The Loft: Butches and Femmes in their 40s, 50s and over.

[iamkeri1]

A butch friend of mine experienced a major change in her attitude toward many things in her life following the death of her partner two years ago. One change is she was always a top, and now she is taking great pleasure in giving AND receiving. The other is, prior to and including her relationship with her late partner, she would have descibed herself as a "u-haul lesbian." She moved quickly into relationships and suffered greatly both financially and emotionally when they ended, no matter who called it quits. She also is one who is "wired" for monogamy, but is experiencing it this time in a different way. Her partner lives far enough away (2 1/2 hours) that it is not practical to see her every day, but they spend most week ends together and talk and email frequerntly throughout the day. She is taking things slowly for the first time in her life, and she is both glad of this change in herself, and stressed by the fact that she and her new ladyfriend are not able to spend more time together. What is surprising to me about the whole thing is MY reaction to it.

I was married for 25 years to my deceased darling. I am very monogamous, though like some of you I have some regrets about that proclivity in myself. LOL. Since hubbies death I had one relationship that ended a few months ago. Following the u-haul pattern, we moved in together much too quickly. Anyway, I find my friend's relationship to be an interesting and wonderful way of relating. It is surprising to me because I tend to bond quickly with a partner... (I'm a scorpio - does that explain it?) and to long to be with them when they are away from me. Perhaps the busy-ness of my life, plus the certainty of the week-end time together alleviates that somewhat.

Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Seems like many of us are LOOKING at things in a new way at least.

Hope Hurricane Isaac does not bring bad events in to any of your lives; we seem to have dodged the bullet here in Florida. But now that the storm is heading toward Louisiana, everyone I talk to says they wish it had worn itself out here in Florida where it was only a tropical storm, rather than go and ransack those people who still suffer so much as a result of Catalina seven years ago.
Smooches,
Keri

[iamkeri1]

A butch friend of mine experienced a major change in her attitude toward many things in her life following the death of her partner two years ago. One change is she was always a top, and now she is taking great pleasure in giving AND receiving. The other is, prior to an including her relationship with her late partner, she would have descibed herself as a "u-haul lesbian."She moved quickly into relationships and suffered greatly both financially and emotionally when they ended, no matter who called it quits. She also is on who is "wired" for monogamy, but is experiencing this time in a different way. Her partner lives far enough away (2 1/2 hours) that it is not practical to see her every day, but they spend most week ends together and talk and email frequerntly throughout the day. She is taking things slowly for the first time in her life, and she is both glad of this change in herself, and stressed by the fact that she and her new ladyfriend are not able to spend more time together. What is surprising to me about the whole thing is MY reaction to it.

I was married for 25 years to my deceased darling. I am very monogamous, though like some of you I have some regrets about that proclivity in myself. LOL. Since hubbies death I had one relationship that ended a few months ago. Following the u-haul pattern, we moved in together much too quickly. Anyway, I find my friends relationship to be an interesting and wonderful way of relating, and it is surprising to me because I tend to bond quickly with a partner... (I'm a scorpio - does that explain it?) and to long to be with them when they are away from me. Perhaps the busy-ness of my life, plus the certainty of the week-end time together alleviates that somewhat.

Who says you can't teach an old dog new tricks? Seems like many of us are LOOKING at things in a new way at least.

Hope Hurricane Isaac goes not bring bad events in to any of your lives; we seem to have dodged the bullet here in Florida. But now that the storm is heading toward Louisiana, everyone I talk to says they wish it had worn itself out here in Florida where it was only a tropical storm, rather than go and ransack those people who still suffer so much as a result of Catalina seven years ago.
Smooches,
Keri

[morningstar55]

Howdy loft dwellers ....
Ladyrein... welcome 2 the loft, just b urself .

As 4 me... watching my cat frm hell... and tanked ha...
cuddling up in my blankie sipping sm ginger ale,and eating sm Imodium AD.
not feeling 2 well 2 nite.

Hey ruth
Osbutch i only took 2 and deleted1.. and no wont post it without permission

[ruthie14]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

Howdy loft dwellers ....
Ladyrein... welcome 2 the loft, just b urself .

As 4 me... watching my cat frm hell... and tanked ha...
cuddling up in my blankie sipping sm ginger ale,and eating sm Imodium AD.
not feeling 2 well 2 nite.

Hey ruth
Osbutch i only took 2 and deleted1.. and no wont post it without permission

Feel better morningstar!!!!

I am feeling down tonight... my body is stopping me from doing things that I want to do. Keeping me from spending time with my friends. I don't usually whine about it... but 2 days in a row is a bit much.

oh well

Gotta find something else to do with my day tomorrow... WILL NOT stay home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

[morningstar55]

Originally Posted by ruthie14

Feel better morningstar!!!!

I am feeling down tonight... my body is stopping me from doing things that I want to do. Keeping me from spending time with my friends. I don't usually whine about it... but 2 days in a row is a bit much.

oh well

Gotta find something else to do with my day tomorrow... WILL NOT stay home!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

....understandable.....

[OS Butch]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

Howdy loft dwellers ....
Ladyrein... welcome 2 the loft, just b urself .

As 4 me... watching my cat frm hell... and tanked ha...
cuddling up in my blankie sipping sm ginger ale,and eating sm Imodium AD.
not feeling 2 well 2 nite.

Hey ruth
Osbutch i only took 2 and deleted1.. and no wont post it without permission

LOL! Ok, and it would be okay as long as you ask I hope you are feeling better.

[OS Butch]

Dear LadyRieinAL and Ruthie, I do have a bunch to say on your posts, I am in the same boat( since I am the butch, I will row, if you all don't mind )

Unfortunately, it is late and I need to think clearly.

But for now, changing the core you and your beliefs in my opinion, may not be the answer.

Jo

[ruthie14]

Originally Posted by OS Butch

Dear LadyRieinAL and Ruthie, I do have a bunch to say on your posts, I am in the same boat( since I am the butch, I will row, if you all don't mind )

Unfortunately, it is late and I need to think clearly.

But for now, changing the core you and your beliefs in my opinion, may not be the answer.

Jo

Ya, I agree with you. I won't change my core values or what I believe is right for me.... took me a long time to figure myself out and I am not gonna change for ANYONE!! However, sometimes I just wish I could be that way. It would make some things in my life easier.

Have a great Sunday all!

Ruthie

[LadyRieinAL]

Originally Posted by morningstar55

Howdy loft dwellers ....
Ladyrein... welcome 2 the loft, just b urself .

As 4 me... watching my cat frm hell... and tanked ha...
cuddling up in my blankie sipping sm ginger ale,and eating sm Imodium AD.
not feeling 2 well 2 nite.

Hey ruth
Osbutch i only took 2 and deleted1.. and no wont post it without permission

thanks morningstar - If I try to be someone other than me, could you give ma shake and tell me to snap out of it?!

[morningstar55]

Morning loft dwellers and peekers
am hanging near Electrocell territory..... yeha.
dont hav a. Load yet which is fine i need 2 get sm paintings done.

Ruth sorry 4 the loss

[*Anya*]

Originally Posted by LadyRieinAL

The other night, a younger friend of mine, a butch, who knows I've been single for almost two years, asked me if I had ever considered friends with benefits - my response was no, (wanted to sing - baby I was born this way) - and at the same time, I couldn't help but wonder, why I can't just let go, enjoy making love for the excitement of it all - why can't I be polymorphous and know it is ok to be in a polyamorous relationship.
The people I'm most attracted to, those who I have come in contact with over the last few months, live hundreds of miles from Alabama - long distant committed relationships seeing someone once a year doesn't work for me - If I'm committed to someone I want to see them at least once a month, and I would prefer they live the same town. But if I were poly, I would have choices, variety, and maybe I wouldn't dwell on the "age" factor - someone being too young for me, and I wouldn't have to worry that I'm took kink or not kink enough.
I don't know - I thought I did - but being without a partner has caused me to rethink my belief that being in a manogamous relationship maybe helps someone to grow and it isn't as off track for me as it seems - and what I know about me, I'm so frigging partner oriented, I want to be in love with one person, I want to share intimate moments with one person, I want to give one special person my attention, my devotion, and my love - and I don't like sharing.
So, can you teach an old dog new tricks of the heart?

Originally Posted by ruthie14

I have had the same thoughts recently in regards to this butch I've been dating (see recent posts). She wants to have sex while dating various people... I wish I could. I think she is hot, she is smart, caring, affectionate. I just can't wrap my head around it and i know from past experience...once we cross that bridge, not matter how hard I try, i will expect more. It will ruin what we do have. Ohhhh but I do wish I could... just enjoy myself. I have the same problem the the ldr too. I won't do that anymore, but that is who I seem to connect with. I live in Jersey and currently am quite attracted to a woman in Cali... sigh. I won't have a ldr with her.. won't move.. sooooooooo it's flirty texts and leaving it at that. .. I feel ya!!

Hi all. I pop in once in a blue moon and this subject caught my eye. Good morning!

There is a thread on the Planet called something like poly and mono. I think the upshot is that you are either wired for poly or you are not.

I have never been able to have sex without deep feelings, on my way to being in love. My wires don't work that way.

Do I think how much more simple my life would be? Yes and no. If it could be done in the right head space, yes. Me? I would not feel good about myself.

I do not judge others that can do it and a matter of fact, I have a little bit of envy because they can.

The age thing? Yes, that is hard for me. My ex-girlfriend was 10-years younger. Just this week I got an email on a lesbian dating site that I had not even looked at in almost 9-months, from a butch 15-years younger than I. That just seems too wide a gap. There has to be a limit, right?! I guess when the age category feels really creepy, that's too young! It is flattering though, I must admit!

We all have to stay true to ourselves and our personal values. Hard to do sometimes.

Have a good day all.

[ferret]

Thought I could at least poke my head in and say hello. Sad that vacation has come to an end, and that I have to deal with some things I'd rather keep at a distance. Anyway, hope you all are enjoying your weekend.

Sue