07-2012, 04:30 PM

Attention all bad writers: The deadline for the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is June 30, and winners will be announced in early July.

What does it take to enter? Just write the opening sentence to the worst possible novel!

Last year’s overall winner (there are category winners too) was Sue Frodie, with this sentence:

“Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.”

Lovely use of metaphors, don’t you think?

Entries should be sent to: srice@pacbell.net
Details here: http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

SoNotHer · 05-08-2012, 08:41 AM

Thank you for this, Miss Tick. We definitely have some contenders in this thread.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Truly Scrumptious

Attention all bad writers: The deadline for the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is June 30, and winners will be announced in early July.

What does it take to enter? Just write the opening sentence to the worst possible novel!

Last year’s overall winner (there are category winners too) was Sue Frodie, with this sentence:

“Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.”

Lovely use of metaphors, don’t you think?

Entries should be sent to: srice@pacbell.net
Details here: http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

Hollylane · 05-08-2012, 08:51 PM

The town had been cursed, with a curse that would never go away and could never be chased off. There was an unknown reason for the curse, and no apparent cure for the curse that could not be cured. It was a complete conundrum that perplexed the perpetually confused gals from LA when they arrived in a foreign town, in a foreign country, without a gas station or a pump house, just a dirt town in a dusty landscape, but somehow in this strange land they all spoke another language other than the foreign language of the country they lived in on foreign dirty soil. So, they really hadn't needed to learn to speak a second language, because their first language was the same as these foreigners who apparently were home schooled without any outside contact in a language of another foreign country, for no apparent reason that would make it all clear.

*Anya* · 01-24-2014, 10:58 PM

The 2013 Contest Winner:

She strutted into my office wearing a dress that clung to her like Saran Wrap to a sloppily butchered pork knuckle, bone and sinew jutting and lurching asymmetrically beneath its folds, the tightness exaggerating the granularity of the suet and causing what little palatable meat there was to sweat, its transparency the thief of imagination.

— Chris Wieloch, Brookfield, WI

http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2013win.html

05-06-2012, 10:33 AM	#2
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,457 Times in 7,284 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Post surgery haiku Pain, always here now Sharp, stabbing, aching, constant Please leave me: goodbye __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

05-07-2012, 04:30 PM	#5
Truly Scrumptious Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: She's my mirror twin, my next of kin Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Entre Lajeunesse et la sagesse Posts: 667 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,047 Thanked 1,780 Times in 557 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	It was a dark and stormy night Attention all bad writers: The deadline for the annual Bulwer-Lytton Fiction Contest is June 30, and winners will be announced in early July. What does it take to enter? Just write the opening sentence to the worst possible novel! Last year’s overall winner (there are category winners too) was Sue Frodie, with this sentence: “Cheryl’s mind turned like the vanes of a wind-powered turbine, chopping her sparrow-like thoughts into bloody pieces that fell onto a growing pile of forgotten memories.” Lovely use of metaphors, don’t you think? Entries should be sent to: srice@pacbell.net Details here: http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/

01-24-2014, 10:58 PM	#8
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,457 Times in 7,284 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Hoping to inspire, once again...this one is so bad it is fabulous! The 2013 Contest Winner: She strutted into my office wearing a dress that clung to her like Saran Wrap to a sloppily butchered pork knuckle, bone and sinew jutting and lurching asymmetrically beneath its folds, the tightness exaggerating the granularity of the suet and causing what little palatable meat there was to sweat, its transparency the thief of imagination. — Chris Wieloch, Brookfield, WI http://www.bulwer-lytton.com/2013win.html __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

05-06-2012, 09:11 AM	#1
SoNotHer Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Professional Sandbagger and Jenga Zumba Instructor Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: In the master control room of my world domination dreams Posts: 2,811 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,587 Thanked 4,736 Times in 1,409 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Bad Love Poem #652 Last Cinco de Mayo, we didn't need no supermoon shining on us for me to pop your pinata and then pass my Corona, (after a stellar coronal mass ejection), and quench your lips dry from tortilla chips and cock. This Cinco de Mayo you got yourself burritoed by another who you said liked the way you salsa more than me. Happy freakin' Stinko de Bye-bye-o to you.

05-06-2012, 11:03 AM	#3
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,361 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	I missed our bad writing...I think we should all post badly more often. I have to get more practice using poor grammar and punctuation. It is important that I am successful at this. Have I mentioned that dark humor and quirky minds are awesome?

05-06-2012, 02:11 PM	#4
Truly Scrumptious Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Relationship Status: She's my mirror twin, my next of kin Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Entre Lajeunesse et la sagesse Posts: 667 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,047 Thanked 1,780 Times in 557 Posts Rep Power: 21474849	She left her shoes in front of the sign that said “keep off the black rocks” and chuckled a little as she climbed on them defiantly because after all, someone who’d been bitten by both an emu and a dolphin on the same day could hardly be deterred by such humdrum warnings as “sudden high waves” or “potential drowning hazard”.

05-08-2012, 08:51 PM	#7
Hollylane Practically Lives Here How Do You Identify?: . Preferred Pronoun?: . Relationship Status: . Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: . Posts: 11,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 34,694 Thanked 26,361 Times in 5,875 Posts Rep Power: 21474862	The town had been cursed, with a curse that would never go away and could never be chased off. There was an unknown reason for the curse, and no apparent cure for the curse that could not be cured. It was a complete conundrum that perplexed the perpetually confused gals from LA when they arrived in a foreign town, in a foreign country, without a gas station or a pump house, just a dirt town in a dusty landscape, but somehow in this strange land they all spoke another language other than the foreign language of the country they lived in on foreign dirty soil. So, they really hadn't needed to learn to speak a second language, because their first language was the same as these foreigners who apparently were home schooled without any outside contact in a language of another foreign country, for no apparent reason that would make it all clear.