Too screwed up to be Loved?

[thedivahrrrself]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

So I have been doing a lot of thinking today and well for the past few days.
Does anyone else belive that they are too f*cked up to be loved?
Or have way to many demons within themselves to let anyone in?
Ive been dating since I was 11 years old and yet every relationship ends the same, No one wants to actually give me a chance and see what can really happen because Yes I am f*cked up and I have issues, BUT doesnt anyone?
I dunno maybe its a stupid question I just wonder if anyone else feels the same? Or is it just me
I mean I know what Im looking for and it doesnt seem unresonable
So it brings me to the conclusion maybe I have too many demons to be loved or cared for...

I have pondered this a lot, and I think the answer is this: You have to find someone whose baggage matches yours.

In my experience, someone who is not f-d up (for lack of a better term) can never understand you. Someone who is TOO f-d up is going to overwhelm and exhaust you. So you have to find someone that is at the same level of f*ckedup-edness as you.

It's not an easy task. You have to be honest about your wounds and your scars and be accepting of theirs. You have to be open to healing and changing bad habits. You have to learn to love yourself and put your emotional health first. Because if you're not emotionally healthy, it's not a matter of whether or not you deserve love - EVERYONE deserves love - but whether or not you can be a true partner in a relationship. A partner gives and takes, and when you're not emotionally stable, you either can't give or you don't know how to do anything BUT give.

So my motto is yeah, I'm f-d up, but I love me. My scars make me stronger.



Oh, and Teddybear is right on. I have a friend who I should probably read your post to verbatim.

[NJFemmie]

Originally Posted by thedivahrrrself

I have pondered this a lot, and I think the answer is this: You have to find someone whose baggage matches yours.

In my experience, someone who is not f-d up (for lack of a better term) can never understand you. Someone who is TOO f-d up is going to overwhelm and exhaust you. So you have to find someone that is at the same level of f*ckedup-edness as you.

I don't know if I agree with this statement.
It's sort of like - the blind leading the blind and find this enabling and counter productive.

[Leigh]

Originally Posted by MissItalianDiva

Are you ready to claim your life back and be happy? I know you want to say yes but are you REALLY ready. I think sometimes it can be easy for people to kind of become addicted to dysfunctional existence.

Diva, I read this one part of your previous post and I see so much of myself in that one post that its almost scary. I have become very used to the dysfunctional existence that I've been leading for about 10 years now, and I truly do want to change but I see now that its the part of me that is clinging to that "comfortable" life that is sabotaging my happiness. Many times when one gets used to living a certain way, its almost like they think (me included) that this is as good as it gets and this must be the kind of life that we deserve to live. I was at that point, and still am, but reading this thread is helping me more to see that while yes i am f*cked up in my own way (who isn't?), I deserve to be loved just as much as anyone else in this world.

I want to thank everyone who has posted in this thread so far ~ your not just helping CB, but others as well

[*Anya*]

We all have that dark part of ourselves.

It takes courage to look deep inside to see it, feel it and to chose to work to heal it as best as we can.

Some people willingly step into this abyss, others walk slowly towards it with baby steps and still others run away out of fear.

Letting down our defenses and allowing ourselves to be vulnerable with ourselves and then to be able to do it with others is very scary.

If we want to be able to truly connect on an intimate levels with others, it must be done but it is the hardest thing of all to do.

I know because I struggle with this issue constantly.

[CharmingButch25]

I am glad that my thoughts to post this helped you out Leigh, and I am very greateful for everyones responses

[Leigh]

Originally Posted by CharmingButch25

I am glad that my thoughts to post this helped you out Leigh, and I am very greateful for everyones responses

It has helped alot CB, so thank you for posting it