Who Are You People?

[Glenn]

Both sets of my grandparents landed on Ellis Island in the nineteenth century from Italy, with love.

[Smiling]

Hi Everyone,

I have really enjoyed reading this thread. My subscription to Ancestry.com is currently inactive, but I have been laboring over a huge genealogical research project for the past two years. I even took a DNA test which has yielded 54 pages of distant relatives; in addition to providing my genetic makeup.

(The DNA is, of course, based on ancient migratory patterns so my more recent ethnic heritage looks somewhat different. However, it has provided a very good foundation).

Really basic background....

I have gotten as far as possible via records, etc. My father, as well as my entire paternal line has been completely estranged (under rather ugly circumstances) for 30+ years. My mother is polite and willing to answer some questions about this side of the family, but is uncooperative about and/or unable to answer others; particularly as pertains to my older half-brother; whom I have never met. He has no idea we exist.

I know where my father lives. I have his address as well as a telephone number; both publicly listed. He is 70 years old now. I have attempted to get in touch with other relatives who might be less "shocked?" at hearing from me; but to no avail. (Well, I have corresponded with some enthusiastic cousins, but they don't have any information as they, too, have been out of touch with this particular branch of the family for at least as many years).

My paternal uncle did respond (one year ago) and very politely told me that he feels he is just too old and therefore didn't want to deal with this at his age and abruptly cut off contact after he realized to whom he was talking via email. Luckily, he didn't recognize my name right away (though I was honest about my identity; I have many less than stellar qualities, but sneakiness isn't one of them) and he inadvertently provided some very helpful information about my grandparents.

So, the question is - do I send a letter to my father and ask if he would be willing to talk to me about some family history or do I just leave it alone? Am I being selfish to burst into someone's presumably peaceful life after all of these years? Is my request reasonable? For the record, I do not care if he wants to maintain contact or not; I barely remember him.

I invite everyone's opinions. I would like to hear any thoughts on this because I want to make sure that I have fully thought this through before I potentially just crash into someone's life.

I will ask also on the genealogy boards, but I need opinions; and I know you all have them, lol! (One of my favorite things about our community here).

Thanks in advance!

[Gemme]

I think you should try. If you don't, you'll regret it because you'll never know if he would have been able to help you or not. If you do, you have a fifty-fifty shot. Either he'll be helpful or not.

Talking about the past and family may be difficult, but if he's 70 years old, it certainly won't be the most difficult thing he's ever done in his life.

I think it's entirely reasonable to want to know where you came from. There's also a medical component to this as well.

[Happy_Go_Lucky]

As an adopted child of foreign birth, I have NO biological family of whom I am aware. No medical history, nada.

This is probably a unique if not a rare situation.

I rather am noncommittal about learning of my origin, however, the circumstances and facts of which I AM aware states I am probably better off not knowing.

[Smiling]

I've been going back and forth with this for the past 2 years. I've taken both of your thoughts into consideration (thank you, by the way!) and decided that I will pen a letter on Sunday to be sent via registered mail Monday.

One of my New Years resolutions was to reclaim my sense of fearlessness. This seems as good a place as any to start.

@Happy,
Do you mind if I ask how you might react if you suddenly heard from one of your biological relatives? I don't mean to pry, so please excuse me if I am being too personal; but I have in the back of my mind the situation with my half-brother and what may or may not be appropriate should I ever determine his whereabouts.