The Loft: Butches and Femmes in their 40s, 50s and over.

LadyRieinAL · 08-18-2012, 09:46 AM

The other night, a younger friend of mine, a butch, who knows I've been single for almost two years, asked me if I had ever considered friends with benefits - my response was no, (wanted to sing - baby I was born this way) - and at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder, why I can't just let go, enjoy making love for the excitement of it all - why can't I be polymorphous and know it is ok to be in a polyamorous relationship.
The people I'm most attracted to, those who I have come in contact with over the last few months, live hundreds of miles from Alabama - long distant committed relationships seeing someone once a year doesn't work for me - If I'm committed to someone I want to see them at least once a month, and I would prefer they live the same town. But if I were poly, I would have choices, variety, and maybe I wouldn't dwell on the "age" factor - someone being too young for me, and I wouldn't have to worry that I'm took kink or not kink enough.
I don't know - I thought I did - but being without a partner has caused me to rethink my belief that being in a manogamous relationship maybe helps someone to grow and it isn't as off track for me as it seems - and what I know about me, I'm so frigging partner oriented, I want to be in love with one person, I want to share intimate moments with one person, I want to give one special person my attention, my devotion, and my love - and I don't like sharing.
So, can you teach an old dog new tricks of the heart?

ruthie14 · 08-18-2012, 11:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by LadyRieinAL

The other night, a younger friend of mine, a butch, who knows I've been single for almost two years, asked me if I had ever considered friends with benefits - my response was no, (wanted to sing - baby I was born this way) - and at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder, why I can't just let go, enjoy making love for the excitement of it all - why can't I be polymorphous and know it is ok to be in a polyamorous relationship.
The people I'm most attracted to, those who I have come in contact with over the last few months, live hundreds of miles from Alabama - long distant committed relationships seeing someone once a year doesn't work for me - If I'm committed to someone I want to see them at least once a month, and I would prefer they live the same town. But if I were poly, I would have choices, variety, and maybe I wouldn't dwell on the "age" factor - someone being too young for me, and I wouldn't have to worry that I'm took kink or not kink enough.
I don't know - I thought I did - but being without a partner has caused me to rethink my belief that being in a manogamous relationship maybe helps someone to grow and it isn't as off track for me as it seems - and what I know about me, I'm so frigging partner oriented, I want to be in love with one person, I want to share intimate moments with one person, I want to give one special person my attention, my devotion, and my love - and I don't like sharing.
So, can you teach an old dog new tricks of the heart?

I have had the same thoughts recently in regards to this butch I've been dating (see recent posts). She wants to have sex while dating various people... I wish I could. I think she is hot, she is smart, caring, affectionate. I just can't wrap my head around it and i know from past experience...once we cross that bridge, not matter how hard I try, i will expect more. It will ruin what we do have. Ohhhh but I do wish I could... just enjoy myself. I have the same problem the the ldr too. I won't do that anymore, but that is who I seem to connect with. I live in Jersey and currently am quite attracted to a woman in Cali... sigh. I won't have a ldr with her.. won't move.. sooooooooo it's flirty texts and leaving it at that. .. I feel ya!!

morningstar55 · 08-20-2012, 04:05 AM

Morning loft dwellers and peekers
another day at the office
headng 2 ..... Toledo....
Catch yal on the flip side ...

Glenn · 08-20-2012, 06:47 AM

Good Mornin Folks and All; Been a peepin for years, but then again, I'm a psychological antique

It's always nice to see the ladies up and at em in here. School started in town today. Seems a bit early. It's the coolest August I've ever seen here. Makes me wonder what winter will be like. Well, that's all for now. Take care of yourselves Folks.

fever · 08-20-2012, 01:23 PM

It sure starts early in the US of A. My little grandson is all excited about grade 3. It has been frightfully hot here in B.C., Glenn, so a little cooler weather would be very nice. The blackberries are now ripe, so that is on my list of todos. I need to get picking and freezing.

I sure don't like that little "Canadian" emicon thing. We don't talk like that. lol

Have a super week everyone.

Candice

morningstar55 · 08-20-2012, 04:07 PM

Howdy Glenn nd fever...

I have landed in ah .. Byrcus,ohiya..... and pkng up a load here in the morning and headng down to Princeton,Ind.....

ruthie14 · 08-21-2012, 08:16 PM

A friend of mine had to put her 17 year old pit mix down today. I am so sad.... her dog Kelsey and I spent a LOT of time together over the last couple years. Her mommy had to go away for work a lot so she would often spend 3 to 4 days a week at my house. Sometimes a couple of weeks. It breaks my heart. Run swiftly over the rainbow bridge my friend!

morningstar55 · 08-22-2012, 04:53 PM

Need voters 4 my .... cocoa chips please

https://www.dousaflavor.com/canvas/i...urce=tdimeline

DMW · 08-24-2012, 02:47 PM

[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6IIkpmw8Ow&feature=related"]We Got Tonight - Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers live 1985 - YouTube[/nomedia]

morningstar55 · 08-24-2012, 05:11 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMW

We Got Tonight - Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers live 1985 - YouTube

we got tonight????
heyyy DMW Sir... hello and welcome to the loft.....

morningstar55 · 08-25-2012, 07:22 AM

Morning..loft dwellers nd peekers
. late last nite had a visit from a sort of sparkly Mr Leonard... lol ...
Also had a dream I wad at a hospital.. and a doc was telling me minister was doing better and i could hear her talking..but they had to do some test... everyone I was walking towards hr room , had to go around things that got only way and thru another room , I could hear her, then there was someone sleeping on the couch, thn my brother was sitting there and we had to go to my mom,s ... I wanted to call my mom , and tell Kath was ok and coming home soon .. but never could get hold of My mom....thn woke up.. sigh.
I miss my sister...

Anyways. Have a great day ... everyone

DMW · 08-25-2012, 08:19 AM

Mornin.
The we've got tonight song is just pipe dreams...in reference to some of the earlier posts. Sometimes it is easier said than done.
Morningstar, I am sorry that you are missing your sister. That is what i would call a nightmare...not a dream.
I find when i miss someone...nothing and nobody else can really make it better or take that entities place in my heart.(that is good because each person is their own entity. People and pets can't really be replaced. I think it has to do with acceptance and respect.)
So, i go into that...gratitude mode and tell myself that i was lucky to have them in my life at all. And then, i think of the good things about them and how they would want my reflection on them to be good and happy because they want me happy. I don't know where your sister is but, i am sure she is giving you some spirit hugs. I am sorry you are hurting.

morningstar55 · 08-25-2012, 08:29 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by DMW

Mornin.
The we've got tonight song is just pipe dreams...in reference to some of the earlier posts. Sometimes it is easier said than done.
Morningstar, I am sorry that you are missing your sister. That is what i would call a nightmare...not a dream.
I find when i miss someone...nothing and nobody else can really make it better or take that entities place in my heart.(that is good because each person is their own entity. People and pets can't really be replaced. I think it has to do with acceptance and respect.)
So, i go into that...gratitude mode and tell myself that i was lucky to have them in my life at all. And then, i think of the good things about them and how they would want my reflection on them to be good and happy because they want me happy. I don't know where your sister is but, i am sure she is giving you some spirit hugs. I am sorry you are hurting.

Ah Ty ((((Dmw))))))))
my 1 and only sis passed ....... next month will b 4 yrs.
Time flys ....... and its that time for me to fly. Headng down to Tm.
later gators

ruthie14 · 08-25-2012, 12:09 PM

OS Butch · 08-26-2012, 06:00 PM

I have been thinking a lot about a couple of posts here recently. It brought back an event in my life that I had forgotten. It was quite painful at the time and as I look back, I did grow and learn more about myself.

Someone mentioned about being wired, I totally agree. I found that I am not wired that way, poly. I am OFOS and I have to be true to MY own truths. I am not responsible for how anyone else moves and chooses to move in the world.

Years ago I was in a relationship with a Femme ( no one from this site) and we were living together for about 2 years. Now, I can only relate my story how it affected me, I am sure she sees it totally different and that is probably different to how it really happened.
One day she came home and we broke up, just like that it was over. I was devastated. There was someone else that had caught her eye and she wanted to go explore something intriguing with that new person. In order to keep from totally losing her, I offered her a poly/ mono option. The only rule was that she had to come home every night. Fortunately for me, she decided she could not abide by that rule, she wanted total freedom and I could not compromise that one.

This event taught me a very big lesson, I cannot change my inner me, how I am wired. Had she accepted my offer, I truly believe part of me would have died and I would no longer be me.
So, I am an OFOS Butch and I will not change/ I cannot change, even if it would make things easier. I will be true to my wiring.

Be true to yourselves, always, to however you are wired.

Jo

morningstar55 · 08-27-2012, 04:56 AM

Waking up. From having to camp out at a plastic company in the boonies.....and no coffee (
now hows can I eat my left over cold pizza for breakfast with no coffee???

OS Butch · 08-27-2012, 05:10 AM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morningstar55

Waking up. From having to camp out at a plastic company in the boonies.....and no coffee (
now hows can I eat my left over cold pizza for breakfast with no coffee???

What?! You don't have a coffee pot in your truck?! You definitely gonna get one! Have a great day and Be safe out there

morningstar55 · 08-27-2012, 05:27 AM

No sir I dont ..... and even if I did , the inverter is not installed yet ... sigh ..... im doomd

LadyRieinAL · 08-27-2012, 12:48 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by morningstar55

Waking up. From having to camp out at a plastic company in the boonies.....and no coffee (
now hows can I eat my left over cold pizza for breakfast with no coffee???

couldn't find any coffee - hope this helps!

LadyRieinAL · 08-27-2012, 01:03 PM

I've had four relationships - one was with my daughter's dad - met him when I was 15 and he was 21, we married when I turned 18 and we were together six years, my second partner was with a handsome butch and we were together for 22 years, third was a person who identified as trans and perferred female pronouns - would not transition because of the fear of being gay five years -they passed away and
my last partner had just started his physical transition when we first met.
I said to him, I'm not sure I can do this, but I care enough about you to try, and we were together almost 9 years.
Now, I'm single - and have been for a while - and I'm wanting to date
So, how DO you date? I mean JUST date? How do you date more than one person?
I've meet some amazing people on Butch femme Planet -I imagine going and meeting them, enjoying their company, finding out all about them -
and I know right now, for the first time in my life, I'm not ready for a steady relationship.
What does "just dating" looks like - I'd really like to know - at what point does it go from just hanging out to dating? And can you date more than one person at a time - and do butches or femmes have a harder time with this concept? or does it just depend on the person -

08-18-2012, 09:46 AM	#1
LadyRieinAL Member How Do You Identify?: Evolving Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she, girl, her Relationship Status: found my vibrational match Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Sweet Home Alabama Posts: 459 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,024 Thanked 1,214 Times in 281 Posts Rep Power: 18359992	over 50 The other night, a younger friend of mine, a butch, who knows I've been single for almost two years, asked me if I had ever considered friends with benefits - my response was no, (wanted to sing - baby I was born this way) - and at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder, why I can't just let go, enjoy making love for the excitement of it all - why can't I be polymorphous and know it is ok to be in a polyamorous relationship. The people I'm most attracted to, those who I have come in contact with over the last few months, live hundreds of miles from Alabama - long distant committed relationships seeing someone once a year doesn't work for me - If I'm committed to someone I want to see them at least once a month, and I would prefer they live the same town. But if I were poly, I would have choices, variety, and maybe I wouldn't dwell on the "age" factor - someone being too young for me, and I wouldn't have to worry that I'm took kink or not kink enough. I don't know - I thought I did - but being without a partner has caused me to rethink my belief that being in a manogamous relationship maybe helps someone to grow and it isn't as off track for me as it seems - and what I know about me, I'm so frigging partner oriented, I want to be in love with one person, I want to share intimate moments with one person, I want to give one special person my attention, my devotion, and my love - and I don't like sharing. So, can you teach an old dog new tricks of the heart?

08-20-2012, 04:05 AM	#3
morningstar55 Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme,she Preferred Pronoun?: she,her, Relationship Status: very single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: western NY Posts: 3,809 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,280 Thanked 4,240 Times in 1,845 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Morning loft dwellers and peekers another day at the office headng 2 ..... Toledo.... Catch yal on the flip side ... __________________ -------------------------------------------- life is to short to wake up in the morning with regrets so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who dont, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it... if it changes your life let it.

08-20-2012, 06:47 AM	#4
Glenn Senior Member How Do You Identify?: Dear ol butch bones. Preferred Pronoun?: Old G Relationship Status: Too old to play. Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: :rolleyes: Posts: 1,547 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,601 Thanked 3,729 Times in 1,095 Posts Rep Power: 21474853	Good Mornin Folks and All; Been a peepin for years, but then again, I'm a psychological antiqueIt's always nice to see the ladies up and at em in here. School started in town today. Seems a bit early. It's the coolest August I've ever seen here. Makes me wonder what winter will be like. Well, that's all for now. Take care of yourselves Folks.

08-20-2012, 01:23 PM	#5
fever Member How Do You Identify?: stonefemme Relationship Status: single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: near Vancouver, B.C. Canada Posts: 592 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,649 Thanked 1,279 Times in 357 Posts Rep Power: 17783436	School already? It sure starts early in the US of A. My little grandson is all excited about grade 3. It has been frightfully hot here in B.C., Glenn, so a little cooler weather would be very nice. The blackberries are now ripe, so that is on my list of todos. I need to get picking and freezing. I sure don't like that little "Canadian" emicon thing. We don't talk like that. lol Have a super week everyone. Candice

08-20-2012, 04:07 PM	#6
morningstar55 Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme,she Preferred Pronoun?: she,her, Relationship Status: very single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: western NY Posts: 3,809 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,280 Thanked 4,240 Times in 1,845 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Howdy Glenn nd fever... I have landed in ah .. Byrcus,ohiya..... and pkng up a load here in the morning and headng down to Princeton,Ind..... __________________ -------------------------------------------- life is to short to wake up in the morning with regrets so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who dont, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it... if it changes your life let it.

08-21-2012, 08:16 PM	#7
ruthie14 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,904 Thanked 1,245 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 5946335	A friend of mine had to put her 17 year old pit mix down today. I am so sad.... her dog Kelsey and I spent a LOT of time together over the last couple years. Her mommy had to go away for work a lot so she would often spend 3 to 4 days a week at my house. Sometimes a couple of weeks. It breaks my heart. Run swiftly over the rainbow bridge my friend!

08-22-2012, 04:53 PM	#8
morningstar55 Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme,she Preferred Pronoun?: she,her, Relationship Status: very single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: western NY Posts: 3,809 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,280 Thanked 4,240 Times in 1,845 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Need voters 4 my .... cocoa chips please https://www.dousaflavor.com/canvas/i...urce=tdimeline __________________ -------------------------------------------- life is to short to wake up in the morning with regrets so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who dont, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it... if it changes your life let it.

08-24-2012, 02:47 PM	#9
DMW Member How Do You Identify?: FTM/Male (Will 14) Relationship Status: Caught An Angel and she doesn't lie! Join Date: May 2012 Location: @ Posts: 784 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,256 Thanked 1,858 Times in 614 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	[nomedia="http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=P6IIkpmw8Ow&feature=related"]We Got Tonight - Dolly Parton & Kenny Rogers live 1985 - YouTube[/nomedia]

08-25-2012, 07:22 AM	#11
morningstar55 Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme,she Preferred Pronoun?: she,her, Relationship Status: very single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: western NY Posts: 3,809 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,280 Thanked 4,240 Times in 1,845 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Morning..loft dwellers nd peekers . late last nite had a visit from a sort of sparkly Mr Leonard... lol ... Also had a dream I wad at a hospital.. and a doc was telling me minister was doing better and i could hear her talking..but they had to do some test... everyone I was walking towards hr room , had to go around things that got only way and thru another room , I could hear her, then there was someone sleeping on the couch, thn my brother was sitting there and we had to go to my mom,s ... I wanted to call my mom , and tell Kath was ok and coming home soon .. but never could get hold of My mom....thn woke up.. sigh. I miss my sister... Anyways. Have a great day ... everyone __________________ -------------------------------------------- life is to short to wake up in the morning with regrets so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who dont, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it... if it changes your life let it.

08-25-2012, 08:19 AM	#12
DMW Member How Do You Identify?: FTM/Male (Will 14) Relationship Status: Caught An Angel and she doesn't lie! Join Date: May 2012 Location: @ Posts: 784 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 2,256 Thanked 1,858 Times in 614 Posts Rep Power: 21474850	Mornin. The we've got tonight song is just pipe dreams...in reference to some of the earlier posts. Sometimes it is easier said than done. Morningstar, I am sorry that you are missing your sister. That is what i would call a nightmare...not a dream. I find when i miss someone...nothing and nobody else can really make it better or take that entities place in my heart.(that is good because each person is their own entity. People and pets can't really be replaced. I think it has to do with acceptance and respect.) So, i go into that...gratitude mode and tell myself that i was lucky to have them in my life at all. And then, i think of the good things about them and how they would want my reflection on them to be good and happy because they want me happy. I don't know where your sister is but, i am sure she is giving you some spirit hugs. I am sorry you are hurting.

08-25-2012, 12:09 PM	#14
ruthie14 Member How Do You Identify?: femme Preferred Pronoun?: she Join Date: Feb 2010 Location: NJ Posts: 844 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 1,904 Thanked 1,245 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 5946335

08-26-2012, 06:00 PM	#15
OS Butch Member How Do You Identify?: Butch-BLW Preferred Pronoun?: Default-She Relationship Status: Closed Join Date: Dec 2009 Location: Northern Virginia Posts: 636 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 488 Thanked 1,378 Times in 461 Posts Rep Power: 12988704	I have been thinking a lot about a couple of posts here recently. It brought back an event in my life that I had forgotten. It was quite painful at the time and as I look back, I did grow and learn more about myself. Someone mentioned about being wired, I totally agree. I found that I am not wired that way, poly. I am OFOS and I have to be true to MY own truths. I am not responsible for how anyone else moves and chooses to move in the world. Years ago I was in a relationship with a Femme ( no one from this site) and we were living together for about 2 years. Now, I can only relate my story how it affected me, I am sure she sees it totally different and that is probably different to how it really happened. One day she came home and we broke up, just like that it was over. I was devastated. There was someone else that had caught her eye and she wanted to go explore something intriguing with that new person. In order to keep from totally losing her, I offered her a poly/ mono option. The only rule was that she had to come home every night. Fortunately for me, she decided she could not abide by that rule, she wanted total freedom and I could not compromise that one. This event taught me a very big lesson, I cannot change my inner me, how I am wired. Had she accepted my offer, I truly believe part of me would have died and I would no longer be me. So, I am an OFOS Butch and I will not change/ I cannot change, even if it would make things easier. I will be true to my wiring. Be true to yourselves, always, to however you are wired. Jo __________________ You know that place between sleep and awake, the place where you can still remember dreaming? That's where I'll always love you. ~Tinkerbell~

08-27-2012, 04:56 AM	#16
morningstar55 Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme,she Preferred Pronoun?: she,her, Relationship Status: very single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: western NY Posts: 3,809 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,280 Thanked 4,240 Times in 1,845 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	Waking up. From having to camp out at a plastic company in the boonies.....and no coffee ( now hows can I eat my left over cold pizza for breakfast with no coffee??? __________________ -------------------------------------------- life is to short to wake up in the morning with regrets so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who dont, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it... if it changes your life let it.

08-27-2012, 05:27 AM	#18
morningstar55 Senior Member How Do You Identify?: femme,she Preferred Pronoun?: she,her, Relationship Status: very single Join Date: Nov 2009 Location: western NY Posts: 3,809 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 5,280 Thanked 4,240 Times in 1,845 Posts Rep Power: 21474855	No sir I dont ..... and even if I did , the inverter is not installed yet ... sigh ..... im doomd __________________ -------------------------------------------- life is to short to wake up in the morning with regrets so love the people who treat you right, forget about the ones who dont, and believe that everything happens for a reason. If you get a chance take it... if it changes your life let it.

08-27-2012, 01:03 PM	#20
LadyRieinAL Member How Do You Identify?: Evolving Femme Preferred Pronoun?: she, girl, her Relationship Status: found my vibrational match Join Date: Apr 2012 Location: Sweet Home Alabama Posts: 459 My Photo Gallery Thanks: 3,024 Thanked 1,214 Times in 281 Posts Rep Power: 18359992	I've had four relationships - one was with my daughter's dad - met him when I was 15 and he was 21, we married when I turned 18 and we were together six years, my second partner was with a handsome butch and we were together for 22 years, third was a person who identified as trans and perferred female pronouns - would not transition because of the fear of being gay five years -they passed away and my last partner had just started his physical transition when we first met. I said to him, I'm not sure I can do this, but I care enough about you to try, and we were together almost 9 years. Now, I'm single - and have been for a while - and I'm wanting to date So, how DO you date? I mean JUST date? How do you date more than one person? I've meet some amazing people on Butch femme Planet -I imagine going and meeting them, enjoying their company, finding out all about them - and I know right now, for the first time in my life, I'm not ready for a steady relationship. What does "just dating" looks like - I'd really like to know - at what point does it go from just hanging out to dating? And can you date more than one person at a time - and do butches or femmes have a harder time with this concept? or does it just depend on the person - Last edited by LadyRieinAL; 08-27-2012 at 01:25 PM.