Single ENOUGH

[LadyHilary]

When is it time when to stop mourning?

When is it time after the end of one relationship to flirt?

When it it time to announce your new status?

There is NO RIGHT ANSWER.

We each have our own comfort zone, ethics, morality, desires, and way of moving through an experience. We don't yuck each other's YUM when we talk about how we like to have sex, but be judge each other when it comes to what we believe is right and correct in our response to our OWN experience.

HEY is all I have to say about that- HEY!

My status reads "on the prowl", why does it not say single, or nothing at all?

Because, I will never be actually single, I am legally married to the woman who was my property for 10+ years who I am no longer in a relationship with, I have two leather boi's and a grrl, I will only ever be Single ENOUGH.

I am a heart monogamous Femme Top without a beta, that makes me on the prowl.

[Ciaran]

Good for you.

I've been partnered at times and single at times. I'm currently single. That's not single enough - it's just single. There's no mourning involved, nor do I have any ethical issues over flirting or such like.

I'm generally a discontented person but my discontent is ingrained into my psyche. It's nothing to do with being single. There are pros and cons to being single vis-a-vis partnered.

I've no doubt that I'll be partnered at times over the rest of my life - though when, where and who with, I don't yet know nor is it a subject that over-exercises me. When it happens, it will happen.

[Parker]

I say, prowl on!

I see nothing wrong with anyone's status and it isnt my concern how often they do or do not change that status, up to and including that it is none of my business how long one waits to change said status after a break up, death, or divorce.

Imo, everyone's got to do right by themselves and no one else.

[CA_BabyCakes]

Originally Posted by Ciaran

Good for you.

I've been partnered at times and single at times. I'm currently single. That's not single enough - it's just single. There's no mourning involved, nor do I have any ethical issues over flirting or such like.

I'm generally a discontented person but my discontent is ingrained into my psyche. It's nothing to do with being single. There are pros and cons to being single vis-a-vis partnered.

I've no doubt that I'll be partnered at times over the rest of my life - though when, where and who with, I don't yet know nor is it a subject that over-exercises me. When it happens, it will happen.

I crush on Kermit the frog too

[Ciaran]

Originally Posted by CA_BabyCakes

I crush on Kermit the frog too

You might very well crush on Kermit too but a word of warning (said in a vaguely sinister Northern Irish accent) .... if you make a move on Kermit, knowing I've got my eye on him, I'll get my revenge


ps - what part of SoCal are you from? We are arranging a B/F/GQ/Trans gathering last Friday in September. Low key but good fun. More than welcome to attend.

[Bleu]

Originally Posted by LadyHilary

When is it time when to stop mourning?

When is it time after the end of one relationship to flirt?

When it it time to announce your new status?

There is NO RIGHT ANSWER.

We each have our own comfort zone, ethics, morality, desires, and way of moving through an experience. We don't yuck each other's YUM when we talk about how we like to have sex, but be judge each other when it comes to what we believe is right and correct in our response to our OWN experience.

HEY is all I have to say about that- HEY!

My status reads "on the prowl", why does it not say single, or nothing at all?

Because, I will never be actually single, I am legally married to the woman who was my property for 10+ years who I am no longer in a relationship with, I have two leather boi's and a grrl, I will only ever be Single ENOUGH.

I am a heart monogamous Femme Top without a beta, that makes me on the prowl.

LadyHilary, thank you for creating this thread. Brilliant!

As of yesterday I am 7 months out of a 6 year relationship.

I feel that I should be able to tell whomever that kind of stat, if I choose too, (often they ask), without being told how that time-frame should affect my reality, my needs or my choices.

What I have found happens is that I get responses like:

"Well, it's too soon for you to be looking." or "You're not ready/you can’t be ready to get into another relationship." or “Don’t go so/too fast.”

What I don't understand is how would anyone else think they know what I am ready for? I am the only one who knows my mind, psyche, heart, aura, body. I am the only one who lives in my skin and knows what I am ready for. I know what is best for me. My honesty keeps everything real. I don’t presume to know when anyone else is ready to do anything.

So....
Right now I am single. If I say I am single then THAT is enough. If I want to chat with people or meet people real-time, have sex with someone, or entertain the masses with my bigglie jigglies…it’s all my prerogative.

I'm more than perplexed by hearing/reading others inform ME regarding the schedule of MY last relationship. How does anyone frame time into some pre-conceived standard on what is acceptable, and what is not, in approaching the up-and-coming? I understand we are all running on our own experiences here. I get that. But, in my world there is no prescribed notion or doctrined algorithm for the amount of time in which I should or should not have my next tryst, love affair or relationship, respectively, with another.

I am honest with myself and others about where I’ve been. If you don’t like the information I have given then it's your choice to move along darlin’...nothin’ to see here.

Is it me, or does there seem to be some unspoken notion of “respectability” (maybe even a false respectability) that exists within this culture where time between relationships is concerned? Maybe also where various other things are concerned?

Any thoughts?

[LadyHilary]

Originally Posted by Bleu

What I have found happens is that I get responses like:

"Well, it's too soon for you to be looking." or "You're not ready/you can’t be ready to get into another relationship." or “Don’t go so/too fast.”

What I don't understand is how would anyone else think they know what I am ready for?

I wonder why people feel the need to attempt to dictate to others? Does it come from inner desire to do the same? Are they driven by their morality? And forcing it others?

[LadyHilary]

Originally Posted by June

Just to let you know, I moved this from the Red Zone - Isms to the Singles forum.

Learning the site and navigating.... thank you!

[CA_BabyCakes]

Originally Posted by Ciaran

You might very well crush on Kermit too but a word of warning (said in a vaguely sinister Northern Irish accent) .... if you make a move on Kermit, knowing I've got my eye on him, I'll get my revenge


ps - what part of SoCal are you from? We are arranging a B/F/GQ/Trans gathering last Friday in September. Low key but good fun. More than welcome to attend.

Same to you buddy...... I have had my eye on that little sexy green guy since i was about 5.... Hes mine!

P.S. I think i more closely resemble his past love

BTW im in the Los Angeles Area

[SleepyButch]

Originally Posted by Bleu

LadyHilary, thank you for creating this thread. Brilliant!

As of yesterday I am 7 months out of a 6 year relationship.

I feel that I should be able to tell whomever that kind of stat, if I choose too, (often they ask), without being told how that time-frame should affect my reality, my needs or my choices.

What I have found happens is that I get responses like:

"Well, it's too soon for you to be looking." or "You're not ready/you can’t be ready to get into another relationship." or “Don’t go so/too fast.”

What I don't understand is how would anyone else think they know what I am ready for? I am the only one who knows my mind, psyche, heart, aura, body. I am the only one who lives in my skin and knows what I am ready for. I know what is best for me. My honesty keeps everything real. I don’t presume to know when anyone else is ready to do anything.

So....
Right now I am single. If I say I am single then THAT is enough. If I want to chat with people or meet people real-time, have sex with someone, or entertain the masses with my bigglie jigglies…it’s all my prerogative.

I'm more than perplexed by hearing/reading others inform ME regarding the schedule of MY last relationship. How does anyone frame time into some pre-conceived standard on what is acceptable, and what is not, in approaching the up-and-coming? I understand we are all running on our own experiences here. I get that. But, in my world there is no prescribed notion or doctrined algorithm for the amount of time in which I should or should not have my next tryst, love affair or relationship, respectively, with another.

I am honest with myself and others about where I’ve been. If you don’t like the information I have given then it's your choice to move along darlin’...nothin’ to see here.

Is it me, or does there seem to be some unspoken notion of “respectability” (maybe even a false respectability) that exists within this culture where time between relationships is concerned? Maybe also where various other things are concerned?

Any thoughts?

I have some thoughts that I would love to share. I was in an almost six year relationship that ended at the beginning of June. I did not get the handout with the proper way to mourn that.. should I wear black every day? Hide myself away somewhere? How should I act?

Really, I am sick and tired of people telling me what I should and should not be feeling or how I can't possibly have feelings for someone else just being out of that relationship.

Don't judge me when you don't know the facts. How do you know what I've been through or how I feel now? If I say how I feel, it's because that is how I feel not because I'm on some rebound path to hell.

Everyone is different.. some people never get over lost love. Are we to judge them for that? I think not.

I am single and really that is all that should matter. If I feel like I'm not ready for something, I would tell you.. if I dive in with both feet.. it's because that is what I want to do. Respect me for who I am and what I say. Get to know me before you pass judgement and even then, if you don't agree with what I do, it's okay.. you don't have to live my life.

I don't know.. it's late, I can't sleep and I'm probably just rambling but that's how I feel.

[StrongButch]

My advice is do what makes you happy. I can only speak for myself here. I waited to date and thats what worked for me. I still date casually I am in no rush. If it was meant to be it will be. I am enojoying my time alone. Surround yourself with postive folks that are supportive because we all need hugs from time to time and to feel like it will be okay. I wish you all the best of luck in doing whats right for you.As they say dance dont walk!

[ManOMan]

ps - what part of SoCal are you from? We are arranging a B/F/GQ/Trans gathering last Friday in September. Low key but good fun. More than welcome to attend.[/QUOTE]


How do I find out about this gathering? I'm in the general LA area.

[T-lee]

It has to be on our own level for each of us. I know that my last relationship was sadly my shortest. Mainly because she was not over her last one. Hide it well for awhile till I saw that I was clearly her replacement. Found out some time in that I even looked like her. Some of us just have to be very clear on if we are truely ready to move on or not. Start something new when we are ready or not. No one else can ever tell us what is right for ourselfs.