Building a Culture of Empathy

[Toughy]

I know the science of brain chemistry. Blanket statements in general irritate the bejesus out of me.

edited to add: my experience tells me that blanket statements about science will absolutely come back and bite you in the ass.

[mariamma]

a pdf on Practical empathy and sexual assault survivors. The author is dealing more with empathy in the acute phase but I like the 7 traits of empathy in action.
I see the kindness that they speak of as the action of estrogen. It also is integral maintaining a healthy and connected relationship.
http://www.cvcn.nl/wp-content/upload...mpathy-SSA.pdf

[Toughy]

I see the kindness that they speak of as the action of estrogen.

I think you have it backwards. I have to want to have empathy in order for estrogen to be produced. If I don't want to have empathy ain't no empathy estrogen gonna be produced.

[Ginger]

I guess I subscribe to the nature/nurture way of looking at things.

I think people have the amount of empathy they have, because of genetic, chemical or other physical elements (including the stuff you're talking about), but also because of how they were socialized and treated when they were infants and children.

That said, how do we go about Building a Culture of Empathy, as your thread is titled? it sounds like a wonderful goal, but I wouldn't know how to get it started.

[aishah]

some tools i have found helpful for learning more about how to practice empathy:
i thought it was just me and the gifts of imperfection by brene brown (her ted videos are also good if you don't have time to read her books, but her books are downright amazing)
non-violent communication - i haven't read the full book by rosenberg but i've read a lot of the free material about it online, and it's definitely worth checking out.
dialectical behavior therapy - also a lot of free information online. emphasizes mindfulness, interpersonal, and emotional regulation skills and stresses nonjudgmental, empathic communication in much the same way as nvc.

[mariamma]

Originally Posted by aishah

some tools i have found helpful for learning more about how to practice empathy:
i thought it was just me and the gifts of imperfection by brene brown (her ted videos are also good if you don't have time to read her books, but her books are downright amazing)
non-violent communication - i haven't read the full book by rosenberg but i've read a lot of the free material about it online, and it's definitely worth checking out.
dialectical behavior therapy - also a lot of free information online. emphasizes mindfulness, interpersonal, and emotional regulation skills and stresses nonjudgmental, empathic communication in much the same way as nvc.

Thank you for sharing Aishah. I had not heard about dialectical behavior therapy. *curtseys and does happy dance*

[The_Lady_Snow]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

I guess I subscribe to the nature/nurture way of looking at things.

I think people have the amount of empathy they have, because of genetic, chemical or other physical elements (including the stuff you're talking about), but also because of how they were socialized and treated when they were infants and children.

That said, how do we go about Building a Culture of Empathy, as your thread is titled? it sounds like a wonderful goal, but I wouldn't know how to get it started.

This ..

I believe that if how we raise our sons changed then we'd have a bit of a less violent world. Teaching our male children differently to what they are being taught now would hopefully eliminate the hate culture towatds woman.

How we treat our young when they are in our care could change the balance.

[princessbelle]

I so agree with that as well....empathy depends on a huge amount of things. Some chemical some not.

If you took two totally diff people and subjected them to something very sad, to one it may be extremely unjust and affect them way different than the next one. Is that all chemically induced? Depends on how far you want to dissect it.

If you have a world where everyone was treated with hormones, the "right amount" of a feel good medication, you would have a world full of stepford people. Yuk.

Our experience, our cultures, the way we were raised, how we live our lives now and heck even how we feel that day depends on the level of empathy we bestow on our worlds....


IMO Empathy is a feeling that is subjective AND objective and it evolves at different times and with different degrees which is one of the primary ways we are all unique. Personally, I like it that way.

[aishah]

i think of empathy as a skill, personally. i believe some people are born with more of a predisposition to it than others (because of neurochemistry, etc.) and also that it's encouraged or discouraged by the environments we grow up in, so maybe some people are naturally more talented with it. but imho it is also something that can be learned and practiced. to me it's more than just a warm fuzzy emotional connection. the warm fuzzy emotional connection may happen because of a neurochemical reaction, and it may help us be empathetic and compassionate, but the neurochemistry alone doesn't teach us the skills we need to relate to other human beings with empathy and compassion.

the issue of how people react to difficult situations is also an issue of resilience. some people are more resilient than others. that's why some people cope better with trauma and stress. resilience is partly chemical and partly due to upbringing, but it can also be learned to some degree. and some aspects of resilience, like having a good support system, do require conscious action.

[nycfem]

On a micro level, how do we build a culture of empathy here on BFP?

One thought I have is that it is important when we post that we think that any member could be reading the post and how will they feel after reading it if they are, for example,

400 pounds
Chinese
Muslim
homeless
elderly
a parent of a differently abled child

etc. etc.

In other words, I think it's important to have empathy for every single member of our site by not assuming that everyone is like us and showing sensitivity towards readers we don't know anything about every time we post. This goes for posting a joke, a rant, or making a statement to all (i.e. considering whether it really fits "all").

[mariamma]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

This ..

I believe that if how we raise our sons changed then we'd have a bit of a less violent world. Teaching our male children differently to what they are being taught now would hopefully eliminate the hate culture towatds woman.

How we treat our young when they are in our care could change the balance.

Yes, absolutely! Thanks for sharing.

[Nomad]

Originally Posted by The_Lady_Snow

This ..

I believe that if how we raise our sons changed then we'd have a bit of a less violent world. Teaching our male children differently to what they are being taught now would hopefully eliminate the hate culture towatds woman.

How we treat our young when they are in our care could change the balance.

agreed. and how we raise our daughters will contribute to the same balance change. a person with healthy boundaries and an understanding of their personal responsibility and authority has no need to bend others or allow others to bend them unnecessarily. a few generations of children who refused to consent to institutionalized hatred would be a powerful force, and an irrefutably brilliant one.

[Toughy]

I think understanding and practicing non-violent communication would go a long way towards creating an atmosphere of empathy.

Several years back, a group of us studied non-violent communication by using a book and workbook. It was eye opening for me and really helped me understand why and how I was thinking and communicating those thoughts. It is really useful in interpersonal relationships of all kinds.

The book/workbook came from this site: https://www.cnvc.org/ It's the Center for Non Violent Communication.

I need a refresher for sure.........lol

If you want to change your brain chemistry then you have to create new neural pathways to replace the old ones. That can be done many ways, but I think communication is a part of doing that. A change of attitude will also help. You want to encourage your brain to create happy chemicals rather than unhappy chemicals. You can control what you think and how you express it...it takes practice and time. And we should never forget the importance of exercise.

laughin.......damn I wish I was better at it...........

[mariamma]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

I guess I subscribe to the nature/nurture way of looking at things.

I think people have the amount of empathy they have, because of genetic, chemical or other physical elements (including the stuff you're talking about), but also because of how they were socialized and treated when they were infants and children.

That said, how do we go about Building a Culture of Empathy, as your thread is titled? it sounds like a wonderful goal, but I wouldn't know how to get it started.

I believe you're perfectly right IslandScout. It does matter how you work with it. We are socialized to preform certain actions depending on the culture we were raised in. In Southern Africa, they have a spiritual concept of Ubuntu where they encourage sharing and communal living (ideally). I provided a link but it basically means 'I have because we have, if you have needs, then I have needs since we are One.' How they deal with empathy there is different than how Americans deal with it.
If dialogue comes out of this thread, then that's good. Not sure everyone in the world likes the idea of empathy or sharing. It's too hippie and new-aged for some. Too up close and personal for others. I do believe women who are mothers handle it differently since having a baby is a hugely emotional experience. I started this thread to share the idea Building a Culture of Empathy and also because I wanted to see how others feel/sense empathy and how they use it in their lives.
You always have a wonderfully simple and concise way of cutting to the meat of the matter IslandScout and I appreciate reading your observations. You often make me look at things in a different way.

[Sachita]

Originally Posted by IslandScout

I guess I subscribe to the nature/nurture way of looking at things.

I think people have the amount of empathy they have, because of genetic, chemical or other physical elements (including the stuff you're talking about), but also because of how they were socialized and treated when they were infants and children.

.

I guess that blows reincarnation and past lives out of the water. lol

You know for so many years I've read, explored and studied why things are they way they are. I have honestly tried to make sense, especially when it comes to humans; how some humans can be so fucking cruel and others to pure to believe. I have a hard time statistics and so-called scientific data. I dislike and avoid the medical field as much as possible. I will never buy the whole brain chemical concept. I will never believe that any of us are patterned to the same or that there are genetic switches that dictate who we are.

I do believe that humans LOVE labels and that they often get caught up in demanding an answer for every little thing. I think science sees us coming and pharmaceutical companies draw humans into their market.

Empathy, compassion, love, desire, all the things that make us human is open for interpretation because the funny thing is that none of us expresses it the same way or maybe it is the same yet how we measure it. Does that make sense?

I spent hours crying over a dog that isn't mine because she's old and has to be put to sleep. I don't think I'm programmed any different I'm just a human who's experience "right now" connects with animals. I woke up at 4am and masturbated to fantasies some may consider "taboo" and they were completely against consensus standards. Maybe I have some wires crossed? hahahaha well hell yeah I probably do!

The whole science thing is unsettling to me because there are always exceptions to the rule. Often more then the so called facts will say.

Today I just give it to the universe, try and be present and allow whatever emotions I'm having to flow through me. I just don't question it any more and for me its just all part of my human experience.

[NorCalStud]

I listened to the dog youtube Mariama. It was very interesting. Dogs are a big part of how I roll in life. There is alot to be said about that.

I am simple. I dont believe caucasian america and caucasion science has the universal answer to creating a more empathetic world. That is oh so scary when that kind of thinking is present. It is a priveledge just to have the time to talk in sometimes an intangible language. So when it balls up...when language and emotion mess up; there is love, admiration, and respect to remember.

The first empathy to give....no matter what ...my opinion...smiling. We dont know each other's language???? Even here on this site...we can go toward...lack of trust...or we can stand and face each other from different tribes and different dialects and SMILE...smiling is reassuring to people who lack trust. If that is all we can communicate then it could and has been lifesaving. Example: pretty damn sure Lewis and Clark smiled alot.

I want to take this time to say how much I appreciate the thinking that goes into our language here. It is fascinating to me...all that we express. Such really great people I have the great fortune to know at this time. I do believe in reincarnation and there is no accident we are here now discussing...

[mariamma]

Originally Posted by NCS

I listened to the dog youtube Mariama. It was very interesting. Dogs are a big part of how I roll in life. There is alot to be said about that.

I am simple. I dont believe caucasian america and caucasion science has the universal answer to creating a more empathetic world. That is oh so scary when that kind of thinking is present. It is a priveledge just to have the time to talk in sometimes an intangible language. So when it balls up...when language and emotion mess up; there is love, admiration, and respect to remember.

The first empathy to give....no matter what ...my opinion...smiling. We dont know each other's language???? Even here on this site...we can go toward...lack of trust...or we can stand and face each other from different tribes and different dialects and SMILE...smiling is reassuring to people who lack trust. If that is all we can communicate then it could and has been lifesaving. Example: pretty damn sure Lewis and Clark smiled alot.

I want to take this time to say how much I appreciate the thinking that goes into our language here. It is fascinating to me...all that we express. Such really great people I have the great fortune to know at this time. I do believe in reincarnation and there is no accident we are here now discussing...

I understand about not trusting Caucasian science. I'm mixed. My (white) family were scientists mostly and Xian Scientist in spiritual practice. There is much in grey areas that isn't looked at. But people only go so fast. We humans are (slowly) getting our collective heads out of our asses and seeing that we aren't that special after all.

It's kind of awesome to see humans grow up. I know India has brought significant science and spirituality together as well as great basic science. I love the different perspective and the different interpretation of energy the Indians have brought to the forefront.

I really liked the interview because it dealt with traditionally human behavior in the form of dogs. I really loved the info in the beginning on dog breeds and those that were breed for love and companionship. Many feral child stories have been refuted yet I truly believe some are true. And there are occasional stories like the one from Ethiopia of lions rescuing girls from violent (human) males. It's kind of awesome hearing about a pride of lionesses attacking men and lying around a child until humans come to care for the child. But that may be refuted as well.

[Glenn]

Mariamma; Hormones do powerfully affect our behavior. If we were to strip out all the hormones we have, we'd be docile types, with no drive, and with the magnetism of a piece of wood. Take high testosterone and low serotonin for example, and welcome to the world of the sociopath. Or high sertonin and low testosterone and welcome to the world of a person with no interests or incentives. There's a guy on this site who claims to be athletic, always posts threads, and you can see this guy has testosterone coming out of his ass. Socialization helps this dude keep a balance, but he still shows little sensitivity answering other issues about himself here we have questioned him about. There has to be a mental balance. When I was on Prozac for years, it raised my serotinin.I did'nt feel like doing s***. They give alot of folks in prison that to contol their testosterone also.

[mariamma]

Originally Posted by Glenn

Mariamma; Hormones do powerfully affect our behavior. If we were to strip out all the hormones we have, we'd be docile types, with no drive, and with the magnetism of a piece of wood. Take high testosterone and low serotonin for example, and welcome to the world of the sociopath. Or high sertonin and low testosterone and welcome to the world of a person with no interests or incentives. There's a guy on this site who claims to be athletic, always posts threads, and you can see this guy has testosterone coming out of his ass. Socialization helps this dude keep a balance, but he still shows little sensitivity answering other issues about himself here we have questioned him about. There has to be a mental balance. When I was on Prozac for years, it raised my serotinin.I did'nt feel like doing s***. They give alot of folks in prison that to contol their testosterone also.

True. The first time I saw someone with avolition (low hormones therefore no desire to do ANYTHING) it freaked me out. He laid in bed all day long, didn't want to eat, read, do anything. Energetically, he wasn't empty, more of a dwarf. Nothing wrong or weird about him. Just very small (energetically).

SSRIs are interesting. They work for some and but not well enough because they don't 'solve' the underlying issue. And increased serotonin in the brain lowers the dopamine and therefore love capacity in the brain (sometimes that's good, sometimes that's bad). Living in balance it what it's all about.

It's hard to do that with online sites though as most technology will increase dopamine. You know when you get a text or email and you feel that surge...that's dopamine. I usually think "OH! Who loves me?"

Silicon Valley is looking at this as they develop their technology. Colors and light will also affect serotonin in the brain so they make these bright, colorful LCDs screens that will boost both dopamine and serotonin.

[mariamma]

Originally Posted by Sachita

Empathy, compassion, love, desire, all the things that make us human is open for interpretation because the funny thing is that none of us expresses it the same way or maybe it is the same yet how we measure it. Does that make sense?

I spent hours crying over a dog that isn't mine because she's old and has to be put to sleep. I don't think I'm programmed any different I'm just a human who's experience "right now" connects with animals. I woke up at 4am and masturbated to fantasies some may consider "taboo" and they were completely against consensus standards. Maybe I have some wires crossed? hahahaha well hell yeah I probably do!

The whole science thing is unsettling to me because there are always exceptions to the rule. Often more then the so called facts will say.

Today I just give it to the universe, try and be present and allow whatever emotions I'm having to flow through me. I just don't question it any more and for me its just all part of my human experience.

I believe the whole science thing because it's how I've made sense of the world. I sense energy. I've sensed things all my life. It has protected me, trusting my intuition. I have since learned how to harness my 'perception' in order to do spirit work (in the past 2.5 years). The energy I sense is the same energy I sense from animals too. Which is what totally 'converted' me to the concept that all we do/think/feel is based on hormones and neurotransmitters and the other trace protein structures.
The 'giving to the Universe' and 'being present' is traced back to serotonergic activity in the brain. We do this because it feels good, makes life flow and makes it feel like we're at church and counters dopaminergic activity (pleasure seeking or 'I Want'). Animals do it as well. I see it and feel it energetically when a dog lies down, puts h/er nose in the air and smiles at everyone. I even feel the energy from my bunnies.
But this thread is supposed to be about empathy (oxytocin). I believe science because science has known for decades that anti-social personality disorder is connected to lack of oxytocin in the brain. Abuse (nurture) changes things more and makes those with the ASPD diagnosis violent. In fact, there are studies that say 90% of those with a psych diagnosis has abuse in h/er history.
But 80% of studies are disproven so look at meta-studies for better accuracy. In health care, 50% of best practice changes every 5 years. Science is ever-changing and is no absolute authority. It always should be taken with a grain of salt. But there are highly established, accepted truism in science. The hormone thing has been known for many, many years. The stress hormones were seen as the source of medical problems, adrenals removed and people had less stress but died in a few days because it upset water and minerals in the blood stream.
No one has to believe this stuff. But I do because it makes the most sense.