Important things I learned from past relationships

bright_arrow · 06-27-2012, 09:05 PM

Despite how miserable we were together, we each deserve our own happiness.

Just because someone treated you one way, whether good or bad, does not mean the next person will, so do not hold them to standards they don't know exist, and don't blame them for someone else's faults.

I learned erasing handles and making a new e-mail and a new handle help put a lot of the past behind you, instead of constantly being bombarded with it - especially helpful if you hold grudges/were very invested, and have trouble being civil to them LOL

Gráinne · 06-27-2012, 10:12 PM

*You can learn a lot about your love interest in the first hour of the first date. If you're out for a meal, pay attention to how they treat the waitstaff.

*Don't shackle yourself to someone who doesn't make you laugh, and definitely, 100% not with anyone who makes you cry.

*If it feels wrong, it is wrong. Don't make excuses or second-guess yourself.

*You attract what you think you deserve, even unconsciously. The healthier you are, the better partner you will be, and you will attract healthier people.

*Accept the other person as they are that very moment. They're going to change over a years-long relationship, sure, but not on your schedule and not always the changes you want.

*Don't get into a relationship for the wrong reasons (which is just about everything except that you are full of love and health and want to share that with a special person). That includes pressure, horniness, guilt, or even boredom with your life. BTDT, all of them.

*A relationship doesn't always end because the love ends. Love can't fix everything.

Nomad · 07-02-2012, 03:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by guihong

*You can learn a lot about your love interest in the first hour of the first date. If you're out for a meal, pay attention to how they treat the waitstaff.

*Don't shackle yourself to someone who doesn't make you laugh, and definitely, 100% not with anyone who makes you cry.

*If it feels wrong, it is wrong. Don't make excuses or second-guess yourself.

*You attract what you think you deserve, even unconsciously. The healthier you are, the better partner you will be, and you will attract healthier people.

*Accept the other person as they are that very moment. They're going to change over a years-long relationship, sure, but not on your schedule and not always the changes you want.

*Don't get into a relationship for the wrong reasons (which is just about everything except that you are full of love and health and want to share that with a special person). That includes pressure, horniness, guilt, or even boredom with your life. BTDT, all of them.

*A relationship doesn't always end because the love ends. Love can't fix everything.

such a great point. sometimes you arent on the same page or right enough with yourself to be right enough with someone else even if you do love them.

there's always something good in you and in the person you love even when there's something not working in your behavior choices. i learned that self-respect and having loved one another for so long means you can find a few small ways to be kind to one another during a breakup. there's nothing more representative of honest love than watching the person you broke up with try to be sweet to you or watching them struggle to respect your decision. there's a lot to admire in someone when you're breaking up with them and they still find ways to love you while helping to dismantle the world you made together. i learned that i never stopped wanting the best for them and always wished there was a way i could have said "i'm still on your side". even now, when i have small victories or do things that i couldnt have done in the past, i wonder if they would be proud of me because i really always wanted them to be proud of me.

KayCee · 07-02-2012, 06:26 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Nomad

i learned that i never stopped wanting the best for them and always wished there was a way i could have said "i'm still on your side". even now, when i have small victories or do things that i couldnt have done in the past, i wonder if they would be proud of me because i really always wanted them to be proud of me.

This really touched my heart Nomad. It's so sweet but also kind of sad....but I know exactly what you mean.

lilapache · 07-03-2012, 12:16 PM

that all the amount of words are nothing... unless they area shown also...

Syr · 07-03-2012, 01:20 PM

Never, ever go back.

laruss · 08-21-2012, 12:05 PM

Some things I have learned from past relationships...

Patience.
To be true to myself.
Pay attention to the Red Flags in the beginning.
Be open to what can happen.
Compromise.
How to live well with others.
How important it is to be heard.
If it feels right do it, if it doesn't then don't.
Sex is way too important, not a place I am willing to compromise, sexual compatibility is a must.
Don't marry a gay man when you are in love with a woman.
Life always moves forward.
And most importantly... To Love fully, no matter how much it might hurt when they are gone.

06-27-2012, 10:12 PM	#2
Gráinne Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Neither, nada, out of the box Preferred Pronoun?: My name always works Relationship Status: Happy whatever happens Join Date: Dec 2010 Location: Little Rock Posts: 1,865 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,119 Thanked 7,389 Times in 1,458 Posts Rep Power: 21474852	You can learn a lot about your love interest in the first hour of the first date. If you're out for a meal, pay attention to how they treat the waitstaff. Don't shackle yourself to someone who doesn't make you laugh, and definitely, 100% not with anyone who makes you cry. If it feels wrong, it is wrong. Don't make excuses or second-guess yourself. You attract what you think you deserve, even unconsciously. The healthier you are, the better partner you will be, and you will attract healthier people. Accept the other person as they are that very moment.* They're going to change over a years-long relationship, sure, but not on your schedule and not always the changes you want. Don't get into a relationship for the wrong reasons (which is just about everything except* that you are full of love and health and want to share that with a special person). That includes pressure, horniness, guilt, or even boredom with your life. BTDT, all of them. *A relationship doesn't always end because the love ends. Love can't fix everything. __________________ The odds of going to the store for a loaf of bread and coming out with only a loaf of bread are three billion to one. ~Erma Bombeck

07-03-2012, 12:16 PM	#5
lilapache Member How Do You Identify?: DONE Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: forever away Posts: 1,374 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,015 Thanked 3,880 Times in 1,025 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	that all the amount of words are nothing... unless they area shown also... __________________ Don't get mad when a girl cares too much. Worry when they start to not give a fuck.

08-21-2012, 12:05 PM	#7
laruss Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Preferred Pronoun?: She or Goddess Relationship Status: Settled in Join Date: Mar 2012 Location: Edmonton Alberta Posts: 1,322 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,849 Thanked 5,329 Times in 1,045 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	Some things I have learned from past relationships... Patience. To be true to myself. Pay attention to the Red Flags in the beginning. Be open to what can happen. Compromise. How to live well with others. How important it is to be heard. If it feels right do it, if it doesn't then don't. Sex is way too important, not a place I am willing to compromise, sexual compatibility is a must. Don't marry a gay man when you are in love with a woman. Life always moves forward. And most importantly... To Love fully, no matter how much it might hurt when they are gone. __________________ Creativity is a drug I can't do without. -Cecil B. DeMille

06-27-2012, 09:05 PM	#1
bright_arrow ☆ the stars are aligned ☆ How Do You Identify?: one queer mama Preferred Pronoun?: she/her Relationship Status: married to my Boo Daddy <3 Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: nor cal Posts: 2,910 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,644 Thanked 9,363 Times in 2,296 Posts Rep Power: 21474854	Despite how miserable we were together, we each deserve our own happiness. Just because someone treated you one way, whether good or bad, does not mean the next person will, so do not hold them to standards they don't know exist, and don't blame them for someone else's faults. I learned erasing handles and making a new e-mail and a new handle help put a lot of the past behind you, instead of constantly being bombarded with it - especially helpful if you hold grudges/were very invested, and have trouble being civil to them LOL

07-03-2012, 01:20 PM	#6
Syr Member How Do You Identify?: Butch Preferred Pronoun?: Syr Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Northern Ontario, Canada Posts: 241 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 381 Thanked 1,130 Times in 217 Posts Rep Power: 13416618	Never, ever go back.