Have you met or know a psychopath/sociopath?

[rustedrims]

Originally Posted by Toph

from experience, they [sociopaths] are not capable of the emotion of compassion, they know only how to act it.
your sister sounds like my ex only, my ex did not abuse nor hinder the animals at all. however, that being said, she too believed she floated above the law in so many ways...so many entitlements, that no-one who actually lives in the reality of humanity...would expect.

you are best being away from her and to share what once was said to me 'run from her twisted world'

the separation hurts, the situation is appalling but in the long run you will be best off and you will heal.

remember 1 in 25 people are sociopaths...learn what you can from that.

Hey Toph,

I have learned alot from this expirence.I have learned to cut my losses and sacrifice a sister to her twisted way of life.My contact with her ended yesterday.This i will struggle with but will enforce it within my lifes journeys.My older sister says she needs a pill.I told her no,there is nothing and nobody that can help her.She is an emptyness of a human being.A way i explained it to her was trying to start a car without an engine.It just isnt going to start.I also tried to explain that she is a target/victum and not a sister.How she sets small goals with each person she needs something from.It is all crazy and heart breaking.Slowly i am getting it.
Thank you Toph.

s.

[rustedrims]

Last wednesday was kinda tough and nerve racking.Before we even got started i said what i wanted from now on from her.That being said i told her i wanted no contact with her and i do not like her ect..ect..ect..The thing i said at the ending of that statement is that she is dead to me.That was the last time i will ever be in contact with my second oldest sister.I did see a very small,Very Small fraction of a human emotion in her once maybe twice.Very small i will say again.I was very surprised that when i was talking she never intrupted however i did inturupt her.I have zero tolerance for adults that lie.The thing that was surprising the most to me was that she told "her" story of the events that happened to get us where we are today.I was there and i do know the facts to the story.That didnt put one hesitation in the lies she told when explaining the events that happened.She brought up the fact that i still have those 10 days in jail hanging over my head for a year.Kept repeating it and i asked her why do i need to be in jail?She didnt have an answer.The Moderator was a very soft spoken guy and listened to everything.He finally seperated us and heard both sides to the story.I had those pictures sitting infront of me the whole time.They were pictures of her house inside and out.She never put those cats out in life as well as in death.She didnt clean up after them or herself.The guy that "cleaned" out her house said at least 20 cats were in there.The smell was horriffic as well as what i saw.I will never forget what i saw and smelled that day.The Moderator did ask to see the pictures and as he was looking through them he said "You know she has a problem" I said "Yes i know".
Fast forward a little.We were able to see the Magistrate before we left and agreed to the Civil Protection Order i think it is called.He asked my sister how long she would like it on me and she said 2 years.Then i was asked if i agreed to that and i said i would agree to five years and life if i could pick that.She was asked if she agreed to that and she said yeah lets do that,the five year.She of course made it all sound like it was her idea.I think it is pretty sad that the county court system has to tell me to stay way and dont call my own sister.Iwas already doing that for a few years.The only up side thing to all this is that she has to abide to the same rules as i do.I am not as "jumpy" as i was a week ago.I never know when or where she will pop up. There was a time that she did show genuine anger.She mentioned to the Moderator i was not to pick the kid up at school or have any contact with her.He said why?You see she only had her name on that Protection Order and not the kids name like the last one.She was a little pissed that she couldnt control that.I am thinking i will be texting the kid in a few days just to tell her i miss her and still love her.She is 16.There has not been a week or a few days that would go by that i didnt talk to her text her call her or stop by and visit her.I was there when she was born.I saw the color of her hair before her mom did.She is with her dad now and i miss her terribly.I havent had any contact with her in almost 8 months.When i do text her i will not expect a response.That will be ok.I did get some things out of the house for her after the bank forclosed on the house she grew up in.She hasnt seen and knows nothing on the condition of the house at its worst.My sister was given 45 days to get her stuff out and never made an attempt.She was concentrating on getting me in jail.She doesnt know i have what i have and know how her mom was living.
However i am confident my sister will still get me in some way cash in on those 10 days in jail.
I am confident she is not completely done with me and the legal system.
I am confident she will some how and some way find something to keep me away from my niece.
I am confident she will loose yet another job she has had for 2 weeks.Another story.
I am confident i will not have a problem staying away from her.
I am confident i will be ok.

With that being said it is in the past and that is where it will stay.I am going forward with my life and planning happy and fun things to do.
I still have a heavyness in my chest i need to get rid of.I believe i will put myself in counseling.I have also had a few bad dreams i do not want to come back.Had one again today that woke me up.

Thank you all for the support and kind words.None of it goes un-noticed.
A BIG THANK-YOU for reading !!Very much appreciated.

You all have my best.
Sheila.

[yotlyolqualli]

Ive known people who, according to the standards put forth in this thread, are socio or psychopathic, or at least have socio or psychopathic tendencies.

It's scary how perfectly normal they seem, until they can't hide those things anymore, or a stressor sets them off. Only one out of the few who have been in my life, was truly violently psychotic, the other's, I think, were more borderline personalities. The single most common thing they had in common? Inability to tell the truth. They didn't always straight out lie, but they just couldn't seem to be able to tell the simple truth. Stories changed, whole circumstances changed, sometimes even their "real" names changed. The other common trait? Narcissism. Only they mattered, only their feelings mattered, only their wants, needs and desires, mattered.

In all honesty, it's extremely sad. They will never know what it's like to be truly loved by another person. I am sure they are or will be truly loved, but they are so wrapped up in themselves that they will never know it, feel it, or truly appreciate it. To me, that's sad.

[rustedrims]

Well my sociopath sister has targeted my oldest sister.She has a college education but lacks "street smarts".There is a soft spot in her that the bad sister has gotten to.The bad sister called her and asked her to meet to talk.I went to my sisters house last night to educate her on what she is getting herself into.The visit started out ok but i was waiting for the other shoe to drop if i could say.When i told her the situation that happened between me and the bad sister she said it wasnt all that believeable.Then something else was brought up.I exploded between the 2 matters that was discussed.I did not lie to her!EVER!!What do i have to gain by lieing?I didnt know she was thinking i wasnt telling the truth.That is a great example that the evil sister is very convincing.She can tell a lie that is very believable.I dont think i will feel comfortable around her anymore.Before i left her house i told her i wouldnt be comming back.This situation has put a lot of unnessary stress on all of the family.I can see it is slowly splitting us up.I do not like that feeling.
I am not real sure how to start but i believe the only way i can feel safe and maybe some reliefe is to move away.I need to think this through and figure it out.

[Lady Pamela]

Originally Posted by rustedrims

Well my sociopath sister has targeted my oldest sister.She has a college education but lacks "street smarts".There is a soft spot in her that the bad sister has gotten to.The bad sister called her and asked her to meet to talk.I went to my sisters house last night to educate her on what she is getting herself into.The visit started out ok but i was waiting for the other shoe to drop if i could say.When i told her the situation that happened between me and the bad sister she said it wasnt all that believeable.Then something else was brought up.I exploded between the 2 matters that was discussed.I did not lie to her!EVER!!What do i have to gain by lieing?I didnt know she was thinking i wasnt telling the truth.That is a great example that the evil sister is very convincing.She can tell a lie that is very believable.I dont think i will feel comfortable around her anymore.Before i left her house i told her i wouldnt be comming back.This situation has put a lot of unnessary stress on all of the family.I can see it is slowly splitting us up.I do not like that feeling.
I am not real sure how to start but i believe the only way i can feel safe and maybe some reliefe is to move away.I need to think this through and figure it out.

May I make a suggestion?
I will say this, the more you allow your relationship with the other sister to ruin due to your unhealthy sister..;.the more she wins.

Do not discuss her with her. Simply love each other on a 1 on 1 basis.
And don't speak of the other... understand?
DO NOT LET HER NEGATIVE STOP YOU POSOTIVE RELATIONSHIP .

Just saying.
And life is lonely without family as well.

[rustedrims]

Originally Posted by Lady Pamela

May I make a suggestion?
I will say this, the more you allow your relationship with the other sister to ruin due to your unhealthy sister..;.the more she wins.

Do not discuss her with her. Simply love each other on a 1 on 1 basis.
And don't speak of the other... understand?
DO NOT LET HER NEGATIVE STOP YOU POSOTIVE RELATIONSHIP .

Just saying.
And life is lonely without family as well.

That is a good suggestion/advise.I have thought of that and am trying to do things that way.Yes the evil sister will win if i give into her destruction.I will not give in.I could not imagine life with out the kids.I am not bringing them into this at all.If they ask i will answer truthfuly and honestly.Only if they ask.I do not make it the main disscussion of the visit.For now the evil sister seems to be staying away as she should.

Thank you Lady Pamela

[Nomad]

i read this guy's blog from time to time. i know this post is long but it was interesting.

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Differentiating the sociopath from the borderline from the narcissist

***(This article is copyrighted © 2012 by Steve Becker, LCSW. Use of the male gender pronoun was strictly for convenience’s sake and not to imply that females aren’t capable of the attitudes and behaviors discussed.)***

Monday, 30 April 2012


Man, it’s not easy out there. Your partner clearly has a major personality disturbance, but sometimes separating borderline, narcissistic and sociopathic behavior can be hard. Real tough. Especially when there are spill-over behaviors, cross-contaminating behaviors and attitudes (as there often are) that further muddy the diagnostic waters.

Let’s look at rage, for instance. Rage is a major marker of the borderline and narcissistic personality. Sociopaths, being essentially malignant, high-end narcissists, like any full-blown narcissist, are also capable of frightful, bullying, abusive rages.

The borderline’s rage, much like the narcissist’s, tends to be elicted by disappoinment. And it’s not always “abandonment”-related. When the borderline, much like the narcissist, feels uncatered to, neglected or invalidated, WATCH OUT!!!!

The “tsunami” will be coming in a gigantic, overwhelming, RATIONALIZED WAVE. That wave will crash on you with shocking, destructive force, threatening to take your legs out from under you.

The sociopath’s rage is also elicited, commonly, by the frustration of his needs, demands, expectations. When that’s not the case, he may be salivating for some excitement, perhaps to escape the accumulating tension of his boredom; and so he may want a good dust-up to entertain himself: Unleashing his rage in a bullying assault may do the trick.

Remorse for the impact and damage of their rages is often missing in all three cases. Incredible, really INCREDIBLE rationalization, plus the astounding absence of self-reflection and accountability, is commonly missing as well.

The borderline feels as justified in his raging as the narcissist. His raging is pure narcissism being acted-out in the moment. The borderline, it is true, may later plead for forgiveness, but this is not always the case. Some borderlines will not pursue you at all after they’ve degraded you in a rage.

And not to confuse matters, but some narcissists and sociopaths will lobby for your forgiveness and amnesty after abusive displays in sometimes florid gestures of contrition.



The borderline and narcissist are both notorious vacillators along the idealizing-devaluing continuum. They are both “splitters” in the sense of perceiving others in rigidly black and white ways. When in their good graces, you are fantastic; their greatest luck and good fortune was to have met you; but disappoint them, and you are likely, suddenly, abruptly, to qualify as the worst, most despicable person they ever had the misfortune to cross paths with.

Sociopaths, in this sense, may be so disconnected, so pathologically disengaged from, and indifferent to, the emotional lives of others that, paradoxically, they may bring less of this particular kind of “splitting” drama to the table than borderlines and the typical narcissist.

This isn’t to suggest that sociopaths don’t “act out” in an outrageous variety of destructive ways. They can, and do.

And devaluation and contempt of others deeply, definingly characterizes the sociopath’s perspective; it’s just that the sociopath may actually exercise, and experience, his twisted emotional disconnection from others with sometimes (but not always!) less volatility than your typical borderline or narcissist. He may sometimes be more predictably, continuously indifferent, contemptuous and emotionally uninvested in others than his borderline or narcissistic counterpart.

The borderline can be callous and cruel, as can the narcissist and sociopath. Hmmm. When we are dealing with a callous, cruel individual whose aim is to BE DESTRUCTIVE (at least in the moment), with no compunction or remorse, but only contempt and hate for the object of his rage, then at least, for the moment, it may be somewhat immaterial which personality disorder we’re dealing with.

We may know later, but at the time, what difference does it really make? The individual’s present intent is clear—to hurt, destroy, inflict pain (in the borderline’s case, perhaps to discharge his pain by inflicting pain). But the experience on the other end, on your end, may be largely the same. You will feel variously abused, humiliated, threatened, degraded.

As noted, all three personality types may (or may not) later show contrition, thus contrition doesn’t accurately distinguish them. Plus, gauging the sincerity of an apology, its depth, is tough business. So again, this isn’t easy. Who are we dealing with? And does it even, always, matter?

I might add this rather vague, but possibly valid, observation: When borderlines aren’t “borderlining,” they are often really good and good-hearted individuals. They are often generous, authentic, sensitive and giving individuals. This is obviously a generalization. There are “borderlines” who, even when they aren’t raging, may be self-centered, jerky individuals, unpleasant and messed up in a million other ways. Still, many borderlines when they’re functioning above their “rage modes” are genuinely engaged, empathic, loving individuals.

You can not say this about the sociopath. This doesn’t mean the sociopath can’t “put this on.” But the sociopath, even when he isn’t obviously “sociopathing,” is always who he is at bottom: a cold, empty, empathically deficient, transgressive-minded individual who, at best, covers up his core contempt of others’ dignity and boundaries.

Not so with borderline personalities.

And narcissists who aren’t full-blown, those who retain a capacity to reflect on their narcissism (as some do) and its impact on those around them–which is tantamount to saying they retain a capacity (in less self-centered states of mind) to reflect on their impact on others with some degree of empathy–these narcissists, too, may be capable of authentic generosity, engagement and compassion, which makes them less incorrigible (and perhaps thus even more confusing) than the sociopath who, if he may sometimes present as the more stable, consistent personality, is clearly the most pathological of them all.

This article is intended to introduce the complicated challenge of differientating these volatile, destructive personalities; it is the first of several I intend to write.

[Glenn]

Just to lay this out here to give you a slight frame of reference that you can think about how various cluster B 's appear to act on the surface:
Casey Anthony was not affected by her daughter being gone. That's why she gave us that inappropriate, hideous, smile in the courtroom, and why she was smirking when she got arrested, plus a whole list of other odd behavior. She is a sociopath, not a borderline, histrionic, etc., but a sociopath like Dexter/Hannibal Lector/BTK/Ted Bundy, etc. That's what we're talking about here with Casey Anthony as an example. Someone like a teacher that screws her students well, that's a histrionic. Someone like Amy Winehouse, that's a borderline with severe ASPD.