Lesbian Butches - Coming home to ourselves....

[CherylNYC]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

When On a date I do the gentleman thing and I get the doors for her, I pay, I do what society expects of a male on a date.And at first in all of my relationships I am the tough butch, the one she can turn to and know its all okay, but over a period of time , it kinda disapears and I dont know if its because of my illness but I start to need her more,she becomes the tough rock that I once was for her. ... BUT so what does this leave me, A butch or a femme? I have always had to chose either one, and I go with butch because I feel thats who I AM inside. I havent worn a dress since I was 10 and was able to give it up, but i still have that need of a woman,the need to be comforted sometimes.I guess I will continue the struggle until I find out who I really am wheather it be butch or just a really manly femme,... she jokes that I was just not butch enough, that at first I pretended to be butch but it disapeard about 8 months in, (of course thats when I found out I was sick) but still she said I turned into the whinniest of femmes and thats not what she wanted,....

Sorry to cut up your post, but I wanted to address the heart of your question, which is whether it's OK to call yourself a butch even though you want and need comfort and support from your partner. I am SO SORRY that you've been given the message that being properly masculine means cutting yourself off from your own human needs. I agree with Toughy and the rest of the posters here. Being butch has nothing to do with not needing comfort, and fuck-all to do with being the "tough rock".

I am SO SORRY that you've absorbed the message that being soft or needing support makes you a woman/femme, and that you can't be a butch if you require nurturing. I'm equally sorry that you believe that butch can't equal woman. Most butches do ID as women. It's OK for you to be a woman who is butch.

I am SO SORRY that you've been made to believe that needing nurturing makes you a manly femme, and means that you are no longer a proper butch. It's astonishing that needing comfort would cause someone to tell you that you're really "the whinniest of femmes". It's really f**ed up that your ex would have given you that message. It's insulting to you, and really insulting to femmes. I hope you can shut her voice out of your head, and I hope you can shut her down if she tears you down by suggesting that to you again in person.

[Licious]

Just came across this thread. Very interesting reading. *subscribes*

[CharmingButch25]

Thankl you so much to everyone for all the kind words