Single ENOUGH

[SleepyButch]

Originally Posted by Bleu

LadyHilary, thank you for creating this thread. Brilliant!

As of yesterday I am 7 months out of a 6 year relationship.

I feel that I should be able to tell whomever that kind of stat, if I choose too, (often they ask), without being told how that time-frame should affect my reality, my needs or my choices.

What I have found happens is that I get responses like:

"Well, it's too soon for you to be looking." or "You're not ready/you can’t be ready to get into another relationship." or “Don’t go so/too fast.”

What I don't understand is how would anyone else think they know what I am ready for? I am the only one who knows my mind, psyche, heart, aura, body. I am the only one who lives in my skin and knows what I am ready for. I know what is best for me. My honesty keeps everything real. I don’t presume to know when anyone else is ready to do anything.

So....
Right now I am single. If I say I am single then THAT is enough. If I want to chat with people or meet people real-time, have sex with someone, or entertain the masses with my bigglie jigglies…it’s all my prerogative.

I'm more than perplexed by hearing/reading others inform ME regarding the schedule of MY last relationship. How does anyone frame time into some pre-conceived standard on what is acceptable, and what is not, in approaching the up-and-coming? I understand we are all running on our own experiences here. I get that. But, in my world there is no prescribed notion or doctrined algorithm for the amount of time in which I should or should not have my next tryst, love affair or relationship, respectively, with another.

I am honest with myself and others about where I’ve been. If you don’t like the information I have given then it's your choice to move along darlin’...nothin’ to see here.

Is it me, or does there seem to be some unspoken notion of “respectability” (maybe even a false respectability) that exists within this culture where time between relationships is concerned? Maybe also where various other things are concerned?

Any thoughts?

I have some thoughts that I would love to share. I was in an almost six year relationship that ended at the beginning of June. I did not get the handout with the proper way to mourn that.. should I wear black every day? Hide myself away somewhere? How should I act?

Really, I am sick and tired of people telling me what I should and should not be feeling or how I can't possibly have feelings for someone else just being out of that relationship.

Don't judge me when you don't know the facts. How do you know what I've been through or how I feel now? If I say how I feel, it's because that is how I feel not because I'm on some rebound path to hell.

Everyone is different.. some people never get over lost love. Are we to judge them for that? I think not.

I am single and really that is all that should matter. If I feel like I'm not ready for something, I would tell you.. if I dive in with both feet.. it's because that is what I want to do. Respect me for who I am and what I say. Get to know me before you pass judgement and even then, if you don't agree with what I do, it's okay.. you don't have to live my life.

I don't know.. it's late, I can't sleep and I'm probably just rambling but that's how I feel.

[StrongButch]

My advice is do what makes you happy. I can only speak for myself here. I waited to date and thats what worked for me. I still date casually I am in no rush. If it was meant to be it will be. I am enojoying my time alone. Surround yourself with postive folks that are supportive because we all need hugs from time to time and to feel like it will be okay. I wish you all the best of luck in doing whats right for you.As they say dance dont walk!