Where do you try to meet people?

*Anya* · 07-21-2012, 06:34 AM

Before I became coupled, I did join a lesbian dating site.

It did bug me that they did not have a place to specify that you were looking for a butch (in your case, a femme). I did send them an email voicing my displeasure about this.

What I did was to pick a user name with "femme" as part of my name. I also specifically wrote in my profile: Looking for butch woman, not feminine women like myself, etc. (I am paraphrasing).

It did, for the most part keep the femmes from responding (and the butches did).

You may have already tried this...

What I did find was that there were lots of femmes and not nearly enough butches available to date. A lot of the femmes were looking for other femmes to date, so I could see that as a real problem for butches.

Gee, dating and meeting the right person that you connect with, is just plain difficult!

I finally hit the jackpot right here on the Planet, hopefully, you will too!

Soft*Silver · 07-21-2012, 07:45 AM

interview women for an article. Its an old movie, but it works and if you sell the article, you make money too! Invest it in soap making supplies....

if you are obvious looking, stand in the middle of a big area and wait. Every day do this. After 10 days, put up a sign that says "I am not coming back unless you let me know you noticed me"

get kites. Not kid kites. Big beautiful magnificent kites. You will draw attention. When girls come up to watch, draw them in by letting them handle the string. You will empower them and make friends

go to craft shows and sell crafts. LGBT crafts. Make sure you make some that say "supporter of LGBT" and some that cry out "I am the gay one!". Smile HUGE at the girls who grab the gay one. Ask the supporters if they have a single gay person in their life...

flirt. Flirt with everyone. Flirt with the lil kid in front of you at the check out. And her granny who has taken her there to buy coloring books. Flirt at the garage sale. Flirt with the barber. Flirt with everyone but your gynecologist. The more at ease you are at flirting, the more you will impact. The only way to get at ease is to do it every chance you get.

check license plates. and bumper stickers. Have cards made up with email accounts, bidding them to contact you, and place them on LGBT marked cars.

Start a social group. Wine tasters of the LGBT variety. A book club. Hikers for Habitats.

Have tshirts made up that say "Single and queer, looking for someone near"

SleepyButch · 07-21-2012, 07:52 AM

I am not sure that a "lesbian" dating site is the way to go but glad it has worked for some. I am on one of those and just today I got a response from someone, who in her profile says... I prefer femme women, if I wanted butch, I'd date a man. Now my profile name has Butch in it and also my picture and I am obviously Butch. So I don't think those sites are very good. lol

Meeting people on a B/F site has worked for me in the past. I have met many friends, lovers, and even the occasional partner.

So I sit here and think, if I did not have this type of a place to go to, where would I go?

I would probably go to where femmes like to shop.. maybe sephora, maybe hang out reading in a book store. I really don't know. Maybe the femmes can let us know where they tend to go.

Beloved · 07-21-2012, 08:23 AM

I think sometimes it not just about where to meet people but taking it to the next level of being friends or dating outside of whatever environment you are in. You have to take a risk and invite them out or to your house or whatever. I am speaking from personal experience, because that is one of my own issues.

KayCee · 07-21-2012, 08:38 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by SleepyButch

I would probably go to where femmes like to shop.. maybe sephora, maybe hang out reading in a book store. I really don't know. Maybe the femmes can let us know where they tend to go.

Go look in the lingerie, shoe, purse and fragrance section at big department stores..on a Friday night. Where I live, that's the place single femmes go to to find something nice for their date on Saturday night. Just sayin'.....

Book store? Nah..

The_Lady_Snow · 07-21-2012, 09:44 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitty4U

Go look in the lingerie, shoe, purse and fragrance section at big department stores..on a Friday night. Where I live, that's the place single femmes go to to find something nice for their date on Saturday night. Just sayin'.....

Book store? Nah..

I disagree, you'd find most of the Femmes i know near a book before finding them in lingerie shops! (Leather shops are another story though!)

Femmes are a diverse, unique, individuals!!!

aishah · 07-21-2012, 09:46 AM

yep, i'm a library or bookstore femme...i wander into lingerie stores maybe once a year, hehe.

KayCee · 07-21-2012, 09:56 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

Femmes are a diverse, unique, individuals!!!

and I agree, we are all different.

Ciaran · 07-21-2012, 10:23 AM

Just under two months ago, for religious reasons, I decided that I would abstain from alcohol for a year. As someone whose social life centres on bars and alcohol, I'd resigned myself to a year ahead of austerity as regards making new contacts.

However, I'm actually having luck meeting women who appear to be interested in me, totally randomly, in coffee shops. I should add that these coffee shops are located in Soho, the largest LGBT district in London and I am rather genderqueer looking so that's probably got something to do with it.

The other aspect to this is that, strangely for someone who's involved in diverse business interests and interacts with a lot of people in my day-to-day life, I'm actually rather intimidated by coffee shops.

This is because, to me, coffee is either black (without milk) or white (with milk), whereas the whole language of modern coffee shops is overwhelming for me as I don't know my latte from my frappuccino, I always assumed that macchiato was the name of an Italian dictator and that lungo was some sort of tropical disease.

Therefore, I'm giving off an air of vulnerability (and, in all honestly, probably subsciously playing on this a bit) in these shops which makes some women more likely to make initial contact with me.

So far, I've had some really nice conversations and three women have given me their contact numbers. In particular, over the past 24 hours one young lady who is very feminine looking (I can only assume that she IDs as femme but I'm not certain) and works in one of these shops that I've been visiting regularly over recent weeks and have been chatting to when there has asked me out on a date. In reality, I'll likely politely decline but it does show that it's possible to make nice, good contacts in environments that I usually wouldn't expect to.

07-21-2012, 06:34 AM	#1
Anya Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: Lesbian non-stone femme Preferred Pronoun?: She, her Relationship Status: Committed to being good to myself Join Date: Jun 2011 Location: West Coast Posts: 8,258 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 39,306 Thanked 40,445 Times in 7,285 Posts Rep Power: 21474858	Before I became coupled, I did join a lesbian dating site. It did bug me that they did not have a place to specify that you were looking for a butch (in your case, a femme). I did send them an email voicing my displeasure about this. What I did was to pick a user name with "femme" as part of my name. I also specifically wrote in my profile: Looking for butch woman, not feminine women like myself, etc. (I am paraphrasing). It did, for the most part keep the femmes from responding (and the butches did). You may have already tried this... What I did find was that there were lots of femmes and not nearly enough butches available to date. A lot of the femmes were looking for other femmes to date, so I could see that as a real problem for butches. Gee, dating and meeting the right person that you connect with, is just plain difficult! I finally hit the jackpot right here on the Planet, hopefully, you will too! __________________ ~Anya~ Democracy Dies in Darkness ~Washington Post "...I'm deeply concerned by recently adopted policies which punish children for their parents’ actions ... The thought that any State would seek to deter parents by inflicting such abuse on children is unconscionable." UN Human Rights commissioner

07-21-2012, 07:45 AM	#2
SoftSilver Infamous Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Relationship Status: Married Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: rose cottage Posts: 5,594 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 8,948 Thanked 15,897 Times in 4,064 Posts Rep Power*: 21474858	interview women for an article. Its an old movie, but it works and if you sell the article, you make money too! Invest it in soap making supplies.... if you are obvious looking, stand in the middle of a big area and wait. Every day do this. After 10 days, put up a sign that says "I am not coming back unless you let me know you noticed me" get kites. Not kid kites. Big beautiful magnificent kites. You will draw attention. When girls come up to watch, draw them in by letting them handle the string. You will empower them and make friends go to craft shows and sell crafts. LGBT crafts. Make sure you make some that say "supporter of LGBT" and some that cry out "I am the gay one!". Smile HUGE at the girls who grab the gay one. Ask the supporters if they have a single gay person in their life... flirt. Flirt with everyone. Flirt with the lil kid in front of you at the check out. And her granny who has taken her there to buy coloring books. Flirt at the garage sale. Flirt with the barber. Flirt with everyone but your gynecologist. The more at ease you are at flirting, the more you will impact. The only way to get at ease is to do it every chance you get. check license plates. and bumper stickers. Have cards made up with email accounts, bidding them to contact you, and place them on LGBT marked cars. Start a social group. Wine tasters of the LGBT variety. A book club. Hikers for Habitats. Have tshirts made up that say "Single and queer, looking for someone near" __________________ Pole bachit, a lis chuye. The field sees, the forest hears

07-21-2012, 07:52 AM	#3
SleepyButch Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Dude Preferred Pronoun?: He, Him Relationship Status: Taken Join Date: Jun 2012 Location: Hidden Valley Ranch Posts: 3,511 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 6,220 Thanked 11,247 Times in 2,753 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	I am not sure that a "lesbian" dating site is the way to go but glad it has worked for some. I am on one of those and just today I got a response from someone, who in her profile says... I prefer femme women, if I wanted butch, I'd date a man. Now my profile name has Butch in it and also my picture and I am obviously Butch. So I don't think those sites are very good. lol Meeting people on a B/F site has worked for me in the past. I have met many friends, lovers, and even the occasional partner. So I sit here and think, if I did not have this type of a place to go to, where would I go? I would probably go to where femmes like to shop.. maybe sephora, maybe hang out reading in a book store. I really don't know. Maybe the femmes can let us know where they tend to go.

07-21-2012, 08:23 AM	#4
Beloved Member How Do You Identify?: alive Preferred Pronoun?: um Relationship Status: married Join Date: Sep 2011 Location: on the stars Posts: 460 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,415 Thanked 1,653 Times in 298 Posts Rep Power: 19348704	I think sometimes it not just about where to meet people but taking it to the next level of being friends or dating outside of whatever environment you are in. You have to take a risk and invite them out or to your house or whatever. I am speaking from personal experience, because that is one of my own issues.

07-21-2012, 09:46 AM	#7
aishah Member How Do You Identify?: queer stone femme shark baby girl Preferred Pronoun?: she, her, little one Relationship Status: dating myself. Join Date: Jan 2012 Location: dallas, tx Posts: 1,495 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 13,823 Thanked 6,439 Times in 1,288 Posts Rep Power: 21474851	yep, i'm a library or bookstore femme...i wander into lingerie stores maybe once a year, hehe.

07-21-2012, 10:23 AM	#9
Ciaran Member How Do You Identify?: Altocalciphilic Preferred Pronoun?: Papa Smurf Relationship Status: Curmudgeonous spinster Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: London (but from Belfast) Posts: 678 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 471 Thanked 3,654 Times in 602 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Just under two months ago, for religious reasons, I decided that I would abstain from alcohol for a year. As someone whose social life centres on bars and alcohol, I'd resigned myself to a year ahead of austerity as regards making new contacts. However, I'm actually having luck meeting women who appear to be interested in me, totally randomly, in coffee shops. I should add that these coffee shops are located in Soho, the largest LGBT district in London and I am rather genderqueer looking so that's probably got something to do with it. The other aspect to this is that, strangely for someone who's involved in diverse business interests and interacts with a lot of people in my day-to-day life, I'm actually rather intimidated by coffee shops. This is because, to me, coffee is either black (without milk) or white (with milk), whereas the whole language of modern coffee shops is overwhelming for me as I don't know my latte from my frappuccino, I always assumed that macchiato was the name of an Italian dictator and that lungo was some sort of tropical disease. Therefore, I'm giving off an air of vulnerability (and, in all honestly, probably subsciously playing on this a bit) in these shops which makes some women more likely to make initial contact with me. So far, I've had some really nice conversations and three women have given me their contact numbers. In particular, over the past 24 hours one young lady who is very feminine looking (I can only assume that she IDs as femme but I'm not certain) and works in one of these shops that I've been visiting regularly over recent weeks and have been chatting to when there has asked me out on a date. In reality, I'll likely politely decline but it does show that it's possible to make nice, good contacts in environments that I usually wouldn't expect to.