Shit Heard Around this House!!

Babyangeleyez · 07-07-2012, 09:17 PM

I had to post this conversation between my neighbor and I. It was a long time ago, but we still laugh about it today.

Neighbor: Lisa, you have to smell this new stuff I got.
Me: What is it?
Neighbor: Febreze.
Me: *takes bottle turns the knob, squeezes handle, turns knob, squeezes handle*. Ree, how do you get it to spray.
Neighbor: Turn the knob at the end.
Me: I did.
Neighbor: What does it say on the knob?
Me: It says "Off, No, Off, No"
Neighbor: Bust out laughing hysterically - Lisa, it "Off, ON, OFF, ON" not no.
Me: Busted out laughing from blonde moment. I was reading it upside down.

The JD · 07-08-2012, 01:34 PM

"That is the ugliest sneeze ever. The sound of it, the look of it, the repetitive nature of it. Every bit of it is ugly."

Kenna · 07-23-2012, 10:34 PM

after I've returned to the house, sitting here posting about things I'm thankful for...
my phone beeps a text
I read: "I'll KILL YA!" ...
Me:

"What the hell did I do now?"

no answer

Me: "I turned the stove off!"

no answer

Me: "WHAT??!!"

phone beeps (typos adding to comedy): "Whn did u put a bottle of water full of lemon juice in my fridge... and do you know what it feels like coming oit of yoir nose"

Me: OMFG!!!
Me: I didn't put it in the fridge!! You must have picked it up from counter!

2 minutes later, beep: I turned up the bottle and took a big gulp it shocked me so bad it spewed out my nose OMG!

me: OMFG!!! ROFLMAO!!! LMAO!!!! (while recalling he had done the same thing recently at a restaurant with a friend)

me: Where's the video?

them: It was cd and in fridge and LEMONY, LOL ... tbe first thing I thought was damn that was cruel... im killin her!

Me: CLEANS out your sinuses

them: LORD what is a comical night

Me: Can't kill me when I already ran out door!! .... you don't need to snort salt water now!!

them: LOL

Me: Are you okay?...... if you are, I am still laughing!!

them: yeah im ok it was just a shock

Me: Thought I ran over your dog the way you yelled!

..... later on, after texting about dog medicine...

Me: you sure aspirin will help him? It won't hurt him like it does a little kid?

Them: real asporin

Me: (chuckling at them using their new phone, and the voice commands that can't understand a southern accent) Ok, I'll see if they sell ASPORIN...

them: "sticks tongue out at u"

Me: bet it still tastes like lemon!!

them: LOL yeah it kinda does!

Me:

Kenna · 08-07-2012, 11:07 PM

(after a friend's best buddy -a gay guy- stated "all you lipstick lesbians love Bass Pro Shop instead of Victoria Secrets!"...)

Me: tell him...lipstick lesbians can't handle heavy machinery while wearing high heals and corsets! but when they change into their Timberlands and "I'm the boss" t-shirt...WATCH OUT!

Them: LOL...I'll do that...

Me: I'll just wear my corset under my t-shirt ;-) to make him happy to call me lipstick lesbian... ;-)

Them: hahahahahahaha ... you crack me up!

Me: Just as long as you aren't allergic to super glue!

Them: LOL STOP

Me: If I crack you up...then I know what to get for your stocking stuffers every Xmas...

Them: Too funny

Me: joint compound and grout floats!

Them: LOL... STOP!!

Me: Not until you cry out "stop tickling me!! Or I'll need pull-ups!" ...

Them: stop tickling me... I'm not going to admit to pull-ups!

Me: squish squish...swish swash (referencing their baby niece that was wearing old fashioned rubber diaper covers when she got into the water and "squished and swished" as she walked...)

Me: love to see you smile

Them: I am smiling and chuckling...

Jess · 08-16-2012, 08:56 PM

" no more zombie licking! "

StrongButch · 08-17-2012, 05:33 AM

Do you eat peanut butter on everything. Um no theres ketcup,salt,pepper ,sugar and salsa (lol)

Mister Bent · 08-18-2012, 11:48 AM

Maria, not a fan of sand, hot sun, or crowds:

"Their conversation is the soundtrack from the production of Hell."

"This is the waiting room to Hell."

"Do I look Goth enough?"

We'll go back to the beach in winter...

pinkgeek · 08-25-2012, 11:19 AM

"....you just made my god damn fuckin' eyebrow hurt...."

pajama · 08-25-2012, 11:40 AM

Me: Yeah, it needs something, it's kinda boring.
The Boy: You could paint it pink.
Me: No, the pink would clash with the red. Maybe camo.
The Boy: Nothing says "butch" like a pink camo truck.

LOL That kid cracks me up.

07-08-2012, 01:34 PM	#2
The JD Be the Fearless Bunny How Do You Identify?: Hers. Preferred Pronoun?: he Relationship Status: Medusa’s Snake Charmer Join Date: Feb 2011 Location: This must be the place. Posts: 649 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,740 Thanked 2,676 Times in 540 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	"That is the ugliest sneeze ever. The sound of it, the look of it, the repetitive nature of it. Every bit of it is ugly." __________________ I don't deserve any credit for turning the other cheek as my tongue is always in it. ~Flannery O'Connor

08-07-2012, 11:07 PM	#4
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,806 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,624 Thanked 12,191 Times in 3,779 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	a text convo... (after a friend's best buddy -a gay guy- stated "all you lipstick lesbians love Bass Pro Shop instead of Victoria Secrets!"...) Me: tell him...lipstick lesbians can't handle heavy machinery while wearing high heals and corsets! but when they change into their Timberlands and "I'm the boss" t-shirt...WATCH OUT! Them: LOL...I'll do that... Me: I'll just wear my corset under my t-shirt ;-) to make him happy to call me lipstick lesbian... ;-) Them: hahahahahahaha ... you crack me up! Me: Just as long as you aren't allergic to super glue! Them: LOL STOP Me: If I crack you up...then I know what to get for your stocking stuffers every Xmas... Them: Too funny Me: joint compound and grout floats! Them: LOL... STOP!! Me: Not until you cry out "stop tickling me!! Or I'll need pull-ups!" ... Them: stop tickling me... I'm not going to admit to pull-ups! Me: squish squish...swish swash (referencing their baby niece that was wearing old fashioned rubber diaper covers when she got into the water and "squished and swished" as she walked...) Me: love to see you smile Them: I am smiling and chuckling... __________________ **************************** She has been through hell, so believe me when I say, fear her when she looks into a fire and smiles. ~E.Corona~

08-17-2012, 05:33 AM	#6
StrongButch Member How Do You Identify?: I see the world thru a lens Preferred Pronoun?: Yes Boss Relationship Status: Chillin out with awesome women Join Date: Jan 2010 Location: San Francisco Posts: 1,376 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,018 Thanked 4,183 Times in 1,180 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Stuff said around the house Do you eat peanut butter on everything. Um no theres ketcup,salt,pepper ,sugar and salsa (lol)

08-18-2012, 11:48 AM	#7
Mister Bent Senior Member How Do You Identify?: . Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: . Posts: 2,905 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,151 Thanked 5,825 Times in 1,722 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Shit heard around this beach. Maria, not a fan of sand, hot sun, or crowds: "Their conversation is the soundtrack from the production of Hell." "This is the waiting room to Hell." "Do I look Goth enough?" We'll go back to the beach in winter... __________________ Every normal man must be tempted at times to spit on his hands, hoist the black flag, and begin to slit throats. - H. L. Mencken

08-25-2012, 11:19 AM	#8
pinkgeek Member How Do You Identify?: that grrl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, grrl, piranha, monkey Relationship Status: captured.... Join Date: May 2010 Location: Australia Posts: 377 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,054 Thanked 1,456 Times in 311 Posts Rep Power: 13998707	Things heard around this bed... "....you just made my god damn fuckin' eyebrow hurt...." __________________ ------------------------------------ ~pink "I‘m heir to madness. Vessel of perversion. Your nightmare should you cross me." ((Want to read about my life in Hawaii and my ongoing war against the roosters and my pony size dog and my wedding?)) http://www.alohafemme.wordpress.com/

07-07-2012, 09:17 PM	#1
Babyangeleyez Member How Do You Identify?: Femme Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: Virginia Posts: 242 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 152 Thanked 813 Times in 169 Posts Rep Power: 6511030	I had to post this conversation between my neighbor and I. It was a long time ago, but we still laugh about it today. Neighbor: Lisa, you have to smell this new stuff I got. Me: What is it? Neighbor: Febreze. Me: takes bottle turns the knob, squeezes handle, turns knob, squeezes handle. Ree, how do you get it to spray. Neighbor: Turn the knob at the end. Me: I did. Neighbor: What does it say on the knob? Me: It says "Off, No, Off, No" Neighbor: Bust out laughing hysterically - Lisa, it "Off, ON, OFF, ON" not no. Me: Busted out laughing from blonde moment. I was reading it upside down.

07-23-2012, 10:34 PM	#3
Kenna Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Fiery, Sassy, Tough As Nails, Femme Tomboy Preferred Pronoun?: She Relationship Status: I am your favorite hello and hardest goodbye. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: NC & CO Posts: 4,806 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 4,624 Thanked 12,191 Times in 3,779 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	after I've returned to the house, sitting here posting about things I'm thankful for... my phone beeps a text I read: "I'll KILL YA!" ... Me: "What the hell did I do now?" no answer Me: "I turned the stove off!" no answer Me: "WHAT??!!" phone beeps (typos adding to comedy): "Whn did u put a bottle of water full of lemon juice in my fridge... and do you know what it feels like coming oit of yoir nose" Me: OMFG!!! Me: I didn't put it in the fridge!! You must have picked it up from counter! 2 minutes later, beep: I turned up the bottle and took a big gulp it shocked me so bad it spewed out my nose OMG! me: OMFG!!! ROFLMAO!!! LMAO!!!! (while recalling he had done the same thing recently at a restaurant with a friend) me: Where's the video? them: It was cd and in fridge and LEMONY, LOL ... tbe first thing I thought was damn that was cruel... im killin her! Me: CLEANS out your sinuses them: LORD what is a comical night Me: Can't kill me when I already ran out door!! .... you don't need to snort salt water now!! them: LOL Me: Are you okay?...... if you are, I am still laughing!! them: yeah im ok it was just a shock Me: Thought I ran over your dog the way you yelled! ..... later on, after texting about dog medicine... Me: you sure aspirin will help him? It won't hurt him like it does a little kid? Them: real asporin Me: (chuckling at them using their new phone, and the voice commands that can't understand a southern accent) Ok, I'll see if they sell ASPORIN... them: "sticks tongue out at u" Me: bet it still tastes like lemon!! them: LOL yeah it kinda does! Me:

08-16-2012, 08:56 PM	#5
Jess Timed Out - Permanent How Do You Identify?: decidedly indifferent Preferred Pronoun?: other Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Patrick Springs, VA Posts: 2,812 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 9,247 Thanked 5,700 Times in 1,682 Posts Rep Power: 0	" no more zombie licking! "

08-25-2012, 11:40 AM	#9
pajama Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Klingon Preferred Pronoun?: She Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: Just South of Nashvegas Baby Posts: 3,115 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 7,546 Thanked 7,476 Times in 1,808 Posts Rep Power: 21474856	While riding in the new truck yesterday.... Me: Yeah, it needs something, it's kinda boring. The Boy: You could paint it pink. Me: No, the pink would clash with the red. Maybe camo. The Boy: Nothing says "butch" like a pink camo truck. LOL That kid cracks me up.