Mammograms

[Turtle]

As usual, I have a "some of this-some of that" opinion of my body...and my breasts in particular.

That said, I find a mammogram one of the less bothersome tests or procedures that can happen. Everybody has a different opinion about what is a bother, a violation, or nervewracking. I find a mammogram a fairly quick test, although, the first time for anything can produce more anxiety.

For me, it would "bother" me more to have a 21 year old bio guy do the mammogram than a 45 year old woman. In my experience different labs have always had women perform mammograms. Some places are better at warming up the surface of the plate better that others or have a nicer environment.

What does bother me is if I perceive that the wait time after the first round of scans takes too long - the wait to see if they need any more images, if the scans are not clear, if I moved, if they see something...if that wait time lasts a nanosecond longer than I think it should anxiety starts creeping in.

Strategies to deal with the whole thing and it's problem spots could be put in place:

Diversion - partner or friend for conversation, reading, video game, etc.

Thought ahead of time - (I am a man)... Do I want to shave off my goatee to get a mammogram - No. Biomen get breast cancer.... When you get a scan, you wear one of those hospital "johnnie" things and they see all types of legs and feet sticking out from there - stillettos and hose, jeans and sneakers, cowboy boots...what are my thoughts and feelings, is all that true, does it matter?????

Fantasy - (to deal with I look like a man, what is HE doing in here) I might consider that I am in a sci-fi scenerio, going thru the same medical screening that everybody - of all different types of bodies - goes thru before we leave the planet on our mission. (yes, i know i'm weird)

So much of this has to do with my thought process of what I look like or who I think I am. Most hospital/lab workers are extremely professional and treat everybody well. They often just do what they have to do to do the test and don't even notice that I present as very butch and am wearing sandals with pink toenails sticking out of them.

And - many lumps are cysts. And - it could be cancer.

A Buddhist tool is to "What if" it -

So - what if it is cancer? - I'll freak out.
What if I freak out? - My honey/friend will help me calm down.
What is I don't calm down? the doctor will give me medication...the doctor will have a plan and present choices.
What if I can't take the medication? - I've always meant to learn how to meditate.
What if ....
What if .....
What if.... ...What if .... I die?

I will be dead, but we are going to Hawaii first, and I'm going to ask our friends to call and invite you over because I know you won't call them, and I'm going to ask you to promise to accept invitations so you don't rot in bed with the covers pulled over your head not knowing that you will eventually come out of it, and I'm gonna get you that red wagon you never got, and I want y'all to sing "Spirit of Life" at my memorial service and I want everybody to get a mylar balloon...

This is a good discussion to have with yourself and your family and friends. Talking about all your concerns actually helps. People often are afraid to talk about dying because people are afraid and and people love each other and people cry, but talking about it helps. It is the hidden thoughts and feelings that become problematic.

Cancer treatment centers know how to take care of people. They have a plan, they will guide you. There ARE choices you can make. They know people, especially people with cancer, need to be able to have some control over their own lives. The medical community is much better at this stuff than they used to be.

I know this seems crazy...and this is what we need to know when hopefully it is just a cyst and holy fucking shit I might have cancer.

May blessings, peace, good friends, and talented care be upon you...