The Femmes That Love You...

[EnderD_503]

Originally Posted by Beloved

Nomad, you are not wrong to be attracted to what you like. Period.

What's the line between fetishizing and preference? Well, to me fetishes aren't people. You would have to be seeing the person as an object and not a person. For example, if you felt like any transman would do JUST because he is trans...that's a fetish to me. If you didn't care about him as a person. To me a preference is being very attracted to a certain kind of person, but taking each person on an individual basis, and finding out if you would be a good match, if you enjoy each others company, getting to know the person behind the attributes you are attracted to.

Maybe I'm not explaining myself well. But I think you need to tell those women to "suck it." You are allowed to be attracted to whatever you like. It's really none of their business. They sound insecure in their own identity.

Yeah, finding that line between fetishizing and preference is tricky, I think. I used to think dating someone just because they're trans was kind of insulting and fetishizing. Today I feel differently, and just prefer to be with queer people who are attracted to transguys (just as someone can be typically attracted to bears, twinks, butches, femmes, genderqueer folks, women in general, men in general etc.) It really is how the individual sees.

But what I really dislike is how you hear some queer women, particularly lesbians of various identities (and sometimes gay men, though from what I hear, I would probably notice it more if I were into cis gay men, since other transguys I know talk about this happening to them with gay men as well), now speculating on sleeping with transmen "out of curiosity." Basically, just becoming a novelty fuck. Kind of like the transguy version of that Katie Perry song. That lands over the fetishizing line for me.

But I don't think what you posted, Nomad, is fetishizing. That just sounds like preference, and you aren't the one with the problem when other people call you all sorts of things based on your preference. Unfortunately not all lgbt-identified folks are open to other people's preferences and experiences.