PTSD and Trauma recovery

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Goofy

Apocalipstic, I want to apologize if my posts hurt or offended you (or anyone else) in any way. Truly that was not my intention.

I've never posted in this thread until last night, but I read it often. I was reading last night when I saw a poster say that they were not comfortable sharing their stuff and it made me think of the group I participate in. I thought it might be a good idea to share some of that experience, since it has been such a good experience for me.

I think this is a great thread, and the support that if offers is incredible, whether someone is a sharer, or not.

Thank you for your input, Im sorry the whole thing just hit me wrong after seeing the passcode and hearing that certain people would not be allowed.

I appologize if I made you feel bad. Come and discuss or read any time

Originally Posted by Amelia

Um I agree with the courtesy thing, especially because I was thinking Apoc was part of creating the chat room people were talking about. I am confused but reading on.

I had no idea.

Originally Posted by Amelia

Times are probably hard for everyone, but really do you need to have a cemetary telemarket you?!? This seems really rude on so many levels.

I am really glad to hear your sister is handling it for you. I too find it hard to deal with people politely in social situations when it is DIRECTLY related to my abusers and triggers. Sometimes I end up feeling badly for reacting from that panic or rage state of mind.

Stuff affects me differently than my sister, for her making the call is empowering.

Originally Posted by Kimbo

Chat rooms and following conversations are difficult. I personally think they suck for support groups but that is my opinion. I might suggest free phone conferencing where you can actually gather a group and talk with one another. They're free...

http://www.freeconference.com/conferencecall.aspx

If people have phones with unlimited long distance it is a much easier process than trying to follow a chat dialogue. In support sessions hearing a voice can make it all that much more personal. Just a suggestion.

That is a great idea. Then, no one will feel left out and no one can SEE the chat room they are being excluded from! Thank you!

[Apocalipstic]

I will not be part of a group where people can see I am there and feel excluded.

On another note, my brain is raw glad I have therapy tomorrow

My father was one of my major abusers and as ridiculous as I get (and as funny as it may seem after), when I am spinning out it all seems so real at the time.

He died this time last year and the cemetary has been calling for weeks. I understand times are hard too and I wish I could help Rocky the Cemetary Dude, but I am going to go vacation to London instead of buying a cemetary plot....sounds so much more fun. I've been there for work several times, but not had enough free time to go to the museums, dungeons, parks and just enjoy being alive!

Because I'm Still Standing!

[Princess4u]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I will not be part of a group where people can see I am there and feel excluded.

On another note, my brain is raw glad I have therapy tomorrow

My father was one of my major abusers and as ridiculous as I get (and as funny as it may seem after), when I am spinning out it all seems so real at the time.

He died this time last year and the cemetary has been calling for weeks. I understand times are hard too and I wish I could help Rocky the Cemetary Dude, but I am going to go vacation to London instead of buying a cemetary plot....sounds so much more fun. I've been there for work several times, but not had enough free time to go to the museums, dungeons, parks and just enjoy being alive!

Because I'm Still Standing!

I hope you have a wonderful time....take lots of pics for us to see..i have always wanted to go!!!!

[Andrew, Jr.]

So from my understanding, there is a chat. What are the times, and what is the room called or whatever? I never have been in chat before. Can whoever the mods are pm me the password. I would like to submit the application to join. I don't want to be a moderator since I suffer from PTSD.

I feel even more silenced than ever before.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

So from my understanding, there is a chat. What are the times, and what is the room called or whatever? I never have been in chat before. Can whoever the mods are pm me the password. I would like to submit the application to join. I don't want to be a moderator since I suffer from PTSD.

I feel even more silenced than ever before.

The chat thing is in no way affiliated with this thread, maybe PM the people who started it, or look for the thread Lady Jewell said she was starting about it or maybe pm the admins?. I don't think anyone who is giving out passwords is likely to read this thread anymmore.

This thread is about us sharing and healing together! No passwords, no secret handshake and no silencing!

I hope you are having a great day and its not as cold there as it is here. Brrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr.

[Andrew, Jr.]

Apocalipstic,

for you, and then we can both & .

How's that love?!

ox,
Andrew

[Apocalipstic]

Only if you grill too!

Except its snowing. Again.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by apocalipstic

I will not be part of a group where people can see I am there and feel excluded.

On another note, my brain is raw glad I have therapy tomorrow

My father was one of my major abusers and as ridiculous as I get (and as funny as it may seem after), when I am spinning out it all seems so real at the time.

He died this time last year and the cemetary has been calling for weeks. I understand times are hard too and I wish I could help Rocky the Cemetary Dude, but I am going to go vacation to London instead of buying a cemetary plot....sounds so much more fun. I've been there for work several times, but not had enough free time to go to the museums, dungeons, parks and just enjoy being alive!

Because I'm Still Standing!

Heck yeaz! I say that sounds like an awesome idea. Life is already too short to let fear or pain or scars hold you back! VAcaTion<--- money better spent!

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Princess4u

sometimes...i watch the world spinning around me....ppl going on w their lives....live going on in general....while i sit in my existance, stuck..sometimes its a comfort...but mostly its just a reminder of all that was taken away....its seems to me the harder I try to keep the past in the past....and put distance and time between me and IT....the harder the past tries to rear its ugly head and remind me there is no place to hid....there is no one's arms safe enough for shelter (even if there was someone here) and there is nothing I can do that will allow me to forget....funny how when you think you have it all figured out....you turn around with that victory grin upon your face and guess who is waiting right there in front of you when you least expect it......THE PAST!!!.

I have spent all my life trying to forget. In my younger days I tried every drug I could get my hands on and participated in some very risky behavior trying to forget. I've been to years of therapy, Vanderbilt Psychiatry and loads of different medicines.....

But nothing has made me forget.

Time has softened a few of the edges maybe....but I remember way too much.

I am now trying Brain Spotting to see if that will help?

My therapist says I won't forget, ever. But we can try to make things easier to remember.

I totally get what you are saying and I wish I knew how to forget too.

[Andrew, Jr.]

I am sorry Lady Jewel is upset. Someone who is recovering from PTSD should not be a moderator or whatever if you ask me. I even pmed Lady Jewel telling her that I could understood how she felt about the chat. Little did I know it was already going. I feel like a fool, idiot, jackass, and very much silenced. Silenced from my so-called friends who always tell me that they have my back. Right.

If anyone knows me they know I love the show "The Sopranos". I feel like if anyone here even thought of joining the chat who wasn't invited, those who were already in the chat, they conspired against me who stood in their way because of posting about getting into the chat. Hmmmmm, I wonder if it has to do with the rummors that went around about me, or the photographs that someone posted.

I just wonder about the time when my father held a knife to my throat, or when he beat me up, or when he beat me and locked me in a closet, or when xyz and I made the phone calls if my so called friends here would even pick up the phone. The same now as it was then. Nobody wants to get involved because I am not in the click. I am not worthy. I am stupid. I am this or that. I am just not...

The silence is deafening.

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I am sorry Lady Jewel is upset. Someone who is recovering from PTSD should not be a moderator or whatever if you ask me. I even pmed Lady Jewel telling her that I could understood how she felt about the chat. Little did I know it was already going. I feel like a fool, idiot, jackass, and very much silenced. Silenced from my so-called friends who always tell me that they have my back. Right.

If anyone knows me they know I love the show "The Sopranos". I feel like if anyone here even thought of joining the chat who wasn't invited, those who were already in the chat, they conspired against me who stood in their way because of posting about getting into the chat. Hmmmmm, I wonder if it has to do with the rummors that went around about me, or the photographs that someone posted.

I just wonder about the time when my father held a knife to my throat, or when he beat me up, or when he beat me and locked me in a closet, or when xyz and I made the phone calls if my so called friends here would even pick up the phone. The same now as it was then. Nobody wants to get involved because I am not in the click. I am not worthy. I am stupid. I am this or that. I am just not...

The silence is deafening.

I'm here.

I also agree that someone with PTSD is the moderator it could be problematic...because I (for example) never know what space I will be in. What if I am too flipped out to be on line when it's time for chat group. I totally get what you are saying on that subject.


Try and step back, take a deep breath and go back to posting here and on the threads where you feel welcome ..like this one or the neurodiversity one. Maybe you could start a grilling thread.

If anyone is making you feel unwelcome, the problem is theirs, not yours.

Do you really want to be in a group that excludes anyone? You seem too cool for that.

Also, not sure what was said, but according to the admins thread yesterday, they were still facilitator searching.

[AtLast]

Just saying Hi to everyone. And wishing that today is a good one for you and that ... you all RAWK!

[FONT="Century Gothic"]Been thinking a lot about how so many people in our community just have guts! These types of sites are not always very user friendly and I appreciate that the speaking out about what it is like to live with PTSD. Thank you....[/FONT

alieninjar: We all know what it is like to feel like[I] an alien in a jar![/I]

[Canela]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I am sorry Lady Jewel is upset. Someone who is recovering from PTSD should not be a moderator or whatever if you ask me. I even pmed Lady Jewel telling her that I could understood how she felt about the chat. Little did I know it was already going. I feel like a fool, idiot, jackass, and very much silenced. Silenced from my so-called friends who always tell me that they have my back. Right.

If anyone knows me they know I love the show "The Sopranos". I feel like if anyone here even thought of joining the chat who wasn't invited, those who were already in the chat, they conspired against me who stood in their way because of posting about getting into the chat. Hmmmmm, I wonder if it has to do with the rummors that went around about me, or the photographs that someone posted.

I just wonder about the time when my father held a knife to my throat, or when he beat me up, or when he beat me and locked me in a closet, or when xyz and I made the phone calls if my so called friends here would even pick up the phone. The same now as it was then. Nobody wants to get involved because I am not in the click. I am not worthy. I am stupid. I am this or that. I am just not...

The silence is deafening.

You are wonderfully and fearfully made Andrew...you are a son of God and no one can take that away from you. To heck with the unhappy people who try to hurt you. They can't steal your joy Andrew...that comes from within, it's your light from your higher power and it's something they can never take from you.

I'm here--and I hear you, Andrew.

Sending you BIG HUGE HUGS!!!!

[Apocalipstic]

Originally Posted by LittleShug

You are wonderfully and fearfully made Andrew...you are a son of God and no one can take that away from you. To heck with the unhappy people who try to hurt you. They can't steal your joy Andrew...that comes from within, it's your light from your higher power and it's something they can never take from you.

I'm here--and I hear you, Andrew.

Sending you BIG HUGE HUGS!!!!

LS, what a wonderful and sweet answer!

[Jet]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I am sorry Lady Jewel is upset. Someone who is recovering from PTSD should not be a moderator or whatever if you ask me. I even pmed Lady Jewel telling her that I could understood how she felt about the chat. Little did I know it was already going. I feel like a fool, idiot, jackass, and very much silenced. Silenced from my so-called friends who always tell me that they have my back. Right.

If anyone knows me they know I love the show "The Sopranos". I feel like if anyone here even thought of joining the chat who wasn't invited, those who were already in the chat, they conspired against me who stood in their way because of posting about getting into the chat. Hmmmmm, I wonder if it has to do with the rummors that went around about me, or the photographs that someone posted.

I just wonder about the time when my father held a knife to my throat, or when he beat me up, or when he beat me and locked me in a closet, or when xyz and I made the phone calls if my so called friends here would even pick up the phone. The same now as it was then. Nobody wants to get involved because I am not in the click. I am not worthy. I am stupid. I am this or that. I am just not...

The silence is deafening.

Stop it! Andrew. What's done is done. Let's move on...you can't progress when you constantly keep yourself with crap in the past that really has nothing to do with this thread. THIS THREAD is about people who are debilitated by trauma—emotionally, physically, mentally.
How about sharing what you are doing about yours perhaps, or supporting someone who's really hurting from an episode, right now, or sharing something you've learned. I love you, bro. But please stop with the behind the scenes issues that have nothing to do with people who trying to survive their lives and are looking for like-minded connections in here...me included.

Sorry everyone, but enough with the chat thing. my .02

[Canela]

Our Deepest Fear


Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.

It is our light, not our darkness, that most frightens us.
We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant,
gorgeous, handsome, talented and fabulous?

Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.

Your playing small does not serve the world.
There is nothing enlightened about shrinking
so that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine, as children do.

We were born to make manifest the glory of God within us.
It is not just in some; it is in everyone.

And, as we let our own light shine, we consciously give
other people permission to do the same.
As we are liberated from our fear,
our presence automatically liberates others.

Marianne Williamson--from her book, "A Return To Love"

[Princess4u]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I am sorry Lady Jewel is upset. Someone who is recovering from PTSD should not be a moderator or whatever if you ask me. I even pmed Lady Jewel telling her that I could understood how she felt about the chat. Little did I know it was already going. I feel like a fool, idiot, jackass, and very much silenced. Silenced from my so-called friends who always tell me that they have my back. Right.

If anyone knows me they know I love the show "The Sopranos". I feel like if anyone here even thought of joining the chat who wasn't invited, those who were already in the chat, they conspired against me who stood in their way because of posting about getting into the chat. Hmmmmm, I wonder if it has to do with the rummors that went around about me, or the photographs that someone posted.

I just wonder about the time when my father held a knife to my throat, or when he beat me up, or when he beat me and locked me in a closet, or when xyz and I made the phone calls if my so called friends here would even pick up the phone. The same now as it was then. Nobody wants to get involved because I am not in the click. I am not worthy. I am stupid. I am this or that. I am just not...

The silence is deafening.

Dear Andrew.

I will not go into detail about that impromtu meeting in the PTSD chat last week......but I will tell this to you and to the other thread members.....you are all better for not having been there.....and I mean this in all kindness.....I am still suffering flashbacks and panic attacks from the events of that evening....so please my dear friends......feel blessed....you were spared and when I came and posted my message that night....I was very upset and felt violated all over again.....and I continue to have to suffer the price of being manipulated into a place I shouldnt have gone.....I would hate for any of you to have to endure anymore pain and suffering than you have already......hugs and love......Princess.

[Kimbo]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I am sorry Lady Jewel is upset. Someone who is recovering from PTSD should not be a moderator or whatever if you ask me. I even pmed Lady Jewel telling her that I could understood how she felt about the chat. Little did I know it was already going. I feel like a fool, idiot, jackass, and very much silenced. Silenced from my so-called friends who always tell me that they have my back. Right.

If anyone knows me they know I love the show "The Sopranos". I feel like if anyone here even thought of joining the chat who wasn't invited, those who were already in the chat, they conspired against me who stood in their way because of posting about getting into the chat. Hmmmmm, I wonder if it has to do with the rummors that went around about me, or the photographs that someone posted.

I just wonder about the time when my father held a knife to my throat, or when he beat me up, or when he beat me and locked me in a closet, or when xyz and I made the phone calls if my so called friends here would even pick up the phone. The same now as it was then. Nobody wants to get involved because I am not in the click. I am not worthy. I am stupid. I am this or that. I am just not...

The silence is deafening.

Andrew, I want you to know that I want to get involved. We frequent many of the same threads, I do not find you to be stupid, quite the opposite I find you to be an intelligent, kind and compassionate person.

I hear you.

[Dragonfly]

Originally Posted by Andrew, Jr.

I am sorry Lady Jewel is upset. Someone who is recovering from PTSD should not be a moderator or whatever if you ask me. I even pmed Lady Jewel telling her that I could understood how she felt about the chat. Little did I know it was already going. I feel like a fool, idiot, jackass, and very much silenced. Silenced from my so-called friends who always tell me that they have my back. Right.

If anyone knows me they know I love the show "The Sopranos". I feel like if anyone here even thought of joining the chat who wasn't invited, those who were already in the chat, they conspired against me who stood in their way because of posting about getting into the chat. Hmmmmm, I wonder if it has to do with the rummors that went around about me, or the photographs that someone posted.

I just wonder about the time when my father held a knife to my throat, or when he beat me up, or when he beat me and locked me in a closet, or when xyz and I made the phone calls if my so called friends here would even pick up the phone. The same now as it was then. Nobody wants to get involved because I am not in the click. I am not worthy. I am stupid. I am this or that. I am just not...

The silence is deafening.

Andrew aka my thread mate in the abuse threads all over!

OMG you see? There is a majority of us who feel like your post here. Maybe a lot are Too embarrassed to really express it as bravely and strait forward as you did. Sometimes you voice things for some people who CANNOT.

THAT is what makes us love you so much. You have never failed to be at our sides when we have needed someone. I hope you trust me here and believe me when I say that you ARE THE CLIQUE. We have travelled these roads, some of us, for sooo many years now... over three sites and we have always been there for each other in the face of exclusion feelings. IF like 99% of us posting in support and abuse threads feel similar to you w this issue.... if 99% of us are looking at each other thinking it is "me" that "they" dont want around...

Well see that proves we the majority ARE the actual "CLIQUE" if there was one. I dont care or want to know at this point. I dont think the one or two that are hurtful to you should be given the "status" of being the cool crowd if you really feel shunned by them... Majority rules and I am always going to be here for you my friend. No matter what site I talk to you on. Our support doesn't end no matter what IS or ISN'T going on behind anyone back. I hope you understand me here friend.

I truly believe no ill intent was meant towards you. Pm me and we can compare my notes. But I dont blame you for thinking it.... from what I hear most of us thought "it's me".

*BIG HUGS!!!

Dfly

[Apocalipstic]

Huge Smile!

I will back later to post individually! But thank you each and every one for making me smile this morning! We really do walk very similar roads!

Happy Friday!