Choices....

BrutalDaddy · 05-27-2012, 06:46 PM

Taylor, I understand exactly where you're coming from as far as knowing you're in the wrong body. In the exact same boat myself. However I'm fortunate enough to have a family that "gets it" to one extent or another and those that don't, I don't even pay them any mind.

The lady I married has played a huge part in my family being so accepting of me because they adore her to the max. One of those, "you're not ever going to do any better than that so don't screw it up!" deals. Lol.

I live in the deep south. Have all my life. Used to bother me a whole lot how folks would look at me and the comments that almost always followed the looks. But that special lady has helped me to realize that the only person I should care about the views/opinions/feelings of is myself. I wasn't much good to her because of my own self hatred. I was harder on myself then any of those ignorant folks I come across. That self hatred caused me to lash out at myself and those that care very deeply for me.

I have come to realize, through femmsational and AA, that unless I am comfortable with myself, I have nothing to offer those around me. It's been a huge work in progress but I'm happier then I have been in a long time and I'm noticing the effect it's having on those I care about.

From what you've said about your girlfriend in NY, sounds like she might be a real good influence on helping you to be who you really are? If so then you'll actually become an even better parent to your son because there will be no more negative energy radiating around you and trust me, that will be felt by all those around you.

I won't say what I think of your mom out of respect for the fact that she is your mother. However I will say this, don't pay her any mind. Many react with anger because of fear of the unknown. She obviously can't or won't understand and that scares her, not understanding ya know? It hurts, I know. My real sperm donor treats me that way to point of pretending I'm dead now. Oh well, his loss. I'm getting to a place where I'm real happy now. You can to.

If you felt that peace up in NY then maybe take that leap? The little town you're from will always be there I imagine so not like you can't ever go back. Just take care of you. If you take care of you, the rest will follow.

Good Luck To You Bro,
AJ.

DMW · 06-01-2012, 11:31 AM

Some really great advice here. Gonna add a few links to maybe help educate your family. This is a pamphlet that you should read and decide if you want to give it to your mother. I advise it... no matter what the outcome.

this is a free pdf file

http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_...5thedition.pdf

When I decided to come out to family or decide to come out to old friends or new people...i remind myself that it is important to remember that everyone had/has to accept my transition on their time and at their emotional pace. i can't control that. Nor, would i want to. I also, can't control the outcome and have to accept that they would come to their own conclusions.
It was a very frightening thought and truth...that i could lose part of my family. i had to be selfish and love myself enough to be myself. and to be me meant... that i could lose family. In addition, losing a new girlfriend at the time.
So, the ? was...take a chance on losing family and the girl...or losing ME.
Well, for me...the choice was not a choice. It was a must do or die.
I wanted to share a bit of personal experience with you because...we don't really go through it do we? We have to keep fighting to be ourselves...no matter who we are.

Funny how i am learning by sharing. I hate sharing personal in public.

this link has 2 books. one i am familiar with and helped me understand a lot. i used it with family. even shared it with some to help them understand.
the Transforming Families is the book i used.

http://www.mental-health-today.com/g...s/fambooks.htm

Giving your mom a chance to try and absorb this information and the facts emotionally, on her own, may help. The reader is exposed to other trans peoples emotions etc. without it being personal. it helped both myself and the understanding of other peoples emotions. also, all the pressure was not put on me to explain myself away.

great advice from the other posts. Keep the Faith Man

06-01-2012, 11:31 AM	#2
DMW Member How Do You Identify?: FTM/Male (Will 14) Relationship Status: Caught An Angel and she doesn't lie! Join Date: May 2012 Location: @ Posts: 784 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,256 Thanked 1,858 Times in 614 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Some really great advice here. Gonna add a few links to maybe help educate your family. This is a pamphlet that you should read and decide if you want to give it to your mother. I advise it... no matter what the outcome. this is a free pdf file http://www.pflag.org/fileadmin/user_...5thedition.pdf When I decided to come out to family or decide to come out to old friends or new people...i remind myself that it is important to remember that everyone had/has to accept my transition on their time and at their emotional pace. i can't control that. Nor, would i want to. I also, can't control the outcome and have to accept that they would come to their own conclusions. It was a very frightening thought and truth...that i could lose part of my family. i had to be selfish and love myself enough to be myself. and to be me meant... that i could lose family. In addition, losing a new girlfriend at the time. So, the ? was...take a chance on losing family and the girl...or losing ME. Well, for me...the choice was not a choice. It was a must do or die. I wanted to share a bit of personal experience with you because...we don't really go through it do we? We have to keep fighting to be ourselves...no matter who we are. Funny how i am learning by sharing. I hate sharing personal in public. this link has 2 books. one i am familiar with and helped me understand a lot. i used it with family. even shared it with some to help them understand. the Transforming Families is the book i used. http://www.mental-health-today.com/g...s/fambooks.htm Giving your mom a chance to try and absorb this information and the facts emotionally, on her own, may help. The reader is exposed to other trans peoples emotions etc. without it being personal. it helped both myself and the understanding of other peoples emotions. also, all the pressure was not put on me to explain myself away. great advice from the other posts. Keep the Faith Man Last edited by DMW; 06-01-2012 at 11:46 AM. Reason: could not get the links to work annoying

05-27-2012, 06:46 PM	#1
BrutalDaddy Member How Do You Identify?: Her Asshole. Preferred Pronoun?: Him, hym, he, whatever. Relationship Status: Bitch has no more excuses now. Join Date: May 2012 Location: Lower Alabama Posts: 519 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 206 Thanked 2,784 Times in 499 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Taylor, I understand exactly where you're coming from as far as knowing you're in the wrong body. In the exact same boat myself. However I'm fortunate enough to have a family that "gets it" to one extent or another and those that don't, I don't even pay them any mind. The lady I married has played a huge part in my family being so accepting of me because they adore her to the max. One of those, "you're not ever going to do any better than that so don't screw it up!" deals. Lol. I live in the deep south. Have all my life. Used to bother me a whole lot how folks would look at me and the comments that almost always followed the looks. But that special lady has helped me to realize that the only person I should care about the views/opinions/feelings of is myself. I wasn't much good to her because of my own self hatred. I was harder on myself then any of those ignorant folks I come across. That self hatred caused me to lash out at myself and those that care very deeply for me. I have come to realize, through femmsational and AA, that unless I am comfortable with myself, I have nothing to offer those around me. It's been a huge work in progress but I'm happier then I have been in a long time and I'm noticing the effect it's having on those I care about. From what you've said about your girlfriend in NY, sounds like she might be a real good influence on helping you to be who you really are? If so then you'll actually become an even better parent to your son because there will be no more negative energy radiating around you and trust me, that will be felt by all those around you. I won't say what I think of your mom out of respect for the fact that she is your mother. However I will say this, don't pay her any mind. Many react with anger because of fear of the unknown. She obviously can't or won't understand and that scares her, not understanding ya know? It hurts, I know. My real sperm donor treats me that way to point of pretending I'm dead now. Oh well, his loss. I'm getting to a place where I'm real happy now. You can to. If you felt that peace up in NY then maybe take that leap? The little town you're from will always be there I imagine so not like you can't ever go back. Just take care of you. If you take care of you, the rest will follow. Good Luck To You Bro, AJ.